Front & Center (Book 2 of the Back-Up Series) (10 page)

Leila allows me to lead her to an empty dressing room. The minute I close the door, I come right to the point.

“You really pissed me off
with your stupid comment.”

“I could tell by your clenching jaw.”
I give her a look she chooses to ignore. “I meant every word of it.”

“
You regret falling in love with me?” I ask dumbfounded.

“No.
I regret you met me though.”

“
What
? It’s the same fucking thing.” She stands motionless, not denying my claim. “Damn it Leila, knock it off! How many times do I have to tell you I don’t regret any of it? Not meeting you, not falling in love with you, any of it!”

“You are
biased, Jack. Those guys aren’t. I can’t help but feel they all regret the day I showed up.”

“No
, they don’t.”

“Now you need to knock it off.
They deserve more than a mediocre tour filled with bullshit. That’s what this will all be reduced to if the fans hate us together.” She crosses her arms defiantly and turns her back to me.

“Did you just hear what I shared with them? Were you listening?” She
turns and stares at me impassively. “It’s a stupid picture. It’s not a big deal.”

“
Exactly. Look at the shit-storm one picture is stirring up. Can you imagine what we’ll have to deal with once the news of her pregnancy leaks? What the guys will have to deal with then?”

“
You promised you wouldn’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“Shut me out.”

“I’m not shutting you out. I’m telling you exactly how I feel.
I wasn’t considering the guys in all of this. I was consumed with you being a dad, what that meant to us, what that meant to me. I finally woke up today and realized how much this could affect them.”

Sitting in the nearest chair, I
viciously rake my hands through my hair. “
Wha
t are you saying?”

“Maybe we should take a break.”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” The volume of my voice causes her to jump.

“
Just until all this crap blows over,” she responds in almost a whisper.

I stare at her like she lost her mind
. “How the fuck is that going to solve anything? You are asking me to live on that bus and not be with you? Pretend I don’t love you more than anything else in this fucking world?” I’m not reaching her. I can tell because she won’t even make eye contact with me.

“I’m asking for you to consider the guys.”

“The guys don’t care that we are together.”

“They
’ll care if the fans do.”

Taking a step closer to her, she steps back.
“So you want to table our relationship for a bunch of what-ifs?” Again she stands motionless. What the hell has gotten into her? 

“Leila, even Jen is fighting for us.
Jen
! How the hell are we going to make it if you won’t fight for us?”

Leila sits heavily
on the couch, still avoiding my gaze. Kneeling in front of her, I take her hand in mine and soften my voice in an attempt to get through to her. “You said you loved me.”

“You know I do.”

“Then why are you trying to deny it?”

“I’m not denying it.
We’ve been in denial, pretending our relationship doesn’t affect them.” She pulls her hands away and adds, “I’m scared.”

“I will not let anything happen to you.”

“I’m not scared about my safety.” She says impatiently. “I’m scared I’ll be the reason you don’t succeed.”

“Baby, please
stop. You aren’t listening. We are moving in the right direction. The label is behind us. The guys are behind us. Please promise me you’ll stop thinking this way.”

She doesn’t respond
when I surround her with my arms. She suddenly stiffens and pulls out of my embrace.

“Jack, I need time.”

“Ok. I’ll give you a few minutes to calm down.”

“No.
I need time.”

She
meets my gaze for a moment, before turning away as one single tear rolls down her cheek.

Her steely stance, her detached aura, her indifference
towards this entire situation angers me more than anything else. I thought I knew this woman.

I take a step forward until we are
practically nose-to-nose, my hands clenched in fists at my sides, as a means to control the rage I feel coursing through my veins. It reverberates with every breath I take.

“I’ll give you your fucking time so you can get your head on straight. But if you think I’m walking away from this just because you are having a fucking panic attack, you don’t know me very well.”

I storm out of the room and viciously slam the door behind me.

When I walk into the room the guys are
sitting in, I instantly know they’ve heard my outburst. “Hunt. Please wait for her and walk her to the bus.”

“What happened?”

“She’s losing it. She feels she’s ruining your chances to make it big, and she’s fucking freaking out!”

I grab a
beer and bolt from the holding room. I need air to squelch this dangerous feeling bubbling up inside. I’ve felt rage before, but this is different. It’s tinged with desperation. It’s so foreign, and I have no idea what to do with it. I’ve never needed another person in my life like I need her. The more I’m with her, the more I need her to survive. What the fuck has happened to me?

