FREED (The Mind Of Her Billionaire, #3) (4 page)

He stepped forward and drew her closer towards him.

‘Hi,’ he said, keeping his gaze on her.

‘Hi.’ She bit back. It felt good to see him, even though her heart was pounding and she was shaking like a leaf.

‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘I won’t hurt you. I’m going to be honest with you though.’

‘Okay.’

‘I have all sorts of thoughts within me right now, but I’m choosing not to go ahead with them.’

‘That’s comforting to know.’ She didn’t know what else to say.

‘I’ve been doing a lot of work with Doctor Gallagher, and your picture has been my saving grace.’ He pushed back and finally gazed at her stomach.

He wasn’t sure what he felt. He knew how he was supposed to respond, through years of practice and observing, but the feeling wasn’t there. It hadn’t registered.

‘We’re having a baby,’ she said finally.

He gently put his hand to her belly.

‘You’re having a son.’

He kept his hand on her belly and remained quiet.

‘How do you feel about that? How do you feel about becoming a father?’

His hand dropped from her belly and he took a step back.

‘Come, sit down.’ He guided her to some chairs.

Amelia sat down and watched him, she kept the words of the doctor close to her heart. She would take this one step at a time.

‘I’m...I know how I’m supposed to feel,’ he said.

‘But you don’t feel it?’ She felt upset.

He shook his head slowly.

‘It’s okay, I’m learning too.’

‘I want to, I really do, this is why I’ve begged to see you.’

‘I understand,’ she said again. It was pretty painful not being able to share the joy of their child together.

‘I feel like two different people,’ he said. ‘There is the one part, I’m trying to hold onto, but it feels like holding onto the edge of a building with sweaty hands.’

She took his hand into hers.

‘Tell me, tell me about your brother.’

He looked behind him a minute as if there was someone standing behind them, and then back at her.

‘He was an animal,’ he said. ‘My parents spoilt him rotten.’

‘Is that what annoyed you?’

‘He would get on my nerves, tell fibs, say things about me that I’d never done.’

‘Was any of it true?’

‘No, I kept to myself. I had an odd time growing up. The first time I realised something was wrong with me was at my grandmothers funeral. I noticed that everyone was miserable, crying. I just couldn’t connect with that. I felt nothing. I didn’t care that she was dead.’

Amelia’s stomach tensed into a ball, she couldn’t imagine a life like that. What would if feel like not to care.

‘My mother was crying like crazy, all I wanted to do was shut her up.’

‘How old were you then?’

‘I was six. I think.’

‘So the day you hit your brother with the bat, what happened, how did you feel? Had he done anything specific to make you act this way?’

‘He walked out of the house with a ring donut in his hand,’ Justin said calmly.

‘And then what happened?’

‘I was swinging my bat, trying to get my swing right. He said, “Hey.” But I just ignored him.’

‘And?’

‘He just kept saying hey.’

‘And so you –’

‘I turned around, walked up to him, smiled, walked behind him and swung the bat into his head.’

Amelia sucked in a deep breath, did she really want to continue this discussion.

‘He fell to the ground, I remember watching the donut roll away. I struggled to pull him to the hole I’d been digging.’

‘Why did you dig the hole?’

‘For him, I knew one day, I’d kill him,’ he said as if he was announcing the weather.

Amelia scratched her head a moment, she couldn’t digest this. The man sitting in front of her was a killer. She was carrying his child and he loved her, and she loved him. It was the worst thing she’d ever been through.

‘I know what I did was wrong,’ he said.

‘Do you?’

‘Yes.’

‘But you don’t feel guilty about it.’

He shook his head.

‘I don’t know if I can...’ She bit back her lip. ‘What about what you did to me, do you feel anything, guilt?’

‘Amelia,’ he said. ‘Please, I’m really trying.’

‘But it’s not about trying is it.’ A tear rolled down her left cheek.

‘I felt something with you that I never felt before,’ he said. ‘Look at me, please look at me.’

She slowly looked into his eyes.

‘There is something about you that makes me want to do better. You do that to me. Only you. That’s why I held onto you the way I did. Do I feel guilty, no, I don’t, but I do remember what it felt like to have you, to feel good around you.’

At least he was honest, Amelia could give him that.

