Freakboy (18 page)

is what I'm singing.

I seem to be all about

counting my blessings right now.

There's that San Diego sunshine

getting thicker by the day

now the rain is almost done.

Been having fun with my

new gaming bud

the last couple weeks.

Still hasn't told me

what made him

come to the center

          and I'm praying about that,

but it's peaceful knowing

all will be revealed

in Your time, Lord.

Willows's loss,

my gain

in a way.

Generous kid was shocked

I don't own a system.

        (Not too weird when you figure

        it's either games

        or books for school.)

He texted me to stop by

and pick up

his old PS2 later.

I wouldn't feel right

borrowing it

if he was a client.

Thank you, God,

for Brendan!

I sing all the way to the center.

The air smells sweet and,

Girl, it's one of those days

just great to be alive.

Later, I even smile

when I look up from my desk

to see Jim from Adult Day Care.

“No beer today, Jim.

Let's get you back next door.”

I leave Lisa in charge

and I take him back over.

Miss Prissy Pants isn't there

but Lordy, Lordy,

the specimen that comes to the door

is a FINE substitute.

Tall, handsome, cocoa-colored eyes—

models scrubs like he's in
GQ

or something.

          “I am so sorry!” he says to me.

          Even agitated, his voice is honey.

          “They warned me about this!

          I don't know how he got by!”

I smile. “It happens to the best.

Jim here's a regular Houdini.”

I'm feeling generous.

Handsome nurses do that to me.

Cocoa Eyes smiles back at me.

          “You work next door, right?”

          he asks.

“Yep.” Now how'd he know that?

                  “I saw you leaving

                  yesterday.”

That's how.

          “Could you wait here a minute?”

          He's got Jim by the elbow, gentle.

Lordy, do I want to but,

“I better get back.”

        Beautiful smile again.

        “Teen center, right?”

All I can do is nod.

        “Then you better hurry!

        Who knows what could happen

        if you leave for five minutes, right?”

        He winks.

        “See you later.”

I turn, guide my

melty body to the door.

Hear him tellin' Jim they're gonna go

see what's shakin' in the rec room.

Funny, gentle, handsome,

I like it all. Except the conversation

we'll have to have.

(And that's if I'm lucky.)

Five O'clock, the Most Beautiful Hour

I'm putting my books in my bag

when Cocoa Eyes opens the door

pokes his GORGEOUS head in.

        “Glad I caught you!

        Just wanted to say thanks

        for bringing back

        my wayward charge.”

I melt again, nod

even though my head

might fall off.

        “Can I buy you coffee?” he asks.

Disclose

        or not

disclose

                  or not.

I take a breath.

“What do you think of trans people?”

It's a safe place to ask the question

there's other people in the next room.

Cocoa Eyes tilts his head

looks at me.

                  “Why?”

Now or never.

“I am.”

                  He looks again, closer.

                  Considering.

I'm dying.

                  “Do trans people

                  like coffee?”

“We're all different,”

I tell him.

Smile.

“I do, though.”

We go to a shop around the corner.

Marcus is just as FINE inside

as he is outside.

We talk for three hours

and I'm late

to stop by Brendan's.

(Vanessa)

How a Girl Gets a Reputation

(as a stalker).

I'm glad Grand-maman has gone

back to the land of the

independent and oh-so-perfect women.

She'd sniff out what I'm up to

and I'd have no excuse.

I sit in my car down the road

from Brendan's house.

He's blown me off again

and I have to see.

Mom always says
Trust your gut.

Something's going on.

I remember doing this last year with Julie

after she and her boyfriend split.

We hid down the street

from Ben Awami's house

and pretended to be private eyes.

It was funny then

girls gone wild

in a different way.

We talked and drank Starbucks

and waited to see if his new girlfriend

would show up.

She didn't.

Nothing happened except

his dad came out to get the paper.

He didn't see us

but we drove off fast,

laughing like crazy.

When you do something

you know is stupid

it's good to do it with a friend;

then they're stupid, too.

Doing this alone is pathetic.

Brendan's Mom and Stepdad Leave

and I scrunch down

hope they don't look my way.

God, I feel dumb.

I sit for a long time,

my skinny Frappuccino melts

and just as I'm about to take off

I see HER.

She's tall,

skinny jeans,

long brown hair,

pouty supermodel lips.

My heart whooshes down

I can't breathe

I can't even cry.

The door opens

and I can't tell who answers

but it has to be him.

She steps inside.

Who the hell is she? And

                                      oh my God.

Is he seeing her?

There's only one way to find out.

(Angel)

Brendan Opens the Door

finger to his lips.

         “I just got Courtney

         off to bed,” he says.

Takes me past the room

with the harp in it

and up the wide stairs.

        “I put the console in a bag

        for you,” he tells me,

        still being quiet.

“You sure it's okay

for me to borrow it?

Your parents won't get mad?”

I whisper.

He makes a
pfftt
noise.

          “I bought it myself.”

          He stops in front of his door.

          “Uh … I'm not very neat,”

          he says before opening it.

Eww, the boy speaks the truth.

He goes in and I see

bed's unmade

jeans on the floor

gaming controllers

tangled together.

He holds up Kingdom Hearts,

I nod, and he puts it in

a gym bag along with Call of Duty,

Devil May Cry 3.

We're heading back downstairs

when there's a knock on the door.

Through the side glass I see

there's a silver car in the driveway.

Brendan sees it, too,

stops, all twitchy.

        “It's my girlfriend.” His eyes big.

        “Look, can you do me a favor?”

“Maybe…”

Not sure where he's headed.

        “Pretend you're the babysitter?”

“For real?”

        “I'm sorry—it's just—”

Now the doorbell rings.

        “I don't want her to think

        anything weird.”

“There is nothin' weird,” I say.

            “I know, but she might think…”

More knocking.

He looks from the door to me—

sweatin', I can tell.

“Fine, I'm not gonna blow it.”

I get in his face.

“But you might wanna

consider being honest

with people

you care about.”

He doesn't answer.

Instead he

            hands me the bag, abrupt-like.

Opens the door

on a girl.

Small, pretty

but not

what you'd call

friendly looking.

I step out.

Brendan's already waving

even though I'm only

about two feet away.

“Bye, Angel, thanks for everything.”

(Vanessa)

Brendan Pulls Me Inside

shuts the door.

            “Hey, you,” he says,

            sounding all normal.

He goes in for a kiss.

I'm a cactus but he

doesn't notice.

            “What's up?” he asks,

            like my stopping by out of the blue

            is normal these days.

“Not much,” I say calmly.

Forget wrestling,

go into acting.

“What's up with you?”

            “Homework. Video games.”

            We head

            into the family room and

            I can't stand it anymore.

“Who the hell was that?”

The words flame from my lips.

Forget the Oscar.

He freezes

steps back to look at me

shakes his head.

            “Are you REALLY jealous

            of Court's new babysitter?”

He flops onto the sofa like

he can't believe how small,

how petty I am.

I feel stupid

that there's an explanation

but wait—

“Well then,

why is she here

if you are, too?”

I have a seat.

                        “Last night was her first night.

                        She accidentally left her bag here

                        and came to pick it up tonight.”

                        Exasperated, amused.

I turn my head away.

I know

I'm supposed

to accept this

to forgive him,

but adrenaline

is still rushing

and I can't—not right away.

When I finally look at him again

his face is serious.

            “Do you really think

            I'd be interested in anyone but you?”