Fulfilled (2 page)

Lois worked as a live-in nanny for Kennedy and Graham Alexander. Mr. A worked as some kind of consultant, and Mrs. A was the part-time personal assistant to a friend of theirs who apparently had a number of businesses. She wasn’t working right now because of extreme morning sickness, but that was abating, and she’d be back to work soon. Their two-and-a-half-year-old Nathan was Lois’s little charge. He recently moved into his own room, because in five months or so there would be a new little Alexander in the nursery, and Lois would have even less spare time. Not that she minded. She loved children and might have hoped for any number of her own, but the idea of being in a relationship was foreign to her, considering the example her parents had set. And becoming impregnated just for the sake of making a child was distasteful. Lois knew she could raise a child alone, but felt having the input of the father was optimum. Not that it made any difference now. She was getting past the safe childbearing years, having spent most of them caring for her mother, supporting that woman through various maladies of a totally hypochondriac nature, but all too real in the end. Her mother suffered an aneurysm in her sleep after complaining of a headache, something both Lois and her father discounted. Her dad dusted off his dating shoes within three months of the funeral. He signed his worldly goods over to Lois with the exception of his pension, kissed her on the cheek, and boarded a plane for Florida, where he was apparently reliving his youth with gusto. She rarely heard from him and had nobody else.

Lois, with only a high school education, sold the family home, found an efficiency apartment, and enrolled in community college. She studied child care, excelling at the academic side of things, focusing on her studies and not the social activities accompanying post-secondary education. She didn’t think she would fit in and avoided the casual camaraderie, connecting instead with more mature adults closer to home. The field placements were equally rewarding, and Lois graduated, the oldest member, if not the most worldly in her class, at the age of thirty-one. And nothing in her life experience prepared her for what she’d heard and glimpsed down the hall. Not the five years in Special Times, the day care she found immediate employment in, with its professional mothers and fathers, their lovely little children, and the well-educated staff living lives above reproach as far as she knew. Not the small group of friends and neighbors in the community where she lived, many of whom considered her family, giving her a taste of what she missed out on in her own. Not even the nearly two years with that nice Mr. Layne and his nasty wife, Jennifer. One would have to be blind not to know
that
woman indulged in frequent and questionable sexual escapades, particularly after Mr. Layne died.

When Lois was offered a position as a live-in nanny for the wealthy couple, she’d been cautious and planned to work it through in her usual careful manner, weighing the pros and cons. Mr. Layne had obtained her name from one of the parents who used Special Times. When she didn’t respond immediately, he quietly appealed to her, hinting his beautiful wife wasn’t perhaps as happy about her pregnancy as he was. He hoped having support with child care would ease the transition into motherhood. Lois remembered feeling a spark of resentment and not a little anger that a woman of means and beauty would see a child as being a burden, a distraction, and in that moment agreed to take the job. She essentially committed to a child, yet unborn. She had, in fact, been Nathan’s surrogate mother, because Mrs. Layne delivered then abandoned him for all intents and purposes into Lois’s care. Mr. Layne fortunately doted on the baby, and Lois was certain Nathan would be well taken care of by at least one of his parents. Then Mr. Layne died before Nathan was eighteen months, and a power struggle ensued between his wife and his ex-wives. In the end, the present Mrs. Layne was stripped of some of what she believed to be her rightful inheritance. She next hatched a plan to blackmail Nathan’s real father, Mr. Alexander, into marrying her in order to obtain another wealthy husband and Nathan’s money.

