Further Than Passion (17 page)

There was an aura o
f
... of
joy
about Kate, too. She emanated a happiness and contentment that hadn't been there previously.

When had this happened? And what had caused it?

Regina was disturbed. If she'd been pressed to describe the transformation, she'd have said Kate looked as if she'd fallen in love, which was ludicrous.

What man with any sense would be interested? She was the impoverished daughter of a whore, and blood would tell.

Still, Regina was concerned by the peculiar metamorphosis. She had the immediate future arranged, and she didn't want any surprises.

As they advanced toward her again, Regina waved them to the verandah, and they marched slowly, trudging on as though facing the gallows. They approached and Melanie snidely queried, "What is it?"

"You've been out in the sun too long."

"So?"

Her insolence had to end! Regina wouldn't have the

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servants titterin
g
that she couldn't garner respect from her own child. "Head to your room and have your maid lay out the clothes you're wearing for tonight's soiree. I'll be up shortly to check them."

"I don't wish to go to my room."

Regina counted to ten, calming herself before she behaved rashly where everyone could view her ill humor. When her temper was under control, she rose. Melanie stood her ground, though she was trembling.

"Leave at once," Regina ordered very quietly, "before you get yourself into even more trouble." She grabbed Melanie's forearm. Anyone watching from a distance would have noticed nothing untoward
,
but Regina was pinching the skin so tightly that Melanie would be bruised.

Melanie's eyes flooded with tears, from pain but also rage. "You think you can make me do anything."

"Yes, I do."

Melanie yanked away and flounced off, slamming the door as she stormed into the house, and not caring what the servants might say about her tantrum. A whipping would settle her down, and Regina would administer it as soon as she'd finished with Kate.

Kate was hovering, embarrassed at having witnessed the squabble, but over the years she'd observed many, and she would keep her comments to herself.

Regina returned to her chair, feigning boredom, as if she hadn't just been humiliated by her impertinent offspring, and gestured for Kate to follow.

"My post was delivered from Doncaster, and I have correspondence for you."

"From Selena?"

"Yes. She's remitted a stack of outrageous bills, and

1
47

you'll need to sign the authorizations so
I
can send them to Mr. Thumberton for disbursement."

As a female, Kate couldn't function as Selena's trustee, so her mother had named the attorney Thumberton. But for some reason, she'd dictated that Kate review and approve the payments before they went to the solicitor. Regina figured the deceased woman had wanted to force her two daughters to interact, which had resulted in a huge boon. For Regina!

Selena's communications were conveyed to Don-caster; Regina examined them, and proceeded accordingly.

How was naive, gullible Kate ever to learn that the receipts weren't genuine?

Kate seated herself, pouring through the
faux
invoices, and she scowled, for once, perplexed by the lengthy columns of numbers. On a page of household expenditures, she traced her finger over and over the line where Regina had added several cases of expensive wine to the list. She stared at the sum as if it were written in a foreign language.

"It's such a large amount of money, isn't it?" she murmured. "It seems so excessive for one young girl."

"Your sister is a terrible spendthrift. But then, so was your mother. She must take after her."

Kate glanced up, and there was an anger about her that had Regina unnerved. While usually Kate didn't listen when Regina deprecated her mother, suddenly the remark had her steaming.

"Why would you presume to be an expert on my mother's fiscal habits?"

In the nearly two decades Regina had been acquainted with Kate, she had never dared sass on a single

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occasion. No matter how Regina belittled or goaded, Kate swallowed down the insults and innuendoes, accepting that her parents' shame was her own to bear.

"Why would you suppose?" Regina sneered. "When we originally moved to Doncaster, I analyzed the books. She was a spoiled, wasteful nuisance, who almost bankrupted the estate with her selfish acquisitions."

"I don't believe you," Regina was stunned to hear her retort. It was the only truly rude, discourteous statement Kate had ever uttered in her presence, and Regina was even more disconcerted. What had come over her?

