Full Circle (6 page)

“Hard day at work?”

“You could say that. Several people were brought in the night before after the bombing. Some of them are very badly burned. There was a toddler who got crushed under some falling masonry. He died this afternoon.” Alice sighed.

“Have you seen Nigel today?”

“He made an appearance in the afternoon to see one of his patients, but didn’t stay long. His wife was expecting him for tea.” Lily could hear the bitterness in her voice. Deep down Alice knew that Nigel would never leave his wife and two perfect children.

“I have some news,” Lily said softly. She held out her hand letting the meager light in the room reflect of her engagement ring.

Alice jumped up and came closer taking Lily’s hand in her own and examining the ring. “It’s beautiful. When did he propose?”

“I should, shouldn’t I?” she chuckled, “but I won’t. He seems a genuinely nice bloke and I can see he is very fond of you and you are of him. No one knows what’s going to happen, so grab whatever happiness you can while you still have the chance.”

“Like you are doing with Nigel?”

“Something like that. I know it’s wrong, but I love him and I will not give him up. I could be dead tomorrow. I might as well live while I can. Now, for the important things. What will you wear?”

“I haven’t given it any thought. I don’t have anything at all bridal.” Most of Lily’s dresses were in bright colors or gay patterns. She didn’t have anything suitable for a wedding ceremony, even if it was only at the Registry office.

“I have just the thing,” Alice rose to her feet and beckoned Lily to follow her to her room. She pulled out a wrap-around silk dress in the lightest shade of blue. It had a deep v neck and tied in a bow at the hip. “Try it on.” Lily took off her clothes and carefully put on the dress wrapping it around her small waist and tying it on the side. The silk felt luxurious against her skin and the color reminded her of a wintry sky, pale and cold with just a hint of color. She put up her hair in a lose chignon at the nape of her neck. “How do I look?” Alice wiped a tear from her cheek, “like a bride, love.”

Lily was deeply grateful when Tuesday dawned sunny and bright. The idea of getting married in the rain depressed her and despite what others said, she thought of it as bad luck. She looked at the little gold watch at her wrist. Uncle Will would already be at the station waiting to collect her mother and brother and Nicholas would be getting ready for the ceremony under the watchful eye of Aunt Gwen. She sat down in front of her bureau to begin her own toilette. Lily picked up her brush and slowly brushed out her hair until it shone in the sunlight pouring in through the un-curtained window. She powdered her face, expertly lined her eyelids with kohl and put on some mascara. She was about to put on her lipstick when Alice knocked and walked into the room. Their eyes met in the mirror as Alice came up behind Lily and began to twist her hair into a neat chignon, pinning it in place.

“Ready, love?” Alice asked. “What is it, Lil? You look a bit down in the mouth. Not having second thoughts, are you?”

“No. I was just thinking how strange life is. Ever since I was a little girl I had dreamed of big, church wedding; the church brimming with white flowers and me gliding down the aisle on my Dad’s arm wearing a silk white dress and a long veil. A honeymoon in Italy would naturally follow.”

“Naturally,” interjected Alice.

“And here I am getting married at the Registry Office in the middle of a war to a man I have known for a week and strangely, I am just as happy,” said Lily with a big grin as she got up from her seat.

“Let’s go get married then, but I think you should probably put on the dress first.”

The ceremony was brief and un-romantic and the newlyweds were happy to leave the bleak halls of the Registry office in favor of Aunt Gwen’s house where a lovely spread was awaiting them despite rationing. The house quickly filled with people and everyone was chatting, laughing and toasting the newlyweds. Aunt Gwen looked on with a satisfied smile and looked the part of the perfect hostess in her tweed suit and a silk blouse. Nick was busy charming Lily’s mother by the buffet table and Edward stood alone by the window obviously feeling out of place. Lily walked over and put an arm around her little brother. At seventeen he was starting to look like a man and Lily suddenly realized that her baby brother was no longer a child.

