From Sanctum With Love (Masters and Mercenaries Book 10) (30 page)

Case’s jaw tightened. “No two relationships are ever the same, but you’re brothers. No matter what he did, no matter what you did, you’re never going to get another one. Do you have any idea what I would do to get another chance? To go back and do it again? To get another shot at watching my brother’s back? Anything, man. I know it’s not the same, but it is. Think about it, Kai. That’s all we’re asking. And thank you for everything you’re doing.”

“I’m doing it so maybe you do get that shot.”

“I don’t know if he’s out there or not. I think Ian might be optimistic.”

“He has his reasons and he won’t be satisfied until he’s made every attempt to find Theo.”

Case slumped down. “I had to tell our mother he died. I had to tell her I didn’t protect my brother.”

Kai’s chest tightened. He didn’t know what he believed about the afterlife, but he wondered sometimes. Was his mother angry with him? She hadn’t asked him to look after his brother, but only if Jared didn’t piss him off. She hadn’t put a clause in her dying wish that released him from the obligation in the case of fiancée stealing.

Had he taken the first chance he had to distance himself? To be free?

Had he really been that selfish?

“You were not responsible for what happened to Theo any more than Erin was. It was an operation that went very wrong.”

Case’s eyes were so weary when he looked up. “I can say that as many times as I like, but my gut will never believe it. I can smile and say the right things and I can pretend like I’m moving forward with my life, but there’s a part of me that died when he did. I felt it. I fucking felt him die.”

Sometimes twins had amazing connections. “Do you feel like he’s alive?”

Case shook his head. “All my life I’ve had this connection to my brother. Not some psychic shit. It’s like a low hum. White noise, maybe. It’s something that’s always there. Now it’s gone and I don’t know what to do about it. There’s this place that’s totally empty. And I can tell myself that I’ll find a way to fill it. I can put my heart and soul into helping Erin raise Theo’s kid. But at the end of the day, I think that place will always be there, a hole inside me. If Ian’s right and Theo’s alive, something’s gone horribly wrong with him because I can’t feel him anymore.” Case took a deep breath and shook his head as though trying to shake off his emotion. “Let me show you how this works.”

He reached down and picked up the small laptop bag he’d shown up with.

“Case, if you need to talk, I’ll move my morning sessions to this afternoon.”

Case shook his head. “I talk too fucking much these days and I’ve got lunch with Mia. Hell, maybe I’ll manage to get her phone this afternoon and you won’t have to.”

Kai doubted it. He leaned in and listened as Case began to explain what needed to be done. He took it all in, but he couldn’t let go of the thought that he’d failed his brother somehow.

* * * *

Kori looked up as the big, hunky dude in the suit stalked out. He’d shown up with Case, so she was betting he was an applicant at McKay-Taggart. Looked like the psych evaluation had gone poorly.

“Are you still there?” Sarah asked over the phone.

“Yep,” Kori replied, looking at the “bouquet” that had been delivered not moments before. “Still here and still looking at my present.”

It was a beautiful array of torture implements surrounded lovingly with well-placed daisies and chrysanthemums.

“He sent you an entire bouquet of sadisticks? Are you kidding me? He’s the most romantic sadist ever,” Sarah said with a happy squeal. “Send me a pic. It will liven up my super-boring day. Believe it or not the ER is actually quiet for once. We’ve got a couple of boring broken bones and a chick who thinks she’s having a heart attack but it’s actually gas. Give me a good trauma any day of the week. Which brings me to why I’m calling.”

Kori stared at the present. The little instruments of torture called to her in a way no bouquet of lilies ever would. She brushed her fingertips across the round pink tips. The carbon rods were flexible and the tips when they hit flesh stung like hell. They would leave a matchstick-shaped mark that she would wear for however long it lasted. She would touch them and let her fingertips play and remember how much fun she’d had. How much her Master knew her.

Kai. How well Kai knew her.

He hadn’t asked about a contract. At first she’d been happy to not deal with it. Now, as the days went by, she wondered why. He was a man who would want a contract. The few times he’d taken on even a training sub, he’d signed a contract and slapped a collar on her.

