Frost Hollow Hall (8 page)

How odd.

The mattress was bare.

Where the heck was the bed sheet?

I hoped to God she hadn’t nicked that and all, since we didn’t have another one.

My foot caught on something soft. The sheet was half hidden under the bed like someone had stuffed it there in a hurry. In amongst it was a dark shape. I grabbed the candle and thrust it before me. The shape was a stocking, the very one I’d hidden Kit’s ring in. My heart began to race.

Oh no. Please. No.

I bent to pick it up. It felt horribly light and empty in my hand. As I sank to my knees and started to sob, I already knew what Eliza had done. Anyone bold enough to take the rent money from her mother’s pot was never going to leave a gold ring behind.

I was crying so hard, I could barely breathe. I didn’t care that Ma might hear me. I screwed the stocking up in a tight ball and hurled it at the wall.

No father. No sister. No ring.

What did anything matter now?

I crawled into bed and willed sleep to come.

Dreaming: 3

My fingers are white like bones picked clean by fishes. I can’t feel them at all. Above my head, the ice holds fast. Every step, every breath is exhausting. My chest is tight, I can’t breathe deep enough. I’m tired of this place. It’s too cold, too dark. If only I could just lie down. The dark gets darker. My eyes begin to close.

Out of nowhere a pale shape comes towards me. It’s him, the boy; Kit Barrington.

Goodness, the look of him! All I can do is stare. His beauty works on me like magic. But his eyes are pleading, desperate. I should be doing something, I know I should, but my head is all dizzy and I can’t think straight.

I see his mouth form the words: ‘Help me!’

As he moves closer, panic flares up in my chest.

Why me? Can’t he see that I’m useless?

The tiredness is overwhelming. My arms and legs go heavy. I want to sleep, to give up on this and never open my eyes again.

He’s crying now. I shake my head. He’s got me all wrong. I’m no help to anyone. He grips my hands tight, the chill of his fingers biting into mine. He’s holding onto me for dear life. He needs me. I’m his only hope.

Even his tears are beautiful.

12

Going into Service

When I opened my eyes it hit me all over again. I swore I’d been punched in the heart. I pulled the covers over my head and curled up tight in a ball. It didn’t make the hurting go away. The early-morning sun shone in through the window just like this was any other Wednesday.

Except it wasn’t.

Slowly it dawned on me. There was little to be done about Pa and Eliza. But there was plenty I could do for Kit, especially as a maid in his family’s house. Lying here feeling sorry for myself wasn’t helping no one.

Ma got up soon after I did. She looked a mess. Her frock was stained and her hair unpinned, and she moved about the place like a sleepwalker. I’d expected more ranting, more fury. Not this. It made her seem sadder than ever.

I’d just got the stove lit, when a sharp knock at the door made us both jump out of our skins. Ma’s look turned suddenly wild.

‘Don’t answer it!’ she hissed. ‘He’ll be wanting the rent again.’

‘I know you’re in there, Clara Higgins,’ said a voice from the doorstep. ‘And I’m warning you, if you don’t open this door, I’ll break it down myself.’

‘We can’t put him off for ever, Ma.’

Wiping my hands on my skirts, I opened the door. The landlord stepped back, surprised.

‘Oh aye, doing your mammy’s dirty work then, are you?’ he said.

Up close, he looked like a prize rodent. He had small eyes set in a very red face, and when he spoke, his front teeth seemed too large for his mouth.

‘My, you’ve grown into a pretty young thing, haven’t you?’ His gaze ran over me in a way I didn’t much like.

Shame I can’t say the same
, I thought, and folded my arms. ‘Exactly how much do we owe you?’

‘More than you can afford by the looks of it,’ he said, leering. ‘I’m warning you, I’ve got another family I could move in here tomorrow.’

‘We need a bit more time.’

He came closer. ‘You’ve had time, missy.’

Though my heart was racing, I stood my ground. ‘You’ll get your money, I promise.’

‘I want it now.’

‘Well we in’t got it now.’

He moved closer still. I smelled the gin on his breath. ‘ You ain’t too growed up for a clip round the ear . . .’

Ma pushed past me in the doorway. ‘Take this, you vulture!’ she cried.

