Gabriel's Inferno 01 - Gabriel's Inferno (38 page)

Julia traced his fist with one of her fingers. “They got bored and went into her bedroom to fuck. They didn’t even bother to close the door. That was my last Thanksgiving with Sharon.”

“Your mother sounds like Anne Sexton.”

“Sharon never wrote poetry.”

“My God, Julia.” Gabriel unclenched his fists and hugged her close.

“I cleaned up so that they wouldn’t get mad at me, and I hopped on a bus. I rode around aimlessly until I saw a Salvation Army mission. They were advertising a Thanksgiving meal for the homeless. I asked if I could volunteer in the kitchen, and they put me to work.”

“That’s how you spent Thanksgiving?”

She shrugged. “I couldn’t go home, and the people at the mission were friendly. After the guests were served, I had a turkey dinner with the volunteers. They even sent me home with leftovers. And pie.” Julia paused thoughtfully. “No one ever baked me a pie.”

He cleared his throat. “Julianne, why didn’t your father take you away from her?”

“It wasn’t always bad.” She began fidgeting with his T-shirt, gathering the soft cotton in between her fingers and tugging slightly.

“Ouch. Careful.” Gabriel chuckled. “You’re pulling out what few chest hairs I have.”

“Sorry.” Julia nervously smoothed the cotton with her fingers. “Um, my dad lived with us until I was four, when my mom kicked him out. He went back to live in Selinsgrove, where he grew up. He used to call me on Sundays. I was talking to him one day, and I let slip the fact that one of the boyfriends had wandered into my room the night before, naked, thinking my room was the bathroom.” She cleared her throat and began speaking quickly, so Gabriel wouldn’t have a chance to ask
that question
.

“Dad freaked out, wanting to know if the boyfriend had touched me. He hadn’t. He wanted to speak to my mom, and when I explained that I wasn’t supposed to bother her when one of the boyfriends was over, he told me to go into my room and lock the door. Of course, I didn’t have a lock. First thing the next morning, Dad showed up to take me to Selinsgrove. I guess it was a good thing the boyfriend was gone by the time he arrived. I think my father would have killed him.”

“So you left?”

“Yes. Dad told Sharon that if she didn’t get rid of the boyfriends and get off the alcohol, he was going to take me away from her permanently. She agreed to go into rehab, and I went to live with him.”

“How old were you?”

“Eight.”

“Why didn’t you stay with him?”

“He was never home. He had a day job that was very busy and sometimes he had to work weekends. Plus, he was a volunteer with the fire department. When school finished for the year, he sent me back to St. Louis. Sharon was out of rehab by then and working in a nail salon. He thought I’d be fine.”

“But you came back?”

She hesitated.

“You can tell me, Julianne.” He squeezed her tightly and waited, softly stroking her hair. “It’s all right.”

She swallowed. Hard. “The summer before I turned seventeen, Dad brought me back.”

“Why?”

“Um, Sharon hit me. I fell against the corner of the kitchen counter, hitting my head. I called my dad from the hospital and said that if he didn’t come and get me I was going to run away. And that was it. I never saw my mother again.”

“Do you have a scar?”

She took his hand and brought it up to the back of her head, pressing his fingers against a raised line of flesh where hair no longer grew.

“I’m sorry for this.” He traced it a few times and pressed his lips against it. “I’m sorry that those things happened to you. If I could, I’d beat them all senseless…starting with the bastard who is your father.”

“I was pretty lucky, actually. Sharon only hit me once.”

“Nothing you have told me sounds even remotely lucky.”

“I’m lucky now. No one hits me here. And I have a friend who feeds me.”

Gabriel shook his head and cursed. “You should have been cuddled and adored and treated like a princess. That’s what Rachel had.”

“I don’t believe in fairy tales,” she breathed.

“I’d like to make you believe.” He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

“Reality is better than fantasy, Gabriel.”

“Not if reality
is
the fantasy.”