"Your mother raised Miss Bella in the same lavish fashion, giving her everything, coddling her by making her assume she could have whatever she wanted. Bella can't practice restraint, because she's never had limits."

"You don't know about what you're talking."

Regina bristled. "If I needed your opinion, Kate, I'd ask for it, and I suggest you be silent. I've had enough disrespect from Melanie lately, and I'm not about to brook any from you."

Not cowed in the least, Kate boldly met her livid gaze. "Something's not right about these debts, and I should like to discuss them with Mr. Thumberton. It would be very convenient to speak with him while we're in London. How would I contact him for an appointment?"

"Write him a note." She pushed pen and ink across the table. "I'll have it dispatched to him, although why you'd imagine that such an important gentleman would allow you to bother him is beyond me."

"I'll inquire politely," she said, oozing sarcasm.

Regina watched as Kate drafted her request, and she smirked to herself.

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Poor Kate.
It was like stealing candy from a baby. She was so trusting, so unsuspecting.

Thumberton would never receive her letter, and if she foolishly grew impatient and conferred with him behind Regina's back, she would be in for a surprise. With the false costs Regina had concocted to hide her embezzlement, there was a clear trail as to the thief, and it led directly to Kate.

What a pity it would be to lose her! Of all the people at Doncaster, she was the easiest to mold, the simplest to manipulate. Their relationship had been so fruitful, so rewarding, but Regina hadn't expected it to last forever.

As Kate sanded the ink and folded the message, Regina speculated as to whether she shouldn't parlay with Thumberton, herself, and set the conclusion in motion. From the very start, she was anxious to shape the ending, but there was no hurry.

She had all the time in the world, while Kate's destiny had speeded up and was hurling toward her like a runaway carriage.

11

"Are you going to marry Melanie?
"

"Do you think I should?"

Kate studied Marcus, trying to decipher his thoughts. He was across the room, naked, fussing with the fire, and grinning as if she'd just told a humorous joke.

She was sprawled on his bed, naked, too, which was her normal condition when she was with him. They never crossed paths during the day, but by night they philandered as if each rendezvous would be their last, and Kate was astonished by how quickly she'd become a fallen woman.

With Marcus urging her to transgress, the plunge had been effortless, and she hadn't found any reason to stop. Why deny herself such pleasure and joy?

When her magical trip to London was conclude
d
— which would be soo
n
—
a
nd she returned to Doncaster, she wanted to have as many perfect memories as possible. There was such a short time remaining, and she was convinced that this would be the only enchanted,

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special thing that would ever happen to her, which certainly put her mother's predicament into perspective.

Kate had always judged her mother harshly, had viewed her abandonment through the narrow scope of childhood, her opinions colored by Regina. But had her mother's feelings for Selena's father been akin to Kate's for Marcus? Had her mother been consumed, obsessed, addicted to him and what he brought to her life?

For once, Kate was examining her mother's affair from a different angle, from that of a female hopelessly in love with the wrong man. If their situations were at all similar, the poor woman hadn't stood a chance.

Kate never revealed her sentiments to Marcus. The mood of their furtive romance was light and gay. They trifled and flirted, they engaged in forbidden conduct, but their conversations never delved into any crucial topic, or focused on their lives away from his bedchamber.

They were sealed in a cocoon, where they were separate and detached from their real selves, and the outside world had no impact. If they ran into each other belowstairs, how would she react? If she was walking down the hall, or sitting at supper, and he suddenly appeared, what on earth would she say to him?

He finished with the
f
ire and approached, climbing onto the mattress, and stretching out, both of them on their sides and facing each other.

"Will you?" she asked again.

He'd already forgotten her question. "Wil
l
I what?"

"Marry Melanie?"

¹⁵²

His answer was nagging at her. While she was sequestered with* him, it was easy to pretend that external concerns didn't signify, but more and more, she was troubled over his probable response.

