Gabriel's Bride (39 page)

“Rachel.” The one word was something of a growl, uttered in a much more familiar tone.

She sighed, already tired of this game. Or maybe she was simply weary of trying to be what she needed to be. Dark dresses, hair perfect all the time. No goats, heavy with twin babies that seemed to sap all of her energy like nothing else she had ever experienced. “What do you want from me, Gabriel?”

“I want you to return to Clover Ridge with me.”

“Why?”

“I know we talked about this yesterday. But I’ll say it again, I love you, Rachel.”

“And it doesn’t look good for a deacon to be without his wife.”

“And the boys miss you.”

She shook her head before he even finished. “Samuel was the only one who was ever glad I was there and I almost killed him.”

“You saved him. Another thirty minutes without medical care and he’d’ve—” He stopped, unable to finish, but Rachel didn’t need the words for the tears to come. They burned at the back of her eyes. Samuel was walking proof of her poor decisions. “He’s gotten all the bandages off and has started to school with his alien hand.”

“His what?” It was easier by far to focus on the ridiculous instead of the triumphs that Samuel had accomplished over the summer, knowing that she had almost brought it all to an end.

Gabriel shook his head. “John Paul. You were gone and Annie needed Mary Elizabeth.” He shrugged. “Samuel went to stay with
Mamm
and
Dat
. John Paul took care of him while he healed. I think his
rumspringa
has rubbed off on the
bu
.”

“He started school?”

“Thanks to you.”

She shook her head, though she was proud of all that he had learned and overcome this year. Oh, how she missed him.

“Simon is sorry for all the mischief he put you through. He misses you too.”

She couldn’t find the words to reply.

“He’s been taking care of your goats. Though you should know, he’s got Sundae so spoiled she will barely eat the grass in the pasture.”

Rachel stood suddenly unable to hear any more. “Gabriel, I . . . I don’t know what to say.”

He stood as well.

Just standing in his shadow made her feel protected and safe, as if no harm could come to her as long as she was by his side. She had to do it. She had to return with him to Clover Ridge. For the babies.

For herself.

She took a steadying breath gathering courage. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

She nodded. “I’ll go . . . home with you.”

She thought she saw the flash of tears in his eyes before he pulled her close. But that couldn’t be. Her eyes fluttered closed as he pressed a sweet, sweet kiss to her lips. By then the tears that wet her cheeks could have just as easily been her own.

The trip back to Oklahoma was even more tedious than her original journey to Ohio. Of course, the first time she had traveled the
bopplin
were so tiny that she didn’t even know they existed. She had been nauseous and light-headed, not knowing that both afflictions were from the babies she carried. She had figured heartsickness was her ailment and that only time could cure that. Despite the fact that she had gotten sick in every bathroom at every rest stop along the way, she had pressed on till she reached her destination.

After she arrived and still couldn’t shake the sickness, her cousin Amanda had talked her into going to the doctor in Millersburg. After a series of tests the results came back: She was pregnant. She wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry, so she did a little of both. But it didn’t soften the blow when the doctor examined her and found not one, but two heartbeats.

Amanda had tried to talk her into returning to Oklahoma then, but for Rachel there was no going back. How could she live in a place knowing her husband hated her, didn’t need her, would blame her every day for not being a good enough parent to watch Samuel? How could she look at that sweet, freckled face knowing that he would be whole if not for her poor decision making?

But now she had to put her feelings aside and do what was right for the
bopplin
she carried.

The return trip took three days. Bill Foster, the kindly Mennonite driver and his wife, Linda, were solicitous in making sure that she was comfortable.

But it was staying in a hotel each night that about did her in. He told her that he would give her time, but her wounded heart knew it was just a way to cover for him. It gave him an excuse to secure a double room and keep to himself. But all Rachel could think about was the night they’d spent together, intimate and close, the night Mary Elizabeth had returned.

Surely when they arrived back in Clover Ridge she’d be able to put all that behind her and go on as if nothing had ever happened.

Like that would be possible.

She pressed a hand to her growing stomach. She would have a constant reminder of the “what might have been” between her and Gabriel. But she knew deep down that Amanda was right: Gabriel had not turned his back on God, and he had not hurt her in any manner. Truly her heartbreak was her fault and hers alone. She had so many reasons to continue on with their agreed marriage. Many an Amish woman had made a worse match than she had with Gabriel Fisher.

“Are you okay?” he asked, nodding toward her hand still curved around the mound of her stomach.

“
Jah
.” She removed her hand, dropping it back onto the seat next to her. “The babies are quiet when we’re in the car.”

“
Jah
?” His mossy green gaze was so intense she had to look away.

