From Darkness Comes: The Horror Box Set (12 page)

Now I was sad. If there is a cure for the female sex drive, it is depression. Back in my human days, feelings like this usually ended in a trip to the store in my slippers and baggy sweats. I knew the shortest route to the Ben & Jerry’s
ice cream parlor.

“…maybe she is from overseas,” one of the guys was sa
ying.

“And what country has gray people?” another quipped.

“Marty, have you seen her rack? That chick is sporting some serious sweater meat,” the one questioning the possibility of my overseas origin pressed.

I didn’t know whether to be flattered or offended. I’d heard my breasts referred to by a number of nicknames. This was the first I’d heard the phrase ‘sweater meat.’

“Maybe she has some kind of skin condition…like Michael Jackson,” the third, and up to this point, silent one, suggested.

“Dude, Michael
Jackson was just a freak,” the one who had pointed out my gray complexion retorted.

“Yeah, but he still put out some great music…until
Bad
. Then he just sort of fell off,” the one called Marty offered.

“Sorta like Stephen King after
It
,” the third said with a nod as he leaned over the table and sunk one of the striped balls into the corner pocket…along with the cue ball.

“Ten bucks says you can’t get he
r number, Rocky,” Marty challenged.

“Ten and you pay the beer tab,” the Stephen King fan with the unfortunate name of Rocky countered. Seriously, what is wrong with people? It’s like there should be a rule now banning people from naming their kids. They never seem to get it right. I think the nurses at the hospital should do it. It would prevent the dearth of Haleys, Brittanys,
and Jordans. Also, children would no longer be forced to carry on some tired old family name.

In high school I had a friend named Eugene. Now this was in the Eighties when the o
nly people named Eugene were clones from
Revenge of the Nerds
. The thing about this particular Eugene was that he had perfect hair, dreamy blue eyes, and the ability to catch just about anything thrown to him by our mediocre high school football team’s quarterback.

I dated Eugene for a few months my junior year. He was so sweet, but I just could not keep from giggling when I would whisper his name while we were making out. That is a real mood killer, let me tell you. Even for a high school boy with over-active hormones, having your girlfriend giggle when you are tr
ying to move towards second base can send the little soldier back into the foxhole.

I asked him what his middle name was, figuring that maybe I could start using that under the guise of calling it a pet name. It was Herbert. Yeah, that’s what I thought as well…not much help.

I looked up to find the one called Rocky standing over my table. His bluster and bravado seemed to still be back with his beer and his buddies. Either that or he thought it was cute standing over me, twisting a napkin in his hands like he was wringing the neck of a chicken.

“Care to join my friends and
me in a game of pool?” he asked.

Now that is actually a pretty good approach. I gave him points for that. Instead of trying to isolate me from the herd and move in for the kill, he was urging me to join in and have some fun. That
could imply that he was not assuming anything. The problem I had was that I was not in the mood for small talk. I simply wanted sex.

So, I can hear some of the guys reading this saying, “What a bunch of crap! Women don’t think that way. That’s a guy thing.” Okay, I wil
l grant you that it is not probably nearly as common for us ladies as it is for you fellas, but believe it or not, sometimes we do actually get that way. Don’t believe me? Okay, well if you have a gal pal, you know…the kind that you can talk about all kinds of stuff with and not worry about it? Then ask her. I got news for ya, boys…y’all don’t have the market cornered when it comes to horny.

Damn, I must have been daydreaming again because now Rocky was kinda squirming.
I really need to work on that.

“Sounds like fun,” I said. “But…”

What is it with guys? They hear a ‘but’ and they immediately just assume that it is about to become a rejection. Rocky’s almost cute smile had already started to slide off his face. I had to get the next sentence out before he turned and walked away.

“I am actually just looking to score,” I said in a rush.

Rocky might not be such an inappropriate name after all. He got this confused look on his face. After literally scratching his head, he replied, “I think there is this one guy who hangs out at The Lumberjack Tavern, he might have some stuff—”

Great, I was going to have to spell it out for him.

