Freed (11 page)

“I’m so glad I don’t have to pretend with you,” I tell him, pulling back to focus my gaze on him. “I was miserable with the prospect of not seeing you today, but I didn’t want you to think I was clingy.”

He laughs, low and deep, and it does crazy things to my insides. “You, clingy? Highly doubtful.”

“I am desperate for you, though. Is that too scary?” His answering kiss is all I need.

“Good practice,” Maggie commends me.

“Yeah, you too,” I reply automatically.

“Were you even paying attention to me? I don’t think so. Starlight almost bucked me off.”

“Oh, yeah … no, I saw that. I was talking in general. The rest was good,” I try.

“Uh, huh,” she seethes, mockingly. “What’s up with you, Denver?” She pauses, her hand on her hip as we walk our horses back to the stable. I let a group of other girls pass us by.

“It’s too soon,” I finally say when we’re isolated from the group.

“Too soon?”

I look to the heavens for some inspiration for this conversation. While being straightforward about most things has always come to easy, being honest about my feelings has always been an issue. Despite the fact that I trust Maggie, the paranoia of having my emotions used against me is ever-present, but that fear had still managed to make me weak and vulnerable, hadn’t it? I pray Ransom’s advice will pay off and try to tamp all that down. “For me to be feeling this way … for Ransom,” I spit out.

“Well, I think there’s been extenuating circumstances, don’t you?” She rushes on, not allowing me to answer. “You and Ransom relying on each other—and only on each other—in a moment of need, was like a shot of steroids: everything exploded and got magnified, right quick.” I open my mouth to get a word in, but she doesn’t let up. “Here’s the thing, though. The train had already left the station on that one. You and Ransom were already headed there. Only it was gonna take you a lot longer to get here since you’re both as stubborn as mules. I think he’s very good for you, and it’s crazy how he lights up at the mention of you now. I can only hope Pete responds to me that way. Anyway, it may not seem real because it happened so fast, but trust me, what you two are feeling is real.” I keep my mouth closed, waiting for her to go on, running through everything she’d just thrown at me. “Well, are you gonna say something?” she demands, as she throws a lock of her strawberry red hair over her shoulder, her eyes burning electric green.

Laughing lightly, I tell her my greatest fear, “I think it is real, and I think that’s my hang up. If it’s real … Greer and I are over. There’s no going back, and even after everything, that scares me.”

“Why, Denver? You said yourself you see no future for you and Greer. You’re beating a dead horse.”

Oh, I know why. And I know if I say it, Maggie won’t let it go. But I think that’s what I need. I expel a deep breath and prepare, because I know she won’t let me cling to it any longer. “I’m using him again. Well, using his memory to protect me. To protect me from getting hurt all over again.”

“Yes, you are, honey. And you’re gonna knock that shit off right now,” she deadpans.

“Yes, ma’am,” I laugh. Oh my God, how I love this woman.

“Meet you out front?”

“Yep, see you in a few minutes.”

Rolling over my admission and struggling over accepting it, I don’t notice the figure leaning on Indy’s stall door until he clears his throat.

“Hey, Denver,” Greer greets me. “I was hoping we could talk before you head back to school.”

“Umm … OK, but I rode with Maggie today.”

“I can drive you,” he offers.

“No, uh, I’ll just ask her to wait for me. I need to get Indy squared away first.”

“Yeah, I need to take care of a few things too. I’ll meet you out back at the picnic tables?”

“Yeah, all right.” He eases off the door and brushes past me without a backward glance. “Come on, girl,” I whisper to Indy. “This talking through feelings shit is getting old quick.”

After I fire off a text to Maggie asking her to wait, I get the girls settled in and start to head out back. I close Indy’s stall, only to drop my head back with a thud as a nagging thought hits me. Ransom will not be pleased. Shit. After my last talk with Greer, which Ransom was all for, he made me promise not to see him alone. He still doesn’t trust him, and for that, I can’t fault him. I get where he’s coming from, even if I know Greer won’t hurt me again. Maggie’s not a football field away, so it’s not exactly alone. But I also have a feeling that Ransom wouldn’t like to be left out of the loop, and I’m trying to do right by our new relationship.

