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When they called navigation detail for my last run into Dunsany on the
Lois
, I reported to the bridge and it was all I could do not to cry. The careful choreography of tug, ship, and orbital seemed just a bit more special because I knew it would be a long time before I got a chance to sit on the bridge of a ship like the
Lois McKendrick
again. We eased in and latched on without incident and there was a moment of quiet in me, if not in the bridge itself. It was done. A few weeks shy of two years, I could almost feel that Lois had finished with me.

I stood and secured the console, powering it down all the way for the first time since Mr. von Ickles had brought it up for me to use. I looked out at the ships on either side, not wanting to look at the people on the bridge just yet. Dick Graves at astrogation, Salina and Fong on ship handling, Sandy Belterson standing by to take the watch. Mr. von Ickles, Mr. Kelley, Mr. Maxwell, and the captain. I knew they were all there, but I struggled to get control before I tried to say anything.

“If you’d do the honors, Mr. Pa?” The captain said. “Secure from navigation detail. First section has the watch.”

She waited for Fong to finish, then turned to Mr. Maxwell. “You may declare liberty at your discretion, Mr. Maxwell.”

“Thank you, Captain. Make the announcement, Mr. Pa.”

While Fong announced liberty, Mr. von Ickles held out his hand to shake mine. “Best wishes, Mr. Wang. It’s been an honor sailing with you.”

One after another they all came and if they noticed I did not speak, they didn’t mention anything. The captain came last, of course, and said, “If you’d come to the cabin, Mr. Wang, we have some paperwork to finish up.” She didn’t wait for me, just turned and left. I followed her. Around us the bridge crew secured the consoles. The business of the ship continued and, even though I was no longer part of it, the rightness of it made me feel a little better.

When we got to the cabin, the captain apologized. “I’m sorry to have to boot you off, Ishmael, but it’s actually going to work out in your favor.”

“It’s okay, Captain, I understand.”

“You’ll continue to collect half-pay until your contract expires, because the company dismissed the berth. You’re not obligated to take anything less than a spec one systems berth and you’re not going to be here long enough for that to matter.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

“The standard procedure is to extend the courtesy of the ship until the end of the watch, so you’ll have until 18:00 to pack up and say your goodbyes. It’s only 10:30 now so you should have plenty of time. Most of the crew will be on liberty, but you may find a few of them at some disreputable spacer bar down on the oh-two level at about 20:00 tomorrow evening.
Jump!
I believe it’s called,” she said, a small grin pulling up the corners of her mouth.

“I think I know the place, Captain.” I felt touched that the captain herself would tell me.

“You’ll need to initial your logout at the gangway when you leave and surrender your ship’s tablet at that time. You’re not obligated to check out until 18:00, of course, so if you have any shopping or anything you want to do before final check out, that’s not a problem. Any questions so far?”

“No, Captain,” I think I’ve got it.

“The last bit of business is to let you know that I got a message at the beacon from Captain Carstairs and they’ll be a couple days late meeting up with you and Pip. They’re expected to dock early on the twenty-first, so you’ll have a couple of days real liberty on the station.”

“I’m not sure I remember how to act without a watch schedule to guide me, Captain.”

“My advice is sleep while you can. It’s the one thing you’ll never have enough of at the academy,” she said with a straight face and a twinkle in her eye.

“Thank you, Captain. Good advice.”

“Now, that the ship’s business is complete, let me tell you how proud I am of you. You’ve come a long way since the scared boy that came aboard in Neris, and I’m sure your mother would be proud as well.”

She caught me with that one, and I started to tear up. I could feel my control crumbling even as I tried to grab a hold of it.

“Well, silly me,” she said gently, “I seem to have left my tablet on the bridge. If you’d be so good as to excuse me, Mr. Wang. I’ll just leave you here for a few ticks.”

She crossed to the door. Before opening it, she said very gently without turning, “Tissues are by the sofa. Use as many as you need.” She slipped out and latched the door behind her.

I cried then. I cried for my mother, dead two years and not properly mourned until that moment. I cried for Lois because I was going to miss her so much. I cried because I was going to have to say goodbye to Diane, Brill, Beverly, Cookie, and even Mr. Maxwell. I cried because I had come to love this place and these people who had welcomed me into their home and let me make it mine for a time when I needed the shelter. I cried for me because I hurt, even though I knew that hurt would pass. And I cried because while I knew the boy I had been was still inside, I also knew he would never be the same.

In a surprisingly short time, I cried myself out. I had an astonishing pile of tissues to deal with, and the feeling that my throat might be raw for a while. I cleaned myself up as best I could and dropped the soggy wad down the disposal chute, smiling with the silly thought that part of me would be staying with the ship.

By the time the captain returned with her tablet, I was more or less under control. If she noticed anything untoward about my appearance, she didn’t mention it.

“Right then,” she said. “I think that’s about it. There’s a packet of information you might find useful waiting for you at the gangway, including storage cubes of your personnel jacket and your personal records from the ship’s system. There’s also information about where you might stay on the orbital until Captain Carstairs arrives.”

“Thank you, Captain. It’s been an honor serving on the
Lois
. I’ll never forget all you’ve done for me.”

“I know you’ll do us proud, Mr. Wang,” she said, and shook my hand.

“I’ll do my best, Captain.”

As I left the cabin, I was uncertain about what to do. I had the day to pack but the urge to leave immediately seized me. I headed for berthing and put everything but the clothes I would wear ashore into a duffel. I wondered if they used shipsuits on the
Bad Penny
but I would have a couple of days to sort that out. I pulled out my civilian model peeda and wondered if I could get a new tablet at the academy. In the meantime, I made sure the bank balances and other information I needed from the tablet were properly reflected on my peeda. The split from our trading and my accumulated pay and shares amounted to just over twenty-four kilocreds. It seemed like an insane amount but I knew it was going to have to last for a long time. Everything seemed to be in order.

