Gabriel's Redemption (Gabriel's Inferno Trilogy) (21 page)

I wonder if this is how his other women felt after spending the night with him. If he even let them spend the night . . .

Her anxiety morphed into unhappiness as she reluctantly climbed the stairs and returned to her room. She changed into her bikini, grabbing her sunglasses and hat before walking to the pool. A swim would keep her occupied.

She swam laps until she’d almost forgotten her conversation with her father the day before, and Gabriel’s evident distress the previous evening. Then she set her feet down in the shallow end, her eyes straying to a pair of running shoes that were situated at the edge of the pool.

“I thought I told you I didn’t want you swimming alone.”

Gabriel stood, holding out a towel. He was dressed in his jogging clothes and he was sweaty, his T-shirt soaked.

“Good morning to you, too.” She swam to the edge and plucked the towel from his grasp.

“Good morning.”

“I wouldn’t have to swim alone if you didn’t leave me,” she muttered, climbing out of the pool.

“You know I like to run in the mornings.”

“It’s almost noon.” She wrapped herself in the towel and faced him, hands on her hips.

He seemed agitated. He glanced at her but wouldn’t make eye contact, and his posture was decidedly uncomfortable.

Julia wondered how a night of fantastic sex could leave her relaxed and weightless and leave him strung as tightly as a bow.

“You could have left a note.”

“I could have,” he said slowly. “I didn’t think of it.”

“If you want to run, that’s fine. Just let me know when you’ll be back.”

Gabriel opened his mouth to protest but suddenly decided against it.

“I’m going to have a shower. I made the hotel reservation for your father yesterday and arranged to have the concierge deliver a fruit basket. I’ll be in my study for most of the day, working. But I’ll take you to dinner in Todi tonight.”

“No.”

He blinked at her. “No?”

“No, Gabriel. You can’t run off to your study after treating me so coldly. No.”

His expression shifted.

“I don’t mean to be cold, Julianne.” His voice was low.

She stared at him.

He scrubbed at the stubble on his chin. “I have a lot on my mind.”

“That’s what you said last night. I hoped our activities would have helped.”

A shadow passed over his features.

He stood in front of her, reaching out to grasp the necklace she was wearing. He ran his thumb over the suspended heart.

“You are always lovely. I could hold you in my arms and make love to you all day, but that wouldn’t solve my problems.”

Julia placed her hand over his. “Then tell me you love me.”

His eyes met hers. “I love you.”

She breathed out a heavy sigh. “Go find your solution. But don’t forget that you aren’t the only person in the house. I don’t want to live with a ghost.”

Gabriel’s eyes grew pained. He kissed her chastely, then exited the enclosed pool area.

True to his word, Gabriel spent the afternoon in his study, behind a closed door.

Julia had no idea what he was doing, although she hoped he was solving whatever problem it was that troubled him so deeply.

Several different scenarios flew through her head. Perhaps Paulina had contacted him, hurling him into a tailspin. Perhaps the revelation of her brother’s illness had caused him to rethink his own desire for a child. Perhaps he was realizing that married life was not what he’d hoped it would be—that the thought of being tied to one woman, to her, was stifling.

Julia’s anxiety increased. She could handle anything, she thought, but Gabriel’s coldness. She’d seen contempt in his eyes before. She’d been dismissed from his presence. She’d survived it once, but the mere thought of him leaving her again was crippling.

In an effort to turn her attention elsewhere, she sat at her computer, investigating the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and hypoplastic left heart syndrome.

The hospital’s website gave her some hope. It described several patients who’d received the surgery her little brother would have to have. But each patient testimonial included the caveat that no one, not even the specialists at the hospital, could predict how healthy the patients would be when they became children, teenagers, or adults.

She said a silent prayer for her father and Diane, and, lastly, for her brother. She asked God to help him and to give him health.

Then her thoughts turned to her husband.

She prayed for him. She prayed for their marriage. She’d thought their sexual activities the night before had brought them closer together and that they would free him to communicate with her.

Now she worried they’d had the opposite effect. If Gabriel could communicate to her with his body, perhaps he failed to see the need to communicate with words.

With such thoughts in mind, she returned to her pediatric cardiology research, reading article after article, until the words blurred before her eyes and her head sank down against the chair’s armrest.

Julia awoke to the sensation that someone was watching her.

She was lying in bed. Seated next to her, his arms around his bent legs, was Gabriel. He regarded her from behind his glasses.

“It’s late,” he whispered. “Go back to sleep.”

She squinted at the clock that sat on the bedside table. It was past midnight.

“I missed dinner.”

“You were exhausted. I kept you up too late last night.”

She yawned. “Come here.”

He avoided her outstretched hand.

“Hey,” she whispered. “Don’t I get a kiss?”

