Freeing Tuesday (15 page)

Evan’s fingers stop moving and he cocks his head to the side. Narrowing his eyes as he stares at the tainted patch of skin where the numbers 754 are tattooed on me.

I panic and pull away, sliding myself up to the top of the bed, dragging the blanket over me and wrap my arms around myself before he has a chance to stop me.

“You lied to me. Why would you lie to me about having a tattoo?” he asks, sounding hurt.

I clear my throat, trying to find my voice, “It’s not something I’m proud of.”

“You didn’t think before you inked?” he asked sarcastically.

“Oh, I’m sorry Mister Tattoo artist. I didn’t realize when I was drugged up and tattooed against my will that I should probably stop the asshole and tell him to make it something pretty,” I throw his sarcasm back in his face.

“What?” he deadpans, his eyes finally hitting mine again.

My breath hitches in my chest as I try to explain myself. “I didn’t choose it. It was forced on me. It’s not a tattoo. It’s a fucking branding!” I feel so ashamed that I bury my face in my hands. The bed sinks as he crawls up next to me, pulling my face up gently so I’m looking him in the eyes again.

“Explain please,” he demands quietly.

My breath comes in short spurts as I speak, “I told you there was still a lot you didn’t know about me.”

“Then tell me, Tuesday,” he pleads, “I need to know why you have a number tattooed on you and why you didn’t tell me about it to begin with.”

I jump off the bed and put as much space between us as I can without leaving the room and wrap the blanket as tightly around me as I can.

“What do you want?” I cry, “Nobody knows what those numbers are. Jesus, nobody has seen them except Alex and now you. Now I’m just supposed to tell you what they mean?”

His eyebrows draw together, “You have to trust someone, Tuesday. I want to be that person.”

I back myself against the wall when he stands and walks slowly towards me. “You have enough power to break me as it is,” I whisper.

He presses against me, forcing me in between the wall and his body, pushing a muscular thigh between my legs. Brushing a stray piece of hair away from my face he settles his forehead against mine. “I’m not going to hurt you. I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

I draw in a ragged breath as he pulls my arms so they are around his neck before grabbing the back of my thighs and hoisting me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He turns and kneels on the edge of the bed, lowering us both down until I’m back on my back.

“Tell me,” he whispers, his eyes begging me to trust him.

“I can’t.” I instantly regret my words when I see his face fall. “I will, Evan. I just can’t right now.” I’m afraid if he pushes me any more I’ll shut down completely and the way he looks at me tells me he understands.

He pulls my face towards his and kisses me lightly, trailing his lips across my skin. “Ok,” he whispers as he lowers himself down my body. His fingers trace over the numbers inked into my skin and instead of freezing up and freaking out I give myself over to everything he is doing.

I feel every spot his lips connect with, like a spark ignites under the skin where he touches, driving me insane. It’s amazing the things I feel now that I’m not afraid of what he will say. His nose runs over the numbers before he presses his lips over each one of them, showing me that he doesn’t care what they mean.

“I don’t know how anyone could hurt someone as amazing as you but I damn well plan on never letting it happen again,” his voice rumbles against my skin as he climbs back up my body

Evan lifts my knee and hitches it over his hip before rolling us so I’m on top. I sit up so I can look down at him and his hands instantly drop to my naked thighs, drawing his thumbs back and forth against my skin.

It dawns on me that I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing here. With Alex it was easy, he took control and I didn’t need to make any decisions. I’m not even sure I can make them when it comes to sex with Evan.

My hands drop to his. I know he can feel me shaking, shaking so bad it rocks me to my core. He laces his fingers with mine, pulling them up so he can kiss each one slowly.

I’ve never seen this tender side of Evan. I’m used to the powerhouse that takes control. I need that part of him right now.

“I can’t,” I choke out. Lifting our hands above his head he pulls me down so I rest against his chest. I can feel how hard he is against my stomach and knowing I made him that way makes me feel a bit better but I still can’t make myself take control of the situation.

“Tell me what you want,” he says gently against my lips.

I want you
.
I want everything you can possibly give me.
I think but I can’t get the words out. “I need you to take control.”

He pushes me back gently, eyes wide and shakes his head, “I won’t push you if you aren’t ready. We can wait, baby it’s fine.”

“No, I want this,” I finally manage to push out. “I want this but I need you to take the control back or it’s never going to happen.”

“I need you to promise me something,” his voice surrounds me as he gently rolls us back over, his weight settling on his arms and legs so he doesn't hurt me. “I need you to promise me that if you aren’t ok with this, you’re going to tell me to stop.”

I nod as I stroke my fingers across the stubble on his cheek. I might not be able to take the control in this situation but I can guarantee that I can put a stop to it.

Evan drops his mouth to mine, gently kissing me before he trails down my jaw, across my chest, stopping only to suck my nipple into his mouth while his fingers roll the other. My back arches, pushing my chest further toward his mouth and he drags his teeth over the tip before doing the same to the other and continuing down my stomach.

My entire body freezes when his lips touch the edge of my thong before pulling it slowly down my legs.  I can't move, can’t breathe, and I can't even look at him because my eyes are shut so tightly they're starting to hurt.

"Breathe, Tuesday. I'm not going to hurt you," Evans breath fans across my thigh before he plants a soft kiss there.

Reaching up, he pulls my hands from the death grip I have on the blanket and laces his fingers through mine. Bringing my attention back to him and it pulls me back from the nightmare that was pushing to the front of my mind.

He doesn't move and I know he’s waiting to see me take a breath so I do. I drag air in as he quietly encourages me and as soon as he notices I'm back with him and not living in my past, he tells me to tell him to stop if I need him to.

