From This Moment On (14 page)

“Wait.” Why she had the sudden urge to confess, she didn’t know. But she had to tell him about the prom dress. She had to say it out loud because remembering had triggered old shame that started eating at her on the way home. And Trace was her friend, right? She hoped he wouldn’t judge. If he did, well, still better to let him see her for who she was. “I have something to tell you.”

He nodded, his gaze narrowing slightly.

“That dress...the one my mom bought me for the prom. It cost so much, I had no business asking for it in the first place.” She paused to swallow. “I’d picked it up from the store just before Garrett cancelled on me. I should’ve turned around right then and gotten a refund. But I was furious and hurt and I wasn’t thinking.”

She shook her head, amazed that the pain of that day felt so fresh. Almost as crippling as her shame. “I missed the bus and had to walk home. The dress was wrapped in plastic but I’d dragged it a mile before I saw that the hem had been completely ruined. My mother had worked so many hours so she could get me that dress.”

Staring at him, she let out a pent-up breath. Well crap, confessing hadn’t felt as freeing as she’d hoped. Probably because he didn’t really understand what it had been like for her and her mother back then. Which was made more clear by his helpless shrug.

“Hey, fifteen. That’s a tough age. Everybody messes up when they’re fifteen.”

“But I hurt my mom, the only one who’s always been there for me. What kind of person does that?”

“A teenager.” He’d gone back to rubbing her back. “Feel better getting it off your chest?”

“I’m not sure,” she said, still off balance and mentally scrambling to pull herself back on track.

Trace talked as if what she’d done was nothing. Like skipping a class or not returning a library book. He’d implied there would be more between them. He’d used the word
relationship,
although she’d have to ask him what he meant by that. Later. Because she wasn’t certain she wanted to know yet. There was a part of her that wanted to pretend that the look in his eyes was full of promises he’d keep. But that couldn’t be true. She wasn’t some delicate flower. She’d never be that. No matter where she lived, or how clean her slate was supposed to be.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get you to the door. I’ve kept you out way past your bedtime.” His arm was around her back as he led her up the steps. “Besides, if we get close enough to the door, I don’t think anyone could see me steal one more kiss.”

She didn’t object. And when he kissed her in the shadows, she kissed him back. But instead of getting swept away by the kiss, an unpleasant thought occurred to her. Had she really needed to tell him about the dress? Or was she trying to sabotage the best thing that had ever happened to her? It didn’t matter, though.

Whatever this was between them would come to an end sooner or later. Given her experiences, she’d bet on sooner.

* * *

T
RYING
TO
WAKE
UP
,
Nikki stared at the coffee carafe, watching the brew drip, and yawning as if she hadn’t slept in a month. The clock taunted her, claiming it was one-thirty in the afternoon, but her poor tired body and pounding head swore it was the middle of the night. That was more accurate since she hadn’t fallen asleep until after seven.

As soon as there was enough coffee brewed, she filled a mug before returning the carafe to the fancy chrome station so it could finish the job. She savored the first sip, convinced there wasn’t enough caffeine in the house to get her moving faster.

Naturally tonight she had to work. With it being her first day back since Wallace had died, she hoped people gave her space. She didn’t need it because of his death, but she was bound to be cranky from too little sleep.

“Hey, you made coffee.” Matt entered the kitchen from outside. She hadn’t even heard the door. “You just get up? Late night?” He tried to look innocent, but she saw the corners of his mouth quirk up.

“Not particularly.” She wasn’t volunteering a damn thing.

He brought a mug out from the upper cabinet, then opened the fridge. “We have to talk about Lucy.”

“What about her?”

“Did she say anything to you about staying on here?”

“Oh.” Nikki saw why he’d brought up the subject. The refrigerator shelves were sparse. “No, but I think she would’ve talked to you before me.”

“The past few days seemed to fly by. I don’t know if she needs the money or would rather quit working.”

