Fused (Lost in Oblivion #4.5) (8 page)

As soon as she spoke, he fell silent. He continued strumming out of habit more than desire. “I’m not a singer.”

“Your voice is perfectly fine. You’ve just decided what box you fit in, and you refuse to move outside of it.”

“Want to change songs?”

“Your way of changing the subject. Got it.” She sighed and tapped her bright green thumbnail on the body of her guitar. “Hmm, want to try ‘Instant Karma’?”

“Jeez, you remember that too?”

She jerked a shoulder. “You know how Mama was with The Beatles and John Lennon songs. I’m not sure I remember actually, but you’ll help me out, right?”

He returned her smile. “Of course.” His phone buzzed in his pocket but he fought to ignore it. To not even react. “Why don’t you play up until you don’t remember anymore, and I’ll jump in?”

“Hello, she texted you back. Don’t ignore her.”

“I’m not ignoring her, I’m trying to not act like a douche.”

“Too late there.” She laughed, one of the best sounds in the world as far as he was concerned. “But answer her anyway.”

“If you insist.” He fumbled out his phone, then read and re-read Lila’s message three times before it sank in.

L
S
: You’re right. No one is. But we do what we must. What are you doing right now?

H
e started
to reply that he was free, but a quick glance at his sister put the kibosh on that quick. Her cheeks were glowing, her eyes brighter than he’d seen in—well, too long to remember. Lila came before anyone else in his life, other than his family, both born and otherwise. Right now, that family consisted of his sister, since Simon was MIA.

N
C
: I’m practicing with Ricki. Maybe you could meet her sometime.

S
he answered faster
than he expected.

L
S
: Maybe. Have fun with her. The world needs more incredible guitarists.

N
C
: Like me?

L
S
: You already know the answer to that question, smart ass. Now go use those fingers for good rather than evil.

N
C
: Glad to know you’re thinking about my fingers. I’m thinking about yours too. There may or may not be a guitar involved…

L
S
: Go away now.

S
norting out a laugh
, he looked up and caught his sister giggling at him. “What?” he asked, affronted.

“You should see your face. You look like a high school boy who’s macking on the prom queen.”

“Shut up,” he muttered, shoving his phone back in his pocket and reaching for his guitar again. “Where were we?”

“Discussing the girl you’re in love with.”

“I never said—”

“You don’t have to. I know this face.” She sketched a finger over her own. “I’ve worn that expression before too, you know.”

He gripped the neck of his guitar. Hard. “How’d it turn out?”

“Not great.” She sighed. “But for a few weeks, it was bliss.”

“Is that enough?”

She plucked at the strings. “Depends how good the sex is.”

Oh shit, his ears were burning. Awesome. “I’m not discussing sex with my sister.”

“You don’t need to. That blush proves that hell yes, it’s good.” She giggled again as he pulled out one of his guitar picks and flicked it at her. She snagged it in mid-air and used it to strum her way into “Instant Karma”. “Hey, I do remember.”

“Then play already, for fuck’s sake.”

She glanced up at him under the fringe of her lashes. “Play with me, Nicky?”

He already was. “Always.”

A
mazing
how signing both Molly and a new band—who had met with Princess She-Ra’s approval, thank God—within the same week put Donovan in a better mood.

Lila too. Well, relatively speaking. At least until she had a meeting with her lawyer early on Christmas Eve and learned that her divorce was actually scheduled to go before the judge, but her attorney wanted to remind her that it was imperative she not “engage in any extramarital activities” until all the papers were signed. Apparently, her attorney had heard some chatter in the celebrity circles he ran with about her and a “certain guitarist” she worked with, but he’d been unwilling to cite anything more than a few blind items in the trades and the usual gossip. She’d worried about the photos again, of course, but what was new about that? She had to hope the set that Donovan had was the only one left in existence.

Just in case, she might be paying Jerzee a visit after the holiday. Maybe he needed a few well-placed threats to understand who he was playing with.