I slip my phone out of my pocket. Text or call? I think I could use some of his strength right now, so I don’t consider it anymore, and voice my little assistant to call him. Hearing her repeat his contact name has me felling better already.

Thuds and loud cheers invade my ear before a muffled-sounding Ransom. “Denver? Hang on.” I hear some shifting and movement, and suddenly it’s quieter. “Still there?”

“I hope you weren’t in the middle of a match,” I kid. Lord, just picturing him all pumped up and decked out in his boxing gear with sweat beading on his nearly-olive skin, the ripples of his abs, and the badness of his tattoos has me almost swooning.
Swooning
? I shake my head.
Denver Dempsey does NOT swoon
.

“Nah, I’m all set. Last match is going down now.”

Thrilled with the delay of my troubled phone call, I inquire, “How you’d do tonight?”

“TKO, round three. Not too shabby. Made a few hundred bucks.”

And now I’m dying to see Ransom in the ring. I’d heard he was good, even though he doesn’t take on many matches. He tells everyone he uses boxing to stay in shape and sharp during the off-season. I’m pretty sure it’s just the adrenaline junkie in him. “Are you ever gonna let me see you fight?”

“Don’t get enough of seeing me in action, Denver?” his voices scratches at the barely contained itch I have for him.

I laugh lightly. This is why I called him. He turns my nauseated stomach into laughter. “I just wanna see you get some sense knocked into your head is all,” I joke.

“Ah … you’re so not good for my fragile ego.”

“Fragile? Hmm … I’m relatively sure cocky is a prerequisite for bull riders, and John Ransom is no exception. I happen to know
that
firsthand.”

He doesn’t miss a beat. “I think I’ve given you hard proof that I’ve got the goods to back up the cockiness. And,” he sighs, “since I’ve got the goods, that doesn’t make me cocky. That makes me damn good.”

My head drops back and rolls across the wood as I recall that he does indeed have the goods, and we’ve barely even scratched the surface. “Ladies and gentleman, the one, the only, the over-inflated ego of Ransom,” I boom, before shooting a look around to make sure I’m alone.

“Baby, I’m enjoying this verbal sparring match, but I gotta say I’m pretty sure that’s not why you called me. Why don’t you go ahead and spit it out.”

Closing my eyes tightly, I release a world-wearied sigh. “I just wanted to let you know that Greer wants to talk. I’m at the stables, but I’m not alone. Maggie’s waiting for me out front to go back to the dorms.” Silence. “You asked me to let you know when I spoke to him.” Silence. “Ransom?”

“Yeah, babe. That’s good. I just wish I were there. I don’t trust him. Don’t want you alone with him.”

“I’m not alone. Maggie’s here,” I remind him.

“If I’m not with you, you’re alone.”

I roll my eyes. The sentiment is sweet, if not entirely rational. “Ransom—”

“That may not make sense to you, but it’s just how I feel. I know y’all need to talk though.”

“OK … I’m gonna go do that and get it over with.” I wince. Greer deserves better than that. “I just … I want all this awkwardness to be over with, you know?”

“I know, baby. I’m proud of you. You’re doing great.”

Warmth infuses what had been ice-cold dread at the thought of hashing through things with Greer. “Thanks. I’ll call you soon.”

“You’ll call me the minute you’re headed away from the stables.”

“Yes, sir,” I taunt.

“Denver,” his voice warns.

“Kidding. Bye,” I say sweetly before hitting the end button.

After taking a couple more fortifying breaths, I head out back. The light from the barn casts a long, yellow pool of light so that I can spot Greer, sitting atop the picnic table, his head propped up on closed fists. I use the short walk to ascertain that he does look better. The dark circles that have been haunting his eyes seem to have lifted somewhat, and the little smile on his face almost reaches his eyes. I sure hope he lets his hair grow back. The short, buzzed look makes him look older and cynical for some reason. I know deep down that he’ll never be that carefree boy again, but I hope he can get some of that back.