Mrs. Alexander, who hadn’t yet married Mr. A, outsmarted Jennifer, and she and Mr. A parented Nathan, although Lois was part of the deal as decreed by the custody court. It was okay. She loved Nathan, and it would have killed her to leave him. And she really liked the Alexanders, especially now they’d straightened things out between them. They probably thought she hadn’t noticed they were having troubles in their relationship, but Lois was very observant. She took her role as Nathan’s second line of defense very seriously, and strain between his new parents wouldn’t have been good for him. But it all worked out, and now Mrs. A was expecting, and the couple wanted Lois to stay on. Spending her years as a live-in nanny wasn’t the worse thing in the world for certain, and she’d been reasonably content. Until now. Now there was a storm unleashed in her belly, and her fingers drifted, almost without thought, under her loose shirt to touch her hard nipples. She wondered what it would feel like to have something attached there, or a hot mouth on her. Her privates tingled, and she was suddenly so wet she gasped at the foreign sensation. She placed her free hand against the crotch of her mommy jeans and pushed the thick seam against her flesh. Instinct took over and she ground her pelvis in a circular motion, rubbing first one nipple, then the other in conjunction. The shuddering, aching flash of a new experience encompassed her and she hung, frozen, on the shuddering experience before yanking her hand away in consternation. Self-abuse. That’s what her mother warned against.

Lois waited for her pounding heart to slow before considering what happened. Self-abuse. Well, nobody had to know, and she wasn’t going to feel badly about it. It felt amazing, and she was going to practice it a great many times in the future. The tap on her door instantly made her rethink her decision, and she guiltily put both hands behind her back like a child.

* * * *

“Graham. Gray, you need to stop.” Kennedy wished he wouldn’t listen, but she had to tell him.

“Honey, I don’t want to stop. Let me…” He didn’t lift his head, his words muffled, and she wondered if she could ignore the Lois issue for another minute or so. She was so close. But it felt too weird.

“Graham, Lois was watching. I don’t know for how long.”

Graham shot to his feet, his face incredulous and covered in her cream. “What the fuck? Lois? She’s not home! She’s not here!”

He grabbed a handful of tissues to wipe his face before gently tending to her. Kennedy hitched a little as he pressed against her engorged clit. “Untie me, Graham.”

He hastened to comply, muttering under his breath about a man not being able to do what he wanted in his own castle, and she hid a smile. The pregnancy curtailed some of their bedroom activities because he wouldn’t risk the baby, but Graham was still the randiest man she’d known. He’d gotten his tonight, although he’d never turn down seconds, but she’d had none. Jeez. She relaxed as he rubbed her wrists and ankles after releasing them, wanting to be sure her circulation had returned. Graham helped her up and slipped her robe over her shoulders, pressing a kiss on the nape of her neck. Kennedy shivered beneath his questing lips but strengthened her resolve and stepped away.

“I’m going to go talk with Lois.”

“Want me to come?”

“I’ll call you, Graham, if need be. But we may be looking for a new nanny.”

“She wasn’t supposed to be home!”

“You sound like Nathan when somebody takes a toy from him, babe.” Kennedy didn’t add that he looked like his son, too, hiding another smile. Graham was actually pouting.

“I’ll listen for him. In case he wakes.”

He was such a good father. Kennedy could hardly wait for their little girl to be born. Graham looked green around the gills when the ultrasound disclosed their baby’s gender, probably thinking ahead to the time when boys just like him would be interested in his baby girl. She smiled her thanks and went to find their nanny.

Lois decided not to slide under the bed and stick her fingers in her ears. They knew she was home and how on earth was she going to face them? She swallowed, squared her shoulders, and marched over to answer the door. Mrs. A stood there, wrapped in a robe, her petite form belying the strength of her personality. Lois made herself smile but couldn’t make any words come. How could she ever look at Mrs. A again without seeing her stark naked and restrained? God. The woman had no pubic hair!

“Lois? May I come in? Or would you prefer to talk with me in the kitchen?”

That was Mrs. Alexander. Always alert to the comfort of others. Lois didn’t want her personal space intruded on. She was afraid she’d catch whatever exciting Lifestyle her employers led.

“Kitchen, please.”

“I’ll go make some tea. See you in a minute. Graham won’t be joining us for now.”

She
knew
. Mrs. A knew Lois had seen them. She’d lose her position here and rightfully so. Employees didn’t spy on their bosses without repercussions. Lois blinked back tears. How was she going to leave Nathan? And the Alexanders? They were her family. One stupid lapse in judgment was going to cost her, not only her job but people she liked, a child she loved, and a home she couldn’t bear to leave. She pulled herself together and went to face the music, knuckling the tears from her eyes.