By then it was time for lunch so I thought that the mess deck would be the best place to catch any members of the crew that might be around. When I got there, it was a typical first day in port. I was the only one there. The buffet was spiced beefalo and I inhaled a lungful of the aroma so I would never forget it.

Cookie was there, of course, and he came out and shook my hand. “You have done well, Ishmael,” he said with a smile. “Take care of Pip,” he added with a sly wink. He didn’t linger but instead went back to his work.

I got my food and settled on the mess deck just as Diane came in. “Oh good!” she said, and crossed to where I was sitting. “You’re released, right?”

“Yeah, just taking advantage of a free meal. I need to be off the ship by 18:00.”

“Good,” she said, and grabbed my head and kissed me very soundly. She came up for air after a long and very pleasant kiss, looking as dazed as I felt. “Whew! I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. You take care of yourself, Ishmael Wang,” she added and with another little peck on the nose headed back out of the mess deck.

Cookie, Pip, and Sarah were all looking out at me—Cookie with a smile, Pip with a grin, and Sarah with a considering look. After Diane, I was a little worried about what Sarah might be considering.

Cookie and Sarah turned back to working on something in the kitchen that I could not see and Pip came out to sit with me for a bit. “I’m not sure it’s safe to sit this close to you. I don’t wanna cramp your style.”

“I hope she enjoyed that as much as I did.”

“Heckfire! I hope she enjoyed as much as I did!”

“So, I’ve gotta be off the ship by 18:00. There’s a packet at the gangway with housing information so I better go check that out this afternoon and see what we’ve got to work with. How about you?”

“I’ll be joining you tomorrow. We’ll have to try to find something fun to do.”

“Is the
Alistair
in?”

He laughed. “I’ll have to look it up.” He turned serious then and said, “It’s gonna be okay, I think.”

Sitting there on the mess deck, I could almost believe it. I got up to bus my dishes for the last time. When I turned, Sarah stood behind me. She was smiling, not a big smile, but still with a kind glow to it. “Blessings upon you, Ishmael Wang,” she said, and she reached up to pull my head down to kiss my forehead once. She released me and I smiled back at her.

“Thank you, Sarah. Fare you well, wherever you go.”

Pip looked at me strangely, but it felt right somehow. Silly, perhaps, but right and I knew it was time to go. “You’re leaving now?” he asked

“Yes,” I said, suddenly very sure. “Lois is done with me and it’s time to move on.”

“I’ll tell them,” Pip said without my having to ask which them he was talking about and I thanked him with a nod.

I headed down to berthing to change into civvies. After that, it was a matter of a tick to collect my duffel, reset the locker, and run the linens into the recycler. In two ticks, I was at the lock and checking out.

Fong had the duty and handed me a thick envelope with a couple of data cubes, and several folders of information. The one marked housing indicated a hotel on level seven and listed a reservation number.

“All in order, Ish?” Fong asked.

“I don’t know yet,” I told him with a smile. “It seems I’ve already got a reservation. I was hoping to say goodbye to a few people, but I suppose they’ll be at
Jump!
huh?”

“I think everybody but those with the duty will be there,” he said with a grin. “You going?”

I laughed. “I think I have to, don’t I?” The envelope went into my duffel along with all my other worldly possessions and the folder with the reservation information slipped into a jacket pocket. Fong zeroed out my mass allotment, accepted my tablet, and opened the lock for me.

“Thanks. See you tomorrow night.”

“Safe voyage, Ishmael. In case I miss you.”

“Safe voyage, Fong.”

I walked out of the lock and turned to watch it close. “Safe voyage, Lois,” I said, and then headed for the lift.

Walking away across the icy cold docks toward the lift, I felt numb—not outside from the cold but inside. In part I still felt wrung out from my encounter with the captain, but mostly because I knew I was walking away from the
Lois
for the last time. Walking away from Beverly, Brill, Diane, and all the others. I gave a little snort of amusement then, remembering that before coming aboard I was the guy with no friends. On the one hand, that had made it easy to leave Neris, and on the other, almost impossibly difficult to walk across that dock, leaving them all behind. My brain turned numb so I could do what needed doing.

The lift was open and waiting when I got to it. I punched level seven. As I got off, I realized with a start that it was the same hotel that Alvarez had taken me to over a stanyer before. I wished I had my tablet so I could see if the
Duchamp
was docked. I was without it for less than ten ticks and I already missed it. “It’s just a good spacer hotel, that’s all,” I said to myself. Still, even after a year, the memory of that little escapade gave me a kick in the chest and I wondered if I would ever see her again. For that matter, would I see anybody again? Well, other than at the going away party, anyway.

Thinking of the party made me feel a little better. They were not all gone—yet.

At the front desk, I gave the reservation number from my packet.

The clerk pulled up the record. “Yes, sir. Mr. Wang, is it?” He held out a thumb pad.

“I didn’t make this reservation. Can you tell me what the terms are?”

“The suite is reserved through the twenty-first, sir.” Something in my face or stance must have alerted him to the problem because he added. “The suite has been paid in advance.”

Of course, I thought. “Let me guess. Lois McKendrick?”

He consulted his screen. “Yes, sir. Is there a problem?”

“No, not at all. Thank you, everything is fine.” I pressed my thumb to the pad and he gave me a key. Lois was still looking out for me, it seemed. The first time I had run across Lois, I remembered thinking that it was a little weird, but over time, I thought I could almost hear her. I smiled to myself thinking about how Pip teased me when I talked about Lois as if she were real.