From Now On (16 page)

             
“Do what?” she asked, sitting up slightly at the anger she could hear in his voice.

             
“Don’t brush off your hurts. I know this is unfair, you don’t have to pretend it isn’t.”

             
“I’m not. I’m just trying to be understanding.”

             
He was quiet for a long minute before he said, “Let’s talk about something else.”

             
“Tell me about your day,” Jo said.

             
He groaned. “You don’t want to hear about that.”

             
“Why not?”

             
Jo could hear him adjusting his position in a chair that squeaked with his movements. Leather, maybe? Then he said, “Danielle was there when I went to pick my kids up at their grandparents.”

             
“Danielle?”

             
“My ex.”

             
Of course, Jo thought, trying to imagine that scene. “Did she cause trouble?”

             
“No, she was perfectly agreeable. But before I got there, she had filled the kids with anticipation of going to the zoo. As a family. It’s not her weekend, but I would have been the bad guy if I had refused. So we went.”

             
“That must have been awkward.”

             
“That’s an understatement.” Jo could hear the squeak of his chair again. She imagined him leaning forward, rubbing his temples with one hand, the phone in his other. “She suggested that rather than drag the family through a court hearing that I should agree to some visitation schedule her lawyer has worked out. It would give us both equal time with the kids, four days on and three days off.”

             
Jo wasn’t sure what he wanted her to say to that. Afraid of saying the wrong thing, she simply didn’t say anything.

             
“I wish there was an easy solution to this,” he said on a sigh. “I wish we could share joint custody. But I trust Danielle as far as I can throw her.”

             
“Can I ask why she didn’t get custody in the first place?”

             
“She didn’t want it,” Mark said. “She always said that I was the one in love with the idea of a family, but I think it was really her. During our separation, she found custody of the kids to be too confining, too restrictive to her newfound freedom.”

             
“Then why is she suing for custody now?”

             
Mark sighed. “I wish I knew.”

             
“Do you think this is some ill-guided attempt to get back with you?”

             
He was quiet for a minute. The silence allowed doubts to take root and begin to grow in Jo’s heart. So much had happened, and yet, she still worried that maybe she wasn’t what he wanted, that their relationship was more about rebounding from heartache than something real, something with potential. Jo began to chew on her fingernail, quickly tearing it down to the nub.

             
“I don’t know.” Mark finally said. “The divorce was hard, hard on all of us, especially the kids. But even if that’s what she’s up to, I know I can’t go back to the way things were.”

             
It wasn’t quite what Jo had been hoping to hear.

But then, he wasn’t finished.

             
“I don’t love her, Jo,” he said in a voice suddenly turned husky. “I’m not even sure I ever really did. I loved the person I thought she was. But all the lies, all the deceit, it woke me up to who she really is. I don’t want that. I never did.”

             
“So now?”

             
“Now I’m looking forward to the future. And I hope you are a big part of that.”

Jo lay in bed early Sunday morning, still thinking about her conversation with Mark the night before. He had whispered words she had never thought she would hear, promising her a future and a life that up until now had only been a dream. It made her smile again and again each time she thought of his words. As careful as she had been all this time to keep herself from looking too far into the future, she suddenly discovered that he had thrown that door wide open and she couldn’t keep herself from walking through.

             
A month ago she had been resigned to a life of loneliness and now, suddenly, she had a man who wanted to be with her. He had already met her sister and hadn’t looked twice at her. He knew most of Jo’s quirks and insecurities and yet he hadn’t run for the mountains. He wanted a life and he wanted Jo to be a part of it. It was overwhelming in its potential.

             
However, there were still doubts that wiggled in Jo’s mind. She tried to ignore them, but when it was quiet like now they seemed to be the only thing she could think about. His ex-wife would always be a part of his life, like a sword hanging over their necks. What would that be like, living in the shadow of the past? And his kids. What if he never felt comfortable introducing her to them? What if he did introduce them and the kids didn’t like her? Would they see Jo as a threat?

Jo got up and moved slowly through her morning, making a beautiful eggs Benedict she wished she could share with Mark, and taking a long, luxurious soak in a bubble bath. Her thoughts continued to move round and round, but the more she thought of Mark’s promise of a future, the quieter her doubts became. By the time she was dressed and ready to face the day, she was filled with optimism for the future.

Jo drove across town, bought a coffee and walked to the big bookstore on Parkway she had always loved, but never seemed to have the time to just browse through. Although she owned an eReader like most everyone else, there was never anything that could replace the feel and smell of a new book in hand. Jo browsed the non-fiction shelves, trying not to become overwhelmed by the number of books on parenting. Just out of curiosity, she picked up a book on step parenting, but then decided she was jumping too far ahead and put it back. Instead, Jo bought a couple of novels by her favorite authors and a fashion magazine she thought Emily had once recommended.

Bag in hand, Jo left the store and decided to have lunch in an outdoor, Parisian-style diner down the street. It was the first time in a long time she had felt the desire to treat herself and it made her almost giddy when she ordered a creamy, decadent cake she would normally pass up in fear of the load of calories it delivered.

