From Here to Maternity (25 page)

Babs snorted.

‘Any lad on the scene in London?’ Dad asked Babs.

‘Yes, actually. I’ve met a lovely Nigerian.’

‘
What
!’ said Mum, giving herself whiplash as her head snapped round.

‘Relax, I’m joking. No, I’m not seeing anyone in particular.’

‘Just sleeping around, then,’ I muttered.

‘Jealous, fatso?’ she asked, smirking at me.

‘How’s Yuri? He looks great, is he talking yet?’ Sean jumped in.

‘No, but he walked last night for the first time. Three steps,’ I proudly announced.

‘Oh, you clever little boy,’ said Mum, kissing him as he cooed at her.

‘Crack open the champagne. Aren’t they supposed to walk after a few months? Isn’t he a bit slow?’ said Babs.

‘Certainly not,’ said James, gravely insulted to have his son’s talents questioned. ‘He’s just doing it in his own good time.’

‘We’ll have to get him to show us later on. I can’t wait to see him,’ said his besotted granny, making up for his witch of an aunt.

‘Well, it shouldn’t take long to demonstrate three steps,’ said Babs, yawning.

‘Oh, shut up, you contrary cow,’ I snapped.

‘Children,’ said Dad, ‘I’d like Shadee’s family to think we’re civilized people and not a bunch of snarling Rottweilers. Can you please be nice to each other for once?’

‘Did I tell you about young Maureen’s cousin Suzanne marrying Harry Beacon, the beef baron?’

‘Yes, Mum, you did,’ said Sean.

‘Maureen’s lost another stone. Like a matchstick, she is. You wouldn’t recognize her, Sean. Stunning she is and a lovely personality to boot.’

‘Mum,’ said Sean sternly, ‘I am getting married tomorrow to a girl that I am absolutely mad about, so can you please give up any hope that you have for Maureen and me? It’s never going to happen.’

‘Leave the lad alone, Anne,’ said Dad.

‘All I said was she looks well,’ mumbled Mum.

We drove the rest of the way in relative silence. When we arrived we were all impressed – even Babs. The hotel was stunning. It was an ivy-clad country manor with a sweeping driveway and magnificent views of the sea. Shadee was there to greet us, and we sat down for tea and scones.

Mum asked to see Yuri walking, so James propped him up and we all stood around him staring at him. Frightened by all the expectant faces, he fell down and began to howl. The pressure was too much.

‘Very impressive,’ said Babs. ‘He’ll be running marathons in no time.’

I picked him up and hugged him. ‘He’s not a performing seal. He’ll do it when no one’s gawking at him.’

A few minutes later, when everyone was chatting, I propped him up again and he staggered towards Mum, swaying as he went. She grabbed him on his fourth step as he began to tumble. ‘Amazing, my little pet! Just amazing!’

Yuri grinned at his beloved granny. She really was wonderful with him – he could do no wrong.

Shadee told us that she had arranged for her parents to meet us in the bar at seven thirty for pre-dinner drinks.

‘I didn’t think you lot drank?’ said Mum.

‘Well, my parents don’t, but my brother and sister-in-law do, and I like a glass of wine myself,’ she said, smiling.

‘Right you are,’ said Dad, grabbing Mum’s arm and frog-marching her out before she could put her foot in it.

James, Yuri and I found our room and assembled the travel cot. The hotel had organized a babysitter for us so we were looking forward to a night out. I was nervous about the two families meeting and hoped that Shadee’s parents were as nice as she was, and that Mum behaved herself.

At seven o’clock there was a knock on the door. It was Dad, looking very fed up.

‘Your mother has me driven demented. She wants you to go over – she says it’s an emergency. I’m off to the bar for a pint. Sean’s meeting me there. The poor lad’s a nervous wreck about tonight. Tell James to come down if he fancies a drink.’

I ran over to his and Mum’s room. ‘What’s wrong?’

She was sitting on the edge of the bed in tears. ‘I’ve a ladder in my tights and the other ones don’t match my suit. I’ll have to stay in.’

‘Mum, calm down, it’s OK.’

‘No, it isn’t. It’s a disaster. My lovely boy is getting married to a girl I hardly know. He’ll never come home now. He’ll stay in London or, worse, go off and live in Iran and I’ll only see him once a year and if they have children I’ll never get to see them. I’ll miss out on his life.’

