From the Heart (A Valentine's Day Anthology) (9 page)

“Our only hope now is to get a heart,” Doctor Bennett replied. “And with Ella’s rare blood type, we knew it was going to be a long shot.

“So that’s it?” Logan said as he choked back the tears. “She is going to die today!”

“I am so sorry, Logan,” the doctor replied. “Ella is such a lovely, sweet girl, I wish there was more I could do.”

“You have done all you can,” Logan replied with a nod as he tried to get his head around this information, but all he felt was numb.

“We will make her as comfortable as possible,” the doctor said as he placed his hand on Logan shoulder. “I truly am sorry.”

Logan just stood there as the doctor turned and walked away.

“Logan,” Megan whispered from beside him. “I will call your dad.”

Logan just nodded.

“We should go back into her,” Megan said but Logan made no attempted to move. “Logan?”

“I can’t,” he finally whispered.

“What do you mean?” Megan asked, sounding confused. “You can’t what?”

“I can’t go back in there,” Logan replied without even looking at her. “I can’t go back in there and watch her die. I can’t do it. I can’t do this.”

“Logan, she needs you,” Megan tried to reason with him.

“I know,” he said, as he finally looked up at Megan. “But I can’t do it. I’m sorry.”

Without saying a word, he turned and headed towards the exit.

“Logan!” Megan called after him, but he didn’t stop. “LOGAN!”

When Logan stepped out into the crisp, spring morning, he could barely catch his breath. His stomach heaved so he ran to a nearby flower bed before he threw up. When there was nothing left in his stomach, Logan stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall, then he slumped to the ground and buried his face in his hands.

I can’t do this again!
He thought to himself.
I can’t say goodbye to a person I love. Say goodbye to my life. I can’t do this.

He closed his eyes and thoughts of Ella filled his head. He could see her standing there before him, smiling at him. Her soft blonde hair framed her beautiful face, her warm chocolate eyes crinkled at the side, the way they always did whenever she smiled, the smile he longed to see again.

Logan felt like he had let her down. After what happened with the baby, he promised he would keep her safe and spend the rest of his life making sure they were happy.

He remembered her face the day of they had the car crash, when the doctor came in and told them that the baby was too badly hurt, that she was unlikely to survive. He remembered how she tried to be brave, but the look of heart break in her eyes almost killed him.

All it took was one moment for their whole life to change. But it had been Ella who had been strong, it was her who refused to let go. Now it was his turn to be strong, but his heart was just too broken. He closed his eyes and thought of Ella that day.

“ELLA!” Logan cried out as the sound of sirens woke him up suddenly. He felt dazed and everywhere hurt. He turned slowly and looking over at Ella in the seat next to him. “ELLA, ARE YOU OKAY?”

“Yeah…yeah, I think so,” Ella replied as she turned to face Logan. “My wrist hurts, but I think I am okay.”

“Can you get out?” Logan asked as he undid his seat beat.

“No,” she replied in frustration, as she pulled on her seat belt. “My belt is stuck!”

Logan leaned across and tried to open the belt, but it wouldn’t budge.

“It’s won’t open,” he said as he looked up at a worried looking Ella.

He climbed out of the car as the flashing lights of the emergency services drew closer, and he ran around to Ella’s side of the car. He pulled on the door handle but the door was jammed shut.

“OUCH!!!” she cried out suddenly.

“Ella!” Logan shouted as he ran back around to his door and climbed back into the car. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Ella said and Logan knew she was scared. “Something’s wrong with the baby. I got a sharp pain in my stomach.”

“Don’t panic,” Logan said as he tried his best to appear as calm as he could. “Help is on the way.”

“I...I think my waters just broke,” she said as she screamed out with another pain.

Before Logan could reply, a firefighter appeared next to the open door.

“Please,” Logan said as he jumped out of the car. “You have to help my wife. Her seatbelt is stuck, so is the door. She is pregnant and her water has just broken.”

“Okay, Sir,” the firefighter said as he moved Logan back from the car. “If you could just step back, we will have her out in no time.”

“LOGAN!” Ella cried as another pain shot through her body.

“I am right here, Ella,” he called out. “I am going nowhere without you.”

“What’s your name?” The firefighter said as he climbed into the car next to Ella.

“Ella,” she replied as the tears trickled down her face. “I think I am in labour, but it’s too soon for the baby to come. I am only twenty seven weeks.”

“Okay, Ella,” he said in a reassuring tone of voice. “Try not to worry, we will get you out of here and get you to the hospital.”

Ella just nodded before she looked past the firefighter, to where Logan was standing, watching everything that was going on. He held his breath the whole time he was waiting for the rescue services to free her from the car.

