From Venice With Love (12 page)

And ultimately desirable.

Maybe that was why Charlotte’s words came out more sharply than she’d intended. ‘I thought you were going to the bar.’

Nico raised an eyebrow. ‘It occurred to me it might be a good idea to wait until Jendi was asleep. What if
she wanted to go to the bathroom and saw me abandoning my beautiful fiancée?’

Oh, God…this was getting way beyond a joke. Charlotte had had enough.

‘It’s not funny, Nico.’

‘No…it’s not.’ Nico got to his feet. ‘Shall I tell you the real reason I haven’t gone to the bar?’

He took a step closer and Charlotte was pinned by the heat in his gaze. She still had a hand on the door to help her keep her balance as the train rocked, and Nico was swaying on his feet but his gaze didn’t waver in the slightest.

She couldn’t respond to the question but it didn’t seem to matter. Nico was going to tell her anyway.

‘I didn’t want to,’ he growled.

Charlotte didn’t have to ask why not. She could see the see the answer in his face. Could feel the flicker of heat spiral deep in her belly. The words forced themselves out anyway, though, as she tried to buy enough time to process what was happening. ‘W-why not?’

‘Because I wanted this instead.’ Nico closed the gap between them. He steadied himself with one hand over Charlotte’s against the door but he slid the fingers of his other hand behind her neck and then up into her hair as he cradled her head and dipped his own so that their lips could touch.

His mouth felt familiar now. Safe. Charlotte knew that the touch of his tongue against hers would provide a pleasure so intense it was almost pain but her lips parted eagerly and her tongue met his halfway to begin the dance. And this time the give and take of the kiss
changed into more than an exploration and taste of pleasure. This time it had an urgency that demanded more.

And that was enough to make Charlotte pull away. To snatch a gasp of breath and then shake her head.

‘I…I don’t understand…’

‘Yes, you do,
cara,’
Nico said very softly. ‘I want you.’

She shook her head again, more insistently. ‘But…
why?’

Nico leaned against the door. He still had a hand cradling her head and she felt his fingers move in a caress. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’

‘Because I’m…not your type. You said so.’

Nico smiled
that
smile. The slow, lazy one. Except that this time it seemed to be gentle. Reassuring? ‘I say stupid things sometimes.’

Charlotte had to drop her gaze. Dammit. The train seemed to have picked up speed and the way it was rocking made her more acutely aware of the proximity of Nico’s body. Of how it would take nothing for her to fall just a little closer and mould her own body against his.

‘This can’t go any further,’ she said.

‘Why not?’ The words were a whisper. A question, not an accusation. If she said the word Nico would stop but he genuinely didn’t understand, and why would he? He must have seen her own desire for him. He had to be well used to reading those kinds of signals from women.

‘Because…’ Charlotte couldn’t look up. She couldn’t stop herself continuing either. Good grief…far from giving her the stamina to maintain control in a difficult situation, the amount of champagne she’d knocked back
this evening was having the opposite effect. Her control had slipped so far she’d lost the handle for the door behind which she kept her secret so well shut away. She hadn’t been completely honest with Nico earlier, had she?
He
had been with
her
. Guilt bubbled up inside her and something snapped.

‘I can’t do it,’ she whispered. ‘I…can’t have sex. I’m…’ No. There was no way she could utter that horrible word. A shudder went right through her entire body.

Nico’s hand slipped out from her hair and he let go of the door. This was it. He was going to excuse himself and go to the bar for a stiff drink, and who could blame him?

But, instead, he gathered Charlotte into his arms and held her close to him. His mouth was close to her ear and he spoke softly.

‘You’ve been hurt,
cara,’
he said. ‘I know that. You’ve been raped, haven’t you?’

Charlotte’s gasp was shocked. ‘No…it…wasn’t rape. How could it have been? He was my…my boyfriend. I had chosen to be with him. I’d chosen to go to his apartment. It might have been my first time but I knew what was going to happen.’

For a long moment Nico simply held her in silence. Then he spoke gently. ‘But it didn’t happen the way you wanted it to, did it?’

‘N-no.’ Unbelievably, the tears were gathering again. After not having cried for so many years, she was certainly making up for it now.

