French Kissing (7 page)

To my consternation, pain flickered over Alex's face. He hung his head and put his hand over his eyes.

‘I loved her so much,' he said. ‘She was my life.'

Other than telling me that he'd broken up with her, and wasn't interested in getting involved with anyone else, Alex hadn't mentioned Cécile. She'd hurt him, I knew that, but he'd said that he was doing better, and for the past week, since he'd been in England, he'd seemed fine. I'd no notion until then, that he was still so cut up inside.

He said, ‘When she told me we were finished, I thought I was going to die. It was as though someone had stuck a knife in my chest. I couldn't breathe –' He took his hand away from his face, and his eyes fastened on mine. ‘You must think I'm pathetic.'

‘No, I don't.' I decided it would be very easy for me to hate Cécile, a girl I'd never met, because of the hurt she'd caused my friend.

‘I know I have to forget her,' Alex said, ‘but sometimes – I have moments when I just can't get her out of my mind.' His mouth lifted in a sad smile.

He was still in love with her.

Alex visibly pulled himself together. ‘That's enough of my feeling sorry for myself. Thanks for listening,
mon amie
.'

‘
De rien,
' I said. ‘You're welcome.'

Instinctively, I put my arms round Alex's bare shoulders and hugged him, and he put his arms around me and hugged me back, so that I was pressed tight against the hard muscles of his chest, his skin smooth and cool, against my face. To my disquiet, desire for him, a purely physical reaction, shot through me. Hastily, I let go of him, and stood up.

‘I should …' I was completely unable to think of anything that required my attention.

‘Yeah, I need to cancel that flat-viewing.' Alex reached for his laptop. ‘Anna, do you want to do something this afternoon? Maybe go to the Tate?'

‘Oh, I'd have loved that. I've not been to an art gallery in ages.' Not since I've been dating Nick. ‘But Nick and I are going shopping. To buy a new washing machine for his flat.'

‘Not to worry. I don't mind going on my own.'

And while he was looking at paintings, I'd be looking at electrical appliances.

‘I'll see you later, Alex.'

‘It'll probably be tomorrow that we'll see each other,' Alex said. ‘Tonight, I'm going to a record launch party with some people from work. I've been warned that it's going on until the early hours.'

‘Tomorrow then. Have a good time.'

‘You too, Anna.'

I left the room, went into my bedroom, and flung myself down on my bed. A sentence from one of Alex's recent letters floated into my head …

… Sometimes, after we have made love and Cécile is asleep, I lie awake beside her, watching her all night, and think how fortunate I am to love her, and to be loved by her.

I wondered if Nick ever watched me while I slept. Somehow, I doubted it.

Seven

I sat cross-legged on Nick's bed. ‘So what's this conference you're going to about?'

Nick placed five neatly folded white shirts in his suitcase. ‘Process Management – the alignment of strategy and services.'

AKA watching paint dry. ‘Is it going to be … fun, do you think?'

‘I doubt you'd find it much fun, but for those of us who work in business assurance, it should be extremely interesting.'

‘Right.' I had very little idea of what Nick did all day at work – despite my best intentions to be a supportive girlfriend, my eyes glazed over whenever he talked about his job – but as he was head of a department of thirty people, I assumed he must be very good at it.

Nick counted out five pairs of grey socks, and added them to his case. ‘Have you got much on next week, while I'm away?'

‘I've not got a whole lot planned. Tomorrow, I'll probably call in on my parents. And Alex and I are going to dinner with Beth and Rob on Thursday, but that's about it.'

‘Why would Beth invite you and
Alex
over for dinner?'

‘She met him the first time he came to England, don't forget. You were invited as well – but you'll still be at the conference.'

‘Oh.' His packing finished, Nick zipped up his suitcase, leaned it against the wall next to his briefcase and his laptop, and headed off to the bathroom. While he was gone, I sprayed myself liberally with perfume, before climbing between his white Egyptian cotton sheets. He came back into the bedroom and undressed down to his boxers, carefully placing his shirt and his socks in his laundry basket, and hanging up his jeans in his wardrobe. He switched off the light, and got into bed next to me. His hand slid under my nightdress, and absently stroked my thigh. I waited for him to suggest that I should take the nightdress off.