He brushed his lips against hers in a manner that could only be described as perfunctory.

“That’s not a very good kiss,” she pouted. “You’re perched on the edge of the bed like a gargoyle, glowering at me. What’s the matter?”

“I am not glowering.”

She sat up and placed her arms around his shoulders.

“Then kiss me like you mean it, non-glowering-gargoyle-like husband of mine.”

His dark brows knitted together. “A gargoyle? You’re hell on a man’s ego, Mrs. Emerson.”

“You’re far more beautiful than me, Professor. But I’m fine with that.”

“Don’t blaspheme.” His expression darkened.

She sank back against the mattress, groaning in frustration.

“I love you, Gabriel. That means I’ll put up with a hell of a lot from you. But I won’t let you shut me out. Either talk to me or I’m going home.”

She felt his eyes before she met them—two glowing and angry sapphires in the nether darkness.

“What?” he growled.

“If I go and stay with my dad, he’ll talk to me. I can take care of him and Diane when they get home from the hospital. You’re acting as if you can’t stand the sight of me.” She rolled to her back, staring up at the canopy.

“Beatrice.”
His voice was pained. “If you need to see your dad, we’ll go together. But I would never let you make that trip alone. I’ll be damned if you go home without me.”

She hazarded a small smile.

“Now there’s the Gabriel I married. I thought I’d lost you.” She removed his glasses, placing them on the side table. Then she pulled him under the covers with her.

He rolled onto his side, facing her. Then, ever so lightly, he found her lips in the darkness.

“Finally.” She rested her head against his chest. “Tell me why you’re so grim.”

“I don’t think you want to hear this right now.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Fine. You said you thought I wished you were someone else so I could fuck you.” His tone grew sharp. “Never say something like that to me again.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It isn’t true. I swear to God, it isn’t true. I left that life behind and God help me, I do not want to go back there.”

“I wasn’t asking you to go back there. I was hoping you’d work out your bad mood with me, instead of sitting outside brooding.”

“I wasn’t fantasizing about fucking other women, I assure you.” He sounded angry. “And what we have is too important to cheapen.”

She sat up swiftly.

“There was nothing cheap in what we did last night. We love each other. We’d both received upsetting news. We needed comfort.”

“I was selfish.”

“It was mutual. Remember? I wanted you. I needed you. If you were selfish, then so was I. But I don’t see it that way. Yes, it was more aggressive and vigorous than we usually are. But you promised me I was safe with you. And I felt safe. You promised me we could be adventurous. Last night was one of our adventures. And in giving, we both received.”

She tried to keep a straight face. But couldn’t.

She smiled widely, trying to restrain a snicker.

In a flash, she was on her back and he was over her, their noses inches apart.

“I don’t think St. Francis would approve of you taking part of his prayer and applying it to our sexual activities,” he growled.

“Francis believed in love and in marriage. He’d understand. At the very least, if he disapproved, he’d be silent about it.”

Gabriel closed his eyes and shook his head. But a smile played across his mouth.

When he opened his eyes, they were tender.

“I could live with you forever and still you would surprise me.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Gabriel, because you’re stuck with me. Even when you’re in a foul mood. I’m not ashamed of what we do with our bodies, because it also involves our souls. I don’t want you to be ashamed either.”

He nodded and kissed her reverently.

She kissed him back.

“You tell me that I’m safe in your bed. But I want you to know that you’re free in mine. All the baggage, all the things from our past, they don’t matter here.”

He stroked her jaw with his thumb. “Okay.”

“Now will you tell me why you were so upset last night?”

“Not yet.” A shadow fell across his face. “I just need a little time.” He toyed with the diamonds in her ears. “You have my heart. Never doubt that.”

Julia rested in his arms, but it was a long while before sleep claimed her.

Chapter Thirty-three

J
ulia was not a psychologist. She’d spent time in therapy and was familiar with twelve-step programs and recovery. But she tried very hard not to diagnose others. In the case of her husband, she couldn’t help herself. Something was troubling him. Something disturbing enough to cause him to return to his old coping mechanisms.

She suspected that whatever was upsetting him was related to the news they’d received from Tom and Diane, but she wasn’t certain. Correlation is not causality, and so it was possible that the two events were merely coincidental.

Without knowing what was wrong, she didn’t know how to help him. Or how to comfort him. She felt as if a dark cloud hung over them, despite Gabriel’s concerted attempts to behave as if nothing were wrong.

She knew better. And his unwillingness to share his burden wounded her.

As their time in Umbria drew to a close and they prepared to travel to Florence, she resolved to do her best to be supportive and loving. But she was determined that if he hadn’t confided in her by the time they returned to Cambridge, she would take matters into her own hands.