‘And when you wanted him to stop, he wouldn’t, would he?’

‘H-he said it wasn’t his fault if I was frigid. He wasn’t
going to have his evening ruined by a—a tease.’ There. The word had come out all by itself. ‘And—and he was right. I hated it and…and when I tried again, more than a year later, with someone else…I couldn’t do it…so he—’

‘Was a stupid, arrogant bastard,’ Nico whispered vehemently. ‘Who had no idea what he was talking about and didn’t deserve to be in the company of any woman, let alone someone like you.’

Charlotte felt his lips press against the top of her head. And then she felt Nico’s hand under her chin and a pressure that made her raise her face to meet his gaze.

‘It’s not true,’ he told her. ‘You are a beautiful,
passionate
woman and all you need to do is believe that.’

Maybe there’d always been a glimmer of hope deep inside that that was true. Maybe when she’d tried again, it had been too soon. Or with the wrong person. Charlotte had always thought that she might have conquered her demons if she could have talked to someone professional about it but the shame of anyone knowing had always stopped her.

And now Nico knew. And he was still here.

And he was gorgeous and kind and he’d said that he wanted her.

They wouldn’t be seeing each other again after tomorrow so would it really matter if it didn’t work. She might never have an opportunity like this again. To find out…

Charlotte licked suddenly dry lips. ‘Did you really mean it?’ The words were incredibly hard to utter.

‘That I want you?’ Nico’s eyes were so dark they looked black. His hands on her back slid lower until
they cupped her bottom. He pulled her even closer so that she had no need of any verbal confirmation of his state of arousal.

‘Oh…’ Charlotte couldn’t look away from his eyes.

‘Do you trust me,
cara?’

She didn’t have enough breath to say anything. Instead, Charlotte stretched on tiptoe so that she could reach Nico’s lips with her own. She slid her arms around his neck at the same time as she felt herself being lifted off her feet and carried into the adjoining cabin and a bunk that would simply have to be big enough.

Well…

He’d been right, hadn’t he?

Not just about the reason why Charlotte Highton’s personality had changed so much.

He’d been right about the fact that she was a beautiful and passionate woman.

It was well after midnight when Nico eased himself out of the bed that was far too small for two people to sleep together comfortably. He got dressed again and let himself quietly out of the cabin with the intention of going to the bar for that long-postponed nightcap.

Charlotte was deeply asleep again, which wasn’t surprising. She’d been on an emotional roller-coaster for the last two days and she’d had rather a lot of champagne tonight.

Had he taken advantage of her lack of inhibitions?

Or would she thank him for proving what she should have been able to believe in all along? That there was nothing wrong with her. Nothing she needed to be afraid of or hide from.

That was a minefield in itself. Charlotte was a passionate woman. The way she’d responded to him had been a joy. No…it had been by far the most tender lovemaking he’d ever experienced. So overwhelming that he could only hope Charlotte hadn’t noticed she hadn’t been the only one with tears wetting her cheeks in the aftermath. The way he’d felt when she’d started to touch him back…To offer herself so completely…

Even now Nico had no idea what to do with the sensations that made it hard to breathe. It had made him feel like he was the most special person on earth. As though she was the only woman in the world he ever wanted to be with again because he would never experience anything like this with anyone else.

He
knew how ridiculous that was. The world was full of beautiful women who were eager to share his bed. But Charlotte was naïve in such matters. She might believe he was the only man who could make her feel like that. She might mistakenly believe she had fallen in love with him when she was now capable of having a fulfilling relationship with any man she chose.

It didn’t have to be him.

He didn’t want it to be him.

So why was he feeling so…uneasy? So in need of a stiff drink?

Because there was a voice in his head that was trying to insist that being with Charlotte for just a little longer wouldn’t hurt? That he could, at least, have one more night like last night? Just to check whether it had actually been so extraordinary?

He knew perfectly well how wrong that would be.
That
would, without any doubt, be taking advantage of
Charlotte, and Nico had far too much respect for her to even consider it.

The strange sound Nico heard as he made his way through the seemingly deserted carriages in the early hours of the morning only added to his disturbance.