“How are things at home, Ned? Any pretty girls chasing you yet?” she teased. To her surprise, Edward turned beet red and averted his eyes.

“Ah, like that, is it? Do tell, who is she?”

“Just a girl I met. Her name is Beatrice. Don’t tell Mum. I don’t want to have to discuss it all the way back to Cornwall. Anyway, I’ll be eighteen soon and I want to join up.” He raised his head defiantly daring her to oppose him.

“What will it be, Air force or the Navy?”

“I think it’s the Navy for me. I never did like heights.” He looked so earnest that Lily had the biggest urge to hug him tightly and never let him go. He was still no more than a boy. Would they really let him join? She knew the answer to that and gave her brother a quick hug. “Don’t forget to write when you are on some battleship in the middle of the Atlantic.” Speaking of the Atlantic reminded her of Nick’s brother. The only information that Aunt Gwen was able to root out was that Ian was somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic on a ship. There was no way to get a message to him and he wouldn’t have been able to make it in any case. Lily longed to meet him and wished he would have been there for Nick on such a special day.

After everyone had their fill of delicacies and champagne, someone suggested moving the furniture and bringing the gramophone. The young people jumped at the idea and soon the middle of the room had been turned into a dance floor. Uncle Will was in charge of the music and proudly took requests while the guests quickly paired off and took to the floor. Lily gave her brother a conspiratorial smile when she saw him asking Buxom Shirley to dance. He certainly did not lack courage. The afternoon wore on and soon it was time for the newlyweds to take their leave. The Butlers had reserved a room at the Savoy as a wedding present. After hasty goodbyes they hailed a passing taxi and finally escaped their well-wishing friends and family.

“Mr. and Mrs. McGuire,” said Nick proudly as they approached the front desk.

“Certainly, sir. Will there be any luggage?”

“Just an overnight case,” answered Nick with a grin.

“I see. Well, here is your key and enjoy your stay, Mr. McGuire,” said the clerk oozing disapproval. Lily and Nick giggled all the way to their room as Nick did a pretty competent impersonation of the uptight clerk.

Once they reached their room, all laughter evaporated. The room was well appointed with heavy, yellow damask drapes and furniture upholstered to match. Their eyes went to the large bed in the center. Lily found herself blushing. This was the first time they were truly alone together and she felt suddenly shy. Nick took off his jacket tossing it over the nearest chair and went to close the drapes while Lily excused herself to go to the luxurious bathroom and changed into a white, lacy nightie. It was a wedding gift from Alice who had it from before the war and was saving it for her own wedding night. She felt shy and unsure as she stepped out of the bathroom. Nick was loosening his tie, but froze at the sight of her.

“God, you are beautiful. Come here, Mrs. McGuire,” he said as he pulled her against him. He kissed her urgently and picked her up putting her gently on the big bed. His lips explored her mouth and then moved down to her neck as Nick pulled down the bodice of her nightdress. Lily’s first instinct was to cover herself but he gently removed her hand and covered her breast with his mouth instead. Lily gasped at the unfamiliar sensation as he sucked her nipple and caressed her other breast with his hand. She arched her back to get closer to his mouth and moaned with pleasure. Her husband continued his exploration of her body; first with hands and then with his lips. She squeezed her thighs together as he moved his hand between her legs, but then slowly began to relax and enjoy what he was doing. Nick pulled off his shirt and undid his trousers. “Take off the nightie and let me see you,” he whispered into her ear as he pulled her up helping her slide the delicate fabric over her head. Lily suddenly got very nervous and pushed him away. “Nick I am…”

“I know, love. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. Just try to relax.” He was kissing her and pushing her back down on the bed. She felt him trying to enter her and instinctively tried to move away, but Nick grabbed her by the hips and drove into her. She felt a momentary pain, followed by a feeling of intrusion as her body stretched trying to accommodate him. Nick started to move slowly and gently and gradually the strangeness wore off and Lily began to feel waves of pleasure. She wrapped her legs around him and arched her back. Nick began to move faster and thrust harder and before long Lily was riding a wave of ecstasy that she never expected. Nick continued his onslaught until she felt herself exploding in a feeling so exquisite that she almost cried. He collapsed on top of her and looked at her sheepishly.