‘Come on, Mum! London’s an hour from Dublin on the plane. You can go and see him as often as you like. And Shadee’s lovely. She makes him really happy. You should be pleased for him. He’s never been so happy before. Isn’t it better that he’s with a lovely girl in London than a girl who makes him miserable in Ireland?’

‘Young Maureen Doherty would have made him a lovely wife.’

‘Mum.’

‘I know, I know,’ said Mum. ‘I’m just sad. It’s been so nice having you and James close by with little Yuri, and I’d like to help Sean with his children.’

I wondered if she’d charge him for child-minding. Probably, but since she wouldn’t have to worry about saving up the takings for Sean’s children – he had a more than healthy bank balance – she’d be a millionaire in no time.

‘Look, Mum, get dressed, put on your lipstick and let’s go out to celebrate the fact that your son is marrying a wonderful girl. OK?’

She nodded. ‘Yes, you’re right.’

‘I have to go now and put Yuri down. I’ll see you in the bar.’

‘Emma,’ she called, as I was leaving.

I turned round to be hugged or thanked or hailed as a rock of sense.

‘You’re not wearing that, are you?’

I closed the door and sighed.

Twenty minutes later we were all standing in the bar, staring at the door, when Shadee and her family walked in.

‘Western clothes!’ whispered Mum, as Shadee’s parents, both dressed in suits, came over to introduce themselves.

‘We are so pleased to meet you at last,’ said Shadee’s mother, a pretty, petite woman. ‘We know Sean so well and we were looking forward to getting to know his family. Your son is a lovely boy. You must be very proud of him.’

‘Oh, we are,’ said Mum. ‘Very proud. He’s never given us a day’s trouble. He was the most good-natured baby you ever saw. And you do know he was the youngest person ever to be made partner at his firm? Of course, he’d never tell you that himself, he’s far too modest. Shady is a lucky girl. He’s one in a million.’

‘Yes, well, as I said, we are very fond of him.’

‘Of course, an Irish son-in-law would not have been our first choice,’ said Shadee’s father, as my mother bristled. ‘We had hoped our precious jewel would marry an Iranian boy. The Irish have such a reputation for drinking and violence that we were worried at first.’

‘No more than we were when Sean told us he was to marry a girl from Prussia,’ countered Mum. ‘Sean barely touches the drink. None of us do,’ she added, as we all stared into our alcoholic beverages.

‘What my wife is trying to say,’ said Dad, attempting to rescue the situation before a fight broke out, ‘is that we were also concerned about the cultural differences at first. But then we met Shadee and sure she’s a lovely girl altogether.’

Shadee’s mother nodded. ‘It was the same for us. Once we got to know Sean and saw how in love he was with our beloved daughter, we realized that you can’t have everything in life. And the most important thing is that Shadee is happy.’

‘They’re perfect together,’ I said, ‘and we’re so excited about the wedding. It’s going to be a wonderful day,’ I added, warming to my role as international peacekeeper.

Just as things were beginning to thaw, Babs arrived. ‘Sorry I’m late,’ she said, strutting into the bar in a skintight gold jumpsuit.

‘Bloody hell!’ said James, and almost choked on his drink.

Shadee’s family stared in shock as the youngest Burke wriggled about, oblivious to the look of horror on everyone’s faces.

‘Hi, I’m Babs, the only sane member of this family. You must be gutted your daughter’s marrying a red-headed Irishman… of all the rotten luck. Still, he’s loaded so that should make up for it.’ She laughed. ‘Shadee’s a saint for marrying into this family. At least she has the Irish Sea between her and her new mother-in-law. Thank God for geography. I’m parched! Dad, get me a vodka and Coke, will you, and make it a large one? The measures are so small over here it’ll take me for ever to get drunk.’

Chapter 28

James, Yuri and I were up at seven the next morning walking by the sea. Yuri had been up since six, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

‘How do you think last night went?’ I asked James, as I shuffled along beside him at the pace of a snail.

The evening hadn’t been going too badly until Babs had got drunk and made a pass at Shadee’s brother, who had told her politely that he wouldn’t touch her with a bargepole. Babs stumbled out, shouting, ‘You should be so lucky,’ while the rest of us sat around pretending not to notice. Thankfully, all the parents had gone to bed by then. I really think that seeing her youngest child sexually harassing Shadee’s brother would have pushed Mum over the edge.

‘Babs is a liability. And that outfit!’

‘I’m still trying to figure out how she managed to get into it. It was a feat of engineering,’ said James.

‘Do you think Shadee’s family think we’re a disgrace?’

‘They seem very keen on Sean, which is the important thing,’ said James, ever the diplomat.