He’d heard that sound before. The cry of a baby who’d only just entered the world.

A newborn on the Orient Express? Impossible.

The echo of that cry of new life stayed with him, though, imagined or not. And Nico didn’t like it.

He didn’t want a new life.

He wanted his old one back.

C
HARLOTTE KNEW SHE
was alone even before she’d surfaced from sleep enough to open her eyes.

Had it been a dream?

Her memories certainly had a dreamlike fuzziness to them. Sensations rather than clear thoughts, and the gentle rocking of the train beneath her seemed to encourage her to close her eyes and explore them. She could feel each one as clearly as if it was happening all over again.

The surprise of finding Nico in the cabin when she’d finally got Gran settled, so closely followed by a breath-robbing fascination generated by seeing him with his shirt buttons undone and his tie hanging loose. As if she’d interrupted him in the process of getting completely undressed…

The explosion of that sensation that had sent shafts of desire into every cell of her body when she’d seen the reflection of her own desire in Nico’s eyes. When she’d felt his fingers steadying her head for the kiss that had sent her straight over the edge.

Into that abyss of fear and self-loathing. The feeling of falling without a parachute, knowing that death was
inevitable, as she’d uttered the words that had been her confession of her inadequacies as a woman.

The soft cloud that had gathered and cushioned that fall…first with Nico’s words of reassurance and then the physical invitation to see how right they’d been.

And…oh…Charlotte had never known it could be like that. Maybe she’d had fragments of glimpsing it from haunting, erotic dreams but this had been reality.

Or had it?

Shifting a little in her bunk, Charlotte could feel the sweet, inner tenderness that could only be the result of having been passionately loved. With a small sound that was almost a groan, she let herself sink into the last sensation she remembered. Of falling asleep in Nico’s arms again but this time feeling as though it was the only place in the world she could ever want to be. Falling asleep with the utter bliss of knowing those arms would still be around her when she woke.

Except they weren’t.

How had Nico managed to extricate himself from this tiny space without waking her? He must have been very determined not to, which meant that he’d wanted to be alone.

Why? Did he regret what had happened between them?

Well…why wouldn’t he? For heaven’s sake, he’d been sucked into her private life because of her meltdowns in front of him. She’d cried all over him. Twice! He’d seen her with her panda eyes and he’d heard all the sordid details of her mortifying past. He must think she was needy and pathetic virtually all the time.

Did he think that she might remain clingy? That she
would try and keep him in her life longer than the period they’d agreed on? Ask him for more than he was prepared to give?

It was odd but the notion of being seen as pathetic and clingy was worse than revealing herself as physically frigid. Nico had shown her that what she’d believed about herself had been so not true.

What she needed to do was show him that any fears about how else she might behave were also untrue. She was in love with him, certainly, but that was
her
problem. It didn’t need to be Nico’s and he didn’t deserve it to be. Not after giving her a gift so far beyond price by restoring her self-esteem.

Creating the magic that had been her night on the Orient Express.

She would have to thank him, of course, but she had to do it in a way that let him know he was not under any further obligation to her. And she needed to make him believe it. To present herself in a way that showed confidence and independence. The way she presented herself at a conference might be a good start.

With a determined shove Charlotte got rid of the bed covers and climbed out of the bunk. Finding herself naked was a reality check that made her blush. She’d never slept naked in her life and the comfort zone of well-fitting clothes had to be her first priority. Washing her face in the tiny corner basin a short time later, she eyed herself in the mirror. The smudged make-up and rat’s-nest hair that advertised a night of totally wanton behaviour were the next things she had to take control of. Only then would she be able to face her day.

And Nico.

He was going to have to face Charlotte at some point. Having caught a few hours’ sleep on the seat in the daytime area of the suite and making sure he was not there when Charlotte woke up, Nico had successfully whiled away a good portion of the morning with coffee and newspapers in the bar car.

Brunch was being served already in the dining cars and there was still no sign of Charlotte or Lady Geraldine. It wouldn’t be that long before they reached Calais and would have to board the buses for travel to England via the channel tunnel. There would be no private cabins on the train leg to London, during which they would apparently be served afternoon tea, and they would be going in different directions as soon they reached Victoria.