“Was that all right? Did it hurt much?”

“It was wonderful,” said Lily breathlessly. “Can we do it again?”

“Just give me a few minutes to recover Mrs. McGuire and then I will be at your service,” he answered laughing at her enthusiasm.

Lily lay back on the pillows reviewing what had just happened. Her expectations of making love turned out to be vastly different from the real thing. She expected something gentle and serene, not the passionate, almost violent desire they felt for each other. She decided that the real thing was much better. She had the opportunity to reconfirm this opinion at least three more times in the next couple of hours and the only thing that diverted them from their greedy exploration of each other was their urgent need for sustenance. They reluctantly left their room and went downstairs for a late supper. The Savoy had one of the poshest dining rooms in the city and they thoroughly enjoyed their meal. It tasted of pre-war opulence, before rations became the order of the day. Feeling pleasantly full they went for a walk before returning to their room for the night. It was a crisp September night and the sky was full of stars, a perfect night for an air raid. They each said a silent prayer that there would be no raid that night and they wouldn’t have to spend their wedding night squashed by strangers in the underground bomb shelter. They got their wish.

The next week was a blur. Pinky had approved her leave and Lily spent every moment with Nick. They went out for walks and an occasional meal, but most of their time was spent in bed. It seemed that the more they made love the more they wanted each other. Alice was working long hours at the hospital and they had the flat to themselves. Nick was shipping out the following Monday and all too soon they were standing in Victoria station watching the great locomotive pulling up to the platform belching steam. There was the usual chaos of servicemen disembarking, stretchers being carried off the train and wives and sweethearts saying tearful goodbyes to their departing loves. There were also packs of children being shipped off by their parents to the country where it was still safe. They would be staying with various families who were willing to take them in. Nick didn’t want Lily to come to the station, but she insisted. She needed to be there. She gave him a little snapshot of herself which he put into his breast pocket close to his heart. The train gave a whistle and Nick jumped onto the step, kissing Lily goodbye for the hundredth time.

“Come back safely,” she whispered as the train began to move. “Please come back.”

She stood on the platform long after the train vanished from view. She couldn’t bring herself to leave. Only after the porter asked her if she needed assistance did she finally walk out of the station and walked aimlessly down the street. It was a chilly morning in early October and she found herself heading to St. James Park. It was a long walk and Lily was pleasantly tired by the time she got there. She sat down on one of the benches and watched the people around her; nannies with prams, squealing children, soldiers, and couples, so many couples. She gently touched the ring on her finger. At that moment that was the only tangible part of her husband that she had left, other than the small picture of him she had in her purse. Lily didn’t think it was possible to feel so empty and bereaved after knowing someone for two weeks but she felt like a part of her soul had left on that train.

“Please come back,” she whispered again, as she rose from the bench and started the long trek home. Tomorrow morning she was going back to work and a new normal would begin.

The first few days without Nick were the hardest, but then routine set in again. It was still dark when she left in the morning and dusk when she came home at night. The first thing she did every evening when getting home was check the post for letters from Nick. There was usually a letter once a week, always cheerful and full of humorous observations about his fellow pilots and commanding officers. Lily couldn’t help laughing out loud at some of the descriptions. He never mentioned where he was stationed or that he was in any danger. He was trying to spare her worry. She knew that. Fierce fighting was going on all over and she was sure that he was in the thick of it.

Alice had been switched to the night shift, so Lily spent most of her evenings alone. She would do the blackout and then turn on the wireless for company. She tried not to listen to the news bulletins. She heard enough of that at work. She preferred concerts. Lily was so wrapped up in her melancholy that she didn’t notice right away that Alice seemed withdrawn and pale. There were dark circles under her eyes and she was tired and irritable. She had lost weight and her nurse’s uniform hung limply on her already thin frame.