He said, ‘How's Alex's flat-hunting going? Any chance he'll have moved out of your place by the time I'm back from Manchester?'

‘Oh … I didn't tell you. Alex isn't moving out. I've said he can stay with me 'til he goes back to Paris.'

‘You've done what?'

‘It's only for six months.'

Nick sat bolt upright and switched on his bedside lamp. ‘You've invited Alex to live in your flat for the next six months without asking me what I thought about it first?'

‘I didn't realise I needed to ask your permission to have a friend to stay.' I also sat up.

‘You know I've never been comfortable about your relationship with Alex.'

‘Are we seriously going to have this discussion yet again? Alex is my friend. Get over it.'

‘Even if you are just
friends
, that doesn't mean I want him hanging around you all the time.'

‘I don't see that much of Alex –'

‘I hate the way you talk to him in French so that I don't know what you're saying –'

‘I don't –'

‘You don't even realise you're doing it half the time – it's so frickin' annoying.'

Taken aback by the anger in Nick's voice, I said, ‘If it's such a big deal, I'll make sure I only speak to him in English when you're around.'

‘I want you to ask him to leave.'

‘I can't – I won't do that.'

‘So what I want doesn't matter to you?'

‘Of course it does, but right now you're being totally unreasonable.'

‘We're a couple. I should come first with you.'

‘You do.' I put my hand on Nick's arm but he shook it off. ‘Let's not fight. Please.'

‘Oh, whatever.' Nick switched off the lamp. The mattress creaked as he lay down and rolled onto his side with his back to me.

I said, ‘Nick?'

‘What?'

‘When I said Alex could stay on in my flat, it honestly never occurred to me that you'd mind.'

‘Just leave it, Anna. I've got a long drive ahead of me in the morning. I need to get some sleep.'

I turned away from him and lay still, staring at the dark. My thoughts tumbled over one another. Should I have checked with Nick before I invited Alex to stay on in my flat? I didn't see why. If he was still jealous of Alex, then it was his problem, not mine. Yes, I thought Alex was an attractive guy, but so what? Nick was my boyfriend, but that didn't mean he could tell me how to run my life.

It was a long time before I finally fell asleep.

Eight

Beth answered her front door with one hand, holding Jonah on her hip with the other. Dressed in jeans and a loose shirt, and wearing no make-up, her hair caught up in a ponytail, she didn't look nearly old enough to be the mother of two children. In the red shift dress and heels I'd worn to the office, I felt very over-dressed for a quiet supper with friends.

‘Anna.' Beth's face lit up in a brilliant smile. ‘It's so good to see you.'

‘You too.' I smiled at Beth's little son. ‘Hello, Jonah.'

Jonah smiled shyly back at me.

Alex had been standing a little way behind me, but now he stepped forward into the light spilling out from the hall.

‘Alexandre?' Beth's eyes widened in surprise. ‘
C'est toi?
You're so tall …'

‘Oui, c'est moi,'
Alex said, amused. ‘It's really me. Hello, Beth.'

‘Bonsoir
,'Beth said. ‘See, Anna, I haven't forgotten all my schoolgirl French.'

‘These are for you.' Alex handed Beth the flowers he'd bought for her.

‘Ooh,
merci
, Alexandre,' Beth said. ‘They're lovely.'

Rob, Beth's husband, appeared from the direction of the kitchen, and I introduced him to Alex. While Beth went off to put her flowers in water, and to get Jonah into bed, Rob led us into the living room, and poured us each a glass of wine. I sat down next to Alex on the sofa, only to yelp and jump up again as something hard dug into my rear. I looked down to see a plastic tyrannosaurus staring back up at me.

‘Did it bite you?' Alex said.

I grinned. ‘I'm sure I'll survive.'

‘Sorry, Anna.' Rob tossed the offending dinosaur into a brightly coloured toybox. ‘We do try and tidy up after Jonah, but he only gets his toys out again.' He turned to Alex. ‘Beth tells me that you're a photographer.'

‘Yes,' Alex said. ‘I've been based in Paris, working freelance, travelling wherever the job takes me, but now I'm in London on a six-month contract.'

