From the Ashes (16 page)

It was uncomfortable, but probably not as bad as it would have been if he’d pulled out erect.

“Okay.” Jesse rolled onto his side.

Tomas didn’t look miserable. Or disgusted. No—Tomas’s eyes were wary, but his body was relaxed. “Okay?” Tomas hitched his elbow under his head. He rested his chin on his hand, naked except for his thin strip of gold.

“Yeah.” Jesse got off the bed and walked into the bathroom, feigning casualness. “I’m going to wash up. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Tomas sounded a little stunned, but mostly normal.

Jesse knew disdain. He’d heard it every day of his life the last year he lived at home. So it was clear that wasn’t what Tomas was feeling. For some reason, Jesse wanted to give Tomas a chance. Maybe things weren’t so grim after all.

“Do you mind if I use the sink?” Tomas asked.

Jesse stepped into the shower stall and closed the sliding door before Tomas came inside. “Sure. No problem.”

Jesse started the water, hoping the slapping noise would fill the space between them so they wouldn’t have to talk.

“Thanks,” Tomas said through the shower door.

“S’okay.” Jesse soaped up and rinsed. He let the water wash over his skin and clean away all evidence of what they’d done. He still felt Tomas deep inside him. Jesse wondered how long that would last.

By the time Jesse came into the living room, Tomas was sitting on the couch, pretending to watch an action movie. He’d laid their plates on the table. Their dinner consisted of a hamburger with mustard, potato chips and baby carrots. Considering what Jesse had just let him do, Tomas should have made something better. But that was all he’d had in the refrigerator.

“Thanks for the food.” Jesse walked around the opposite end of the couch. He sat down, wincing.

“I’m…” The words
I’m sorry
hung on Tomas’s lips, but he wasn’t sure what he was sorry for. He hated that he’d hurt Jesse, and hated even more how the idea of Jesse not being able to sit down turned him on.

“Let’s not talk about it.” Jesse picked up his plate and started eating. Focused on the screen, he kept a foot of space between their legs.

Tomas ate a couple of potato chips. The salt scalded his tongue, and he got up to grab a soda out of the refrigerator. Though he wanted to say something as he walked away, he didn’t know what.

He only had beer and milk, and Tomas frowned, thinking they needed to get to the store over the weekend. “You want a beer?” he asked Jesse.

Things were normal, but completely different. Tomas wished they could go back to how things were—when Jesse and he hung out like friends. But he wouldn’t have given up what they’d just done together for anything. It had been…he didn’t know. Wonderful and scary? Tomas only knew he wouldn’t take it back.

“Sure.” Jesse squinted at the screen. “What movie is this?”

Tomas came into the living room and handed Jesse a beer over the back of the couch. “
Rambo: First Blood
.”

Jesse nodded. He snuck a look at Tomas out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t seem angry, more nervous.

Fuck.
What kind of man was Tomas to screw a guy and then not even say
thank you
or
that was awesome
? Apparently an asshole, because he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“Stallone’s pumped, but I can’t really see why anyone ever thought he was hot.” Jesse ate his burger and drank his beer. He put his feet up on the coffee table. His attitude seemed a little too relaxed. Like he was trying to breeze right past the fact they’d had sex.

Tomas didn’t mind. He was grateful. “My brother’s got all his movies.”

He looked to the entertainment center—the entire shelf devoted to Rambo and Rocky. Maybe Diego had been trying to toughen Tomas up by leaving the videos in the garage house. Diego hadn’t lived there since he and his wife moved out.

“I like the fighting, but I never thought he was good-looking.” Tomas drank a sip of his beer. He took his first bite of hamburger. It tasted better than he expected. The onion and garlic salt really did work wonders.

Jesse had insisted they buy shakers of the stuff at Target.

Whatever the fuck else happened between them, Tomas didn’t want to lose Jesse as a friend. Hell, as a roommate or life partner. Or whatever the heck you were supposed to call a guy who was to him what Jesse was.

“I dunno. Michael mentioned him once.” Jesse chuckled.

“Why’s that funny?”