‘Do you feel it now?’ she asked. ‘Even though I am as big as an elephant.’

‘I do.’

She believed him.

‘You could do with loosing the weight though, but I’m trying not to focus on that.’

‘Is it working?’ She bit back a smile.

‘No, it isn’t. I loathe the way you look.’

‘You do realise that what you’re saying hurts me?’

‘I do, I’ve been working with the doctor on that. I’m sorry.’

Amelia knew that he said sorry because it was what he’d been taught to do, not because he truly felt it.

‘If you focus on the one fact that is true, and that’s I love you. What I feel when I look into your eyes, I haven’t felt with anyone. Please tell me that’s enough. Please tell me that you’ll try and work with me.’

Amelia sat back and thought about it. She tried to view Justin with a different problem, like uncontrollable tourette syndrome. If he was constantly swearing at her, knowing that he couldn’t control it, how would she react. It was extremely hard. But the words –
he who is without sin, cast the first stone
– nagged at her.  She knew that it wasn’t an excuse for what he’d done, he’d murdered his brother, and probably the woman Sandra Reed. That was still yet to be proven. But she would at least try and understand him, and the sad truth was, she still loved him. It was a bitter pill to swallow, one that the majority of her friends wouldn’t agree with.

She placed her hand over his. ‘Yes, yes I will work with you, but on one condition.’

‘Anything.’

‘You stop making comments about my weight. I know it disgusts you, but please don’t say it to me, it hurts. When the baby’s born, I will do my best to tone down, but to what feels comfortable to me. Can we agree on that?’

‘Yes, I will do the best I can.’

‘That’s all I ask,’ she said.

He brought her hand to his lips and gave her a gentle kiss. It was the oddest feeling in the world. He was her cross to bear, her lesson to learn. Some people had to deal with serious illness, others with financial trouble and others with whatever came their way. Each and every human being on the planet had a cross to bear, a lesson to learn, hers was just different. It seemed bigger than most, but each person was given what they could bear. She’d given into him, but with a better understanding as to why. She knew that ignoring the fact wouldn’t solve anything, especially now a child was on the way. It might be the biggest challenge yet.

There was a knock on the door.

‘I think it’s time up,’ he said.

‘Okay.’ She stood up, but he pulled her back so that he could plant a kiss on her.

He pressed his soft lips against hers. She shut out everything. All thought and doubt. She lived in that moment. It was the Justin she knew, the man without the issues. He gently touched the side of her cheek, kissing her passionately. The door opened and he had to break away from her.

‘Will you come again soon?’ he asked.

‘Yes, yes I will.’

She was guided out of the room and out of the building.

****

‘I
’m so sorry I’m late.’ She finally sat down at the Chinese restaurant.

‘No excuses!’ said Kira. ‘It’s bad enough we have to be placed in your diary just to see you.’

‘Oh c’mon, that’s not fair. It’s Gary’s birthday. Happy birthday!’ She leaned across to give him a kiss. ‘This is for you.’ She handed him the bag.

‘Oooh, Harvey Nics!’ Kira commented.

‘Yes, Harvey Nics!’ Amelia bit back.

‘Go on then, let’s see what the billionairess bought you,’ said Kira.

‘Is that even a word?’ asked Gary.

‘Open it,’ Kira encouraged ignoring him.

‘Alright, alright, keep your knickers on!’ Gary warned.

‘How was your visit?’ Tate couldn’t help himself.

Kira’s ears perked up.

‘It was good, but I don’t want to discuss it now. It’s Gary’s day today.’

‘Yes it is and I... oh gosh... I love this!’ He showed off the cufflinks.

‘Nice, how much?’ Kira asked.

‘None of your business.’ Amelia bit back.

‘Oh, what’s got into you?’ asked Kira

‘Maybe I should ask you the same question.’ She giggled.

‘Ladies, it’s my day today, none of the cattiness.’ He showed off the watch. ‘This is awesome, thank you so much for this Amy.’ He leaned forward to give her a kiss. ‘I’m going to show this off!’

‘I know you are honey, you deserve it,’ said Amelia.

Amelia tried to keep the focus on Gary, after all, it was his night. But there were times when the conversation leaned back to her. It was always about her and Justin. It seemed the most interesting topic to date.

