From Morocco to Paris (25 page)

Chapter 20

In the morning Zane crawled out of his empty bed, pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, and went directly to Davey’s room.

Davey and Troy were both up; Davey wore just a pair of sweats and Troy boxers and a t-shirt. Most of the morning the two spent sketching and discussing various designers. Zane sprawled on the sofa while they occupied the bed, sketch pads and notebooks spread everywhere. Zane listened to them and watched television, occasionally giving feedback when requested. They ordered room service for both breakfast and lunch.

Around two, Ian showed up. “There you are!” He peeked in the room at Zane after Davey answered the door. “Thought I might find you here.”

“Come on in,” Davey said. He still wore just his sweats. “We’re just working on some designs.”

Ian entered and Zane drew his feet up so he could sit on the sofa.

Troy lost interest in the designs and started talking about all the things he wanted to see during his visit.

“It sucks I have to work so much,” Davey said. He was sprawled crossways on the bed, writing in a notebook. “There’s so much stuff to see in Paris.”

“I can take him sightseeing,” Ian said. “You guys have to go to the set shortly, don’t you? So, why don’t I take him around? We’ll meet you guys somewhere for dinner.”

Troy shrugged and looked at Davey. “Fine by me. If you don’t mind.”

“Go ahead.” Davey kept writing. “If Ian doesn’t mind.”

“It’ll be my pleasure.”

Troy wanted to clean up first. While he showered, Davey showed Zane and Ian some of their designs. The styles were very modish and somewhat edgy, like a line for futuristic hipsters, but Zane could imagine Davey in most of the outfits.

“These are amazing,” Ian said, looking through the sheets of paper. “I know some people you could talk to. They might be interested in helping you with funding.”

“Really?” Davey perked. “That would be awesome.”

While they waited, Zane hung out the window and smoked a cigarette. Davey joined him, squeezing in, bare torso hanging out the window and shivering in the chilly wind. He plucked Zane’s cigarette from his fingers and took a drag.

“I thought you only smoked after sex!” Ian called from inside the room.

Davey smirked and looked over his shoulder. “Who says I haven’t had it?”

“With your friend here?”

“He held the camera.”

“I don’t buy that. Zane isn’t nearly that adventurous.”

Zane scowled and snatched his cigarette back.

After Troy got out of the shower and dressed, he and Ian left. Davey sat down on the bed.

“Alone at last,” he sighed.

“Yeah, and we gotta get ready to go too.” Zane tried to walk past but Davey caught him by the belt loops.

“Come on, it’s the first time we’ve been alone since yesterday morning.”

“Davey…”

“Are you going to try to tell me you’ve been hanging out here all day not hoping for a few minutes alone to fuck?”

Davey had him there. Zane crawled on the bed, over top of Davey, and kissed him to still his triumphant gloating. Davey gripped Zane’s hair and made the kiss harder and deeper. Zane mocked Ian in his head.
Losing him for a week
indeed
.

Davey pushed Zane over and climbed on top. He sat up, gazing down at Zane and biting his lower lip, a few strands of hair having escaped his ponytail and hanging around his face.

“So, you wanna?” Davey asked.

Zane glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table. “Actually, yes. But do we have time?”

“Quickie.” Davey grinned widely. “Get your pants off.”

Zane couldn’t get his legs untangled from his jeans, and Davey didn’t seem to care. He took his own pants off and got back on top of him while they were still around Zane’s ankles. Their cocks brushed together, both fully hard.

“Oh,” Davey said with a breathy sigh. He worked his hips, rubbing firmly. “That’s nice.”

“Yeah.” Zane arched his hips, watching. “We need some lube.”

“Ah fuck.” Davey looked around the room. “I buried it under the stuff in my bag. Didn’t want Troy finding it and razzing me.”

“Spit.” Zane licked his hand. “Nature’s own brand.” He spat in his palm and smeared the saliva down the length of his own cock.

“Uncouth bastard.”

Davey had no reservations about taking him thus lubed however, though he winced and grunted as he sunk down slowly, Zane gripping the base of his cock to keep it steady. Davey leaned forward and trapped Zane’s arm between their bodies.

“Ow,” Davey said. “Spit doesn’t make things as comfy.”

“You can get the lube,” Zane murmured. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“It’s all right, I’ll get used to it.”

