Freed by Fire (18 page)

She exhaled. “Fuck,” her whispered breath blew out. “Ellie’s coming out. Just hang on.”

What the hell was going on? Why shouldn’t we go in? I reached for the handle and got out of the car. Maggie called after me, but I ignored her. As I approached the door, Ellie came out and grabbed my hand.

“Emery…” she said.

I searched her eyes. “What? Ellie! What?!”

“Maggie,” Ellie said and nodded her head to the side.

“Okay, if you two are going to screw around, I’m just going to go in.” I marched past Ellie and opened the door. The blast of music that was hummed on the outside hit me like a brick wall. Leland’s pub was packed. To the brim. My eyes searched around for Caid. For Leland. For any familiar face. As I squeezed through the crowd I felt a hand on me.

It was Leland’s. “Em…come outside for a minute, love.”

“Leland, what’s going on? Why can’t I come in?” I asked, my voice loud with concern.

“Ah, feck,” he said. “I’m sorry, Em.”

I pulled from his hand and pushed deeper into the bodies of people. As I got closer to the bar I noticed where all of the attention of the patrons was focused. On the dance floor. Cheering, whistling and roaring hammered through the room and into my ears. As I made my way to the space, I saw him. I saw Caid.

He sat on a chair, facing away from me. He was getting a lap dance.

What the fuck?

For the split second peppered with jealously I stood there, watching, engrossed. But then I calmed slightly, thinking, it was his birthday after all. This kind of stuff happens all the time. Right? For all I knew she was just some hired body with the intention of making his birthday a little extra fun.

Then her hands traveled up his chest and onto his face. Her painted red nails. She was beautiful. A dark-haired beauty wearing skimpier lingerie than anything I had seen in La Perla. Her heels had to have been over six inches, making her long and lean legs go on for miles.

When my eyes finally left her body, I focused on Caid. His expression. He was enjoying it. I could see his glazed eyes from where I stood. He was drunk. As she ground into him, he bit his lip and grabbed her ass, pulling her down to his lap. She quickly turned and laid on his body, his hands moved to her breasts and caressed them.

Like he had done to mine over and over again. I couldn’t move. I was frozen on the spot. I didn’t even register that Maggie had found me when she grabbed hold of my hand.

“Em!” She said, pulling me.

“Maggie, no,” I muttered, not looking at her. I couldn’t. Like a bad accident I was forced to keep my eyes locked on the painful view ahead of me.

Caid’s hands moved down her stomach, traipsing along from hip to hip. The music slowed and she ground harder into him. That’s when she turned her head and kissed him. He grabbed her face and lapped her tongue for all the people in the pub to see.

“Go, Leeanna!” a girl’s voice squealed over the music and the crowd.

I think I fell to the ground.

No, I did fall. The last thing I remembered was Leland’s strong arms carrying me out of the pub and putting me back into a cab.

“Christ,” he growled “Maggie, fuck…get her home please. I gotta go deal with that foolish motherfucker in there.”

I didn’t cry on the ride home. Despite how many times Maggie asked me if I was okay, I didn’t answer her. I looked out the window, watching the Chicago nightlife fly by. When we arrived back home, I got out of the car and took off my shoes, walking barefoot up the pavement and into the lobby.

When I got into the apartment I went to my room and shut the door. That’s when I fell again, to my bed and screamed.

“Em!” Maggie burst in the door and moved to the bed, hugging me tight. “I’m so sorry, girl. He’s a stupid fucking idiot.”

I still didn’t speak. I sobbed, sniffled and whimpered into my hands. I was the idiot. Not Caid. He may have been an epic asshole, but I was the stupid one. Letting myself think for one second that he actually cared for me. That what he told me was true, and how fucking dumb was I that I may have actually believed it?

My heart hurt. It ached and swelled as I tried to gain calming breaths. As I wiped my face and looked down to my hands, Maggie soothed my hair and rocked me.