Then again, there was always money. She didn’t want to pay off any jerkoff two-bit PI, but she was too close to freedom to quibble at this point. If she could ascertain his silence, she’d pay the price.

She was already paying another one. It had been ten days since she’d been with Nick. Ten days since he’d held her, ten days since he’d tipped up her face and kissed her while his eyes remained wide open and on hers. Making sure she saw everything he felt even as she was experiencing it.

Ten days since he’d been inside her, taking away everything but the reality of what they were to each other.

It wasn’t fair to destroy their relationship without discussing what had happened the night of the show. He wasn’t Martin, and she didn’t think he was a liar. Asking a question wasn’t the same as his being guilty. He was allowed to be friends with a beautiful woman, and she was allowed to irrationally go off the handle before she had enough proof to warrant it. With her past, who could freaking blame her? Add in the stress from Simon’s breakdown that night, and she’d been a boiling cauldron of emotions, none of them positive.

If she asked Nick straight out if that redhead was now or ever had been his lover, he would tell her. And she needed to hear him out, for good or bad. She owed that to him. Goddammit, she owed that to
herself
.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t free to initiate that discussion just yet. Her attorney had said there was a good chance Martin might sign the final papers between Christmas and New Year’s, assuming there weren’t any additional holdups. Like, oh, her getting caught screwing Oblivion’s lead guitarist.

That part had been inferred, not spoken.

She couldn’t risk anything else occurring to hold up those papers. In spite of how much she wanted to clear the air with Nick, she had to wait a few more days. First, she would spend the holiday at the band house, thanks to the invitation she’d received from Jazz. Margo had insisted she come as well.

Thank God for friends.

It would probably be a little weird having dinner with Nick, but she couldn’t say she minded not having to be alone. Unless she made the trip home to New York to be with her parents, she would’ve been stuck spending the night with Spot and a takeout dinner of wonton soup and pork fried rice. Michael was spending Christmas Eve with his mother, and—

Well, he comprised the sum total of her family and friends in California, other than the members of Oblivion and the other bands she managed. But she was closest to the members of Oblivion, specifically Margo…and Nick.

So she had to go shopping. Couldn’t show up empty-handed on Christmas Eve, right?

Nick was already taken care of. Shortly after they’d started their…whatever it was, she’d sent away for a special gift for him. She wasn’t sure if it was a good gift or absolute crap, but it had spoken to her. His present contained two parts from her, and two parts from her mother, who had taken a surprising liking to him. So much so that she kept asking when the two of them would be back.

She didn’t know how to answer that. That weekend had been one of the most—hell, the most magical—of her life. She wanted to bring him back there again and for longer this time. But they had so many obstacles to get through first.

First, she had to finalize her divorce, and they had to discuss the photos and where exactly they were. What they were. Then they’d see where the ended up.

And this time, if they ended up anywhere—she was going to Donovan. She’d told him she wouldn’t dilute her focus, and unless the rest of the hard discussions she had to have with Nick worked out, she would abide by her promise. If she couldn’t abide any longer, she would talk to her boss about any potential conflicts of interests like a grown woman and not a child who had to hide.

One more week and she was done hiding for good.

Tonight, she had some celebrating to do. Fa-la-la and all that stuff. And that required a trip to the mall on Christmas Eve, which was something she rarely did. Normally she bought presents all year so she was prepared far in advance. She was mostly set, just needed a few more things. She’d put in an order for earrings for Margo from the jewelry store, and she had to pick those up today, to go with the full-length leather jackets she’d gotten for her and Simon. Her trunk was already full of baby clothes and toys that she’d assembled for Dylan and Lexi. Deacon and Harper were easy—a spa weekend seemed perfect for them, and that didn’t require a store visit. She’d already picked up glow-in-the-dark drumsticks for Jazz, but at the mall she found a couple of books for her and Gray—on knitting for Jazz and acoustic guitars for Gray. All other gifts she needed for family and acquaintances were taken care of.