“Sex, you idiot!” I may have said that a bit too loud, because both of his pool playing buddies’ heads popped up like those cute little Meer cats in
Meercat Manor
. Also, the really loud and drunk ladies got strangely quiet. It was right about then that I realized that there was no juke box or anything playing.

A second later, the door to the pizza place opened and in came Jeremy. He scanned the room and homed in on me. I wasn’t sure, but I thought he looked angry for just a second.

He bee-lined for me and stepped past Rocky like he wasn’t even there. “Ava, there you are,” he said with this super fake laugh like we were meeting at some sort of social gathering at Martha’s Vineyard.

Now I should probably say that I have never actually been to Martha’s Vineyard. To be honest, for the longest time, I thought it was named for Martha Stewart. I just have this image of these obnoxiously preppy people with names like Biff, Tad, and Muffy all sipping wine and mocking the poor. An entire i
sland made up of the people like the ones that were so mean to Dan Aykroyd in
Trading Places
. Not the two old geezers, but those turtleneck wearing toads with his girlfriend at the country club who turned on him so fast.

“…talking to the lady, pal,” Rocky was saying to Jeremy.

“And now you are finished,” Jeremy replied. He didn’t make a threatening move or gesture, but I could hear something in his voice that screamed danger. Apparently Rocky was deaf.

“Maybe you want to discuss this outside,” the silly human challenged. I saw his two friends set down their pool cues. So this was not going to be a very fair fight. For the humans, I mean.

I could almost smell the testosterone in the air. Hmm, do guy vampires have testosterone? I know they are supposed to be a bunch of horn dogs for the most part, if you believed even half of what you read, but maybe they had a different chemical that drove their lusty side.

One thing led to another, and pretty soon we were all stan
ding outside the pizza place. Jeremy hadn’t said much. Most of the ruckus was coming from the three amigos. The real curiosity came when the table full of older ladies followed the little procession.

“So maybe you want to take the first swing?” Rocky had moved right up into Jeremy’s face. To his credit, Jeremy r
emained silent. I mean, he was showing restraint…right? Please tell me that not only did I get the only vampire lacking a sex drive, but I also got the coward of the bunch.

“Just bust his face, Rocky!” Marty urged.

“Less talking, more punching,” the one I still didn’t know the name of added.

As for the gaggle of ladies, something about them drew my attention. They were not yelling or carrying on anymore. They were simply watching. I scanned their faces and saw something in their eyes that made me wonder. Then one of them noticed me watching and whispered to the bunch.

One problem at a time, Ava
, I told myself.

“You were a pretty big man inside,”
Rocky was saying. He kept poking one meaty finger in Jeremy’s chest as he spoke.

I noticed a couple of things during that little interaction; the first being that Rocky was poking really hard. The second thing, and perhaps more important, was that Jeremy was not registering that contact at all. What I mean is that his body was not budging. If that guy had been poking me that hard, I would have fallen over. Of course that was what started this whole thing…me wanting him to poke me that hard. See what I did there?

“Go back inside,” Jeremy said. At first, I thought I had imagined it. His voice was so quiet that it took a few seconds for me to realize that he’d spoken at all.

“Or what?” Rocky
challenged, confirming that Jeremy had finally decided to speak.

In a flash, Jeremy had Rocky by the neck and pinned to the wall of the building. Oh yeah, that whole vampire speed is pretty scary stuff. There was a gasp from everybody, even the curiou
sly quiet ladies that continued to watch with a very peculiar inquisitiveness.

“Holy shit,” Marty gasped, taking a few steps back and a
ctually bumping into the ladies who, in another interesting twist, shoved him forward like they were offering him up for slaughter.

The guy whose name I still didn’t know took a much diffe
rent approach. He charged Jeremy. I was going to say something, but before I could open my mouth, Jeremy simply reached out with his other free hand and caught the guy by the throat. In one way-too-easy move, he brought the other man around and pinned him to the wall beside his buddy. Yeah. Now he was holding two men against the wall by the throats; both of them had their feet dangling a few inches off the ground.

“I am only going to say this once more,” Jeremy hissed, and this time, he let just a little bit of fang slip out. I don’t know if it was intentional or not, but I know that
both of those guys got so wide-eyed that they each suddenly resembled Boston Terriers or Pugs…or whatever those little bug-eyed dogs are. Then the nameless guy went a step further.