‘How bad was it when I asked them how they felt about President Bush having invaded their country and captured Saddam Hussein?’ I said, blushing at the memory. In my desperate efforts to keep the stilted conversation going, I had somehow managed to get Iraq and Iran mixed up. Of all the times to say something so stupid… I was mortified.

‘Not your finest hour.’

‘Oh, God, James, they must think I’m such an ignorant fool. And then after Mum telling them we hardly drank, Dad gets plastered and starts singing “Danny Boy” and the waiter has to come over and ask him to stop. We’re a joke.’ I groaned. ‘And Shadee’s family behaved impeccably. Poor girl.’

‘What about me? I have to put up with your family on a daily basis.’

‘Yes, but you’re used to drink and fast women,’ I said grinning at him.

‘True.’

‘I hope today goes smoothly. I really want Sean to have a perfect wedding.’

‘I’m sure it’ll be fine, although I can’t wait to see what Babs is going to wear.’

‘It couldn’t be worse than yesterday,’ I said, silently praying that it wouldn’t be.

Lucy and Donal sat on the plane. Lucy had bought a pile of glossy magazines in the airport shop and was flicking through
Hello
! while Donal had
Now
.

‘That Britney Spears has put on a pile of weight,’ he said, as he munched a bacon sandwich. ‘Those shorts are a bit tight on her.’

Lucy looked at him – his hair was sticking up at right angles and mayonnaise was dripping down his chin. ‘Donal, what did your parents put in your porridge when you were growing up?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You’re the most confident person I’ve ever met. How did that come about?’

‘It came about because I was born with beauty, brains and talent. You won the lottery of love when you married me.’

Lucy choked on her coffee. ‘Have you seen yourself lately?’ she said, laughing as she wiped the mayonnaise off his chin.

‘I wake up every day, look in the mirror and glory at God’s handiwork,’ said Donal.

‘You must lend me that mirror some time,’ said Lucy.

‘I hope we’ve a good table at this gig,’ said Donal. ‘I don’t want to be making conversation with a bunch of Iranians who speak no English. I don’t think they play rugby over there.’

‘There are more topics of conversation than rugby. You could ask them about their culture, their troubled history, their religious beliefs…’

‘Or I could sit at the bar with James, drink Guinness and talk about Leinster’s next game.’

‘Donal! You’re not to behave like a caveman today. I want you to make an effort with Shadee’s relations. I don’t want them thinking all Irishmen are big, ignorant, hairy rugbyites. Be polite and make conversation.’

‘OK, if I promise to be Mr Manners himself all day, is there any chance of us joining the mile-high club now?’

‘Jesus, Donal, it’s nine in the morning not to mention the fact that half of Emma’s relations are on this plane.’

Donal shrugged, ‘I don’t mind an audience if you don’t.’

Lucy thumped him on the arm. ‘Behave yourself.’

At half past two, we assembled in the lobby to walk across to the Unitarian church. Needless to say, Babs caused a commotion: she turned up in a skintight, backless red minidress. Mum had a seizure and refused to leave the hotel until she covered up. My lovely cream wrap was ripped off my shoulders and tied round Babs’s bare ones in a big knot.

‘For God’s sake, I look like a nun,’ said the scarlet woman.

Mum pulled the wrap even tighter. ‘I’m warning you, Barbara Burke, I want no nonsense out of you today. For once in your life you’ll do as you’re told. Now, belt up and smile.’

‘Do I look OK?’ I asked Dad. He looked panic-stricken for a second. I never asked his opinion on my appearance, but I felt like such a frump that I was desperate for any positive feedback, even if I knew it was a lie.

‘Very nice, love. The green is, ah… um… eye-catching.’

‘You look like an overweight leprechaun,’ sniggered Babs.

‘You look great, Emma,’ said Lucy, walking in with Donal. She looked lovely as always, if a little tired. She must be working too hard.

Donal seemed uncomfortable when he saw Babs. Obviously the memory of his infidelity still haunted him.

‘I’d be very careful if I was you,’ I hissed at Babs. ‘My hormones are raging today and you might be the recipient.’

‘Ooh, Emma, you’re really scaring me.’

‘I think we should head over to the church,’ said James, picking Yuri up and ushering me out of the hotel before a cat-fight broke out.

By three o’clock the church was full, with all our relations to the right and all Shadee’s to the left. Only one of Shadee’s relatives was wearing a yashmak. The others were all very stylishly dressed: hats and feathers abounded.