She shook her head, but smiled. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Her smile faded. “Do you have any scars?”

Gabriel’s face was impassive. “You can’t hit something that you don’t know is there.”

Julia leaned up and pressed her cheek into the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s difficult to know what’s worse—being hit or being ignored. I guess it depends on what kind of pain you prefer.”

“I’m so sorry, Gabriel. I didn’t know.”

She took his hand in hers and wrapped their fingers together. Taking a deep breath, she asked, “Are you going to go home now?”

“Not unless you want me to leave.” He stroked her hair again, carefully avoiding the place where the flesh was raised.

She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. “I want you to stay with me.”

“Then I’ll stay.”

Julia fell asleep while Gabriel remained awake contemplating the scars she had shown him, wondering with queasiness and anger about the scars she had not revealed.

“Julia?” he whispered. Her regular breathing and lack of response indicated that she was sleeping.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He kissed her cheek softly. “Least of all myself.”

Chapter 19

Julia awoke the next morning to the sounds of the shower. She was trying to work out how someone other than she could be in her washroom when the sounds stopped and a tall, brown-haired man wrapped in a small, purple towel came through the door. Her eyes widened in surprise, and she gasped, clapping a hand over her open mouth.

“Good morning,” said Gabriel, clutching the towel that was slung low on his hips with one hand while grabbing his clothes with the other.

Julia stared. And she wasn’t staring at his face.

Regardless of what she was staring at, his hair was wet and sticking out in unruly spikes from his head. Beads of water clung to his shoulders and chest and glistened off the surface of his tattoo. The contours of sinew, muscle and veins, symmetry and balance, idealized proportion, and classical lines would be breathtaking even to the casual observer. But Julia was anything but a casual observer, for she had spent the entire night with this very body in her bed, spooning her close and playing with her hair. And this body was attached to a damn fine mind and a very deep, passionate soul.

Nevertheless, Julia was staring at his physical form, and thus the term
aquatic demi-god
flitted through her consciousness.

Gabriel grinned.
“I said good morning
, Julianne.”

She closed her mouth. “Um, good morning.”

He walked over and leaned down, pressing a firm but gentle opened-mouth kiss against her lips. A few droplets of water splashed around her on the sheets. “Did you sleep well?”

She nodded slowly, feeling a good deal too warm.

“You’re not saying much.” He straightened up and smirked at her.

“You’re half-naked.”

“Right. Would you prefer me wholly naked?” He shifted the towel provocatively on his hips and grinned.

Julia nearly expired in shock.

“I’m just kidding, sweetheart.” He kissed her again, with a furrowed brow.

A discomforting thought occurred to him. He retreated backward with a very serious expression on his face. “I forgot about what happened to you in St. Louis. When you were little,” he clarified. “I’m sorry to barge in on you like this. I wasn’t thinking.”

Julia looked over at him with mute appreciation. She smiled shyly. “It’s all right. You’re just distracting. You seem happy this morning.”

He grinned. “Sharing a bed with you agrees with me. Can I make you breakfast?”

“Um, sure. But you know I don’t have a kitchen.”

“I’m a resourceful man.” Gabriel smiled at her genuinely, his warmth enough to overcome her embarrassment about her cooking facilities.

Just before he closed the bathroom door behind him, she was treated to the barest glimpse of the most beautiful gluteus maximus muscles as Gabriel dropped his purple towel.

Julia gaped like a codfish.

***

The following evening, Rachel returned to Philadelphia from her romantic holiday with Aaron and promptly checked her voice mail. After a frantic call to her father, she immediately telephoned Gabriel and left a message.

“What the hell is going on up there, Gabriel? What did you do to Julia? She only disappeared once in her life and that was when she was completely humiliated by her ex! So what the fuck did you do to her? I swear to God I’m hopping on a plane. Call me…

“By the way, Dad says hi and he’s glad you called. Would it kill you to call him once a week? He has decided to go back to work because he can’t stand being home alone. And by the way, he put the house up for sale.”