Something gold spun through the air. It hit the landlord square in the chest. For one confusing second, I was sure it was Kit’s ring, and a sob broke from my mouth as I went to grab it. The landlord got there first, scrabbling through the snow like a terrier at a foxhole. He held up Ma’s own wedding ring between his thumb and forefinger. I looked at her in total dismay.

So this was what it had come to. We’d finally sunk this low.

But she wouldn’t meet my eye. She was breathing hard and glaring at the landlord.

‘Cheap gold,’ he said, getting to his feet. ‘It’ll buy you a couple of weeks, then you’re out.’

Without another word, Ma pulled me back inside and slammed the door. She collapsed into her seat, exhausted.

‘What we going to do, Tilly? We can’t find that money in two weeks.’

I was still in a state of shock. ‘You gave him your wedding ring.’

‘I had no choice.’

‘But your
wedding ring
?’

‘Leave it be,’ she said.

My eyes stung. I felt my throat go thick. A gold ring stood for love, didn’t it? Pure, proper love. Here was Ma throwing hers out the door like it counted for nothing. Maybe it didn’t any more for her or Pa. And as a thought,
that
hurt quite enough. Then there was Kit’s ring. I’d left it in a stocking, for flip’s sake, where anyone with half a brain might find it.

And someone had.

If I clapped eyes on my sister now, I’d rip her beating heart out. Though in truth I doubted she even had one. She was no better than that foul-faced landlord. In fact, she was worse, thieving from her own flesh and blood. I blamed
her
, fair and square. Yet I felt sore too since some of the blame lay with me. Kit had given me a precious thing and I’d not taken proper care of it. If a gold ring stood for love, then what the heck did that say about
me
?

‘Go to the mill and ask about Eliza’s old job,’ said Ma. ‘They might give it you if you’re quick.’

I stared at her. ‘The
mill
?’

‘We need money, Tilly. And it’s time you got a serious job, a girl of your age.’

‘But there’s a housemaid’s job going. It’s what I want to do, really it is,’ I said all in a rush. ‘Though it’ll mean living in.’

She looked at me blankly.

‘And it’ll pay more than I get at the school.’

‘Are you set on it?’

‘I am.’

‘So where’s this job to?’

‘Frost Hollow Hall.’

She did a heavy sigh. ‘I thought you’d seen enough of that place.’

But that’s just it
, I wanted to say,
I haven’t seen enough of it by far
.

‘It’s a good position,’ I said. ‘I’d be lucky to get it.’

Ma’s face darkened. ‘It’s a fine household, yes, but there’s been ill luck and broken hearts a-plenty in that family. No one stays working there for long.’

‘You said that was just idle gossip.’

‘Some of it, maybe,’ she said. ‘But if you want to go into service, you’d do better trying somewhere else.’

I shook my head. I didn’t fancy clearing up after just anyone. My heart was set on this job. It was my chance to be a fly on the wall, a part of the furniture. And all the talk of queer happenings made me want to work there even more. Only I couldn’t explain this to Ma.

Yet she must’ve seen that my mind was set, because she got to her feet and put a pan of water on the stove.

‘So when you going to ask about this job?’

‘Soon as you can spare me, I suppose,’ I said, thinking how pale she looked.

She nodded. ‘Right. We’ll have you ready in an hour. Can’t send you to Frost Hollow Hall looking like a ragamuffin, can we?’

With that, Ma seemed to spring into life. While I shined my boots and found a clean shift, she busied herself brushing out my best Sunday frock and sponging down the bits where mud still clung to the skirts. She’d spread it across the table, which got me picturing the kitchens again up at Frost Hollow Hall and me laid out, half dead from drowning. A shiver ran right down my back.
Poor Kit
. No one had pulled him free. His spirit was still in that dreadful lake, even now.

Then Ma said, ‘How did this hem come loose?’

She was frowning at the place in my skirt where Kit had hidden his ring. My heart gave a painful thud.

‘Oh . . . um . . . Must’ve caught it somehow.’

‘Hmmm,’ she said, biting the black thread with her teeth. ‘They wear uniform up at the Hall, I s’pect. Tear that, and you’ll be mending it yourself.’

‘Promise I’ll be careful.’ I would too. And not just because of the sewing. I’d be wearing something neat, for once. Something that might actually fit.