The sound of liquid
splashing on the sidewalk was amplified by the silence. I actually felt sorry for the guy. Weeks from now, when this pack of yokels started to retell this little incident, they would probably reshape it to make themselves sound braver and more in control. However, that one guy was not going to be able to dismiss the fact that he had just peed himself. Maybe he would blame it on the beer.

“I am going to set you down now,” Jeremy said in an almost pleasant tone. “Am I going to have any problems?”

Two heads shook vigorously. Jeremy didn’t actually set them down. He sort of just dropped them.

“Ava, get
in the car,” Jeremy whispered in my ear. I watched the three guys huddle around each other and overheard snippets of what was being said.

“…gonna let that go?”

“…all three of us at once!”

“…and get away with it!”

Okay, so maybe it was time to go. I hopped in the car, but I took one last look at those ladies. They were all still just staring at us. There was something very weird about them.

As we pulled out and headed to the freeway, Jeremy glanced in the rearview mirror.

“I really hate faeries,” he spat.

It took me a moment to realize that he was not being d
erogatory towards those three yahoos. He meant those women. Like I said earlier, one thing at a time, Ava.

(I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight

We drove in silence. I was feeling a little woozy. The drunk feeling was turning into that in-between state where you start to know that you are going to have a killer hangover in the morning. Of course, my problem was that I didn’t need sleep. That meant I would be awake for the entire glorious event.

The engine switched off and the two of us sat in silence as the garage door slowly closed behind us. I was feeling a bit awkward. One of the beauties of jumping into the sack with somebody when you are blotto is that usually both of you are suffering from the same degree of over-consumption. When you wake up next to some snoring oaf of a man, you slip out very carefully, put on the minimal amount of clothing that you can in order not to be arrested for indecent exposure, and then, with panties tucked in your purse, you exit.

When Jeremy leaned across my car and kissed me, I think it took me a second to realize just what exactly was going on. Unfortunately, I almost threw up in my mouth a little bit. Vampire kisses taste a lot like they smell. There was this rush of yummy, and then an aftertaste of pure nasty.

I gagged and he jerked away. I gave him an apologetic look, and once again we were sitting in uncomfortable silence. I had a thought.

“Look, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Did you do that because you wanted to, or because I guilted you into it?”

Jeremy sat quietly for a few seconds. That had me just a bit worried. Finally, he turned in the seat and faced me.

“I don’t do anything out of guilt. Actually, one of the worst parts about being a vampire is that you lose all of your humanity over time.”

I considered those words. That might make Belinda easier to understand. I would still hate the rude little bitch, but I might at least have a better understanding of what drives her.

“Do you think any person could continue to kill indiscriminately? Granted, we have become so much more than we were, but we still have ties to our humanity. Like, if we enjoy music, we still enjoy it as vampires. So there remains a lifetime of human influence in our minds. However, over time, our ability to feel actual emotion dies. So, no…I do nothing out of guilt.”

That was a pretty good explanation. So now I could check something off the list. Unfortunately, what I still did not know was why he
did
kiss me.

“I
find you appealing to the eyes, Ava.”

I guess that is
vampire speak for ‘I think you’re pretty.’ I would take it.

“I would like to pay a visit to you when we are not tasked with stopping
The Queen of the Zombies. Perhaps we can find a way to enjoy each other’s company.”

“Do you mean sex?” Hey, a girl has to ask.

“I mean that, yes. But I also mean perhaps getting to know each other better. I know nothing of you at all, but in just this short time, I find that you fascinate me like nobody I have ever met.”

I did not care if he smelled or tasted like a steaming pile of doggy poo…my panties were coming off and he was in for the ride of his life.

“Okay,” I leaned close and tried not to breathe through my nose, “we are going to my room now. You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs…or something like that. This is happening. We will just have to find out how.”

Seriously, ladies…you know what I am talking about here, right? You know that first time with a guy when you absolutely want it to be perfect. And it just never is. He is so excited that the pistol fires too soon, or you just can’t get comfortable. Ma
ybe he isn’t used to a girl with really long hair, so he keeps getting tangled in it, or pulling it.