I nod but stay silent and before I have a chance to talk myself out of it his mouth is on me, drawing my clit in and I cry out as the feeling washes over me. I dig my nails into his hands as he continues sucking and licking.

He tries to pull one of his hands away so I let go and instead of thinking about the loss of his hand, I focus on the way his fingers are now curling inside of me. Inching me closer to what’s just beyond my control.

Evan hits the perfect spot inside me and my entire body tightens, thrashing back and forth through my orgasm. He doesn’t stop until my body comes down from the high he brought me to and he climbs back up my body, pulling me into his arms and rolling us so I’m back on his chest.

“That,” he breathes, his hands running over my hair and down my bare back, “was fucking beautiful.”

I sigh, mumbling something incoherent against his skin and he laughs, his chest jerking as the sound rumbles through him. Moving my hips I try to get more comfortable since I’m sprawled out on top of him. I run my hand tentatively over the outline of his jean covered erection and he groans.

Popping the button on his jeans I drag the zipper down and take a deep breath. I finally feel like I have some sort of control over my mind but am still petrified. There’s no going back after this. He covers my shaking hand with his and pulls my chin up so I’m looking him in the eye.

Swallowing hard I whisper, “I want to.” I know he wants me to be in control here so he doesn’t push me too far too fast and I think now that we’ve gotten this far I might be able to.

“What do you want?” he teases, trying to make light of the situation.

Sliding my hand inside his boxers I grip him in my hand, stroking slowly. His head drops back, mouth slack and moans. I know what I want to do, but knowing and actually being able to get myself to do it are two very different things when it comes to me.

I don’t have a problem putting people in their place and I swear like a sailor but I’m inexperienced in the bedroom to say the least. The words cock and pussy are strangely intimate and they scare the hell out of me. Thinking them is one thing, saying them is another. I never knew intimate until Alex and it was never like this. There was no push and pull of power like there is with Evan; he didn’t try to coax my fears away from me. He took control like I told him to and went from there.

I can’t bring myself to say the words out loud so I push myself off his chest and straddle his legs, pulling his jeans and boxers down as I go. Before I have a chance to get into my own head I lean forward and run my tongue from the base of his erection to the tip before wrapping my lips around it, sucking hard I push him deep into my mouth. His fingers on one hand lace through my hair while his other seeks out my hand and links us together again.

The noises he’s making spur me on until he bites out the word ‘stop’ and I instantly recoil thinking I’ve done something wrong. Flashes of what happened when I fucked up with Anthony shoot through my mind and I have to remind myself that Evan is
not
Anthony and will never be.

Cradling my cheek in the palm of his hand he sits up and kisses me, thrusting his tongue into my mouth but pulls back quickly when he realizes that I’m not kissing back.

“What's the matter?” he searches my face like it holds all the answers. When I apologize for doing it wrong he looks at me like I’ve just lost my damn mind. Maybe I have. “Baby there was
nothing
bad about that. I made you stop because I was about to come in your mouth and I’m not coming unless I’m buried so deep inside of you that I don’t know where I end and you begin.”

The breath I didn’t know I was holding rushes out of me as sense of power washes over me.
Finally
. I grin as he kisses me again and this time I let myself fall into it, pulling him closer to me so every inch of skin that can touch, is.

“What are you waiting for?” I growl against his lips and he laughs, pulling my hair off of my neck.

“Waiting for you to come back to me babe. Just waiting for you.”

Pulling me with him, he slides so his back rests against the headboard, situating me on his naked thighs. Suddenly self -conscious, my hand drops to cover the tattoo on my hip. I don’t care if the rest of my body sits on display but knowing Evan can see that disgusting piece of me makes me cringe.

He grabs my hand and pins it behind my back, shaking his head. “I already know it’s there, Tuesday.  Anytime you want it gone I can make it go away, but don’t be ashamed of it.”

“How can I not be?” He stares into my eyes and I know he’s seeing every vulnerable piece of me staring back at him.

“Your past sucks, but it made you who you are. It made you the amazing, strong, beautiful, smart, sexy woman that you are today. It made you the woman that fought to have everything she has. Those numbers show me how strong you are; that you’re a fighter. If you want them covered, I’ll do it but they helped bring you to me, so don’t ever hide them from me.”

I blow out a shaky breath and kiss him again. Breaking every single rule I put in place in my head for this. Every damn one flies out the window like I didn’t put them in place for his safety, and for once in my entire life, with Evan looking at me the way he is right now, I feel like just another woman. One that doesn’t look over her shoulder every ten seconds.

Deciding not to let my fears get the better of me anymore I reach into the nightstand drawer and pull out a condom, rip open the silver packet and roll it over him with as much confidence as I can manage. He groans as my hand slides down the length of him and smiles at me.

“There’s my take charge girl.” His hands grip my hips, lifting me and pulling me down on him hard, stealing my breath. My head drops back and I cry out. “That’s who I’ve been waiting for.”

His hips roll over and over again in time with mine, thrusting into me, filling me to the point that I feel like I will burst at the seams. He grabs my hand, pulling me forward till my chest hits his and he kisses me, his tongue fighting with mine in time with our hips.

“Shit, you’re so fucking tight,” he groans as his thumb circles my clit slowly, my hips buck forward and he slams into me.

“Evan!” I scream out as I explode around him, but he doesn’t stop. He continues thrusting wildly into me, letting go of my hands his fingers dig into my hips and I know they’ll bruise but I don’t care. My name rolls off his lips as his movements become erratic. Growling, he slams me down one final time and I feel his teeth sink into my collarbone as he comes.

“Holy. Fucking. Shit,” he pants, pulling me to him as he slides down the bed. “Why haven’t we been doing this all along?”