Other than running by the jewelry store on her way out of the mall, plus maybe a quick stop for wine as a hostess gift for Harper who was preparing the—

At the entrance to the jewelry store, she stopped. And stared at Nick and Jazz holding hands.

A couple blinks later, she saw that wasn’t the case at all. He had his fingers clamped around her wrist, and they were arguing about something. Both were laden down with bags.

He’d gone last-minute Christmas shopping with her. A couples’ activity, no doubt instigated by him because the chances he’d prepared ahead of the time were slim to none. But still, the knowledge twisted another knife.

How many years had it been since she’d gone shopping for the holidays as part of a couple? Too many years, not since early days of her marriage. Even then, it hadn’t been fun and romantic. There had been no playful shoving in the aisles, no laughing over selections, no hiding gifts from each other.

God, she wanted that. All of it, every bit.

So when she stepped forward, her heels clicking sharply on the tile, she couldn’t temper her reaction—or her tone. “Well, then. Isn’t this a coincidence.”

Nick pivoted to face her, and Jazz’s hand stilled where she was tracing her fingertips over a necklace. Lila couldn’t focus on that, not when Nick’s annoyed golden eyes hid her prisoner.

He was
irritated
at running into her? Didn’t that just beat all.

Finally, he released Jazz and moved away, putting definite distance between them. His focus was strictly on Lila. “You need to leave.”

“Excuse me?” She lifted a brow. “I do believe this store is open to all and I have free agency to do as I please.”

The salesman she’d worked with several times in the past stepped forward. “Mrs. Shawcross, so lovely to see you again. What might you be in the market for today?”

Before she could answer, Jazz interrupted. “Hi Lila. Killer purse. New?”

Lila frowned down at the red bag she was carrying. She barely remembered grabbing it that morning. “Hello Jasmine.” She tried to smile. “No, I’ve had the bag for a while. Just thought it fit the holiday.”

She turned her attention to the sales clerk. “I’m actually here to pick up something I reserved over the phone.”

“Ah, yes, Mrs. Shawcross. Wonderful. Let me go get it out of the back.”

“Hey, hello, mid-purchase here. Big money. What the hell?” Nick scowled at Steve’s retreating back, his displeasure clear.

“Guess she’s not leaving,” Jazz mumbled, running a finger over her bracelet.

“Sorry if I interrupted,” Lila said, though she wasn’t sorry at all. Nick had claimed they were…something. That he had feelings for her beyond sex, even if he hadn’t exactly enumerated what those were. They’d argued and dissolved their affair, but he still shouldn’t be acting as if she’d permanently deflated his boner just by entering his sphere.

Should he? Maybe she’d overstated in her head what they meant to each other altogether.

Rock star, remember?

Except that mantle wasn’t enough to describe Nick. She might diminish him that way in her weak moments, but deep down, she knew better.

“Interrupted what?” Jazz asked, glancing between Lila and Nick.

Nick made a strangled noise in his throat before speaking. “Lila seems to still think we’re harboring feelings or some shit for each other.”

Lila would’ve interjected a strenuous denial, if not for Jazz’s curious reaction.

Her big blue eyes widened. “You’re kidding, right?” Jazz started to laugh so hard that she had to drop the bags she was carrying in favor of clutching her stomach. “Oh my God. That’s awesome.”

“I do
not
think that, thank you very much, Nicholas.” As humiliating as it was to have Nick put her on the spot, she had to admit she was intrigued by Jazz’s reaction. “Though you certainly seem amused by the idea.”

“Him? Me? Still? Noooo. Oh my God, no way.” Jazz laughed again, even harder. “We were a thing for like a nanosecond. We only slept together that one time, with Gray.”

Steve chose that moment to reappear. He did a doubletake at Jazz’s fit of hysterics, then seemed to gather himself before he approached Lila. “Mrs. Shawcross, here’s your purchase, already boxed and ready for you. Incredible selection as always.” He handed her a small black bag and smiled weakly at Nick and Jazz. “How do you know these two…fine individuals?”