“Oh, because Michael’s always on a high horse about political stuff.” Jesse kept his eyes on the screen. He was blushing, so Tomas made sure not to watch him too hard. “But he’s totally turned on by pumped-up guys who can barely string two words together.” Jesse screwed up his face. “
Adrian! Adrian!
” His Stallone impersonation sucked.

“Funny.” Tomas finished his burger and started in on the chips. He wanted to ask Jesse what his type was. After all, Tomas didn’t have a college degree and wasn’t planning to get one. He was pretty built. Not Stallone built, but still. A lot bigger than any of the guys he’d seen Jesse hang out with.

“Yeah. He’s such a hypocrite.”

They watched Stallone spraying machine gun fire for a few minutes. Tomas gathered courage from the man on the screen. If Rambo could survive a POW camp and hide out in the jungle while kicking ass, Tomas could figure out what to say to Jesse. “I don’t want you to move out.”

Jesse darted a glance in his direction, but then went back to watching the movie. “I know.” There was a little smile on his face, just on one side.

Tomas wanted to touch him again. Jesse wouldn’t stop him, but Tomas couldn’t quite do it, at least not yet. He needed time to sort out things in his head first. “So you’ll stay?”

He hated having to ask. He wanted to
tell
Jesse to stay, to grab and kiss him and convince him with his body.

“Yeah, I guess.” Jesse kept his attention on the screen. “For now.”

“Okay.” Tomas smiled. Funny, but he liked how Jesse kept him at arm’s length. Sometimes Tomas hated Jesse’s walls, but at times like this he loved that Jesse was so self-contained.

“Do you want the bed or the couch tonight? I’m pretty beat.” Jesse put his dish and bottle in the kitchen before coming back to the couch. He turned sideways and put his feet up on the cushions. Not close enough he was touching Tomas, but closer than he’d been before.

Tomas loved him so much.

“You take the bed.” Tomas stroked the top of Jesse’s foot. The connection of skin made him shiver. “I got it last night.” He wanted to kiss Jesse’s cheek. So he did. Then he got up and did the dishes.

Jesse gave him a small but cheeky wink. “You’re only giving me the bed because the sheets are gross.”

Tomas laughed. He’d forgotten about that. “I’ll put some new ones on for you, fancy boy.”

“I can do it.” Jesse went to the closet for fresh sheets, but folded out the loveseat to make that bed first. The scene felt warm and homey, the way Tomas felt with Jesse every night.

“Jess—” Tomas started.

Jesse cut him off. “Y’know…” He looked up, holding a pillow half-stuffed into a pillowcase. His hazel eyes were honest and open. “You don’t have to be perfect.”

Tomas’s chest hurt, as if Jesse had shot him straight through. His heart was bleeding, but that was okay, because it bled for the skinny, pretty boy standing in the middle of his living room. “Jess—”

“You don’t have to be perfect.” Jesse shook his head. He swallowed hard, but then smiled. “I still like you.”

“Fuck, Jess.” Tomas blinked back tears. He couldn’t tell if he was happy or sad, only that Jesse had every part of him. “I like you so much.”

Jesse nodded. He smiled down at what he was doing and finished stuffing the pillowcase. “I know.”

St. Edwards State Park lay thirty minutes outside Seattle and spanned over three hundred acres. Luckily, there were only two parking lots, and the Haunted Trails event was well marked.

Jesse toed the grass that butted up against the concrete, wondering if he should send Michael another text message. All around, older kids and young teens waited for friends or shouted at each other. Some were with their parents, but it appeared as if whatever parents had been dragged there were saddled with more children than just their own. There must have been an average of five or six kids for every adult. No surprise they kept first responders on hand.

A slope of grass led up to a wide field. From there, the trails wound off through the trees. Volunteers took groups through the woods, and every five minutes or so, the forest erupted in a chorus of screams.

On the near end of the parking lot, Tomas stood with a handful of other firefighters. Jesse tried not to feel awkward, like they were staring at him or something, but he wished Michael and Henri would show up soon so he wasn’t on his own.

Michael’s purple Mustang pulled in, and he parked in one of the few open spots.