Nico could well imagine how chaotic it was going to be in that huge station on Christmas Eve. It probably wasn’t going to be much less private from the time they had to share a bus with dozens of other people. If he wanted a conversation alone with Charlotte, he would have to do something about it now. Clearly, she wasn’t planning to come and find
him
this morning.

Their suite was empty and Lady Geraldine’s door was closed but Nico tapped on it anyway. It was after ten a.m. Surely Jendi would be up and about by now?

Charlotte opened the door. For a long moment they simply stared at each other. Nico had to process the startling change from when he’d last seen Charlotte, asleep with her glorious hair spread across the crisp, white pillowcase, her lips devoid of any artificial colouring and swollen from so many kisses.

He was facing Dr Highton right now. Dressed in that power suit he’d first seen her in when she’d been on her way to the symposium. She had her hair scraped back into that complicated knot arrangement that gave her the look of an air hostess and her make-up was perfect. No smudged mascara from tears being shed and her perfect lipstick made it look as though her lips had never been licked, let alone kissed.

And, apart from a flash of something that was gone too quickly to analyse, even her gaze looked professional. Impersonal enough to make Nico take a mental step backwards, at any rate.

‘Is everything all right? It’s…getting quite late.’

Charlotte wasn’t meeting his gaze now. ‘I can’t believe I slept so late,’ she said, loudly enough for her grandmother to overhear. ‘No wonder you went off to find some breakfast. There’s something about the motion of a train, isn’t there? It makes you sleep so well.’

Nico raised an eyebrow. Surely Charlotte would realise that
he’d
had virtually no sleep.

‘Is that Nico?’ Lady Geraldine called. ‘Bring him in, Charlotte Jane, for goodness’ sake.’

There wasn’t room for three people to sit. Charlotte remained standing as well.

‘How are you this morning, Jendi?’ Nico enquired politely. ‘Did you sleep well, too?’

‘Not bad.’

Nico could feel the tension emanating from Charlotte. She didn’t believe that and she could be right. Lady Geraldine did look rather pale and she was gripping the windowsill with one hand, as though the movement of the train was making her uncomfortable.

‘Apparently there was a baby boy born on the train last night, have you heard?’

‘No…
really
?’ Lady Geraldine turned and was unable to disguise her wince of pain. She ignored it, however, and her expression suggested that everybody else had better follow her example. ‘How do you know?’

‘The steward in the bar told me when he gave me the newspapers. He said that we’d be reading about the unexpected event on the Orient Express very soon. I actually heard it crying late in the night when I was walking through the carriage. Apparently the young girl had disguised her condition very well, by wearing a large, old-fashioned coat.’

‘Oh…I think I saw that girl at the station in Venice,’ Charlotte said.

‘What on earth were you doing, walking around the train in the middle of the night?’ Lady Geraldine asked.

‘I needed to stretch my legs,’ Nico said, after a moment’s awkward silence. ‘The bunks are…rather small, aren’t they?’

‘Depends on what you’re doing.’ Lady Geraldine managed a smile. ‘I’m delighted that Charlotte felt the need to sleep in, I must say. It’s probably been years since she hasn’t been up at the crack of dawn.’

There was a very noticeable flush of colour on Charlotte’s cheeks now and when she flicked a glance towards Nico the shutters were down. She was most definitely thinking about what had kept her awake last night. The relief at seeing what he now knew to be the real Charlotte peeping out was enough to make him try and hold that gaze. And convey the message in his
smile that he agreed it was well worth remembering. Unforgettable might be closer to the mark.

‘Oh, for heaven’s sake…’ lady Geraldine flapped a hand at them. ‘Go and make sheep’s eyes at each other in your own cabin and leave an old lady in peace.’ The tone was authoritative but she was still smiling as she delivered the order.

Charlotte looked as though she was about to refuse but then shook her head and signalled Nico to go ahead of her. He stepped into their suite and she barrelled in straight after him, closing the door behind her.

‘I don’t want to leave her too long,’ she said. ‘I’m pretty sure she’s not feeling nearly as well as she’s trying to make out.’ Biting her lip, Charlotte stared down at her hands. ‘I
think
she wants me out of the way so she can take another dose of her painkillers.’