Once she was out, they wasted no time getting them both to the emergency room, but by the time they arrived, it was too late. Ella was in full labour and the baby was arriving thirteen weeks early.

Logan held Ella’s hand as she gave birth to their baby, and despite the complete terror he was feeling, he thought she never looked more beautiful.

“Just one more push,” the doctor urged an exhausted Ella.

“I can’t,” she cried as she flopped back onto the bed.

“Come on, Ella,” Logan said as he brushed her hair back from her face. “Just once more, then it will be over.”

“One more,” she nodded, before she pushed with everything she had.

“That’s it,” the doctor said. “You did it, Ella, your daughter is here.”

“You did it, baby,” Logan cried as he kissed Ella. “You did it, we have a little girl.”

“Is she okay,” Ella asked as she slowly lifted her head. “I don’t hear her crying.

Logan looked down at the doctor waiting for him to reply, but he said nothing. Instead he took the baby to a warmer on the far side of the room.

“Logan, what’s happening?” Ella asked, and he could hear the terror in her voice. “Why isn’t she crying?”

“Doctor?” Logan asked, holding Ella’s hand tightly.

“Logan, Ella,” the doctor said walking towards them. “I am afraid the baby isn’t breathing on her own. We need to take her to the NICU.”

Before either of them could answer, the doctor left the room with the baby.

“We didn’t even get to see her,” Ella said looking like she wanted to cry.

“You will,” the midwife reassured her. “Once we have you all fixed up here.”

Ella never said another word until the midwife led them to the NICU an hour later. Logan watched her, wondering what was going through her head. She had this quiet calm about her, that told him she was expecting bad news, and deep inside he knew he was expecting it too.

When they walked into the NICU, nothing could have prepared them for what they would find.

They were led to an incubator where the tiniest baby they ever saw was connected to what seemed like a million tubes and wires.

“This is your daughter,” the midwife told them.

“She is so beautiful,” Logan said as he reached for Ella hand. “She is perfect.”

“She is so small,” Ella whispered. “Too small.”

“Ella, Logan,” the doctor that delivered the baby said, as he appeared behind them suddenly. He was accompanied by another doctor who introduced as Alice Willis, a neonatal specialist.

“Is she going to be okay?” Ella asked, as she looked from the doctors to her baby.

“Ella,” Doctor Willis said as she stepped forward. “Your baby was born very early, she has a lot of problems.”

“But she is be okay,” Ella repeated, looking up at the doctor.

“She has necrotizing enterocolitis,” the doctor replied.

“What is that?” Logan asked, knowing it wasn’t good.

“It’s quite common in babies that are born so early,” the doctor explained. “It’s where portions of the bowel undergo necrosis, eh…tissue death.”

“Her bowel is dying?” Ella asked.

“But there is something you can do?” Logan said as he tried to comprehend what that doctor had just said.

“Yes, we can operate,” the doctor said in a calm, sympathetic voice. “But a scans show that she also has a significant bleed on the brain. This complicates things a great deal. The truth is, she is in a lot of pain, and she is unlikely to survive the surgery, but that choice is yours.”

“So,” Ella asked in an eerily calm voice. “You’re telling me, my baby will most likely die.”

“Yes,” she replied in a quiet, solemn voice. “I am truly sorry. I will leave you two alone for a few minutes.”

The two doctors walked out of the room and left a heartbroken Logan and a stunned Ella sitting there in silence.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Logan said as he stood up and started to pace up and down. “One minute we were driving along, everything was perfect, we were happy. Then some asshole runs a red light and destroys everything.”

“I don’t understand,” Ella said as she looked down at the strapping on her broken wrist. “I just hurt my hand and bumped my head, how was the baby so hurt. Is…is this my fault? I was supposed to keep her safe.”

“This is not your fault, Ella,” Logan said as he hurried back to his wife.

“She…she doesn’t even have a name,” Ella whispered as tears trickled down her cheeks. “She was supposed to do so many great things. Other children were supposed to be taught about her at school. This can’t be all the life she gets. She…she can’t die without me ever holding her.”

“Ella, sweetheart,” Logan said as he kneeled down before her. He turned her to him, and the sadness in her eyes almost broke his heart. “She knows she is so loved. She has always known this.”

“I can’t let her go,” Ella cried. “Not without knowing we did all we could for her.”

“Then that’s what we will do,” Logan said as he too could no longer hold back the tears.

“I want to call her, Caroline, after your mom,” Ella said as Logan reached up and wiped the tears from her face. “I know how much you loved your mother, and how much you miss her. Maybe she will watch over her and help her through this.”

“I would like that,” Logan cried as he hugged his wife. “I would like that very much.”