Then, more than slightly worried about her best friend, Rachel called Julia and left a message on her voice mail, as well.

“Julia, what did Gabriel do? He was raving like a lunatic on my voice mail. He isn’t answering his phone, so I can’t get his side of the story. Not that I expect the truth from him. Anyway, I hope that you’re all right, and I’m really sorry. Whatever he did, please don’t disappear on me again. Not when this is our last Thanksgiving in the house. My dad put it up for sale. Aaron still wants to get you a ticket, so call me, okay? Love you.”

Afterward, Rachel returned to her normal life in Philadelphia, anxiously awaiting news from her brother and her best friend. And quietly planning a wedding.

After Gabriel convinced his sister not to fly to Toronto in order to kick his ass, and he spoke to Richard about taking the house off the market, he promptly left a message on Julia’s voice mail, which he connected with while she was talking to her father:

“You never seem to answer your phone. [Fumes slightly…] Do you have call waiting? Would you order it, please? I don’t care what it costs. I’ll pay for it. But I’m tired of leaving messages. [Deep breath.] I’m assuming you’ve heard from Rachel. She’s furious with me, but I think I’ve been able to convince her that you and I had an academic misunderstanding and have since kissed and made up. [Chuckle.] Well, I left out the kissing part.

“Maybe you can call and reassure her before she fulfills her threat to get on an airplane. [Sigh…deep breath.] Julianne, I enjoyed waking up next to you yesterday. More than I can say on an answering machine. Tell me I’ll be able to wake up next to you again soon. [Lowered, smoldering voice…] I’m sitting in front of the fireplace wishing you were here, wrapped in my arms. Call me, principessa.”

***

Meanwhile, Julia was talking to her father.

“I’m glad you’re coming home, Jules. I’ll be on call, but we’ll be able to spend some time together…” Tom’s voice trailed off into a cough as he tried to clear his throat.

“Good. Rachel wants me to visit her too. She’s getting married, and I think she needs some help with the preparations, now that Grace is gone.”

“Deb invited me over for dinner with her and her kids. I’m sure she’d set an extra place for you.”

“No way in hell,” Julia muttered.

“What’s that?”

“Sorry, Dad. It would be nice to see Deb but there’s no way I’m going over there. No way.”

Tom paused uncomfortably. “I don’t need to, either. I, um, see Deb all the time.”

Julia rolled her eyes.

“What time should I pick you up at the airport?”

“Actually, Gabriel Emerson is living in Toronto. He mentioned something about going home that weekend. I’ll see if I can catch a ride with the Clarks from Philadelphia, if we fly in at the same time.”

Tom was quiet for a moment or two. “Gabriel is there?”

“He teaches at the university. I have a class with him.”

“You never told me that. Jules, you need to stay away from him.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s trouble.”

“Why do you say that?”

Tom cleared his throat again. “He never came home to see his mother when she was dying. Never spends time with his family. I don’t trust him, and I sure as hell wouldn’t trust him with my daughter.”

“Dad, he’s Rachel’s brother. She knows I’m coming home for Thanksgiving. She’ll probably pick us up at the airport, anyway.”

“Whatever you do, don’t carry anything for him on the airplane and don’t accept anything from him that looks suspicious. You’ll be going through customs.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m keeping an eye out for you. Can’t I do that with my only daughter?”

Julia stifled the urge to say something cruel or rude in response. “I’ll buy my ticket and let you know what’s happening.”

“Fine. Talk to you later.”

And with that, Julia’s largely uninformative conversation with Thomas Mitchell of Selinsgrove came to an end.

She spent the next hour reassuring Rachel that yes, she was fine and no, Gabriel was (perhaps surprisingly) no longer being an ass. She also convinced Aaron that she had enough money from her scholarship to purchase a flight. She mentioned her father’s scheduling conflict and promised that she would join the Clarks for Thanksgiving dinner Thursday night.