As was typical of their association, he never mentioned the purpose for Kate's being in London, never talked about Melanie, or squired her about town. His matrimonial plans were a mystery, and Kate was frantic to determine what they were.

She'd assumed she could have a frivolous
a
m
ore,
that she could frolic without regard to the consequences, but she'd miscalculated. She couldn't be impassive and uninvolved. In the end, he'd break her heart, and she had to buck up so that the pain wouldn't be too terrible.

If he chose Melanie
,
Kate would have to flee Do
n
caster. She couldn't reside in the same house with him, especially with what she'd learned about marital intimacy. She couldn't bear to lie awake at night visualizing how he was fornicating with Melanie just down the hall.

So what would she do? Where would she go?

She'd toyed with the idea of moving in with Selena. Her sister was sweet enough to consent, but considering her impoverished state, it wouldn't be fair to impose. Kate's other option was to press Christopher for a settlement so that she could support herself, but Regina would never agree, and Kate couldn't predict if Chris would stand up to her or not.

Recently, Kate was bothered that no aid had been extended to her. She'd never doubted Regina's contention that she wasn't entitled to any financial assistance, but why shouldn't she be? She was the daughter of an earl, and she'd lost her position simply because

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her father had died. Why should the tragedy have negated her right to subsistence?

They were scheduled to be in London two more weeks, and she had to have some clue as to what would transpire when she left. What was in store?

"Sure, I'll marry Melanie," Marcus said, as if he'd given the subject no more thought than he would what shirt to wear.

"Don't be flip," she scolded. "I'm serious."

"But how can my reply matter to you one way or the other?"

He was wiser than she, and he fathome
d
—
a
s" she could no
t
—
t
hat they couldn't have a civil dialogue about anything vital. There were no suitable answers he could provide to any of the issues that were eating at her.

Still, she was resolved to hash it out. If he slew her with his words, so be it. It was better to die now than to perish later from anguish and sorrow for which she hadn't been prepared.

"Do you think you could wed Melanie, but it would have no effect on me?"

"No, but why wallow in debate? Why torture yourself?"

Why, indeed? "With a bit of
torture,
maybe I'll figure out why I put up with you."

Cocky and smug, he laughed. "You do it because you're crazy about me."

He was correct, but she hated being so weak! She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, glad she had somewhere to look besides into his apathetic eyes. How could he be so important in her life when it was clear she was so insignificant in his?

She forged on. She'd started the discussion, and

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she'd see it through, despite how excruciating it was. "Why are you cavorting with me?"

"Because it's pleasurable. Because I enjoy your company."

She wasn't positive what she'd been expecting, but his justification wasn't anywhere close. It sounded as if she were his pet lapdog. "If you wed Melanie, what association have you envisioned for us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Will we keep on as we have been?"

"Certainly."

His insolence made it apparent that he hadn't reflected on their circumstances, that when he dreamed about his future, he didn't picture her in it. "So you'll be sneaking in and out my door, causing the servants to gossip, and risking discovery by your bride at every turn?"

"How I carry on won t be any of my wife's business."

"Not even if you're sleeping with your paramour under her roof?"

She'd finally managed to exasperate him, and he blew out a heavy breath. "Why would you fret about it, Kate? You can't tell me you have any loyalty to Melanie."

Had she any allegiance? While she'd never been keen about Melanie, she'd never wish Melanie undue harm. Melanie was young and immature, cantankerous and infuriating, but after being raised by
R
egina, who wouldn't be?

"Has it ever occurred to you that I couldn't trifle with a married man? Even if Melanie and I aren't friendly, she's eager to have a loving rapport with her

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husband, and if you believe I could betray her, then you don't know me, at all."

He scoffed. "If she presumes she can have a
loving
relationship with me, then she's a fool."

"If you marry her, I can't continue to reside at Don-caster."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Would you help me to relocate? To find a new situation? Could you do at least that much for me?"

"You're painting all these calamitous scenarios, and I don't understand why you are. Let it go, Kate. Stop worrying."

