From The Ashes (The Knights of Mayhem Book 3) (9 page)

“You can’t rush perfection, woman.”  He nearly trips and falls back into the bed.  The springs groan under his sudden weight and his actions have left me a giggling mess.

I feel his cold hands take my waist, hauling me up to straddle him, laying me flush against his bare chest. It brings me face to face with him and his perfection.  I’m finding it hard to breathe or think straight.

I let my eyes take in his strong features and I love the stubble that’s grown on his face overnight.  I reach to stroke upwards against the grain of his hair, letting it prick my fingertips.  “Are you real?”

He sighs, leaning in to kiss me. The heat of his lips permeates my whole body and in this moment, I know I’m home … I’m safe.  “As real as you are to me, baby.”  I feel as his fingers snake through my hair to hold my mouth to his.  His tongue pushes past all the uncertainty and reminds me of how much I crave him. His taste is sweet and I let it fill my senses as he takes my mouth with his.  His hand in my hair holds me to him as our bodies writhe against each other in every way.

He pushes me up. “Turn,” he demands.  I’m thrown off balance by his gruff command, but I know what he wants.  I lumber up and turn on all fours and feel the snap of my last pair of panties, but in this moment, I don’t care.  His strong hands grip my hips, pulling me down onto this face. 

The first sensations of his tongue making contact with my sensitive clit sends a body-rocking shudder through me.  “Oh, yes…”  I rest my body down on my elbows, gripping his cock in my hand and giving it a lick from base to tip.

The sixty-nine position is a study in the balance between receiving pleasure and giving it.  My back quivers as he feasts on me and I feel him search for more as I suck his dick.  His tongue is wicked and I fight to stop so I can focus on the pleasure.  I suck, taking him to the back of my throat before pulling him out as slow as I can, letting the head pop out of my mouth.  I revel in the groan he releases as I lick around the head before I take him back into the back of my throat.  I jerk as he pushes two fingers inside of me, pumping them in and out as he licks furiously on my swollen clit.

I begin to move my body, rubbing back and forth over his face.  I stop sucking him every so often, just to feel him and the pleasure he’s pulling from my body.  It radiates out to my limbs, like an explosion wracking my body.  I let go of his cock to brace myself palms down on the bed as the waves of pleasure roll over me.  “Oh shit,”  I breathe as I’m turned over, face down in the bed as Roman climbs between my legs.

“Was that good, baby?”  he whispers in my ear as he thrusts into me.

“Oh yes,”  I say, lifting my ass up to give him a better angle.  I reach between me and the bed, finding my clit and begin to rub as Roman falls into a delicious rhythm behind me.  I’ve missed the feel of him filling me, his roughness and skill in the bed and his gentle hand in everyday life.

He pulls me back into him, making our skin slap at the force.  He slams into me and the sound is echoing through the barren room.  The bed screams under our activity and I scream from the desire coursing through my body.  He groans, spurring me on to slam back into him, meeting him thrust for thrust.

His movements become more desperate.  “Fuck, Roman,”  I moan, circling my hips, loving the feel of his bare skin against mine. 

He pulls my ass against him, stopping my movements as I feel him empty into me.  I began to rock, milking him and bringing him to the edge of ecstasy, then leading him off the edge with me as I orgasm for the second time.  I collapse and he follows, lying on top of me. Our breathing is erratic and our bodies are on fire.

“I love you,”  I announce, unsettling the moment of being sated and well fucked.

“Hollis,”  he starts, ready to give me the ‘I’m not quit there speech.’

“No, please don’t. You don’t have to. I can say it without needing you to say it back.  I just wanted you to know you’re the only one I’ve ever felt this way about.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to say it or feel the need to say it to you, Hollis.  It’s the ‘do you deserve my love?’  I wanted to say it to you so many times, but you never gave me the chance.” He rolls off me to his back and throws his arm up, covering his eyes.

I turn, climbing up on his chest and taking his arm from his eyes so I can see them.  “I’ll give you the chance again, but I know if you say it now, it would just be because I let you fuck me.”