“Well,” I whispered, finally speaking. “That was a waste of $600 bucks.”

Maggie spoke into my hair, “What was?”

“The clothes. La Perla.” I laughed.

“Oh, Em…” she rocked me again.

***

Wednesday, August
28 – 10:39 am

It had been almost one month since Caid’s birthday. Since I got my heart put through a blender and poured down the sink. Caid had called, and texted me over five hundred times in the days since.

I didn’t read any of his messages. My phone showed they were all still unread. I didn’t have it in me to hear anything he had to say to me. My voicemail was full and I didn’t clear any of those either.

Maggie said Caid had shown up at the apartment too. She slammed the door in his face many of those times and started checking the peephole afterward, just not opening it to him at all. When she was at work he would show up, calling me from the other side of the door.

“
Em! Baby, please…I’m so sorry, love
,” he would say. I got up from wherever I had been and locked myself in my bedroom where I couldn’t hear his voice. And he couldn’t hear me crying.

This morning I started to reread my manuscript. As I neared the end of the last chapter I sunk low in my chair. I sabotaged my book. Through my heartache I turned BB into a fucking asshat and LL into a weeping and miserable bitch. They weren’t in love anymore. They hated one another. Hell, BB even cheated on LL.

Go figure.

I fucked up. I let myself fall. I let myself get burned. “Maybe you’re all I need, Toby,” I said, whispering to the copy of my first book in my hand. “You were the only man who never let me down.”

It was stupid. But, so was I.

I set Toby down on the desk and answered my ringing cell. The number flashed my family doctor’s office in Belleville.

“Hello?”

“Mrs. Morgan? Hi, it’s Penny from Dr. Kline’s office. We had you scheduled for your yearly physical for next week, but is there any chance you could come tomorrow? Dr. Kline has a last minute business trip he needs to take and I’m able to reschedule you if you can make it.”

I sighed. Shit, I had forgotten completely.

“Penny, I don’t live in Belleville anymore.” And, I didn’t even have a freaking car. “But, I guess, since it’s due.”

“Okay, great! How is eleven AM?”

“That’s fine. I’ll see you then.” I hung up before she could say goodbye. I twirled in the chair and faced the picture of my mom and me on my laptop.

What would you do, Mama?

I picked up my phone and dialed the number for the garage where Blue still sat. Raking up a hefty bill, I was sure. I spoke with a kind man on the phone who instructed me that Blue had indeed blown her motor and it would cost me an arm and a leg to fix her. She wasn’t worth it, he said. I bit my lip. She was…but, I needed a car for tomorrow.

“How fast could you fix it?” I asked.

“A week, maybe,” he said.

“Okay. Do it. I will be there next week.” I smiled and hung up the phone. I couldn’t wait to drive Blue again. But, for the appointment in Belleville I would need to rent a car.

***

“I’m going to call in sick and come with you,” Maggie said when I told her about my appointment. “It’s a long drive.”

I shrugged. “I could use the company. We’ll need to leave by six-thirty.”

“Okay. Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

“No, I’m going to go to bed. Sorry, Mags.”

She hugged me but didn’t say anything else. As I walked down the hallway and stepped into my bedroom I heard her say something.

“What?” I asked softly.

“Ellie said Caid…”

I cut her off. “I don’t care, Mags. Not anymore.” I shut the door and crawled into bed. I cried myself to sleep again. Just like I had done every night since his birthday.

I woke up feeling rested. Surprisingly because I fell asleep feeling like complete shit. My body wasn’t stiff, and my head felt…clear. As I moved into the kitchen, Maggie was already awake and had a mug of coffee waiting for me to drink.

“Thanks,” I said, sipping the hot liquid. “I’ll be ready in five.”

She simply nodded with a smile.

We took the train and rented a Jeep. With the windows down and the sun in the sky, we drove to Belleville. I leaned in once we were on the Interstate and cranked the music. We sang along with the beat and bobbed our heads.

