Game of Love (17 page)

“Okay, fine,” she relented. “I came to New York because I found out the guy I was dating was married.” She held her breath and pressed her arm to her eyes.

“And?”

She dropped her arm and sat up. “And? Really? Married, Dex. Do you know what that means? Do you know what that makes me?”
Jeez, do I have to spell it out to you? T. R. A. M. P.

He laughed. “Feisty, aren’t we?”

She pushed his chest. “I’m not a home wrecker. I had no idea he was married, and I’m thoroughly and utterly mortified to have been part of the whole mess.”

Dex took her hand. “I’m sorry. That does suck.”

“It does.”

“So you left Maryland because of that? Did you know his wife?”

Ellie shook her head, and guilt drove her eyes shifting downward. Not telling Dex the truth was harder this time than she’d anticipated. She had seen trust in his eyes, and now, as she stole a glance at him, she saw empathy that she didn’t deserve. She had just begun to find her footing with her students, her roommates, and then, hell if it wasn’t swept out from under her by that asshole. That was enough of a kick in the ass. Her life was just beginning to settle around her again. She and Dex were finally making headway as a couple. She couldn’t take another kick in the ass, not now.

“No. He traveled a lot, and I never put two and two together.”

“How’d you find out?” He inched nearer to her and held her close.

Ellie knew he wasn’t going to let her retreat into herself. “He was in the shower, and when his phone rang, I answered it.” Her eyes filled with tears.
Damn it. Do. Not. Cry
.

“Oh, Ellie.” He pulled her close and stroked her back, kicking that damn guilt into high gear.

“She was so hurt, Dex. I mean, I could feel this woman’s pain through the phone, and it was one of those times when nothing needed to be said. I knew the minute I answered and heard a female gasp on the other end of the phone. She said something like,
Is he with you?
And I stuttered, then apologized. Profusely. Jesus, I had no idea.”
And then he hurt me.

“I know it feels horrible, but you can’t really blame yourself if you didn’t know.”

She closed her eyes until the tears subsided. Each tear seared her heart with pain at hiding the rest of the truth. “I’ve told myself that a hundred times, but then I talked to one of my roommates. She’d just gotten her degree in psychology, so it was free therapy. She asked me if I thought maybe I’d chosen him because he was safe. She said I wouldn’t ever have to get close to him because some part of me knew he was married.” She gripped Dex’s hand. “Dex, I swear to you, I had no idea. I know I’m fucked up, but I’d never be that person. No way. You know me.” She searched his eyes and saw that he did know her, probably better than she knew herself. And he trusted her—right at that moment, she wished he wouldn’t.

“I honestly can’t see you getting close to anyone in the first place, married or not.” He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. “Or maybe I just wouldn’t want to think about it. Does he still contact you?”

She nodded.

“Does he know where you are?” The softness left his face, bringing out the harsher lines, the muscles in his jaw. The protective Dex.

“I don’t know. I think he knows I came to New York, but of course he’d have no idea where I am.”
Would he?
No. There was no way he’d be able to track her.

“Ellie, if he’s in New York, I wanna have a talk with him.”

He dropped her hands, and Ellie saw his biceps jump beneath his tattoos. His eyes slanted dangerously.

“No, Dex. I don’t want to feed this creep’s…whatever it is. He’s probably just not used to being turned away. His wife’s already been hurt. I just want to forget about it all and move on.” Her phone buzzed again, and she reached for it.

Dex snagged it. “May I?” He held up the phone.

“Read it? Yes. Respond? No.” She watched him as he scrolled through the messages. His chest expanded as he read, his shoulders pulling back, muscles strung tight. He pressed his lips together in an angry line. When his eyes finally met hers, they were anything but loving. “He knows you’re in New York.”

“’Kay.”
Shit
.

“He wants to see you.” He didn’t even blink.

It occurred to her that Dex was weighing her reaction just as she had weighed his. “Okay.”

“Okay?” He glared at her.

“Not okay, like I’ll see him. Okay like, whatever. No way.” She pulled the covers up to her chest.