“I can run to town and pick up groceries.” She noticed the wood floor needed sweeping. God, she hoped Lucy stayed on. It was a big house. “I’ll sweep and dust later. Right now coffee isn’t optional.”

“I won’t be surprised if she wants out. She’s getting up there in years and I wouldn’t want her doing too much. If she’s ready to retire we’ll find someone to come in a couple times a week.”

Nikki leaned a hip against the counter. “I’ll chip in to cover the cost.”

“No, you won’t. A housekeeper’s salary comes out of the ranch fund. It’s half yours, anyway.”

“I’m not arguing with you over the Lone Wolf again. I don’t want anything from Wallace.”

“Don’t be so damn hardheaded.” Matt set down his mug with a thud. “This place was never Wallace’s to give. How many more times do I have to explain the Gunderson trust fund to you?”

“None.” Nikki topped off her coffee. She was going to the living room to drink it in peace.

“Fine. I’ll let the attorney spell out the terms for you. Maybe he can get through that thick skull of yours.”

“Good luck with that.” She had no intention of being railroaded into going to an attorney’s office.

“Tomorrow morning I’m flying to Dallas. Just overnight. I’ll be back by noon the following day. Mr. Kessler will meet us here at 4:00 p.m. to read the will.”

She sighed. So much for refusing to go to the attorney’s office. “Wait.” She stopped at the door and turned. “Did you say Dallas?” she asked, and he nodded. “For a rodeo?”

“No. Not until next month. I’m meeting with a guy who breeds champion bulls. The Lone Wolf is doing fine for now but we have to keep our eye on the future.”

Ranch business wasn’t on her mind. Having the house to herself overnight? Different story. “Sounds like a short trip. Are you sure you won’t need to stay longer?”

“You’re not afraid to stay here alone, are you?” Matt didn’t bother to hide his grin. “I’m sure Trace wouldn’t mind babysitting.”

“Oh, shut up.” She left the kitchen smiling, too, thinking how it would’ve been just like this ten years ago had they known each other. He would’ve teased her all the time, and she wouldn’t have liked it. She did now.

She headed for the privacy of the living room, one hand searching her jeans’ pocket for her phone. This was awesome. If she could get Sheila or Gretchen to work for her tomorrow night, it would be even more perfect.

“Nikki?” Matt had followed her as far as the foyer. “Don’t forget our appointment with Mr. Kessler. He’s driving in from Kalispell.”

“No reason for me to be here.”

“You’re specifically named in his will.”

She fisted her hand around the cell phone. “I already told you...I don’t want anything from that man.”

“Fine. Whatever he’s left you, give it to charity. I don’t care.” He raked a hand through his hair and heaved a tired sigh. “Just be here on Wednesday.”

14

T
RACE
OPENED
HIS
EYES
, stretched out his arms while arching his back, then rolled over and cussed a blue streak when he saw the digital clock. How could it be 1:40 in the morning?

“Son of a bitch.”

He jumped out of bed and grabbed the clean pair of jeans he’d left on his dresser. Before he pulled them on he figured he’d better make a pit stop and ducked into his attached bathroom. He’d showered and changed his boxers earlier after quitting work for the day. Dark stubble covered his jaw and chin but he’d purposely left shaving for the last minute.

His razor wasn’t where it should be. That’s right. He’d abandoned it where he stood this morning the instant he remembered to replace the condoms in his wallet, just before he’d had to haul his ass to work. He found the razor next to the tube of hand lotion he’d bought to help with his calluses. Then grabbed the can of shaving cream and was about to lather up when it finally hit him. He was rushing for nothing. The Watering Hole was closed and Nikki would’ve driven home by now. She could be sound asleep at this point.

Part of him hoped she was since she’d told him she hadn’t gone to bed until seven this—well, yesterday—morning. The selfish part still wanted to curse and punch walls. How could he have overslept? He’d even set the alarm. Yeah, right, getting only three hours after dropping her off had nothing to do with it.