It was busy for a Thursday morning. The traffic was thick, but moving fast. I kept up with the rest of the cars in the fast lane and floored it a little more, creating a rush in my body.

“You look…rested,” Maggie shouted over the music.

“I feel good!” I said. “Don’t know why! Maybe it’s the anticipation of getting naked for old Dr. Kline…”

Maggie laughed. “Holy shit! He’s still your doctor? Fuck, he’s like…ancient!”

“I know!”

“I want to tell you something,” she turned the music down. “And you can’t be mad at me.”

“What?” I asked, gripping the wheel as I blew past a black truck like Caid’s—but not Caid’s.

“Caid was at the apartment last night.”

“So?” I figured she wouldn’t have let him in. Again.

“So, he laid with you.”

Just as her words hit me, a car in front slowed and I had to swerve into the middle lane. “Fuck!” I shouted. “Asshole drivers!”

“Em? Did you hear me?”

“I heard you.”

“Well?”

I glared at her. “Why the fuck would he do that? And why the hell did you let him? You saw her hands on him…his hands on her. I don’t want him to touch me.”

Maggie frowned. “Em, he’s sorry. He was so drunk he had to be admitted to the hospital that night. He doesn’t remember anything about her there…about Leeanna.”

I gripped tighter and made it back into the fast lane. “So what.”

Now I was turning into the bitch. I was becoming Leading Lady.

“Maggie. She’s Caleb’s mother.”

Maggie sighed. “I know. Daniel told Ellie she just, showed up with her friends and mauled Caid. He didn’t know she was coming. She stripped and…”

“Enough!” I cried. “Please, Maggie. I can’t.”

“Em! Pull over! We need to talk about this.”

I veered over and slowed to the side of the road. Shifting into park I turned in my seat and put my hands in my face.

Maggie unbuckled her seatbelt and faced me. “Listen. He’s not Matt. He’s not some insensitive, narcissistic fucktard, okay? Caid cares about you. I can see that. He may not be standing outside your window with a boombox in the rain, but he’s done everything he can to get to you. I wasn’t going to keep him out any longer, Em. I let him in.” Maggie held my hand. “Before he went to lay with you, he fucking cried on our couch. Do you know how hard that was for me? I was so mad at him because he hurt you. But he’s…broken. He’s fucking wrecked, Em.”

I blinked. My lip trembled and I cried. “I can’t, Maggie. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I just want to live and not feel…anything.”

We switched seats and Maggie drove the rest of the way to Belleville. We made it there with half an hour to spare. So, we grabbed coffees and sat patiently in the waiting room of Dr. Kline’s office.

“Emery Morgan?” the woman at the desk called. It wasn’t Penny.

“That’s me.” I stood and followed her into the back where Dr. Kline’s office was.

“Okay, dear,” she said, handing me a gown. “Put this on and he’ll be right in!”

I nodded and waited until she left before I stripped out of my clothes and put on the light green cotton gown. I tied it at the back and sat on the medical bed.

When Dr. Kline came into the room he smiled. “Hello, Mrs. Morgan! Good to see you.”

I didn’t correct him. “You too, Dr. Kline.”

“Guess it’s that time of year again, eh? How have you been feeling?”

Like complete garbage.

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Okay, well, we’ll just go over a few things. Standard paperwork, you know the usual stuff. Then we will do your exam.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

I answered all of his questions. What my diet consisted of, if I was exercising lately—nope—and if I was performing regular breast exams on myself. I was. He was also my mother’s doctor and he wanted me to continuously check myself for anything out of the ordinary.

It was exam time. I laid back and prepared for his inspection. I had no reservations about a health professional examining me in that way. It was his job. I breathed softly and looked at the posters of flowers and babies taped to the ceiling.

“Mrs. Morgan?” he said, sitting up. “Have you ever heard of Chadwick’s Sign?”