She got sadisticks.

“Are you even listening to me? Or are you already playing with your toys?” Sarah groused.

“I wouldn’t dare.” Kai had given her one rule. She wasn’t allowed to play unless he was there or he’d vetted her partners. He’d been very clear that by partners he meant he didn’t mind her playing with her friends. Sometimes the girls and Vince got together and played around with a violet wand or spanked each other. It was all in fun and there was nothing at all intimate about it.

She knew damn well she wasn’t allowed to scene with anyone except Kai.

So why did the fact that he hadn’t asked for a contract bother her? It was perverse. She knew she didn’t want one. The threat of having that conversation with him hung over her. She was waiting for the fight, going over it again and again in her head.

“Yes, I’m listening. What’s going on?”

There was a pause on the line before Sarah began. “You’re going out with Jared tonight, right?”

Kori winced. She didn’t particularly want to go, but Kai had asked her to and it was good he was spending time with his brother. Why he had to do it at some dance club, Kori had zero idea. At least Mia was going. If she had to spend all her hang time with Lena, someone was going to get murdered and hard. “Yeah. We’re going to Top for dinner and then out to some club in Deep Ellum. I was told I have to wear heels. I don’t know why.”

“Because the paparazzi is going to be there,” Sarah explained. “Do you think there’s any way you could see if I can go, too?”

Kori had to smile. “Because you like Jared.”

It wasn’t a question. Sarah hadn’t been able to stop talking about him. He’d run his first scene the night before he’d left for Vancouver and he’d chosen Sarah as his sub. He’d spanked her in a way that proved that man was a born Dom. He was a natural. She’d seen them later, Sarah wrapped in his arms in the bar.

“I do. I know it’s insane. I know there’s zero chance of this working long term, but I want to see him again and I don’t have his number.”

“Sure.” Speaking of the devil, Jared walked by the front doors, his bag slung over his shoulder. He was wearing his normal uniform of a V-neck T-shirt, jeans, boots, and a pair of aviators, but she could see how tired he was from the slump to his shoulders. “Actually, I’ll go and talk to him now. I’ll call you back.”

“Thank you! I’ve got the perfect outfit. I’m totally seducing him.” The line went dead.

Kori ran to catch Jared before he walked up the stairs to the residence portion of the building. He’d been sleeping on Kai’s bed since Kai had started spending every night at her place. The door swung closed behind her as she caught up to him.

“Jared!”

He stopped and turned, and that brilliant smile of his was on his face. If she hadn’t seen him when he’d thought no one was looking, she wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong. He was damn good at hiding his emotions. “Hey, Kori. How’s it going?”

She stopped. This was the time to decide if she was ready to drop into the deep end of the pool. She could pretend she hadn’t seen that look on his face, ask her question and move on. Or she could be his brother’s girlfriend and try to figure out what was going on. “What’s wrong?”

Jared frowned as though no one ever asked him that question before. “What do you mean?”

If she let him, Jared would talk his way right back into everything being fine. She got the feeling Jared would do a lot to keep the peace around him. “No bullshit, Jared. I’m not a fan or a reporter or a flunky. You look tired and worried. What’s wrong?”

His lips formed a flat line. “It’s nothing.”

“Nope. It’s not nothing. It can be something you don’t want to talk about, but it’s not nothing.”

He let his bag drop and sat down on the second step. “You care?”

She moved toward him, dropping down beside him. “Of course I do. You’re Kai’s brother.”

“Yeah, well, he doesn’t care.” For the first time since she’d met him, a hard look came into his eyes. “That’s something you have to understand about Kai.”

He didn’t know Kai now. A lot had happened to both brothers over the time they’d been apart, but she softened her response. Jared didn’t need a lecture. He did need the truth though. “I can care enough for both of us. You have to give Kai some time. You were an asshole.”

“It’s been twelve years.”

“He’s smart in many ways and slow in this one. Trust me. Kai always does the right thing. He’ll come around. Is this about Kai?”

Jared shook his head. “No. It’s about everything. I hate conflict. We all got into a massive fight on the plane and I don’t like it when things get nasty.”