“Ellie, do I have to worry about him hurting you? Is he that kind of guy?” He put his hand on her leg, and she hated herself for stiffening beneath his touch. “Hey,” he said softly. “I’m on your side, El.”

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God
. She couldn’t breathe. She needed fresh air. She pushed to her feet, and Dex grabbed her hand.

“Don’t.”

“I need fresh air.”

“Please. Just this once, try to stay with me. Talk this out with me.”

Her leg bounced up and down. Dex had that damn look in his eyes again like she was tearing his heart out. She wanted to stay with him—more than anything in the world, she wanted to. She lowered herself back down to the bed. Now the entire mattress shook with her jumpy leg. She nibbled on her lower lip.

“You don’t have to tell me who he is, and I won’t try to find out, but I do want you to promise me that if he does anything that worries you, you’ll tell me. I need to trust you in this, Ellie.”

I can’t trust myself. How can you trust me?

Dex had known Ellie for more years than anyone else in her life. He was a quick study, and she knew that not reaching for her was killing him. Dex was a hugger. She was a hider. When she looked at him, she wanted more than anything to be a hugger. To be his hugger. For moments she’d been able to slip into that world, as she’d done in the bathroom and in the silence when they cuddled so many years ago. But at times like this, when discomfort needled her nerves and she was pressed to the wall to expose her most vulnerable points, it was harder than hell to fight the visceral need to flee.

“You told me that I could always be sure of you, Dexy, and I am trying so hard to be that person for you, too.” There it was. Plain. Simple. Honest.
Almost
.

MIDNIGHT FOUND THEM eating pizza on the living room floor while outlining their ideas for the educational software. Ellie watched Dex staring intently at their notes. He looked the most content when he was creating or planning. She would like to think that he looked the most content when she was in his arms, but she knew that at those intimate times, while he was happy, he worried that she’d leave again. She was working on that. She was thinking of the way he’d come home midafternoon and made love to her when he lifted his eyes from the notebook and smiled.

“You had a meeting tonight, didn’t you? When you texted earlier, you said you had a late meeting.” She remembered it explicitly.

He shrugged. “I wanted to see you.”

“You blew off your meeting to see me? But I had just been to your office.”

Dex ran his hand through his hair and sighed.

“Did you think I wouldn’t be here?”

“No. I can’t make you stay, El. I know that. I can only hope that you want to stay.”

“I do.”

“I believe that you do. But that’s not why I blew off the meeting. I realized today when we were deciding on our release date that what you were doing mattered. It mattered a hell of a lot more than the gaming empire I built, and—”

“That’s not true.”

“Hear me out. I’m proud of what I’ve done, and what I do, but as I said earlier, I’ve also been really conflicted about it. This afternoon I felt driven to do something about it. You made me feel that way. You’re willing to work extra hours and put yourself out there with no promise of extra income or anything other than knowing you’re doing something of value for kids.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have much besides time or ideas to give to anyone.”

He sighed. “Ellie, when we were growing up, you gave me everything I needed even though your own heart was bleeding. You inspired me then, and you inspire me now to do something about what I’ve been feeling. I can and will continue with my gaming, but, Ellie, I’ve got the technical skills you need to make your dreams come true. With your brains and vision and my technical abilities, we can do this.”

“Oh, Dexy.” He had the most generous heart of any person she knew, and it drew her from where she sat on the floor to his lap. She ran her fingers through his hair and forced herself to say what she felt so strongly that her heart ached. “I so love you.”

He leaned his forehead against hers. “Thank you,” he whispered.

He stayed in that position for a long time. There was no mistaking how much it meant to him to hear her say she loved him outside of a moment of passion. When he lifted his head, he said, “Wow. All it takes is a diatribe about helping kids? I’ll remember that.”

Ellie knew he was making light because the moment was so heavy it threatened to draw tears from both of them.

“We’ll do this together, Ellie. Just keep your promise about that asshole, okay?”

“Yeah. I will.” Guilt pressed in on her and she had to ease it, if even just a little. “Dexy, I have to tell you something else.” Before he could react, she said, “He wasn’t very nice to me. I don’t want to talk about it, but I wanted you to know.”