“If that were the case, Hollis, I’ve loved you a million times.”  I stop at his words.  “I searched for you in every woman I’ve met and every woman I’ve fucked.  Hell, I was doing fine with Leah until I saw you.”  He rolls away from me.  “You ruined me.”

“Avery?”  I had heard all about the saint through the grapevine, and the thought of her name sends a twinge of jealousy through me.  “Just know you’ve been the only man in my life who has ever showed me I had value.” 

“Maybe because I was the only one who cared enough to see you had it.”  He throws back over his shoulder.

“Why are you acting like this now?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of chasing ghosts.”  He refuses to roll back over and face me, so I take matters into my own hands.  I scale his back and nestle myself down in front of him, almost falling backwards off the bed. But not before he catches me and secures me to him.

“I’m not a ghost.” I take his hand, raising his fingers to my lips.  “Do you feel me?”

“Even when you weren’t here I felt you.  I felt your lips on mine, your skin hot and against me.  I’m waiting for the moment when I wake up and I’m lying in bed at the shithole clubhouse, and this was all just some sweet dream; karma keeps torturing me with over and over again.” 

I don’t have anything to say to that. My heart hurts for the sadness crossing his once sated, perfect face.  “Please don’t look at us that way.  We can fix this, I know we can.”

“Oh yeah?”  His once lust filled deep drawl has turned sullen and grave.

“Because we have to.  The only way we survive this is together.”

He snakes his arm around my neck.  “Well then let’s start by spending all day in bed. Sound like a plan?”

I smell him and his cologne, the mixture should be bottled and sold as a love potion.  “It does.”  I snuggle down into him and feel as his strong arms encase me in safety.  I have so wanted to be here every night for so long but I had never forgotten how it felt to be wrapped up in these wonderful arms.  I drift off in the warmth from the fire and body heat overtaking the bed.

Roman

I lie here, holding her close. I’m hoping the illusion doesn’t disappear as quickly as it had before when I would dream of this.  Then I think of the troubles I’m going to have with my brothers and their women. I wonder if us staying in this town is worth it. Do I need them?  Do I have to be here?  Would they miss me if I were to disappear?  I know I would’ve moved heaven and earth for her in the past, just so we could be together. Is it so different now?  Is she worth me doing the same now?  Is she really so different now that I should consider doing anything for her?

I lean in to kiss her hair, listening to the soft sounds of her sleeping.  My beauty … my Hollis.  It’s going to be an uphill battle, but I’m ready for the fight. 

The cold has been pushed away by the small fire.  This room is our oasis—our sanctuary.  I knew the cabin would separate us from the world for the time we needed, but it’s not enough for me because we’ll eventually have to leave the cabin, giving way to the problems of the real world and the people in it.

I lay my head back and take in the ceiling.  I’m so weak. One afternoon alone with her on my lap and I fold like a cheap chair.  I’ve told her over and over again there could never be anything between us, but my behavior has done nothing but feed the idea I want it. 

I slip out from under her, tucking the cover back around her. I shower and dress as quietly as I can and throw more wood in the fire before I leave to get enough food for us to stay a couple more days. What I’d gotten yesterday was just staples … we need sustenance.  I write her a short note, leaving it on the kitchen table and head out to my truck, hoping I can duck in and out of town unnoticed.

I need to give myself some space from her, also.  She clouds my mind and screws with my thoughts to the point I think she’s slipping me drugs. I know she’s not, but she just has that effect on me. 

I left my phone in the truck on purpose. It’s probably so full of voicemails and texts, it’ll take me half the morning to get through them all.

I use the drive back into town to clear my head of all the idle chatter going on inside of it.  I take all the same backroads I’d taken here just yesterday.  It makes the trip a little longer, but I need the quiet time.  The roads are busy for a Saturday and for that, I’m thankful. Maybe I’ll blend in with the crowd and the boys will not see me.  I can’t deal with them right now and their opinions. It seems they each have their own thoughts about how I should deal with Hollis, none of which I’m going to entertain.