Don’t
get me wrong. A good hair pull can be really hot, but there is a difference between getting your hair yanked and tugged versus having him wrap it in his hands and using it to pull your head back so he can sink his teeth into your neck or kiss you in that really rough way that gets that certain shiver…

Hmm, that may just be me. I might have shared too much. Oh well, the bottom line is that the first time often leaves a bit to be desired. And before you guys get
your
panties in a bunch. Maybe it is time to let you in on a little secret. No, the Earth doesn’t move every single time. It is nothing against you, it is just that you guys are microwave ovens and we are more like crock pots. And don’t think I didn’t hear you when you changed the word ‘crock’ to the word ‘crack’. You aren’t that clever.

“…do that a lot don’t you?” Jeremy asked with a lopsi
ded smile on his face. It was in that very moment that I realized who he reminded me of. He looked like a really young Harrison Ford. Not even the one from
Star Wars
. I’m talking
American Graffiti
era.

“Do what?” I hated that I had to ask. That meant that I was doing it again.

“Space off into your own little world,” Harrison…I mean Jeremy said.

“I may have issues with paying attention,” I admitted.

“No…you go into a world all your own,” Jeremy said with a chuckle.

“Look,” not that this wasn’t all cute and amusing, but Ava want nookie, “are we going to do this or not?”

“I would love to…” I heard the ‘but’ before he even said it, “…but the sun will be up very soon.”

“I have a safe room. I don’t like it on my skin either,” I said. “And when you say soon…”

“One of the abilities of a vampire is to be able to feel the arrival of the sun. It sets off a little warning bell in our system so we can get to ground or back to our lair if time permits.”

“So how long do we have?”

“Sadly, only about forty minutes.”

I laughed. You men are so funny the way you over-exaggerate your prowess. Now I have been with guys who can go again real soon after completion. And then there are the ones who can spend some serious time ‘down under’ if you know what I mean. However, do you know what the AVERAGE amount of time it takes a man to actually finish once he starts dipping the
pickle? Two and a half minutes! Yeah…that is the average…

“But wait a minute there, Ava!” some of you guys are arg
uing.

Sorry, fellas. You can’t argue with science or biology. Don’t believe me? Look it up. Or how about this, next time you are in the act, pay attention to the song p
laying. Still the same song when you finished? How sad for you. Now back to Jeremy.

“But if we are going to do this—” he was arguing, “I will require more than just forty minutes.”

“Look, I am not suggesting that you aren’t an absolute stallion in the bedroom,”
a little flattery goes a long way in this department, ladies
, “but this first time doesn’t have to be something magical. Honestly, it would probably help to get it out of the way.”

“Not holding out much hope of it being enjoyable?” I saw that hurt puppy look that you guys can get when we ladies are not actively stroking your ego.

“I just know that the first time can be awkward. Let’s get it out of the way so that we can really enjoy the next go ‘round.”

“And not a
hopeless romantic either, I see,” Jeremy grumbled.

“Nope. Just mostly hopeless.” He was wasting time. “Li
sten, Jeremy, neither one of us are virgins here. We’ve done the horizontal mambo before. I say we hop-oh in the sack-oh and see what happens.”

“But you are aware that I have told you the sun is coming up soon.”

“Yep.”

“And you know what
happens to a vampire when the sun rises?”

He had me there. I guess I assumed that they crawled into their coffins or whatever and waited for sunset. I gave a shrug.

“We die, Ava.”

“But you are not alive.” That seemed like a logical retort. If I was up to speed on our supernatural status, neither vampires nor ghouls were technically alive. I didn’t need to breathe, but could do so if I thought about it. My heart didn’t beat. I guess I figured that vampires were in the same boat.

“No,” Jeremy sighed and sat back in the driver’s seat.

Great, this was eating into valuable time and I really was starting to feel a rise in my sexual frustration. If I had to finish this off alone, I was going to be rather cranky when he saw me next.

“When the sun comes up, it is like a giant off switch in all but the most powerful vampires,” Jeremy explained.