Once he took Zane fully inside, deep into the wonderful, tight heat of his body, things went much smoother. Davey rocked his hips. “Yes,” he whispered, flexing his fingers on Zane’s shoulders, eyelashes fluttering.

Zane glanced at the clock again. “Gotta make this fast,” he said breathily.

“Won’t be a problem.”

Davey rode him with smooth movements, a sultry smile on his lips. Zane pushed up a little but let Davey do most of the work so he didn’t hurt him. He liked Davey being on top. He could focus on him, watch him.

“Take your hair down,” Zane whispered.

Davey smiled and paused to tug the tie out of his hair; he shook it out over his shoulders and resumed working his hips.

“Getting close?” Davey murmured. He watched Zane with heavy-lidded, darkened eyes.

“Yes,” Zane breathed out. “God, keep moving like that.” Davey had found just the rhythm: slow, easy, taking him fully on each stroke. “Almost there -- “

When Zane heard the click he thought the bed made the sound, rocking underneath them. Less than a breath later, he realized he’d heard the doorknob turning.

“Holy shit!” Troy said. The look on his face perfectly mirrored the sensation in Zane’s chest.

Davey stopped and whipped his head around. Zane, panicked, tried to push him off.

“Fuck!” Zane said.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Troy backed up, covering his eyes. “I forgot my gloves! I’ll just buy some!” He rushed out the door.

“Troy!” Davey pulled himself off Zane’s cock, which wasn’t hard, since Zane had immediately started going limp. Davey scrambled off the bed but the door slammed shut.

“Fuck!” Zane sat up and yanked at his pants. “Fuck fuck fuck!”

“Don’t fucking panic, all right? It’s not the first time he’s caught me fucking a guy.” He grabbed his sweats from the bottom of the bed. “Actually, I was giving a blowjob, but it’s the same idea.”

“I feel so much better!”

Zane pushed himself off the bed and yanked up his jeans. “Mortified” didn’t begin to cover his state of mind. He fumbled with the zipper and button on his pants, looking around the room, helpless, not sure what to do next, just feeling he had to leave.

“Where are you going?” Davey asked as Zane pushed past him, pulling on his shirt. “Zane, don’t you walk out of this room!”

Zane paused at the door. “Why the fuck not?”

“Because you might not come back this time.” He sounded desperate. “We’ll smooth this over, all right? Just don’t go out of your mind and act like a fucking idiot. Don’t ruin everything.”

Zane opened the door. He needed to find somewhere to curl up in a ball and let the shock pass. He wasn’t ready to be outed, not like this. He could almost feel his father’s cold hand clamping around his throat, the hiss of his voice in his ear.
Faggot. Dirty little faggot, caught fucking his boyfriend
.

“I just…I need a few minutes,” Zane said. “I’ll come back. I promise.”

“Zane! I’ll go talk to him right now! Just fucking stay here!”

“I’m sorry. I’ll come back.”

Zane left the room, head spinning, hands trembling. He still saw the look on Troy’s face. His secret little world had just come crashing down. So much for their nice, comfortable box; it had just been set on fire and kicked down a hill.

***

The chilly autumn air seeped through Zane’s clothes, still such a strange sensation after so many weeks of relentless heat. Sitting alone in the little courtyard behind the hotel, he smoked three cigarettes in twenty minutes, and his lungs burned. He thought about going to get his jacket, or at least going and sitting inside, but instead he stayed plastered to his chair, unable to do anything but stare at the bricks beneath his shoes.

Then, the inevitable footsteps came behind him. He tensed, but it wasn’t the monster he feared.

“There you are!” Ian stopped next to Zane’s chair, wrapped in his long black coat. “What the fuck is going on?”

Zane didn’t answer. His teeth chattered behind his pursed lips, cigarette trembling between his fingers.

“Zane!”

“What?” Zane gritted out.

Ian sighed and took his coat off. “What the fuck happened? Why is everyone freaking out?” He swept the coat around Zane’s shoulders, the fabric warm from his body.

“I don’t know,” Zane said.

“You don’t
know
? You’re just sitting out here freezing your ass off for no reason?”

Zane brought the cigarette to his lips and took a deep drag. He’d actually gotten high off the amount of nicotine he’d consumed in such a short time. The world looked bright and fuzzy.