Mrs. A had the table set with two cups and a container of honey, spoons resting on a saucer. She’d even put out the fancy napkins. Formally fired. She stood by the sink, rinsing the teapot in boiling water. Lois had shown her how to make a real English pot of tea, minus the scalded milk. They often shared a cup at some point during the day, usually when Nathan was otherwise occupied or down for his nap. He soon wouldn’t be napping anymore. Nathan would be off to preschool. Lois’s eyes watered again at the loss.

“Lois? Please sit down. Here.” Mrs. A offered her a tissue from the pocket of her robe, and Lois blindly groped for it.

“I’m sorry, Lois. We didn’t mean to cause you this kind of upset. You’re planning on leaving, I would guess. I’m not sure what to say other than I wish you’d reconsider. Hear me out.”

Lois folded her body onto the chair right before her knees gave way. They thought
she
was leaving?
They
felt responsible? Her innate sense of doing what was right surged to the surface. She shook her head.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you fired me.”

“Excuse me?”

“I spied on you and Mr. Alexander. There’s no excuse. You should fire me.”

Lois finally garnered the courage to look up when the silence stretched out. Not really silence. There was kind of a garbled noise going on. She was astonished to see the other woman holding her hands over her face in an attempt to muffle either tears or laughter. Mrs. A peeked through her fingers and caught Lois’s eye. She dropped her hands and laughed out loud.

When she brought herself under control, her voice was nearly breathless with mirth. “Sorry, Lois. Really. You reminded me so much of me a couple of years ago. I should explain.”

“You don’t have to explain anything. What you do in the privacy of your own home is your business. And I spied on you twice.”

“Oh, boy. I’ll bet you got an eyeful. S’okay. I’ve been watched before thanks to that man of mine. I get over it. But we need to talk, Lois. That’s if you will stay on as our nanny.”

“I don’t want to leave!” Lois heard the desperation in her voice and dropped her eyes to the tabletop so as not to plead like the worst kind of supplicant.

“We don’t want you to leave, Lois. Seriously. I think I’ll ask Graham to join us for this discussion.”

Lois jerked upright in her chair. “Oh no. I mean, can’t you and I just talk?”

“I don’t think so, Lois. This is between the three of us. I don’t have any secrets from Graham and really don’t want to repeat myself. He’ll be able to answer some questions I can’t.”

“We don’t need to talk about it. We don’t. Let’s just go on the way it was before, okay?” Lois heard herself begging.

“Lois. Please look at me.”

She forced herself to meet Mrs. Alexander’s gaze. There was nothing to alarm her in the younger woman’s eyes. Instead, there was compassion and understanding and a calm acceptance. Lois nodded and Mrs. A got up to go fetch her husband. She carefully poured a cup of tea, barely managing not to spill the golden liquid and lifted the mug to her lips with both hands. This was worse than the time she’d been called to the principal’s office when she smacked Jeffrey Simpson for snapping her bra strap and broke his glasses. Considerably worse. How was she going to look at either of her employers?

Mr. A strode into view. He’d changed, now wearing a loose shirt hanging outside of his jeans. Lois was relieved he looked so normal. He held a chair for his wife and sat down beside her, slinging his arm casually around the chair back. It looked casual, but Lois recognized the possessiveness in the action, and she fiercely wished, just for a moment, that someone might care for her so deeply. He was a big man, handsome and confident, and his silvery-gray eyes, so like Nathan’s, were fixed on her. No, they weren’t at all like Nathan’s. Mr. A had a
look
about him, and Lois could never imagine her employer being an impish, sweet-natured little boy. Mrs. A reached over and placed a gentle hand on hers, and Lois was instantly comforted.

“Kennedy tells me you have a window into our Lifestyle, Lois, but you don’t want to leave your position here.” Mr. A spoke quietly, but with authority.

She wet her lips with her tongue and made herself reply. His tone brooked no subterfuge, no dishonesty. “I don’t want to leave. But as I told Mrs. Alexander I would understand it if you let me go. I can’t explain what came over me. The first time was accidental, spying on you that is. The second time was on purpose. I didn’t know I’d been seen.”

Mr. A smiled. He turned to his wife and said, “Submissive. And titillated, some of that, I’ll bet my bottom dollar.”