After supper he’d lain down for a two-hour nap, mostly because Nikki had made him promise. Her concern hadn’t been misplaced. He’d spent a good portion of the day branding, a job he disliked when he wasn’t tired. Today had been a mother, chasing and wrestling calves until he couldn’t tell where one ache in his back ended and the next one started. It would’ve been irresponsible of him to drive to town that exhausted. But he’d wanted to see her. He still did, but he wouldn’t be a jerk about it.

Maybe he could at least call her. If she was asleep her phone would be off or charging. If not, he could explain why he hadn’t shown up. Though she’d practically begged him to stay home and hit the sack early. Tomorrow Matt would be in Dallas and they had the whole house to themselves. He grinned just thinking about how excited she’d sounded when she told him. It had been kind of a relief. Nikki wasn’t always easy to read.

That conversation in the car when he’d dropped her off had played and replayed every minute he’d had a breather. He hated her casual talk of hooking up, how she’d been so determined he knew she didn’t want anything serious.

He’d been hoping for more. It still bothered him that he hadn’t said as much. But damn, how could he when he wasn’t certain what he meant by
more?

Oh, in his head he was real clear he didn’t want her seeing anyone else, and that he only had eyes for Nikki. But coming right out and asking her to be his girlfriend? That was tricky. Especially when so much was going on in her life.

Then there were his own doubts. She wasn’t like anyone he’d ever known. Feisty as a wild colt, cagey about her feelings, and so damn beautiful it made him ache. She intrigued him as much as she rattled him. The combination had never been on his wish list, but now that he’d met her, other women had started fading into the background.

Maybe he should be more worried about himself and all the weird feelings he was experiencing but couldn’t understand. And maybe he wasn’t anxious to look too closely, either. Hell, he was only twenty-seven. Too young to be getting serious about a woman. Cole and Jesse had waited until they were in their thirties...

Screw it. He grabbed his phone off the dresser and hit speed dial. He had to try. Even if only to hear her voice. He’d lost track of the number of rings but was prepared to leave a message when she answered.

“Hey,” she said. “You should be asleep.”

“I was. I even set the alarm, then slept through it.”

“Good.”

“Thanks.” He smiled at her sigh, then used his free hand to stack the pillows against the headboard of his king bed.

“You know what I meant so stop it.”

“Sounds like you had a pleasant night at work.”

“It was okay. A few customers mentioned the funeral or apologized for not coming, but overall it wasn’t bad. I’m feeling icky about tomorrow night. I called Sheila, but she has plans and can’t cover for me. I even called Gretchen, totally forgetting that she’s pregnant. Can you believe that? I felt like an ass.”

“Yeah, I believe it.” Still in his boxers, he crawled into bed and lay back against the stacked pillows. “Today I almost branded Josh instead of a calf. He’ll be telling that story for a while.”

Nikki laughed. “I can’t wait for tomorrow. I wish you were here now.”

“Me, too. Want me to try climbing up to your bedroom window?”

“Um, you have experience doing that sort of thing?”

“No,” he drawled out the word. “Not me. I’d rather charm my way in.” His teasing was met with a long stretch of silence. “You know I’m joking, right?”

“Yes.” She tried to brush it off with a laugh, but he knew he’d hit a nerve.

Trace scrubbed at his face. She’d seen him casually flirting with the guests, or more like humoring them when they flirted because lately he hadn’t been into that whole thing. And God only knew what kind of stories she’d heard about him from Sam or any of the other guys who hung out at the Watering Hole. They could’ve said something jokingly not knowing it mattered. “You haven’t told me what Matt said about our late night. He seem cool with it?”

She let out an exasperated sigh, which oddly made her sound more relaxed. “He asked if I needed you to babysit me while he’s in Dallas.”

Trace chuckled, relieved Matt could joke about it. “I guess we can assume Rachel knows, too. Unless you asked him to keep it quiet.”