“What was the fight about?”

“Whether or not I sign a new contract with
Dart
.”

That was one problem she did understand. “Ah, your contract is up but the show is going strong. Your career is going strong, too, and they think you’ll have a million and one offers after this movie hits big.”

“You have forgotten nothing of your time in Hollywood.” He turned to her, giving her a smile that likely could melt the heart of any woman he chose. “I’ve got a little time, but I have to make the decision. I have to give them time to wrap up the show or find a way to transition it away from me.”

“It sounds like you’ve made your decision.”

He shook his head and leaned back, his elbows on the stair behind him. “Not at all. I like the steady work of television. I like playing the same guy. I get to really get into the role. The producers have been cool about letting me work in our off time. Hell, when they found out I was up for this role, they offered to work around me.”

She understood the problem he was facing. “But you have a shelf life.”

“Most actors do. I’m never going to be a character actor. I’m not that good. I’ve got ten years maybe before I have to transition.”

“TV is kinder,” she pointed out.

“It is. But if I have a shot at doing something more, shouldn’t I take it?” Jared asked.

“It depends. What do you want? Stop listening to all the other voices. I get that you have about a hundred voices playing through your head at any given moment. You’ve got the people who work for you. You’ve got the producers. You’ve got an entire small industry that has built itself around you and you feel the weight of it. You’ve got the inner voices. The ones that tell you you’re not good enough and all this is going to go away tomorrow. The ones that tell you if you make one wrong move, you’ll be done.”

“Heard those, have you?”

She’d been an artist once. She still heard some of them. And some of them, the ones that had felt dead and gone, those had started whispering to her. They’d started telling stories again. “Yes. So now I’m going to tell you what you have to do. You have to shut them all out and hear the only voice that matters now. Yours. What do you want? Not what’s going to placate the most people. What does Jared John Ferguson want?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Is that what you did? Is that why you walked away?”

“Hey, we’re supposed to be talking about you here.”

His voice lowered and she realized he was taking the whole Dom training seriously because he suddenly sounded like one. “And you are suddenly the only link I have to my family. Family opens up. Family talks. You want me to follow your advice, then tell me why you left. You were smart and your scripts were good. And everyone knew you were the one writing those scripts.”

This was something she’d been avoiding thinking about for years. “I wasn’t strong enough then. I didn’t believe enough in myself, and maybe when I think about it deep down inside, maybe I didn’t want it enough to fight. I thought that was my dream. I was wrong. I’m happier here.”

Though lately she’d begun to wonder if she wasn’t missing one tiny thing.

“It’s a rough lifestyle. No one gets that. They see famous people and think about how good they have it.” Jared sat back up. “It’s hard. It’s going to get harder from here.”

“How much money do you need, Jared? How much fame? I walked out because I realized how much of myself I’d given up. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. It’s taken years, but I’m me again. I’m not the me I’ll be ten years from now, but I’m the me I chose.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I want to stay. I like the show. I want to see where it goes. I’m smart with my money now. And honestly, if it goes away tomorrow, I’ll still be okay. When I look deep down, I want to stay on the show as long as it lasts. I’m happy there.”

“Then that’s your answer.”

A grin lit his face. “Do you have any idea how many people I’m going to piss off?”

“That brings us to step number two in becoming a real live boy, Jared. You can’t allow that to sway you. This is your decision. It’s your life. You can’t live it for other people.”

He nodded. “You’re really happier here?”

“Oh, yes. I can breathe here and it’s not about a place. The location means nothing. I found the right people. I found people I care about who accept me for who I am. It made me accept me. That’s the hardest part. It’s too easy to find fault in ourselves. I’m still scared. I’m scared of what’s happening between me and Kai to tell you the truth.” He was oddly easy to talk to. Once a woman got past how beautiful Jared was, he was a great guy, willing to listen, willing to talk about something other than himself. “I think if I get in too deep with him, I’ll lose myself all over again.”

“Or you’ll find something even better.”

“There’s that fine line I’m trying to walk. I do get that. I’m trying to be reasonable. Hell, it might not even be as serious as I think it is.”