‘Is there anything I can do to help?’

‘I don’t think so.’ Charlotte shook her head. ‘But…thank you…’

Nico had the distinct impression that the hesitation meant that Charlotte had something else she wanted to say. So he waited. Sure enough, her chin rose as she took a very deep breath.

‘I don’t mean just for offering to help with Gran…’ The movement of Charlotte’s facial muscles suggested acute embarrassment. ‘Thank you for…you know…’

Nico raised an eyebrow. Was this it? So much for fearing that Charlotte might think she’d fallen in love with him! Was last night going to be a polite ‘Thank you’ and ‘You’re most welcome’ kind of exchange?

He felt distinctly piqued even though he knew he
should be relieved. But it deserved something more than that, surely?

He stepped closer. Close enough for them to be breathing the same air. He bent his head as if he was about to kiss her but stopped halfway there.

‘I can assure you it was very much my pleasure.’

Her eyes widened and he heard her catch her breath but then she stepped back. Only a tiny step, admittedly, but it was enough to send a very clear message. Charlotte didn’t want to be kissed again this morning. And there was enough tension in the air to make Nico wonder if she was trying to get back into her old comfort zone. That might explain the way she was dressed and the hairstyle that defied anyone to try and run their fingers through those long tresses.

‘Don’t… .’ The word escaped from him as a whisper. A soft groan almost.

‘D-don’t what?’ she stuttered.

Nico had to close his eyes for a heartbeat. He hadn’t intended saying this but maybe it needed to be said. ‘Don’t dismiss last night as a one-off.’

Oh…
Dio…would
she think he was asking to see her again?

Maybe he was…

With a mental shake Nico forced a smile to his lips. ‘Don’t ever stop believing that you’re special. That what you have to offer would be more than enough for any man you chose to be with.’ He straightened his spine and tried to keep his smile from faltering. ‘There’s a whole world of men out there, Charlotte. You’ll find someone one day and you’ll know he’s the person you
want to share your life with. Don’t let your past hold you back.’

She was nodding. Blinking hard as though determined not to cry. And when she spoke, her voice was remarkably strong.

‘Back at you, Nico Moretti.’ Okay, her smile was a bit wobbly. ‘Don’t be afraid to fall in love in someone or let your past hold
you
back. You need to trust yourself and find someone who can appreciate all you have to offer because…it’s a lot.’

Find someone?

Someone else, she meant.

It was Nico’s turn to nod. To smile. This extraordinary connection they had was because they’d shared things they’d never shared with others. It was a new experience—much as this train journey was new. Totally unrelated to normal life and it couldn’t be expected to continue. They both knew that. At least, this way, they could part with special memories of their brief time together.

Charlotte was twisting the ring on her finger. ‘I should give this back,’ she said.

‘There’s no rush.’ Nico shrugged. ‘Despite your wise words, I’m not about to go hunting for a wife. And even if I found someone, I don’t really think she’d want to wear such an old-fashioned ring.’

‘It’s a beautiful ring,’ Charlotte said immediately. ‘A family heirloom. A symbol of what’s held you back even.
I’d
wear it.’

‘You
are
wearing it.’ He had to smile. ‘Not that I gave you much choice about that.’

Charlotte’s breath came out in a huff. ‘I mean, you’d
have to make sure that whoever you really give it to understands its significance. The promise. You’d have to tell her everything you told me.’

As if he was ever going to find someone to share soul-deep secrets with again. Once was enough. Like this train journey.

They were both staring at the ring.

‘I’ll have to take it off as soon as I get back to work,’ Charlotte said. ‘I wouldn’t be able to wear a ring like this even if I
was
engaged.’

‘There’s no rush,’ Nico said again. ‘Just see how things go with your
nonna
. You know where I work.’

Charlotte nodded again. ‘At the Hammersmith, yes?’

‘Yes. And it doesn’t matter if I’m not there for some reason. You could just leave it with my secretary.’

‘But…’ There was a lot not being said here. About how long she might want to keep up the pretence. How long it would take for her grandmother to die. Her lips trembled. ‘But it’s precious…’