“I didn’t say anything.” She hesitated. “You could come over right now and spend the night and I wouldn’t care who saw you. Rachel does it all the time. The only reason I won’t let you is that you need your sleep.”

He swung his legs out of bed, glancing at the clock, knowing he could be there by 2:10 a.m., five minutes later if he shaved first. “I got lots of sleep. Almost six hours.”

“Not enough. I plan on totally wearing you out tomorrow night, or technically it’s tonight. Hey, what are you doing? Sounds like you’re—” Nikki’s soft laugh was pure disbelief. “You are not driving over here.”

“Come on now, you just said—”

“God, you can’t be that horny. I’m sure you can wait a few more hours.”

He entered the bathroom, his enthusiasm waning. Man, she really did think he was only in this for the sex. This was pretty messed up. He thought about how that boy Garrett had treated her and the strange
Salina Gazette
remark. Maybe it was time for him to man up, publicly claim her.

“Trace? You still there?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“I figured you fell asleep on me.”

“Nah, just thinking.” He rubbed his chest. “You’re probably right, though. We should both get some rest. You said Matt’s going to be in Dallas only one night?”

“He has to be back in time for the reading of Wallace’s will,” she muttered.

“I take it you have to be present.”

“According to Matt, I do.”

Trace decided to drop the subject. No use getting her riled. “Are you in bed now?”

“Yes. You?”

“I’ll be crawling in between the sheets in two seconds.” He turned off the bathroom light, picturing how she’d look with her silky dark hair spread out over a pillow. “Just so you know...I wasn’t coming over for a booty call.” He hesitated. Oh, hell, it wouldn’t kill him to say the words. “I miss you, Nikki.”

* * *

C
USTOMERS
KEPT
POURING
in to the Watering Hole, which made the night go by quickly. But no way would Nikki be able to leave early. She might’ve been in a more pleasant mood if Trace had come to the bar to wait for her, but she was still glad she talked him into meeting her at the Lone Wolf. It turned out he was working late, anyway. He’d traded an early morning chore with one of the Sundance hands who wanted to play poker. That meant they could sleep in. He was going to need the rest, she thought, smiling. She hoped they both would.

“Glad to see you won’t be a sourpuss again tonight.” Sadie glanced at the order ticket Nikki set down along with her tray. “After being such a delight when you’d nagged me to let you come back to work.”

“I haven’t bitten off a single head yet, now have I?”

Grinning, Sadie grabbed bottles of tequila and whiskey and started pouring. “Heck, I just figured you being grouchy was on account of your trip to Kalispell, but I didn’t want to say anything for fear of my life.”

Nikki stared in astonishment. “How do you— No, you can’t know.”

Sadie laughed.

Nikki groaned. “This town is unreal...half the time I swear I’m being punked.”

“Being what?”

The door opened, and Nikki turned to see who was coming to torment her now. Tall, lean, mid-to-late thirties, wearing faded jeans and boots like every other cowboy in the place... She didn’t recognize him.

“Hell, look what the cat dragged in.” Staring at the man, Sadie cocked her head to the side. “What are you doing around these parts? It can’t be roundup time again.”

His lazy smile disappeared in a flash. “Christ, Sadie, now you’re gonna give me shit about that. And here I came in for a beer and a sympathetic ear.”

“Since I don’t know what on earth you’re talking about, I have no response.”

“Something slipped past you?” Nikki pretended to be shocked. “Wow. This has to be some kind of record.”

Sadie narrowed her eyes. “Watch yourself, missy.”

“Don’t have to.” Nikki smiled sweetly and picked up her tray. “It seems everyone else around here does it for me.”

Sadie shook her head. “Aaron, this is Nikki, Matt Gunderson’s sister. You know Matt, don’t you?”