I storm out of the room, down the hall, and to
wards the bus. Pacing the parking lot isn’t helping with my rage. I hurl the beer bottle through the air and watch it smash to a million pieces against the pavement. One of the roadies chooses to approach me at that unfortunate moment.

“
Um, Jack.”

“WHAT!”

Once he sees the look on my face, he retreats and falters slightly. “Um, Dylan wants to see you. He’s on our bus.”

I walk onto Dylan’s bus to find him on the phone.
He puts up a finger and I sit on the couch still seething. I need to convince her that she is so wrong. While I wait for Dylan to finish up, I quickly text Hunter.

do me a favor.
talk to her
.              

Hunter replies immediately.

will do
.

Dylan hangs up and watches me skeptically. “What’s
wrong?”

“Nothing.”
I respond through gritted teeth.

“Well, that was Krista. She re
iterated their plan. I need to take a picture of the two of you and send it to them.”

“What kind of picture?”

“I don’t know, an embrace? A kiss? Something intimate. It needs to be in a public place so it would look like a fan took it.”

“Fine. When and where?”

“Whenever, but the sooner the better. Also, the arena in New York found something on the security tapes.”

My blood runs cold. “What?”

At my expression, he shakes his head. “Just someone lurking around the back. It was hard to see and it was grainy, but it was definitely a man…thin, average height.”

“Can’t be Danny, he’s
built and almost as tall as I am.”

“It was probably a roadie or stage hand. You can’t see the front of the bus
because the other bus was blocking the shot.”

“I guess it was a coincidence.”

“You still want me pushing for security?”

“Yes. Is that it?”

“
Are you ok? That’s some pretty awesome news Jen shared. Why aren’t you happy?”

“I am
.”

I stalk off the bus and
run right into the roadie who said Dylan wanted to see me.
He is leaning against the bus, busy on his cell. For the life of me I can’t remember his name.

“
Hey, I’m sorry, man.”

He shifts uncomfortably. “Sure. N
o problem, Jack.”

My gut
instinct is to go back to Leila, but based on my frame of mind, I decide against it. I’m hoping Hunter is with her right now talking some sense into her.             

I haven’t seen Jack this pissed since he stormed out of my apartment the night Dylan’s phone call interrupted our lovemaking. That night, he quickly reeled it in and came back. This time I’m hoping he gives me my space. I know if I’m near him, he will cloud my judgment. I need to think clearly and that wouldn’t be a possibility being around him.

There’s a quick knock at the
door before Hunter asks, “Leila, can I come in?”

“No
.”

Hunter slowly opens the door, watching me cautiously.
“Too bad.” His posture is defensive as if I’m a caged animal about to attack him. It’s almost comical. “He said you’re freaking out.”

“He’s right.
Did he send you here?”

He shrugs and
slowly walks towards me, clearly out of his element. I feel sorry for him. I feel bad Jack subjected him to a situation he clearly has no experience dealing with…an extremely emotional woman.

“Um,
so why are you freaking out?” He has always reminded me of Evan. Having him here with me, he suddenly becomes my substitute best friend, whether he likes it or not.

“I’m screwing things up for you guys.”

“No you aren’t.”

“Hunter,
please. Don’t say things only because you know he would want you to say them.”

“I’m not.”

I give him an incredulous look. “Hunter, I heard you all talking. Please stop lying to me.”

“Talking about what?”

Crap…m
e and my big mouth.

“
I heard you tell Jack before rehearsal that you and the guys are worried about how this is going to pan out.”

Hunter frowns, confusion on his face. “Wait, we were all telling Jack
that we are concerned about you guys. That we feel you deserve to be happy and we support your relationship. That’s what you heard?”

“No.”

“Then you heard wrong. We all told Jack, this sucks. You shouldn’t have to go through this and we support you. You heard that part, right?”

“No.”

“Ok then, are you jumping to conclusions?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Hunter takes my hand. “Leila, h
ear me out. He doesn’t always make the right decisions. He fucked up a few times since I’ve known him. He fucked up in college. He fucked up with how he handled your relationship in the beginning. He did not fuck up when it came to hiring you. He did not fuck up because he fell in love with you. He loves you. We all do. You joining us was meant to be.”