             
Jo’s cell rang just as the dessert arrived. Jo glanced at the caller ID. Normally, she would grow tense at the sight of her mother’s name, but instead she decided it was time to finish the list she had started, to follow her own advice. It was time to deal with her mother.

             
“Hello, Mother,” Jo breathed into the phone.

             
“Jo, where are you? I called the apartment a half dozen times and no one answered.”

             
“I’m out shopping. What can I do for you?”

             
“Oh,” her mother said with a touch of surprise in her voice. “Well, I…the rent’s due next week.”

             
“It usually is, mother,” Jo said.

             
“Yes, well, I’m running a little short this month.”

             
“Why’s that?”

             
“Well,” her mother hesitated. “Well, you know with the wedding and everything.”

             
“I already made all the deposits for your part of the wedding.”

             
“Does it really matter, Jo? I’m short and I need some more money.”

             
Jo dipped her finger in the custard smeared across the top of her cake. “Didn’t I give you money a couple of days ago?”

             
“You did. But it’s gone now.”

             
“Do you realize that I give you a little more than half my paycheck every month, Mother?”

             
“Really, Jo—”

             
“No, Mother, this time you listen to me. I know Daddy’s death left you in a bad place and that you needed help. I was more than willing to pitch in and do all I could. But that was ten years ago.”

             
“I’m your mother. You owe me.”

             
Again Jo swirled her finger in the custard and moaned with pleasure as she sucked it off her finger. She opened her eyes and caught a man at a couple of tables over watching her with great interest. Jo automatically looked behind her, sure he was looking at someone else, but there was no one else this late in the afternoon.

             
“If I owe you anything, Mother, it’s love and respect. And with all the love and respect I have I am telling you this: I will no longer allow you to take advantage of me.”

             
“Jo—”

             
“No, now it’s my turn.” Jo shifted in her seat, trying not to encourage the attentions of her new admirer. “I will pay your rent, directly to your landlord. But beginning next month I intend to only give you what you need to pay your rent, your utilities, and to buy groceries. For the rest, I think it’s time for you to get a job.”

             
“Do you realize how old I am? There aren’t a lot of jobs out there for sixty-year-old women.”

             
“You’re only fifty-two, Mother.” Jo glanced over her shoulder and was greeted with a wink from the guy across the way. She smiled, just to be friendly, and turned again. “And if I hear that you went to Ryan and Emily for any money, I will stop giving you that much. Do you understand?”

             
Silence filled Jo’s ear. She just waited, picking at the edges of her cake, determined not to give her mother the satisfaction of saying another word. Finally a croaking sound crossed the waves between them. “I can’t believe you’re doing this, Jo.”

             
“I know it seems harsh, Mother, but it’s time you learn to be self-sufficient.”

             
Jo hung up the phone and turned her attention to her cake. A moment later, her admirer came over and took a seat across from her. “You make eating cake the most sensual thing I have ever seen.”
             

             
Jo looked up at him. “Thank you, I think.”

             
“I have to go now,” he said, gesturing over his shoulder to another man Jo hadn’t noticed before. “But I was wondering if I could have your number.”

             
“Sorry,” Jo said. “But I have a boyfriend.”

             
Genuine disappointment crossed the man’s face before he nodded. “I should have known,” he said softly, reaching across to touch her arm lightly. “I hope he knows what a lucky man he is.”

             
Jo couldn’t wait to get to work the following morning. Mark had the kids all week, so it would be some time before she could show him what she had bought at the mall after leaving the café the day before, but she knew he would like it. It was tiny, silky, and easily removable.

             
Jo smiled at the thought. It seemed like lately she couldn’t stop smiling. Her every thought was about Mark. She loved him, she knew it like she knew her own name. It made her heart sing.

             
As Jo got off the elevator, everyone turned and looked her way. Silence fell on the floor, from the secretaries to the clerks to Becca, standing just to the left of the water cooler. If looks could kill, as they say, Jo thought for sure Becca would have struck her down where she stood. Instead, Jo held her head up high and strode to her office as though she hadn’t noticed a thing.

             
“Is it true?” Sandy demanded the moment Jo walked into her office.
             

             
“Are you moving in?” Jo asked, making her way around her desk and dropping her leather satchel on the floor.

             
“Jo, I’ve been waiting an hour for you to get here. You wouldn’t believe the rumors that are going around.”

             
“There are always rumors. This place is a virtual gossip mill,” Jo said, repeating what Kathleen had said to her just two days before.

             
“But Jo—”

             
“We have work to do, don’t we?”

             
Sandy closed the office door and took a seat across from Jo’s desk, clearly determined not to leave. Jo ignored her for a minute as she settled in her chair and booted up her computer. Finally she looked up. “Okay, tell me.”

             
Sandy leaned forward. “They say that Kathleen wants to start an in-house daycare and that you helped her create the proposal.”