More than slightly exhausted, she spent another hour persuading Gabriel that it was not a good idea for them to share a bed every evening, especially when there was the possibility that someone connected with the university could see them entering or leaving one another’s apartments. He had acquiesced, albeit grumpily, while exacting a promise for another sleepover before seven days had elapsed.

Julia did not want to be the cause of Gabriel losing his job, so she was determined to limit the possibilities that they might be seen together. She was also determined not to spend every night in his bed, for she knew where that would lead. She was still struggling to trust him, her reticence more than reasonable given the fact that he had only changed his disposition toward her recently. And he’d all but admitted that his passion for her was teetering on the edge of his control.

Julia did not want to be persuaded into doing things she was not ready to do. She didn’t want to give him part of herself and return to her apartment feeling used and lonely, as she had so many times with
him
. No, Gabriel was not
him
. But that fact made her no less cautious, although she wanted to trust him.

Despite her self-protection, Julia slept far more peacefully with Gabriel than without him, and every day she didn’t see him her heart ached.

***

Monday afternoon found Julia answering her doorbell. A delivery person stood outside, holding a large, white box. She signed for it, and when she returned to her studio, she opened a card that was attached to the box. The card had the initials
G. O. E.
embossed on the top and was handwritten:

Dear Julianne,
Thank you for sharing yourself
with me Friday night.
You have the heart of a lion.
I would dearly like to tame you, slowly,
but without the tears or the good-bye.
Yours,
Gabriel
P.S. I have a new, private e-mail account
at your disposal:
[email protected]

Julia opened the box and was immediately captivated by a beautiful fragrance. Inside, she was stunned to find a large glass bowl filled with water. Suspended on the surface of the water were seven gardenias. She carefully removed the bowl from its packaging and placed it on her card table, inhaling deeply as the perfume began to permeate the room.

She re-read Gabriel’s note and eagerly opened her laptop so that she could send him a quick e-mail from her Gmail account:

Dear Gabriel,

Thank you for the gardenias; they’re lovely.

Thank you for your card.

Thank you for listening.

Looking forward to seeing you soon,

Julia

XO

***

On Wednesday afternoon, Julia met Paul by the mailboxes before Professor Emerson’s seminar. They exchanged pleasantries and chatted briefly before they were somewhat rudely interrupted by Julia’s cell phone. The call was (miraculously) from Dante Alighieri, so of course, she answered it.

“I have to take this,” she murmured to Paul apologetically before she walked into the hall.

“Hello?”

“Julianne.”

She smiled widely at the sound of his voice. “Hello.”

“Will you join me for dinner?”

She looked around quickly to ensure that she was alone. “Um, what did you have in mind?”

“Dinner at my place. I haven’t seen you since Saturday. I’m beginning to think you only want e-mail correspondence now that you have my new address.” Gabriel chuckled.

Julia breathed deeply, glad that he wasn’t irritated with her. “I’ve been getting ready for my next meeting with Katherine. You’ve been working on your lecture, so…”

“I need to see you.”

“I want to see you too. But we’ll see each other in a few minutes.”

“I need to speak to you about that. We’re going to have to pretend as if nothing happened in my last seminar. I’ll probably ignore you, just for effect. I wanted to tell you in advance so that I wouldn’t upset you.” He paused for a moment. “Of course, all I want to do is touch you, but we need to keep up appearances.”

“I understand.”

“Julianne…” he began, dropping his voice, “I don’t like this any more than you do. But I would like to have you join me for dinner tonight, so I can make it up to you. After, we can spend a quiet evening by the fire enjoying one another’s company. Before bed.”

Julia’s cheeks immediately flamed with color. “I’d like to, but I was planning on working all evening. I haven’t finished the revisions Katherine asked for, and I meet with her tomorrow afternoon. She’s very demanding.”