Frost Hollow Hall (26 page)

‘Oh no, not Kit’s room, I can’t go in there. I can’t bear it.’

‘Go on. She’s waiting for you.’

Dorcas tapped at the door, then nudged me forwards as Lady Barrington called from inside. Feeling sick, I went in.

And gasped.

All the windows were wide open, making the room feel cool and fresh. There was no fire lit; the grate had been swept clean. Packing cases stood open, their straw spilling onto the floor. The bed had been stripped, the books and pens almost cleared. Bobbing her head in my direction was another new maid. She put down her work and left the room.

It was only then I noticed her Ladyship. She was stood as usual by the window, and she looked so small and slight I’d have hardly known it was her. Her frock was as fine as any I’d seen her wear. But this time it wasn’t black: it was the colour of doves. She still wore the brooch over her heart and indeed it looked well on her.

On seeing me, she rushed to my side like some long-lost friend. I was mightily taken aback.

‘Tilly! You’re awake at last!’

She’d even called me Tilly. I didn’t know quite what to say.

‘I can see this is a shock to you,’ she said. ‘I’m trying to be brave, myself. But it’s no good holding on to these things of Kit’s, is it? It’ll never bring him back.’

‘No, your Ladyship.’

And she was right, of course, but it did make me low, seeing Kit’s things in boxes like he really was gone. The last dream I’d had came back to me then, of Kit and me high above the snow, and his fingers slipping out of my grasp. Here we were, doing what he’d wanted us to do. We were letting go at last.

‘Are you still set on leaving us?’ said Lady Barrington. ‘Can I not tempt you to stay?’

Just a few days ago, I’d have given my eye teeth for this job. But our weasel of a landlord didn’t scare me now. What Ma and me would face, we’d face together.

‘We’re desperate for money, it’s true. But my ma needs me and I need her. We’ll think of something, somehow.’

And though I didn’t say so, the real reason I’d come here was for Kit. Now he was gone, Frost Hollow Hall was nothing more to me than a big old house with far too many floors to clean.

Lady Barrington smiled. ‘A mother would be blessed to have such a daughter.’

I felt my cheeks flush with pride.

‘And don’t fret about money. Arrangements will be made. I cannot ever repay you for what you’ve done.’

Then she held out her hand like she meant me to shake it. I gave mine a quick wipe on my skirts and held it out to her. She took it and pulled me close.

‘I have to tell you. Something extraordinary has happened.’ Her voice had dropped to a thrilling whisper.

‘Really?’

‘Can you believe it? Last night I had a dream.’

My heart leapt. ‘Oh! Tell me!’

‘I dreamed I was in this very room. It was filled with sunlight and birdsong, and Kit was here, standing right where you are now. An angel appeared – it was calling to him, beckoning for him to join it. He wanted to go, but before he went he took my hand.’

I bit back the tears.

Lady Barrington let go of me then, moving to her place at the window and tilting her face to the breeze. ‘He said something to me. Just one simple word – that was all. But heavens, how I needed to hear it!’

‘What was it?’

She turned to me, her whole face smiling.

‘Live.’

40

Something Quite Remarkable

I found Will in the kitchens eating cake. Just the sight of him made my eyes fill up. Before I could stop myself, I threw my arms right round him and blubbed into his shoulder.

‘Thank God you’re all right!’

‘Watch out for old waterworks!’ he laughed.

Yet his arms went round me too, and we stayed like that for a long moment, with my face nestled into his shirt front. Then he tipped his head slightly, smoothing back my hair so I felt his mouth warm against my ear.

‘Clever you,’ he said in a voice so low that only I could hear it.

I shivered with happiness.

‘I couldn’t have done it without your help,’ I said.

He squeezed me tight. It made my insides go fluttery and strange. I pulled back, sharpish.
What the heck was the matter with me?

Fumbling about for a chair, I saw the smirk on Cook’s face. I sat down with a bump.

‘So,’ I said, trying to act normal, ‘is your leg better, Will?’

It was hard to look at him. Each time I did, the fluttery feeling came back. I’d never noticed that his eyes were so dark, nor how his face went all soft when he smiled. He was fine-looking, all right. No wonder he was always so pleased with himself.