“You see, it’s really weird,” Ian said and folded his arms. “Troy and I came downstairs, and then Troy remembered he forgot his gloves, so he ran back up to get them. I waited in the lobby, and he comes back about five minutes later looking all shaken up. I’ve never seen a man look so startled.”

Zane took another drag off the cigarette, even though the smoke burned like hell.

“I asked him what was wrong, and he said he just needed to get some air, then he took off without me. Imagine
my
confusion! I went back upstairs to ask you guys what the hell was going on. I knocked on Davey’s door but I didn’t get an answer, so I thought maybe you guys had already left for the set.”

“Ian,” Zane said gruffly.

“No, let me finish.” He held up a hand. “This is the best part. I came back downstairs and there was Davey, in the lobby. Shirtless. Barefoot. Looking like a man on a mission. A very
angry
mission. He was absolutely livid, and he told me he needed to find you. I said I thought you were
with
him. He just took off outside. I went looking for you too, and here I find you. But I’m still confused. So, why don’t you shed some light on the situation?”

Zane looked down at his half-burnt cigarette and then ground the remains out in the ashtray on the little table in front of him.

“Was there a fight?” Ian asked. “Did you and Davey get in a fight? Did you get in a fight with Troy?”

“Troy caught us having sex,” Zane said.

Admission didn’t lessen the sheer wincing embarrassment. Zane hoped the whole incident might seem funny in retrospect. It didn’t.

Ian stood silent for a moment, staring at Zane. “Oh,” he finally said. “And you freaked out, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. You could say that.”

“How very like you. You’re always so catastrophic, even over little things.”

“It’s not a little thing! It’s bad enough
you
know!”

“And what do you think will happen now? Maybe all your friends will abandon you. Maybe the President will kick you out of the country. Maybe God Himself will reach down and tap you on the forehead and damn you to Hell. I’m sure the world will end by this time tomorrow.”

Zane tried to get up, but Ian gripped his shoulder and pushed him back down.

“Zane.” Ian leaned over him, looking him in the eye. “It’s not the end of the world.”

“I would rather my personal life stay personal! Everyone doesn’t need to know!”

“Troy is hardly ‘everyone.’ He’s one man, who happens to be your lover’s best friend. You might as well have been caught by a blind man for all the more he’ll spread it around.” Ian sighed, and then spoke more softly. “Do you remember how Dad reacted when he found out about me?”

Zane looked down. “I wasn’t there, but I heard.”

“Yeah.” Ian stood upright and took his hand off Zane’s shoulder. “He sputtered, and yelled, and even knocked me around a little, but I could handle that. He kicked our asses constantly from the time we could walk, for much smaller things. But he said something that really hurt, and I thought it was the worst thing in the world at the time.”

Zane didn’t want to hear, but he couldn’t get away.

“He said -- “ Ian hesitated, and then went on, his voice level, “he said he tried to make Momma get an abortion when she was pregnant with me and that he should have tried harder. Then he said he should have killed my faggot ass in her womb himself.”

Zane winced.

“I didn’t know about that. But it sounds like him.”

“Yeah. That’s when I left for California. I was glad you weren’t far behind.” He walked around behind Zane and put his hands on his shoulders. “I didn’t die from his words, though. I even got over them, eventually. Nothing can hurt you so bad it cripples you, if you don’t let it. And loving someone certainly won’t hurt you, even if it changes everything you know about yourself.”

Zane blinked. His eyes were wet. He got up, slowly, and turned toward Ian. Ian gazed at him, shivering. Zane pulled his coat off and draped it back around his shoulders.

“He shouldn’t have said that to you,” Zane said softly. “I always wanted to beat that man into the dirt, I didn’t care if he was my father.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Ian tugged the coat around his body. “He’s dead, and I’m still here. I showed him. I showed them all. Every single day, I show them. When you say you can’t be like me, maybe you should think about what it means to be
like me
.”

Zane opened his mouth to speak, but just then the door to the courtyard flew open.

Davey was indeed shirtless and barefoot. The wind kicked up his hair as he stepped outside, eyes blazing, so he looked like Medusa, and without a doubt Zane turned to stone. Davey started shouting as he marched toward them.

“There you are! You stupid, fucked up, insecure bastard!”

Ian stepped aside and let him come through. Davey stopped in front of Zane, fuming, teeth clenched. His eyes were bright.