During the previous summer, Gabriel had volunteered at the Franciscan orphanage in Florence during his separation from Julia. But as the staff quickly discerned, he was not the ideal volunteer. He didn’t take direction, he gave it. He didn’t hesitate to make changes to the workings of the orphanage, or to make demands about the facilities and food. And when the staff protested that they didn’t have the money to implement his changes, he simply paid for them himself.

In sum, the director of the orphanage, Fra Silvestro, welcomed his donations but was relieved when the Franciscans over at Santa Croce persuaded Gabriel that his skills would be better utilized in leading tours and giving lectures on the life of Dante.

So it was with delight that Fra Silvestro welcomed Julia to the orphanage in August, hoping that she would moderate her husband’s more aggressive charity.

When the Emersons arrived, they were met by the director; his assistant, Elena; and an assembly of children. The children, who ranged in age from four to eight, addressed Julia as
Zia Julia
and presented her with a bouquet and a series of drawings they’d made. The illustrations were done in bright colors and featured smiling children and a woman with long, dark hair standing in the center.

For a moment, Gabriel was overwhelmed. In the eyes of the children, especially the older ones, he saw a glimpse of himself as a child. He remembered standing in the waiting room of the hospital in Sunbury after his mother died, trying to get something to eat from the vending machine. He didn’t have any money and so he crawled on the ground to check under the machine for lost coins.

Gabriel tamped down the memory. If Grace hadn’t come upon him that day, his life would have turned out very, very differently.

Julia greeted all the children, crouching down to their level. She seemed perfectly at ease, chattering and laughing with them in Italian.

After the introductions were made, the Emersons were led to a side yard where the rest of the orphanage’s children, ages one to twelve, had gathered. The staff brought out the infants, so that they too could join the party.

Gabriel had been unable to rent a petting zoo but had secured the services of four ponies and their handlers. The ponies were tethered at the far end of the yard, surrounded by a crowd of excited children.

There were balloons and games, and a large, inflated bouncing castle. There were tables of food and desserts, and a large pyramid of wrapped gifts.

“How will they know which gift is for which child?” Gabriel pondered aloud.

Julia glanced at the pyramid. “I’m sure each gift is labeled.”

“What if they don’t like the present they receive?”

“Elena asked the children what they wanted and we bought it.” Julia squeezed his hand. “Stop fussing. The children will see you frowning and you’ll scare them.”

Gabriel sniffed at being so maligned but cautiously adjusted his expression.

He watched as she played games with the children, blowing bubbles and batting around balloons. A dark-haired, dark-eyed toddler took a shine to her, and soon Julia was carrying the boy on her hip and wresting her hair from his chubby fists, while avoiding a slight trickle of drool.

Gabriel was seized with a realization so strong it hurt.

Julianne was born to be a mother. She’s loving and giving and patient. She has what my biological mother lacked, and what Grace had in abundance.

Maybe she even has enough to compensate for my own shortcomings.

To keep his melancholy at bay, Gabriel helped with the ponies, lifting children on and off their saddles. Julia had been correct. The ponies were the highlight of the event. Children lined up to pet and feed them in between rides.

When it was time to hand out presents, Gabriel stood behind the gift table with Julia.

Brother Silvestro made an announcement to the children, thanking Zio and Zia Emerson for their generosity. Gabriel and Julia nodded to polite applause. Then Julia began handing out the presents, still holding on to the toddler.

Gabriel would have joined her, but a little boy pulled at his trousers in an effort to secure his attention.

“Hello,” said Gabriel, in Italian. “How are you?”

“Are you him?” the boy asked.

“Am I whom?”

“Superman.”

Gabriel gave the child a puzzled smile. “Why do you think I’m Superman?’

“You look like him. Can I see under your shirt?” The boy pointed to Gabriel’s white oxford button-down.

He smiled wryly. “I don’t have my suit on today.”

“You’re wearing Clark Kent’s glasses.”

Gabriel removed his glasses and frowned at them. He thought his Prada frames were a good deal smarter than the horrific pair that Clark Kent wore.

(Perhaps he’d been mistaken.)

Gabriel didn’t have time to be offended, however, because as soon as he took off the glasses, the boy gasped. A small crowd of other children soon gathered around.

“It’s Superman,” the first boy whispered, triumphantly.

Gabriel replaced his glasses, then reached out to ruffle the boy’s hair.

“I’m afraid I’m not Superman. I’m Zio Gabriel from America. Zia Julia is my wife.”

The children looked over at Julia, who was continuing to call out names and dispense brightly colored presents. She caught their eyes and smiled prettily.

“That’s Lois Lane.” A little voice piped up.

“Yes,” said the first boy. “We recognize her. That’s Lois Lane.”

Gabriel examined Julia with new eyes.