‘Didn’t know you cared,’ he said.

Cook laughed. ‘’Course she does, you daft thing! Anyone with half a brain can see that.’

I did my best to ignore her and said to Will briskly, ‘You up to walking home, then? Only I want to go today.’

‘I could give it a go,’ he said.

He pulled up his trouser leg, wincing. The bite was bandaged up so there wasn’t much to see, but his leg looked stiff and swollen.

My spirits sank. ‘You can’t walk on that.’

‘Try getting a ride with Mrs Jessop, then,’ said Cook. ‘Go to the front of the house and you’ll catch her. They’re loading her things onto the coach.’

I felt a sudden pang in my chest. ‘Is she leaving right now?’

‘She is. Going to the coast to take the air. Long time coming, if you ask me.’

I raced out the back door and round to the front steps. Mrs Jessop was stood amongst a pile of cases, wearing a brown coat and smart straw hat. She shielded her eyes from the sun as she saw me coming.

‘Hullo,’ she said, as I skidded to a halt in front of her. ‘Seems we’re both leaving today.’

Before long, the coach set off up the driveway. Will and me had squeezed ourselves into one seat with Mrs Jessop facing us on the other. Except she didn’t look our way, not once. She gazed out the window the whole time. I bet she was thinking of Ada.

The main Frostcombe road was all potholes and slush, throwing Will against me with every lurch. We laughed a bit and he excused himself. But as the road evened out, I noticed how his arm stayed touching mine.

Just before the village, we stopped at Will’s house to let him out. Then it was my turn, though our lane was too narrow for a carriage.

‘This’ll do me,’ I said, jumping down.

‘Just a moment.’

Mrs Jessop climbed out after me, telling the driver to wait. My eyes prickled; I prayed she didn’t have notions of walking me right to my front door.

‘Let me show you something, Tilly.’

She opened a bag and pulled out a parcel wrapped in brown paper. My heart lurched. It was the same flat package Lady Barrington had taken from the drawer at the séance. Kit’s final present to Ada.

I dithered uneasily, not sure I wanted to look at such a personal gift. But the packaging itself had already come loose, so I guessed I wasn’t the first to have a peek inside.

‘Go on, open it,’ Mrs Jessop said, nudging it into my hands. ‘Her Ladyship kept it all this time, and today she gave it to me.’

With shaking fingers, I pulled back the wrapping. What I saw was beautiful, so beautiful it made my chest hurt. For here was a pencil drawing of the most lovely angel I had ever seen, lovelier than the statue at Kit’s graveside, lovelier even than the drawings in his sketchbook. There was no fancy writing, no gushing ‘to my dearest . . .’s. What he’d chosen instead was simple. At the bottom of the picture in a copperplate hand were the sweetest words: ‘To Ada.’

His gift was perfect.

Yet Ada never lived to see it.

‘It’s so lovely,’ I said finally, and handed it back to Mrs Jessop. ‘Maybe Kit was Ada’s special angel. He certainly was mine.’

She put the package back in her bag, then took my hand. ‘I often wondered why you didn’t drown that day. There’s something about you, Tilly. Something quite remarkable.’

I knew if I looked at her, I’d cry.

‘Go home now.’ Letting me go, she climbed back into the carriage.

I cried out, ‘Mrs Jessop, wait!’

She pulled down the window.

‘I must ask, do
you
think I look like Ada?’

She smiled sadly. ‘At first I thought so, yes. It quite unsettled me. But I don’t think you look like her any more.’

‘What’s changed?’

‘You. Me. Everything,’ she said. ‘And I hope we’ll be better people for it.’

I didn’t stay to watch the carriage go. I ran straight to our house and lifted the latch. Ma leapt up so fast, her mending work fell in a heap on the floor.

‘What’s happened? What you gone and done?’ she cried.

‘Nothing, Ma,’ I said, though it wasn’t exactly true. ‘But you’d better sit down again.’

As simply as I could, I told her. She half-laughed, half-gasped, and by the time I’d finished her eyes were bright with tears. We fell quiet, like two people unsure what to do next.

Then she held out her arms to me. ‘Come here, child.’

So I did.