“You’re looking better,” I say with a smile.

“Yeah,” he gives me a sheepish look. “I’ve been seeing someone. It’s helping.”

I gasp, completely winded, as if someone punched me square in the stomach. Since I didn’t mean to, my hand immediately flies up to cover my mouth.
Oh my God!
How could he? So soon after … everything. What the fuck?
You’re seeing someone
, a little voice taunts. My eyes bulge with unanswered questions. Questions I don’t want the answers to. I just want to run. To get away from him now. I stagger, taking two steps back.

He gives me a funny look before his face collapses with worry. He jumps down and moves to embrace me before pulling himself up short. His fists clench at his sides. “Denver? Are you kidding me? Not like that. I’m seeing a therapist.”

My rapid breathing sounds ragged, even to my own ears. That was
so
not a proper reaction. Even if he had been seeing someone. You don’t react to someone like that if you’re over him. Fuck. Fucking fuck. What does that mean? “Greer, you have every right to see someone. I just want you to be happy.” Sounds like I just gargled glass.

He squints his eyes at me. “Denver, I’ve never imagined myself with another human being. Ever. A few weeks away from you is not gonna solve that. I can’t even … I don’t know how I would ever want someone else. Not to mention the fact that I need to figure out how I’ve got it in me to do what I did to you.”

“I’m sorry. That reaction was uncalled for—because you are going to want someone else one day, and when you do, I’ve got to be all right with that. More than that, I’ve got to be happy with it. Because, more than anything else, you deserve to be happy.”

The skin around his eyes tightens, and his eyes glisten. “You think the man who raped you deserves to be happy?”

“Oh my God, Greer. I wish you wouldn’t say it like that.”

“Why? That’s what happened. We have to face facts.”

“It’s not like you weren’t provoked. It’s not like I didn’t … respond … on some level. I just didn’t want you when you told me how you’d betrayed me.”

“You didn’t want me, and I took you anyway,” he bites out, each word a hammering staccato. “That is the very definition of rape.”

“Please stop saying that word. I know the definition. I know what went down between us. I also know that a dictionary is in fucking black and white, and what happened between us is anything but. It’s so heavy and so gray I can’t even make it all out. Do you understand? I know it was wrong. It hurt me. I accept that. But because of who you are—” I tap him on his chest hard “—who you are, deep in here. A good person to the core, Greer, you’re hurt too. I think you’re hurting more than me even because you’re better than me. You’ve always been better than me.” Turning around, I collapse on the picnic bench. Tears score my cheeks, hot and heavy with anger and frustration and hurt. For him. And for me.

Raising my eyes, I run my gaze over Greer’s rigid back. He stands tall and firm, but I can hear the rise and fall of his deep breaths as he tries to collect himself. Running the sleeves of my jacket over my face, I try to dry my cheeks. After several, painful minutes, he finally slumps down beside me, still careful not to touch me.

“That night,” his voice, like a shot in the night, causes me to jump. He doesn’t even notice. Just stares out into the night, unseeing. “I was so happy that you’d finally said you were mine and that I was yours. It’s like my every desire, my every thought, every particle of my life coalesced to come together to create that perfect moment. It started before the party, though. The paranoia, the jealousy, the bitterness all seemed to seep in, and they were trying to drown all the good.” He breaks off and glances at me. “None of that is excuse for what I did. I’m just trying for you to see my mindset.” I nod, and he continues, “So there’s all that butting against all the good that I thought was finally coming my way. Before the guys and I headed out, someone had the rodeo on from Wyoming, that fucking interview popped up. All the guys started harassing me, saying the sexual tension was rolling off you two. I tried to brush it aside. Then we got to the party, and he’s watching you the whole time. You may not have noticed, Denver, but he didn’t take his fucking eyes off of you. All those old insecurities were knocking on my door, so I started drinking. And I drank some more. Next thing I know, there we all are, defending your honor. Austin, me, and the man who wanted to take you away from me—Ransom.