“So vamps like Belinda?”

“I wouldn’t know for certain, but since she is the Queen of the Kiss, I would have to assume she is strong enough to resist if the need arises.”

You know what they say about assumptions. Perhaps that would be something I could find out later. Not that I was pla
nning on taking out the bitch, but if it ever came down to her or me, it would be nice to know the weaknesses of the enemy.

“…a
nd we just shut down. So not only is that an extremely vulnerable position to be in, but some folks find it rather disturbing.” Oh yeah, he was still talking.

“Well
, in case you have missed the memo, I am not exactly human,” I said with a smile that I hoped could get him to get his butt out of the car and up to my room.

“Yes, but if we are going to do this, I didn’t want you to be surprised if I didn’t want to talk or cuddle after. And I will be totally incapacitated until sunset.”

Okay
, I thought,
so you are a guy with the perfect excuse
. I wasn’t really looking for meaningful chat at just this precise moment.

“Now that we have that out of the way,” I exited the car and went to the door that opened to my house, “can we go before you end up sleeping in my car?”

Jeremy finally got moving. He followed me inside and up the stairs. When he entered my room, he whistled appreciatively.

“Are those titanium?” he tapped the shutters that sealed my windows.

“Yep, not a sliver of sunlight will get through. And in case a bunch of angry villagers show up with torches and pitchforks, this is also my safe room.”

I
turned around and gave Jeremy an appraising look. Now in most cases, there would be some sloppy kissing and we could fumble at each other’s clothing. I already knew that there would be no kissing. Nothing else would be a greater mood killer than me hurling all over him. I needed to get the motor running somehow, and then inspiration struck.

I pulled my tee shirt off, unclasped my bra and slid out of my pants. All that remained were my blue cotton bikinis. I fi
gured that I could leave a little something for him to deal with. After all, I didn’t want to seem easy.

Jeremy unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall. I was extremely pleased with the view. I could see that he worked on his body. Only, did vampires need to do that sort of thing? I mean, they already had the whole superhuman strength thing going
on. Did they need to pump iron?

“Are you gonna stare and let your mind wander on whatever little sidetrack that it has started down, or are we going to do this?” Jeremy laughed.

“Sorry,” I apologized. I might have blushed if I was able. “I was just admiring your chest and wondering if vampires needed to work out.”

“First off, thank you,” Jeremy said as he took my hand and pulled me to the bed. “And second…yes. We do need to work out, otherwise we simply start to look like a Ken doll. There is no definition, just a smooth body.”

I ran my fingers through the soft, dark brown hair of his chest. I don’t get the whole shaved chest thing. I know that some of you ladies like your men to be smooth, but to me it is just creepy. I didn’t find twelve-year-old boys attractive when I was twelve years old. Why would I want some guy with a chest smoother than mine?

The only awkward moment was when we each kept trying to kiss each other
as things started heating up. Since we both knew how that would end, we managed to veer away, which, admittedly took a little wind out of the sails, but then we both agreed on the good old doggie-style position and our lips could not have met if we’d wanted them to.

Oh don’t get all Puritanical on me. What did you think was about to happen? For crying out loud, I’ve only been saying how horny I was for about the last several pages. Haven’
t you been paying attention?

But, on the positive side, I have no intentions of trying to give any details. Seriously, that is just not my thing. Besides, then I would have to decide on clever metaphors like “love tu
nnel” and “velvet cave” or some other equally ridiculous word or phrase to describe my mommy bits down below. And since I am gray, I could hardly refer to my breasts as fleshy mounds. I mean, technically they are still made of flesh, but they are gray! They don’t look fleshy so much as stony. I could probably go downtown and stand naked in the Pioneer Square; folks would think I am a statue or something.

I don’t know about you, b
ut I get confused when I am sharing sex details. Granted, if it is a friend—like Lisa—I might get all raunchy and put in way too much detail. But here, where you and I don’t exactly know each other all that well, I wouldn’t know whether I should call his daddy part a penis or a dick…or the more porno-centric term, cock. See, some of you are wincing. At least I am not alone in my discomfort.