I park in the lot behind the grocery store and go through the loading dock into the store.  The owner knows me and won’t have a problem with it. 

Hollis

I wake to an empty bed and my worst fears hit me in the chest.  He’s left me to go back to his cushy life as one of the town’s poster boys of righteousness.  I sit up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and let the realization wash over me.  He didn’t want me. He didn’t mean anything he said this morning.

I don’t know why I’m even the least bit surprised. I should’ve expected this.  I lay my head back on the headboard and sigh. I look over and see the open door to the bathroom and decide I’ll brave the cold and take a shower before deciding what it is I’m going to do with myself. 

I let the warm water flow over me, hoping it’ll take with it all my history and my many sins.  I’d seen it in him last night and this morning—he does want it.  But on the other hand, his deep-seated loyalty to his family trumps any feelings he has for me.  I understand it on some levels, but at the moment, my heart is hurting.

I watch as the water circles the drain and the suds disappear out of sight. I step out into the cold and quickly wrap myself in a towel.  The floor isn’t much better than the air so I quickly tiptoe back to the bedroom to dress.  I stand in front of the smoky mirror, sitting on the back of old dresser, and sigh at my reflection.  I shouldn’t be too disappointed. Roman doesn’t seem to mind the curvier me, or at least I thought he didn’t. 

I turn to venture out into the cabin, hoping for some indication Roman would be back, pulling his hoodie over my head.  I know better than to get my hopes up because nine times out of ten, they’re usually smashed. I take a deep breath and venture out into the cold unknown, tying to brush back the fears he’s left me for good.

I step out into the room and stop—my blood turning to ice in my veins.

“Have a seat, Hollis. You and I need to talk.”  Cowboy kicks the chair directly to his right, signaling for me to take it.  I study the indifferent features of his face, searching for some hint of what he holds of my fate.

He nods again so I slide down into the chair, not wanting to push my luck.  “Hello, Cowboy. I didn’t expect to see you here this morning.”  My voice is shaking to the point I don’t even recognize it.

“I saw your boy in town and thought it would be a good idea if I came up here to talk to you.”  He readjusts his big frame in the old chair that screams under his weight.  He leans in, resting his arms on the table, lacing his fingers together.  “You know, I could kill you with my bare hands for what you’ve done to my family, but I don’t kill women … I never have. Not that I haven’t thought about a millions ways for you to die, though.”  I feel a knot of guilt and regret begin to form in my belly. I know the words he speaks are true and I need to hear every one of them.  I don’t offer to say anything back in my defense, or beg for my life. If he was to kill me, he’d be completely justified.  “Nevertheless, discussing your death isn’t why I’m here.”

I sit up a little straighter, relived.  “It’s not?”

“No, you should know why I’m here.  I’m also not here to blow smoke up your ass and let you think everything is okay.”  I give him a puzzled look and then it hits me.  “He can never know.”

“Know about what?”  I play coy.

“I know you know, so don’t give me that bullshit act, Hollis.”  He could only be talking about the information Markus had let slip one drunken night.  I hadn’t believed it then but because of Cowboy’s demand, I now know it to be true.

“Are you so sure keeping it from them is the best thing to do … for either of them?  Look at the trouble everyone’s secrets have caused.”

“I knew you knew, and I know. I live with them every day.  She’s been through enough and throwing this on her would scar her for life, more so than what she might already be.”  He smiles slightly.  “And I just don’t know if he’s ready for any kind of shit like this.”

He takes off his hat to expose a freshly shaven head. He runs his hands over it and sighs.  I’d always thought of him with a head full of thick blond hair, but I guess genes have made him follicly challenged with age.  I’ll admit the look works for him.  “I know you’re a bit different because Caden has asked to see her ‘Aunt Hollis’ for the past two days.”  He looks up at me and for the first time, I really see the struggle he’s waging internally, just by being around me.  I’m sickened at the thought I’ll never be able to redeem myself in his or Emily’s eyes. The rest of them don’t matter.