Dreaming: 7

I’m stood near water, barefoot. This must be the lake at Frost Hollow Hall but it looks so different, I hardly recognise it. The trees are in bud, the banks full of snowdrops and the lake all silky smooth and sparkling like the finest, bluest eyes.

Everything is beautiful.

Above my head, I hear wing-beats. Two white birds – they look like doves – are lifting off into the air. The sight of them makes my heart soar. Beneath my feet, the grass is warm. I reckon I could stay here for ever.

Yet someone is calling to me. It’s time to go. I turn round to see a figure coming towards me across the grass. The sun’s behind them. I shield my eyes for a better look. Now I see their smiling face, a face so dear to me I could burst.

41

The Rightful Place

Early next morning I found a basket of food on our doorstep. It was sent from the Hall, with a note from her Ladyship saying our rent had been ‘arranged’ so we’d nothing to fear, and that she’d write me the best character a maid could ask for. Ma made me read it over and over, and even then it took a while to sink in.

After a fine breakfast of bacon and bread, Ma settled to her work and I did the pots and scrubbed the floor. It felt good to be busy at something. For not far beneath the surface, I reckoned we were both still sad. But then, it
would
take time, wouldn’t it? Up at the Hall, it had taken years. Ma and me, we’d made a start, at least.

The day itself was bright and warm, so I kept our front door open as I worked. Anyone might’ve walked right in, I wouldn’t have cared, though I’d have made them take their boots off so as not to ruin my floor.

But no one did come.

And as the day wore on, I hoped a particular
someone
would call by. I listened for footsteps up the path, and decided to clean the windows for an excuse to keep an eye out. And just as I knelt to scrub the front step
again
, our gate swung open at last.

‘I’ll get it!’ I said, leaping to my feet.

‘If it’s that nice lad Will Potter, be sure to invite him in,’ called Ma.

Blushing, I turned to see not Will at all, but a man in a dark uniform and hat. My heart sank.

‘Matilda Higgins?’ he said.

‘That’s me,’ I said.

‘I’ve got post for you.’

He handed me a thick envelope. I peered at it. I’d never had a letter in my whole blooming life. And now I’d got one, I wasn’t sure what to do with it. One look at the envelope and I went hot then cold all at once. I knew that handwriting anywhere.

It was from Eliza.

I didn’t dare take it back inside. I went a little way down the lane to a low wall, where I sat and waited for my heartbeat to steady down. I couldn’t bring myself to read the damned thing. Instead, I left it unopened in my lap and shutting my eyes I listened to the blackbirds singing. The sun was warm, the air smelled of earth and wet grass. If I stayed here just like this, Eliza couldn’t hurt me any more.

It was no good. I had to read it.

I picked up the envelope. The postmark looked like ‘Liverpool’, though the ‘ool’ was hard to see against the little black stamp. I took a deep breath.

The letter was only short. Even so, it was a job to focus on the words.

Dear Tilly,

By the time this reaches you, you might of forgotten us already. Or cut us from your lives – I wouldn’t blame you for that. But you must know that I couldn’t bring myself to pawn your ring. It just weren’t right, not when I saw the name inside it and what with all you’d said about your queer dream – though where you got such a thing God only knows. But, see, I do have a heart, after all.

Pa wanted you to know something. Last Sunday, when he nearly came home he saw you. You was with Will Potter on the road heading towards Frost Hollow Hall. He said you looked excited and happy, like a person heading off on an adventure. And he was glad that you weren’t sat at home waiting for him. Seeing you so purposeful made him strong. It gave him the guts to follow his dream. He thinks you’ll be better off without him. Lord knows you’ll be better off without me!

In two days’ time, we set sail for America on board a vast ship called the
Britannic
. Pa still has this little dream that you might come after us. So if you change your mind we’re staying at . . .

I didn’t read the rest.

I shook the envelope like a mad thing. A small gold ring fell into my hand. I grasped it tight, and started to laugh, since the joy was too much. And then of a sudden I was crying. The tears fell fast and hot. My whole body trembled, but I didn’t hold back. I let myself weep. And as I sat and sobbed ’til my throat ached, the ring turned warm in my hand, just as it had a week ago when I’d found it in the hem of my frock.