“Know of him, that’s it.” Touching the rim of his hat, Aaron gave Nikki a quick smile. “I was hoping I’d find Trace here,” he said, glancing around. “Either of you seen him?”

“Not tonight.” Sadie nodded at Nikki. “You must know where he is.”

“Home.”

Aaron gave her a closer look. “You expecting him here later?”

“No, he’s working. Sorry, but I have drinks to deliver.” She left with her tray, her mind racing. Whoever this guy was if he did anything to screw up their night she would just scream.

“What’s Aaron doing here?” Eli Roscoe asked, when she dropped off his beer.

“I have no idea. Who is he?”

“A government guy...works for the Bureau of Land Management.” The older man squinted under his bushy graying eyebrows. “He has something to do with rounding up mustangs living on public land. About the only time we see him around here is when he’s looking for the McAllister boys to help.”

Sitting across from Jerry at the next table, Chip said, “Too soon for another roundup, isn’t it?”

“I ain’t got an opinion on the matter,” Eli said, “but I know Jesse McAllister thinks so, and I believe Trace is still straddling the fence on the issue. Says he’s got more reading to do but my feeling is that he’s got the same notion as Jesse. If Aaron’s looking for their help, he’s not gonna get it this time.”

Nikki delivered more beers and shots, swinging around so she could keep an eye on Aaron. He was leaning on the bar, drinking from a mug and talking to Sadie.

“Just last week Trace told me he didn’t think they’ve given the sterilization program enough time,” Jerry said. “Infertility treatments were given to the Pryor Mountain horses along the Montana-Wyoming border. They’re hoping that’ll stabilize the size of the herd, but he said it’s too soon to tell and we got no business removing horses until we know more.”

“Hell, I’ll admit I don’t know crap about what’s been going on,” Chip added. “But I’ll side with Trace. You know him, he’s smart and always reading up on things. I’ve never known him to go in half-cocked on something.”

Other customers who’d overheard the conversation weighed in, most of them agreeing it was too early for another roundup. What Nikki found fascinating was how much these men respected Trace’s opinion, even the old-timers. They were interested in where Jesse stood as well, but that wasn’t a surprise. He was older, more serious and well educated.

Trace was so laid-back, and seemed to cruise by on a shrug and a smile. But most of these people had known him his entire life. They’d watched him grow up, become a man, they knew there was substance behind the smile. When he had an opinion on something important, they took notice.

“What you damn fools are forgettin’ is that the land is being overgrazed in the meantime, which means hungry animals.” It was Sam’s voice.

Nikki turned to see him coming from the back room with his empty mug. She really hadn’t meant to ignore him or the others playing pool. The discussion had drawn her in.

His comment was met with general disgust.

“Trace said all that was taken into account when they thinned the herd and started the program.” Chip glared straight at Sam. “You think for one minute Trace would let animals starve if he could help it?”

“What I think is that all you dumb bastards just love kissing McAllister ass. You sound like a bunch of little girls out here. Ooh,” he mimicked, in a shrill tone, “Trace said this, Trace said that, Trace said I should go drown myself so I believe I will.” He set his mug on Nikki’s tray, and boy, did she get a whiff of his boozy breath. “It’s damn pitiful,” he added in his natural drawl, then winked. “I’ll take another one, darlin’.”

Her guilt over ignoring him vanished. “If you knew how much I want to pull out your lashes, one by one, every time you wink, you would stop.” She narrowed her eyes. “Which is highly recommended in case that was too subtle or you’re too dense.”

She sidestepped him to check on the other pool players, not even smiling when everyone laughed.

“You boys hear that?” Sam said, spreading his hands. “She’s crazy about me.”

Nikki almost smiled then. She sighed instead. God, the man was like an untrained puppy—cute sometimes, but more often making you mad by peeing on the carpet. Or maybe that was giving him too much credit. She hurried to collect orders, hoping to squeeze in a minute to call Trace and warn him about Aaron, while Sadie poured beers and mixed drinks.