Nick coughed into his fist, and Lila fought a smile. “I’m their manager. They’re part of Oblivion.” At Steve’s quizzical look, she added, “The band?”

“Oh. Uh, yes, that’s right. They mentioned that. How nice.”

Lila nodded and tightened her hold on her bag. “Thank you for your help as always. I’m sure I’ll be back soon.”

“Oh, please return anytime. We truly appreciate your business. Happy holidays!”

Feeling like a fifth wheel—third didn’t have quite enough oomph—Lila turned to leave. She managed to make it all of two steps before Nick grabbed her arm.

“Wait,” Nick said.

Lila bristled. Anytime he put his hand on her, she got stupid. The only defense? Put up all her shields triple-strength. “
Now
you want to talk to me?”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, I always wanted to talk to you. I just didn’t want you to see your Christmas gift.”

“My lord,” Steve gasped. When Lila and Nick cast glances his way, he held up a hand in apology. “Sorry. I felt a sneeze coming on.” He turned away from the counter and started shuffling papers.

Um, what the heck was
his
problem?

She’d worry about that later. Right now, she had other things to occupy her attention.

“My Christmas gift?” Lila asked quietly.

Nick faced her again and dipped his hands into his pockets. “Yeah. Don’t tell me not to buy you one, because I am. I have to. I saw something and it’s just you. And it’s for me to give to you, so don’t argue. Please.”

“Aww,” Jazz cooed.

Lila and Nick turned to look at her, but she’d turned away to scan a display of dangling earrings.

Lila directed her attention at the floor, mainly to give her cheeks a moment to cool down. Nick tucked her hair behind her ear and surprised, she took a quick glance around to make sure no one had seen them before she met his gaze again. “I got you something too.”

“Let me guess. These tasteful diamond earrings?” Nick tapped the box in the bag she gripped. “I’m not pierced yet, but for you, I just might think about it.”

She was blushing now, no doubt about it. Nick always had that effect on her. “Not pierced where? Ears or elsewhere?”

Steve moved closer and tucked away a tray of rings. Most likely it was getting close to the store’s early closing time, since it was Christmas Eve.

“I have no piercings anywhere.” Nick lowered his voice. “Have you forgotten so soon?”

Lila pressed her lips together to stop them from quivering. “I haven’t forgotten anything.”

“Me either.”

She swallowed deeply. God, her entire body felt like it was tingling. “So what kind of piercings do you favor?”

He chuckled, then leaned close to murmur against her hair, “Maybe I’ll get a Prince Albert, just for you.” At her frown, he continued, his warm breath caressing her skin. “If you don’t know what that is, Google it,” he said silkily. “Then we’ll chat.”

Okay, she wasn’t even going there. She had a guess what it might be, but her uncertainty probably revealed an unforgivable gap in her knowledge.

Hell, she had to know. The second she left the store, she would look it up. In the meantime, she had to get out of there with dignity.

“I’ll see you tonight?” she asked.

Nick smiled. “Yes.”

She nodded again and glanced past him to Jazz. “See you later, Jazz.”

“Sure thing. And make him pierce his dick!”

When Steve dropped his tray of rings, scattering them all over the floor, Nick laughed. And Lila booked out of the store, her face on fire.

So much for needing to look it up. Leave it to Jazz to know all such things.

But wow. A pierced dick…that would be interesting.

Lila pressed her thighs together as she hurried to her car. She wasn’t going to think about it. Nope, she was just going to go home, gather up her gifts to bring with her, and get ready for tonight’s festivities.

Dick piercings did not apply.

As soon as she arrived home, she took a quick shower, then searched through her closet for something to wear. The usual choice would be a red ensemble, but she wasn’t feeling it. So she settled on a blue sweater her mother had knitted a million years ago and white pants, an outfit that made her think of home. And snow. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to spending the holidays in California. It just didn’t seem right not to have a white Christmas.