I sigh heavily and
he watches me for a few seconds. “Leila, I’ve never seen him this happy. I’ve never seen him this content. This was supposed to happen. You are supposed to be together.”

“I keep panicking. I keep…”
I quickly stop myself when I remember Hunter doesn’t know about Jessa’s situation. I was just about to confess how much the baby news is wreaking havoc on my mind and that’s what I’m really worried about. Once that news is out, all hell will break loose.

I instead
say, “I love him so much. I love you all. I wouldn’t recover if our situation causes you to not reach the success you all deserve.”

“Leila,
we are there. A year ago we were playing in dive bars in the city. Now we are traveling the country on a cushy tour bus with sold out shows, and our album is climbing the charts. It’s going to take a lot more than you and Jack’s relationship to derail this train.”

L
ike a rock-star having a relationship with his back-up singer, while his baby mama is home pining away for him.             

Hunter waits for me to absorb his words. After a few minutes he finally speaks again. “Leila, he needs you. We all do.
You need to stop this. We are not at all upset, concerned, or regretful that you and Jack got together. You are part of us now. We all adore you. We love seeing him this happy. We don’t give a crap what anyone out there thinks. We are a talented bunch of fuckers and our music will get us where we need to be. Stupid internet gossip means nothing to us.”

He stands and
holds his hand out to me. “Come. I’m sure he’s frantic by now.” A vision of Jack sulking causes a pain in my chest. I don’t want to hurt him. Ironically, my behavior is doing just that.

I take Hunter’s hand. “Ok.”

He pulls me into a hug before leading me out of the room. As we walk towards the buses, Hunter turns and asks, “No more freaking out?”

I can’t promise that. So instead I joke, “What fun would that be?”

“So true.”

Jack
steps off the bus with his cell phone in hand just as my mine starts playing,
Tie Me Down
. We stand face to face, each waiting for the other to speak. Hunter squeezes my hand and stealthily slinks onto the bus, closing the door behind him.

“Hi.”

“What the
hell
was that?”

“I overheard your conversation with
them regarding our relationship.”

Jack looks confused for a second. “And?”

“I heard Hunter telling you they were worried.”

“
And you heard that he and the guys support us, and are happy for us?”

“No.”

“Jesus Christ. So now you understand they do support us?” When I don’t respond, he steps away, agitated. “Really, Leila?”

“
Hunter clarified they are happy for us. I still can’t help it. There is a lot of crap riding on our success. Most of it because of us, and the worst is yet to come. Plus, Jessa’s news is still not out, and I’m extremely insecure about the band’s future once people get wind of it. Jack, I don’t know how to deal with those feelings. You can’t blame me for that.”

Jack
steps closer and strokes my cheek while his smoky grey eyes gaze right into my soul.

“Baby, I don’t know how to
help you with those feelings, but you need to detach them from us.”

“How can I
do that? Let’s picture the Devil’s Lair of a few months ago. What would you all be doing right now? Partying and celebrating that your album is climbing the charts and you are adding dates.”

“We are celebrating. If you paid attention, the
guys were stoked from the news that Jen shared. Besides, our success is because you joined the band.”

“There is no way of knowing that.”

“It’s probable. We have to do this together. Because the alternative, being apart, is not an option.” Jack searches my face for signs of doubt.

“
Jack, you know how vulnerable I feel towards the powers of the Internet and my career. This is hard for me. I promise to
try
not to freak out anymore.”

“You need to promise not to push me away.”

“It wouldn’t matter. I could push all I want, eventually you wear me down.”

Rolling his eyes
, he adds, “I love you, even when you are a royal pain in my ass.”

“
Ditto.”




Cleveland turned out to be my favorite tour stop so far. We arrived early, since it’s only a two-hour ride from Pittsburgh. Jack canceled rehearsals, claiming we all needed the time to chill out and celebrate. We all went to a greasy diner for a late breakfast. Then we went straight to Horseshoe Casino. We gambled, we drank, and we laughed. It was just what we all needed. Jack and I slipped away, finding a bar in the casino that played Oldies.

We
danced to Elvis’
I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You
. I fell in love with him all over again. His lips on my ear and the sound of his voice sent jolts throughout my entire body.

It was the middle of the day and the bar was empty.
He sang along to almost every song they played, while holding me close and swaying to the music. We finally had a perfect date.