‘Are you guys ready to order,’ she interrupted Kira, who was trying to fish for more information.

‘I’ve been ready the moment I got here. And I’m starving!’ said Gary.

‘I think I’ll need another few minutes,’ Kira said just to be awkward.

‘Of course you do, why don’t you take your time,’ Amelia said sarcastically. 

Kira had always been that way but lately, it had gotten worse, or it was Amelia’s hormones that had got in the way.

‘You’ve been pretty quiet,’ she said to Tate.

‘I’ve got a lot on my mind,’ he said.

‘Like what?’ Kira dove in.

‘Nothing important.’ He didn’t want to discuss his thoughts with her.

‘Have you decided what you’re having?’ Amelia asked.

‘I have.’

‘Make sure it’s expensive, Amelia’s paying,’ Kira added.

Amelia decided not to respond. It was Kira, just the way she knew her, and besides, she had more important things to deal with. The meal went as it usually did when the four of them got together. Gary always defending Amelia from Kira, and Tate, sitting quietly, only answering to questions when needed to. It seemed to work just fine, and at the end of the meal Kira was right about one thing. Amelia dealt with the bill without question or hesitation; it was what happened when one had deep pockets. It didn’t bother her in the slightest, she enjoyed spoiling her friends, and it made her feel good. She took it as a blessing in disguise. Not the way she would’ve wished, but she realised that life couldn’t be perfect, it was up to her to take it as it came.

There was no excuse for Tate to drive her home. For one, she had a driver, and the second reason was because she wasn’t drunk. But it didn’t stop him from walking her to the car.

‘Is everything okay?’ she asked.

‘Yes, fine.’

‘You sure? You’ve been very quiet.’

‘Everything’s okay, don’t worry about me. I just want to make sure you’re okay.’

‘I’m fine, and thank you for caring.’

He opened the door for her to get into the back seat of the black Jaguar. Before getting inside she leaned forward and kissed him gently on the cheek. He smiled reluctantly, it wasn’t what he wanted, but he never seemed to get what he wanted.

‘It was good to see you,’ she said.

‘Yeah, you too, I’ll see you at work?’

‘Not in the next few weeks, I’ve so much to do and I prefer working from home, it’s easier. There are a lot of whispers when I go in, I can feel it.’

‘People are just jealous.’

‘Whether that’s true or not, it affects the way I work.’ 

‘I get it, I’ll call you.’

‘Okay, goodnight Tate.’ She slid into the car.

‘Yeah, goodnight.’ He shut the door behind her, and watched the car drive away.

T
he next few weeks were as busy as usual. Mandy ran around organising things, making sure Amelia showed up where she needed to, and on time. Rebecca had started to come in one day a week to help get things ready. She had an allowance to spend on the things Amelia wanted for the baby. It felt great having a team of people around her, if she didn’t, things would’ve been very difficult indeed.

She’d boldly made the decision to see Justin again over the weeks, even though it was challenging. The more time she spent with him, the more she got to understand him. One afternoon, as they sat in the usual office, Justin given the special privileges, she asked him about the upcoming charity event.

‘Do I really have to go to this event?’ she asked him.

‘You do, it’s all about appearances. We have to be seen as giving a crap about charities.’

‘Do you?’ She had to know.

‘No, I don’t, but I do what’s expected of me.’

She shuddered a little.

‘I think it’s hard trying to care when you don’t.’

‘That’s why you’ll be a perfect attendee.’

‘Why’s that?’

‘Because you care.’

She laughed. He took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

‘Thank you for coming here, for spending time with me.’

‘Do you really mean that?’

‘Yes, actually I do. Do I feel anything special about it? Not really, but I know in your presence I feel things I’ve never felt before.’

She nodded, it was comforting to hear.

‘Make sure you buy a painting or make a big donation,’ he said.

‘Like how much?’

‘As big as you can, the bigger the better.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, really.’

She nodded.

‘Did Suzanne give you a nice choice of dresses?’ he asked.

‘Yes she did, I like the one I’ve chosen.’ She hoped it didn’t need adjusting.

‘That’s great, she’s really good at what she does.’

Amelia nodded.

‘How do you feel about the upcoming trial?’ she asked.

‘Fine.’ There was no expression on his face.