“I thought Lois was taller,” he mused, half to himself.

“I have a picture. See?” A boy held up a comic book and pointed to the drawing of Lois Lane on the cover. “It’s her.”

“She cut her hair,” said another boy, eyeing Julia with disappointment. “I liked it longer.”

“Tell me about it,” Gabriel muttered.

“Can you do any tricks?” a girl interjected.

“What kind of tricks?” The Professor fought to hide his amusement.

“Lift something heavy, see through walls, fly.”

“Oh, yes, fly!” The children began to jump up and down.

The Professor looked at the ever-increasing crowd of youngsters moving around him and sighed. He held his hands out to quiet them.

Then he leaned forward, dropping his voice.

“No one knows Clark Kent is Superman.”

“I know,” said one of the boys, lifting his hand high in the air.

Gabriel grinned. “Yes, you know. But none of the adults know. Lois and I are here for the party. So I need you all to help us keep this a secret. Understand?”

Some of the children gazed at him skeptically, but many of them nodded.

“Now Lois has a present for all of you. Why don’t you go over and say hello and pick up your gift?”

With a somewhat mixed reaction, the children began to disperse, soon distracted by other pursuits.

Julia, who had been half-listening to the exchange nearby, caught his eye and winked.

Superman?
she mouthed.

He shook his head. He’d been called a lot of things in his thirty-five years, but no one had ever accused him of being Superman. Although he had to admit, Julia would make a damn fine Lois Lane.

He wondered if there was a costume shop in Florence that he could visit.

He was contemplating that (and other naughty things) when he felt someone’s eyes on him. He looked down and saw a small blond girl. She had her fingers in her mouth and was staring up at him.

He smiled.
“Ciao, tesoro.”

She took her fingers out of her mouth and extended her arms.

At first, he didn’t understand what she wanted. She lifted her arms higher and waved them slightly.

“She’s asking you to pick her up, Man of Steel.” Julia was suddenly beside him.

Gabriel lifted the girl into his arms and she smiled briefly before placing her fingers back in her mouth.

It was at this moment that Julia’s eyes met his and a long look passed between them. She greeted the child and patted her on the back. Then she returned to the gift table.

“Maria doesn’t speak.”

Gabriel turned to face Elena, Brother Silvestro’s most capable assistant.

Elena reached out to tuck a blond curl behind the child’s ear. “I’m surprised she went to you. She usually avoids strangers.”

“How old is she?” Gabriel asked.

“Three.” Elena switched to English. “But she hasn’t spoken since she arrived almost a year ago.”

“Why not?”

“Too much trauma.”

Gabriel looked at the cherubic face of the child and suppressed a series of curses.

“Will she ever speak?”

“We hope so. She needs a family, certainly.”

Unconsciously, Gabriel held the child more closely.

“Is it difficult to find families?”

“Sometimes.” Elena smiled at Maria and spoke Italian, asking if she was enjoying the party.

Maria nodded and pointed in the direction of the ponies.

“Ah. I think you would like a pony ride. Shall I?” Elena gestured as if to take the girl, but Gabriel shook his head.

“I’ll take her.”

He walked over to the ponies and asked her in Italian which one was her favorite. She pointed to the smallest one, a black pony with white patches on his coat. He had a braided tail with a red ribbon tied to the end of it. He was called
Cioccolato
.

Carefully, Gabriel placed Maria on the saddle and rested his hand on her back while the pony’s owner began to lead them in a circle.

Maria smiled and clutched the pony’s mane between her tiny fingers.

As Gabriel walked the circuit with the child and the pony, he mused on the fact that his life could have turned out very differently. He was not an orphan, but a man with a family. And he had a family because Grace and Richard had opened their home and their hearts to him.

Although the darkness that was currently eating away at him had not abated, he found himself grateful for the hope that had shone in his life. And he vowed to share that hope with others. Somehow.

Julia watched her husband with the crowd of children and later, with the little girl, and found herself transfixed. Something about the sight of a tall, handsome man explaining why he wasn’t Superman warmed her.

She hadn’t had many opportunities to watch Gabriel interact with children. She never accompanied him on his volunteer work at the Italian Home for Children. She’d seen him interact with Quinn, of course, but only on a few occasions.

Seeing how Gabriel was protective and sweet with Maria tugged at her heart.

The Professor was intimidating. He had his moments when he could be cold and prim. Certainly, there were times such as when she’d found him smoking on the balcony in Umbria when she worried about him. But the surprising gentleness with which he treated children made her wonder what he would be like with their child. He’d ruffle their son’s hair and talk about Superman. He’d carry their daughter in his arms and treat her like a princess.

As she saw Gabriel smiling and chattering to the silent child, Julia realized that what Tammy had told her was true—children bring out a special side of a good man.