Ma went upstairs and came back with her best red flannel petticoat.

‘For you,’ she said. ‘To make you feel smart, even if your frock has seen better days.’

I jumped to my feet. ‘Blimey! Really? For me?’

‘Not ’til you’ve had a proper wash.’

The pan of water was warm by now, so I poured it into our tin bath and stripped off, teeth chattering. The water was grey when I’d finished. Then I wrapped myself in an old sheet and sat by the hearth to dry out my hair.

As I watched the flames, I began to feel very sorry that I had to leave Ma at all. We only had each other now. By this time tomorrow, who knew where I’d be and what I’d be up to? So much was changing. And so very fast. My head ached with it all.

‘Buck up, then!’ said Ma, bringing me back to myself. And she might’ve meant herself too, for she’d turned all thoughtful again too.

I dressed quickly, glad to be in clean clothes for once.

‘Last touch,’ Ma said. She twisted my hair into a knot on the top of my head and pinned it in place. ‘You look . . . ’ Her lip began to tremble. ‘Very respectable indeed.’

She steered me towards the gloomy old mirror above the mantel. When I saw my reflection, I gasped. I’d never worn my hair like this before, all swept off my shoulders and held up with pins. My eyes were huge dark things and my neck seemed so slender and pale, I barely recognised myself. I turned this way and that, unable to stop smiling.

What would Kit think of me now?

‘You’re blushing at yourself!’ Ma said, smiling a little too. ‘But goodness me, how fine you look! Why, you’re pretty as a rose!’

And she sounded surprised, like she’d never really noticed before.

13

Frost Hollow Hall

‘Not at work again?’ said Will, as I passed his pa’s shop half an hour later. The village clock had just chimed ten. Miss Fletcher would be wondering where I was, but I didn’t have time to stop at the school and explain. I didn’t have time for Will Potter neither. He was sweeping snow from the front steps, and though I tried to ignore him, he put down his broom and fell in beside me.

‘You look different too.’

‘Keep your beak out,’ I said.

Though the sun was shining, the cold made the tips of my ears sting. What’s more, I was sick with nerves. And the last person on earth I wanted to see was Will.

‘No need to be unfriendly.’

I glared at him. ‘You snitched on me.’

‘So I did.’

‘It was a lousy thing to do.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Lost your bottle, did you?

‘Maybe. But the Barringtons are our finest customers, see. If we lost that account, then . . .’ He trailed off, looking uneasy.

‘So Mrs Jessop didn’t tell your pa, then?’

‘No, luckily. But only after I’d cleaned those chickens out within an inch of my life.’ And he smiled at me then in that slow, lazy way of his that was meant to win me over but actually got right up my nose.

‘Glad it worked out so well for you,’ I said, hitching up my skirts. ‘Now I’m in a hurry so leave me be.’

As I walked on, my anger grew. I bet
he’d
had breakfast this morning, I bet he’d seen his pa today. And he’d have supper waiting for him when he’d done his day’s work, with his whole family all sat round the table. It didn’t seem fair. Not one bit.

I quickened my pace to get shot of him, but he stuck to me like a limpet all the way up Combe Hill.

‘Go away, Will,’ I said, through gritted teeth.

‘Not ’til you tell me where you’re going.’

I did my best to walk even faster. But it was tricky underfoot where hooves and cart wheels had turned the snow to slush that had then frozen hard. Will offered me his arm.

‘I don’t need your help,’ I said, though in truth it was a job to stay upright.

‘Suit yourself.’

Out on the main road, the ground got easier. We walked on in silence, until finally Will said, ‘You’re going to get work at the Hall, aren’t you?’

‘You don’t know everything,’ I snapped, feeling myself going red.

‘I knew it! You’re such a rubbish liar!’

‘Am not.’

‘I’d heard they was after a housemaid,’ said Will. ‘You’d be just the ticket. You’d find out all sorts about Kit Barrington, working there.’

‘P’raps.’

I looked at him sideways. It wasn’t worth telling Will anything, not after the stunt he pulled yesterday, bleating to Mrs Jessop about my
stupid ideas
. But I felt so sick, I wasn’t thinking right and besides, Will knew how much this job meant to me.