He'd avoided supplying any guarantees, which told her that if the worst came to pass, and he joined the family, she'd be on her own and couldn't count on him. She shouldn't be wounded by the notio
n
—
a
fter al
l
, she'd always been alon
e
—
b
ut she'd so hoped that he cared enough to, at a minimum, have her safely settled elsewhere.

"Why are you contemplating marriage to her? It's obvious you're not interested. Why not bluntly advise her that she has no chance? Put her out of her misery and send her home."

"I have to wed by my thirty-first birthday," he explained, "and I don't want to, so it's all the same t
o
me."

"One girl's the same as the next?"

"Yes."

"Oh, Marcus ...
"
She yearned to shake him! How could he be so cavalier about such a fundamental decision? "If you don't propose to her, we'll be gone in two weeks."

"I'm aware of that." His tone was cool, noncommittal.

"You'll never see me again."

15
6

"No,
I won't."

A wave of melancholy billowed over her. Would it kill him to give a small hint that he was fond of her? Was she truly so irrelevant? An image flashed, of the dozens of women who'd lain with him before she had, and the dozens who would after she left, and she was so despondent.

"Doesn't my imminent departure bother you?" she humiliated herself by asking.

"Kate," he soothed, "what would yo
u
have me say? Should I profess my undying devotion and claim that I'll be devastated, that I won't be able to persevere without you?"

"Maybe it's what I need to hear."

"I'm sure it is, but where would it leave us?"

"I don't know."

"Should I beg you to remain in London?" He was growing angry, and she was glad to have him evince an emotion, even if it wasn't what she'd been longing to detect. "Fine. Will you stay and be my mistress? Is that the existence you visualize for yourself?"

"No."

"Come now!" he sarcastically cajoled. "I'll establish you in an expensive house, and buy you a fashionable wardrobe. I'll pop in twice a week, so that you can earn your keep, flat on your back. The neighbors will remark on the odd hours my carriage is parked out front, and they'll titter about who you are, and how you support yourself. We'll persist till I'm weary of you, and when the allure has faded, and another tickles my fancy, I'll pay you a stipend and toss you over. It will all be so congenial, so tidy."

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She glanced away and peered at the wall. "There's no need to be cruel."

"I'm not being
cruel,
my darling Kate. I'm being brutally frank." He cradled her cheek in his palm, forcing her to look at him. "Can you conceive of what your life would be like if you hooked up with me? You're very special, and you should be cherished and adored, but I'm not the man to love you. I have no idea how."

"I think you are."

"It's a waste of energy to weep and lament over what can never be."

"But I wish for more than thi
s
... this sneaking around, and these fast gropings in the dark, where we're constantly fretting that we'll be caught."

"Of course you do."

"Why can't there be more tha
n
this?"

"Because you deserve someone better than me." He kissed her on the nose, on the mouth. "We have such limited time together. Let's not squander it. Let's be happy for what
is,
and not grieve over what might have been."

She tried to salvage some consolation in having wrangled his admission that she was
special,
which was a tepid compliment, but she'd hold it dear. What was to be gained by mourning reality, by pining for more?

She hugged him tight and whispered, "After I go, I will miss you every minute of every day."

Stupidly, she waited for a similar comment, but he replied with, "I know you wil
l
."

She groaned and punched him on the shoulder. "You are such a vain beast!"

"I've never denied it." Turning serious and pensive,

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he stared at her, a thousand sentiments streaming across his beautiful face, but he didn't voice any of them. "Don't be sad, Kate. I can't bear it when you are."

How could she rue and regret? Particularly when he was gazing at her like that, as if she was unique and exceptional, and every bit as extraordinary as he'd contended.

"I won't be."

He kissed her again, and it quickly altered into a profound embrace that seemed to embody all he couldn't speak aloud. Men weren't the most astute creatures, and it occurred to her that perhaps he liked her, but couldn't confess it. Or perhaps he hadn't realized the depth of his affection.