‘Are you a famous photographer? Should I have heard of you?'

‘No, you really shouldn't. I'm well enough known in Paris to make a living from my photography, but I'm not famous.'

‘He's being modest,' I said. ‘He's more than a jobbing photographer. He's an artist. People hang his photos in art galleries.'

‘That has happened only once,' Alex said. ‘As you know very well, Anna.'

To Rob, I said. ‘One of Alex's photos won an extremely prestigious competition, and I wrote to congratulate him. Unfortunately, my French vocabulary let me down. Instead of telling him I was excited to hear of his success as I thought I'd done, I'd told him I was turned on by it.
Je suis excité …
In French,
excite
has a sexual connotation.'

‘I was flattered,' Alex said.

Beth came into the living room and threw herself down in a chair. ‘Jonah went out like a light, thank goodness. Some nights, I have to read him his favourite story over and over again for about an hour before he drops off. I've been known to fall asleep before he does.'

‘Looking after small children can be very tiring,' Alex said.

‘Not everyone realises that.' Beth gave Alex an appreciative smile. ‘Anyway, enough of the joys of parenthood, what were you talking about before I came in?'

‘Alex's work,' I said. ‘He's photographed ever so many well-known people, politicians, actors, writers … and not just in Paris. He's worked in New York, in LA, Japan …'

‘Anna, you are embarrassing me,' Alex put in, although he didn't sound particularly embarrassed.

I put my hand on his arm. ‘I'm proud of you,
mon ami.'

‘I used to travel for work,' Beth said.

‘What do you do, Beth?' Alex asked.

‘I gave up my job when I had Jonah,' Beth said. ‘But I was a buyer – a trainee buyer – for a chain of department stores. Knitwear. I got to go to fashion shows in Milan.'

‘Not Paris?' Alex said.

‘No, I never made it to Paris.'

‘Paris is top of my list of cities that I'd like to visit,' I said.

‘I hoped to come back to London after my first visit,' Alex said, ‘but my life took me to other places.'

Rob frowned. ‘Can I smell burning?'

‘Oh, no!' Beth said. ‘The lasagne!'

At that moment, the door to the living room swung open to reveal a pyjama-clad Jonah holding a teddy bear.

‘Story?' he said, hopefully.

‘Not right now, sweetheart,' Beth said. ‘You take him back to bed, Rob. I need to rescue our dinner.' She hurried off to the kitchen.

‘Come on, you.' Rob swept Jonah up into his arms. ‘You two go through to the dining room. Help yourself to more wine.' He went out, and I heard him telling Jonah he needed to ‘be a good boy and go to sleep now' as he carried him up the stairs.

I showed Alex the way to the dining room, and we sat down opposite each other. He poured us each another glass of wine. There were candles on the table, and as Beth had left out a box of matches, I lit them.

Alex said, ‘I will show you Paris one day, Anna.'

‘I'm holding you to that. It's ridiculous that I speak French and I've never been to France. Not even a daytrip to Calais. When Beth and I used to go on holiday together, before she was married, we just chose somewhere hot with lots of nightclubs.'

‘My beautiful city just couldn't compete with Malia or Ayia Napa.'

‘Exactly.'

‘There's something I'm going to hold you to.' Alex leant forward, and put his hand under my chin.

‘What's that?' I said, suddenly conscious of the touch of his cool fingers on my skin.

‘Your promise to let me photograph you.' As he had done on his first night in London, he turned my head from side to side.

‘I'm looking forward to it.'

‘Good. So am I. These candles have given me an idea for lighting –' He broke off as Beth and Rob came into the room, and took his hand away from my face.

‘Dinner is served,' Beth said. ‘The bits of it that haven't been incinerated.' She and Rob set down plates of lasagne (unburnt, but miniscule portions), hunks of bread, and a huge bowl of salad, and joined us at the table.

‘Can I fill your glass, Beth?' Alex said, holding up the wine bottle.'

Beth shook her head. ‘No wine for me, I'm afraid. I'm still breastfeeding Molly.'

As if she'd heard her name, Molly started crying, her heart-breaking sobs relayed from her cot to the dining room by a baby alarm.