He nodded. “You don’t want to talk about it?”

She shook her head, silently praying he’d give her the space she needed.

“I had lunch with my mom and Siena today.”

She saw something wash over his expression too fast for her to read. Relieved that he wasn’t pushing her, she went with it. “You…yes. How did it go?”

“Do you know that my mom knew that you used to sneak into my bedroom?”

Ellie covered her face. “Oh God. She must hate me.”

“You’re kidding, right? No one could ever hate you. She actually really liked you. She said we needed each other. And…she said I had to trust you.”

She leaned against the couch beside him, completely thrown by this. She said
he
had to trust
her
? That’s what she’d seen in his eyes. Contemplation. Confused but unwilling to rock this particular boat, she dodged the issue. “Do your parents still live in the same neighborhood?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe one day we should go back there. Just so I can get some closure for the time I spent there.” She’d been thinking about that neighborhood a lot lately. Ellie was well aware of her trust issues, and she knew where they all stemmed from, though she wasn’t sure they didn’t begin much earlier than the episodes that she remembered.

“Anytime you want.”

Dex’s phone vibrated. “Regina.” He read the text. “Podcast was great. Mitch did well. Are you okay?” He touched Ellie’s leg and spoke as he typed. “More than okay. Thanks for covering tonight.”

“You never told me what you decided about your release. Are you releasing on time?”

“Yeah. Thanks to you for that, too.” Dex didn’t elaborate. He leaned over and kissed Ellie with one of those toe-curling kisses again.

“You have to stop doing that or we’ll never get anything accomplished.” She took a deep breath.

“Can’t. Sorry.” His phone vibrated again. “Reg again. She says to tell you she said hello.” He touched her hand. “Looks like you made a friend.”

“I can sure use a few of them about now. I’m going in to fill out forms tomorrow and meet the staff at Maple, and I start teaching Monday. I’m hoping to make a few friends there, too. It’ll be good to be working with people who understand low-income issues and put kids before statistics. It’s like a whole different world.”

“I know.” The way he looked at her told her that he really did get it. Of course, he
got
all things Ellie. He handed her the notebook. “So, is this what you had in mind?”

Ellie looked over the technical specifications and arched a brow at Dex. “English, please. Speak slow because I’m still in lip-lock land.”

He laughed. “Basically, you want to produce a platform that can be shared among the kids, and you want it to be at least forty percent less expensive per child than computers. Meaning that if schools have enough money for only half their students to have laptops, then a multiuser platform—let’s use Xbox as an example—would allow them to team up for almost the same cost, and each child would be able to participate and learn through these shared platforms. The software would run on the platform. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, something like that.” It was so nice to be taken seriously. The first two interviews she’d had left her feeling like she was asking for the impossible. Blythe had boosted her confidence, but Dex, who had the knowledge and skills to make this work, gave her hope.

“And I would take it one step further and allow for several users on one platform with the option of a multiuser program where they are competing in levels of educational games. Or we can go with split screens so each person can move along at their own rate.”

Ellie sat up on her knees. “Yes. That would be ideal. Then the kids who had more trouble wouldn’t feel left behind, but they’d have the option of learning from the others if they shared the program.” She gathered her hair and laid it over her shoulder. “This is so exciting, Dex.”

“These are only the bones, El. We’ll need finite details on the software you want to create and explicit goals, paths to learning, all sorts of things.”

“There are already tons of educational programs out there for kids. I really was hoping this could be something completely different. Not the kind of thing where kids feel like they’re learning, although they have to learn, of course. But gearing it toward real-life issues and settings. Real life for low-income kids, which is very different than real life for middle-income or high-income families whose kids probably have every system under the sun anyway, so they may not have interest in this type of system. But for kids who aren’t as privileged, getting to learn on a system that is geared toward what they recognize and feel safe around might just do the trick. I guess I need to do more research and talk with the staff, of course, and even talk to some of the parents to ensure we’re hitting our mark.” She caught Dex staring at her.