She turned to look out the window. The close quarters were getting to her. Two nights in a hotel and endless hours in the car sitting side by side with not much to do but count the license plates from other states and the number of dogs as they passed through the towns. And think.

It’d be
gut
to get back home to Clover Ridge.
Gut
to try and get things back to normal. Though she wasn’t sure normal was ever something she would be able to achieve.

“Can I—” Gabriel reached out a hand almost, but not quite touching the dark cloth covering her stomach.

How could she deny the earnest look on his face?

She gave a nod, and the warmth of his hand pressed against her. She wasn’t sure how much he could feel, but he sat that way for a moment or two before one of the babies started to kick.

“Here,” she said, moving his hand down to the spot where the twin was acting out his own version of hopscotch.

Gabriel’s eyes grew wide. “Are there really two of them?”

Rachel nodded. “I was as surprised as you.”

“I doubt that,” he replied. “When you came into the room . . .” He shook his head, but didn’t continue.

“What?”

He sat back, pulling his hand away from her. “It was a shock, to be sure.”

“I suppose it was.”

Gabriel turned and looked out the window.

Rachel wasn’t sure what he found so interesting on the other side of the glass. She herself had a great deal of trouble looking out at the blur of the landscape as they whizzed past.

In no time at all, they’d be back in Clover Ridge and able to put some distance between each other. She would be glad of that. She needed a break from being so close to her husband and unable to tell him how she really felt. That, despite the fact that she had so many regrets where the two of them were concerned, she loved him more than anything—and always would.

It was just before dark when Bill Foster pulled the minivan onto the dirt lane leading to Gabriel’s house. A more welcome sight, Rachel was sure she had never seen.

As she pushed herself from the van, the front door opened and the Fisher boys spilled out followed by Ruth.

“Wachel, Wachel!”

Samuel was the first one to her, throwing his arms around her and holding her tight as if he never wanted to let go.

Then he pulled back and pointed to her belly. “Is that a
boppli
?”

She nodded. “
Jah
. Two, as a matter of fact.”

Samuel’s big green eyes grew round as did those of everyone in earshot.

“Two?” Simon seemed mesmerized.

Just then, Ruth reached her, wrapping an arm around her and walking her toward the house. “Twins,” she breathed, as if it was the most special thing in the world.

“Two babies!” Samuel danced around like he had ants in his britches.

“But it’s a secret.” Ruth placed one finger over her lips.

A confused frown puckered his brow. Rachel laughed. With a belly the size of hers, keeping their news secret was going to be a miracle indeed.

“I got an alien hand.” Samuel held up his right hand to show her. “But it ain’t a secret.”

“It’s not a secret,” Rachel corrected, doing her best not to break down at the sight of Samuel’s hand. If she was going to make this work, she had to forgive herself for the mistakes she had made.

Ruth pulled her close as they neared the house and whispered in her ear, “One day at a time, sweet Rachel. One day at a time.”

One day slipped into the next, and they fell into a sort of pattern. Gabriel was up and gone before she got out of bed and got the
kinder
ready for school. Exactly how early he got up, she didn’t know.

He would stay away all day, not even coming in to eat at noon, but managing to get back to the house just in time for supper.

Afterwards, he read to them from the Bible, then headed off to bed while she and Simon cleaned the kitchen and helped Samuel with his homework. Then the rest of the household retired for the night only to get up and start the configuration all over again.

But the stress of the day in and day out was beginning to take its toll.

Rachel rolled over in her bed and stared at the moonlit ceiling. How much longer could they keep this up, this polite existence that they had embroiled themselves in? Not much longer she was certain, before it extracted its price on them all.

She pushed herself out of bed and eased across the cold floor and down the stairs.

Maybe it had been a bad idea to come back. Maybe it would have been better for them all if she had stayed in Ohio. Better for her and Gabriel maybe, but surely not better for all the
kinder
, the ones living with them and the ones to come next.

She pressed a hand to her large belly, just now fully understanding how much her life was about to change.

Her knees hit the floor under the weight of her realization. She was about to bring forth not one life, but two. What more of a testament to God’s will did she need? She and Gabriel had only spent one night together and here was the result, the babies growing within her. God knew that Gabriel Fisher was an honorable man, devout and true and would not let her go through this alone. But was it so much to ask that he love her in return?

She bowed her head despite her lack of head covering and started to pray.

“Rachel,
mei liewe
, what’s wrong?” Suddenly he was at her side, warm calloused hands rubbing her shoulders, solicitous and true. “The babies? Are they
allrecht
? Is it time?”

She shook her head, unable to find her voice among her tears.