When we got back to the bus, Dylan was waiting for us with news that the planted pictures and blog entries were
released into cyberspace. The studio also released their statement on Devil’s Lair’s website after our Pittsburgh show. The announcement seemed to appease our fans. There were many posts of congratulations and well wishes. It’s as if they were waiting for us to come clean. My haters not so much, but in comparison to the supporters, their numbers didn’t seem so scary.

Our
show that night in Cleveland was perfect. Jack introduced me by singing
Brown Eyed Girl
. He told the crowd it was a personal favorite. Once done, he sat on his stool center stage with his guitar. While strumming the chords, he asked the crowd for silence.

“So I have something to tell you guys.” They responded with cheers and screams. 

Chuckling, he asked, “Can you guys let me talk?” The crowd ignored him, the decibels only increasing with his request.

“
Please?” Their response was to add whistling and hooting.

“No? W
ell I’m going to talk anyway. Have you heard my new song?” The noise level in the arena increased to a fever pitch. He waited for them to settle down and then asked, “Do you like it?” I actually felt the stage beneath my feet vibrating from their response.

He chuckle
d again at their enthusiasm. “Oh, good. I’m glad you like it. I was worried. I lied, though. I didn’t write it for Trey.”

Laughter filled
the stadium. Jack laughed with them. “Seriously…I wrote it for someone very special to me. I wrote it for an amazing girl who changed my life and rocked my world.” Jack paused briefly, still strumming chords on his guitar. While smiling wide, he continued. “So, I love her.” The crowd went crazy.

“
This one is for
my
brown-eyed girl.” My heart pounded frantically from watching his performance and to the amount of emotion he stirred within me from his song. It was even better than the first time he sang it. This time, he allowed his own emotions to come through. He glanced over to where I was standing and searched my eyes, sending bolt after bolt of electricity through the air straight into my heart.

The crowd loved it. This set the tone for the rest of our show. Jack was ecstatic and it showed on stage. This sexy, talented, romantic, perfect specimen was declaring his feelings for me. It touched me more than anything ever had in my entire life.

He
held my hand during our encore, confirming to the masses in attendance that we were together. The applause became thunderous.

He leaned over and said, “See, there was no need to freak out.”

He was right.

As I scanned the hoards of faceless bodies, watching
from the stage while they all applauded and screamed for us, while his hand tightly gripped mine, I decided I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at that moment. It felt perfect.

Our next stop
s were Grand Rapids, Indianapolis, then Detroit, all back-to-back nights. All three shows pretty much went the same way as our Cleveland show did. The only difference was Jack’s flirting increased each night.

Once on the bus
, I sat on the laptop scouring posts and comments and searching for any evil wishers that were tainting our success. We have officially been out-ed as a couple to our fans, and so far I haven’t found any to be concerned about. The Leila haters were still out there, but their numbers weren’t increasing all that much. If at all possible, their posts were getting more hurtful. Krista and Jen were constantly on top of the situation, interjecting
happy thoughts
wherever and whenever they could.

After our
Detroit show, we all got rip roaring drunk. There wasn’t a rush to pull out, so we all hit the closest bar and drank our asses off. Even Dylan and some of the roadies joined us. The redhead, who I suspect has a crush on Jack, came along as well. His name is Kyle and he’s painfully shy. It was funny watching him watch Jack all night.

A few patrons recognized us, taking the opportunity to join our loud, obnoxious gathering. It was just what we all needed.

It was four a
.m. once we stumbled back to the bus. The guys immediately crashed. Jack and I stayed out front, laughing and making out. At times we were so loud, they threatened to kick us off the bus
while we were moving
if we didn’t shut up. Their crankiness fueled our antics even more. By five a.m., Jack and I took our party to our room and had drunk-induced, raunchy sex. He took me from behind as my naked breasts pressed up against the darkened window. It was so erotic. Even though no one could see me, the illusion was enough to enhance my already
mind-blowing
orgasm.

“Ok,
you need to fess up.”

“Huh?” I respond
sleepily. My eyes drift closed again just as I feel Jack pulling a taut nipple in between his lips. I’m so conflicted. I’m exhausted, but I’m also now aroused…again.

“Jack…What are you doing? I need sleep.” Swirling his tongue around my nipple, he sucks hard until my eye
s fly open. “Jack, it’s so early. You’re killing me.”