The guys climbed out of the car in warm jackets and hats. Henri retained his style in green skinny jeans and a navy blue peacoat, but native Seattleite Michael looked like something out of an outdoor catalogue.

“Hey,” someone said from his right, and Jesse turned to see his boss Sharon, followed by two boys and three girls. The boys were younger and wearing superhero costumes on top of layers of clothes. The girls’ costumes were hidden beneath their jackets.

“Sharon. Hi.” Jesse waved. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

She came to a stop at his side and gave him an air kiss. “Well, you guys were talking it up so much. We hadn’t come since that time when Addy was eight and she started crying.”

“Mom!” One of the three tweens pouted. “I didn’t cry.”

Sharon rolled her eyes. “Okay, honey.” Then to Jesse she said, “They tone it down for the kids who come before seven, but it’s really more for teenagers.”

Her troop of children kept a safe distance from the older kids, as if one of the teenagers might suddenly go rogue and chase them down.

Michael and Henri walked up, waving at Sharon.

“Addy, Finn, these are some of the kids who work for me at the shop.” Sharon’s voice changed when she was talking to her children. She was less hip, University-District business owner and more momish. “Say hi.”

The two kids she’d singled out waved halfheartedly. Whining, the girl asked, “Can we go?”

Michael made one of his typical judgmental faces, and Jesse wanted to smack him.

“I bet you have a fab party to go to.” Henri winked at the girls. “You ladies need to go home and get ready?”

Addy turned scarlet with a blush and squeaked. “Um…no. Just a sleepover.”

Henri nodded approvingly. “Wicked.”

The girls curled into a huddle, giggling.

Sharon’s little boy and his friend took off running around the grassy field.

“So where’s your boyfriend?” Michael asked, hands on his hips. On some guys, doing that made them seem effeminate. On him, it was always a bitchy challenge.

“Ooh, you’ve got a beau?” Henri looked around, probably assuming Jesse’s boyfriend was nearby.

“Will you leave me alone about it?” Jesse asked Michael. Practically every day when their shifts overlapped, Michael bugged him about Tomas and whether Tomas was planning to come out of the closet. It got on Jesse’s last nerve.

“He’s over there.” Jesse pointed. Tomas and the other firefighters were all dressed in uniform—fitted navy blue slacks and jackets, thick black boots. Even from a distance Tomas was smoking hot.

“Ooh, which one? The blond?” Henri got on tiptoe for a better look, since he was shorter than Jesse or Michael.

“Um, no.” Jesse hoped Tomas didn’t see Jesse and his friends scoping him out. “Black hair, darkish skin.”

“Damn, bitch.” Henri poked Jesse in the side. “You flipping a straight boy?”

Jesse blushed. Maybe it was fucked up, but Jesse was flattered by Henri’s appraisal. “No. He was already—”

“He’s in the closet.” Michael jerked his head like he was tossing hair he didn’t have.

“Listen, guys…” Sharon turned her attention back to them, as she’d been busy telling off her son and his friend. “I need to get these kids home and fed. Remember, we don’t open until nine tomorrow.” She smiled at Jesse. “Unless you really, really want to get there at six thirty.”

“No, but thanks.” If he were still living alone, Jesse might have been stressed about missing a few hours of pay, but with the meager rent at Tomas’s house, he wasn’t so strapped. “You coming in tomorrow?”

Sharon shrugged. “Probably, but I don’t know what time yet.” She leaned over to Jesse and gave him a half-hug. “Don’t get into too much trouble tonight.” She waggled her finger at the other guys.

Michael and Henri both gave her wicked smiles. Grinning, Jesse bounced on the balls of his feet. It had been way too long since he’d gone to a club. Between work and school, he was always so busy. Most of the time he was happy to chill with Tomas, watching a movie or taking Char out for walks, but sometimes he wanted to go out and have fun.

The crowd on the grass grew louder. Halloween music and recorded cackles played in the background.

“We’ll be good,” Henri and Michael said in unison. Jesse nodded in agreement, though he was sure his coworkers were going to be the opposite of
good
later that night.