Game of Queens (46 page)

*   *   *

Thanks to Hegai's good counsel, I greeted Ahasuerus as I always did—fondly, respectfully, and dressed in a gown I had worn twice a dozen times and knew he thought pretty. When Ahasuerus entered my courtyard, I was glad I had not garbed myself in elaborate robes and garlanded myself with jewels, for Ahasuerus had come to me from a day's hunting, and had not wasted time changing.

“Because your message said the matter was of the greatest importance.” Ahasuerus sat down and beckoned me to sit beside him; when I did, he took my hands in his. “What is this urgent affair, Vashti?”

Now I must speak plainly and truthfully. And hope he will listen and heed.
I had practiced a well-reasoned argument while I waited for the day to pass, but all the well-chosen words vanished.

“I want you to choose Esther of Shushan as your queen.” Well, that had been plain and truthful. Had it been wise?

Ahasuerus stared at me, then laughed—laughter that rang unpleasant; mocking. “That is your urgent matter? You have chosen a queen for me? And what makes Esther of Shushan any different from the other greedy girls awaiting their chance with me?”

“I'm sorry, my lord king. I—oh, Ahasuerus, I spent all day composing the most beautiful argument to lay before you, and I forgot every word. I only meant to speak plain truth.”

“A little too plain, perhaps.” Ahasuerus smiled and squeezed my hands, then released them and sat back. “Still, I know you mean me only good, Vashti, so tell me why you want me to choose this Esther of yours.”

“Not only I,” I hastened to assure him. “Hegai regards her with great favor as well. And so does—”

“This isn't Athens,” Ahasuerus said. “I'm not selecting my next queen by vote.”

“If you did, Esther would win the crown. Everyone likes her. Even the other chosen girls like her.”

“And so I must like her as well?” He sounded—hard. Cold, as I never before had heard him.

Esther is right. He is tired of being a chessboard king.

Ahasuerus answered his own question. “Like your Esther? Oh, doubtless I shall like her well enough—all the maidens will strive hard to please me. And I am a man, Vashti. I will enjoy them. But I will not enjoy their vain attempts to convince me they are more than a night's amusement.”

“Esther is different,” I said.

“How is she any different from the thirty-nine maidens I will embrace before she comes to my bed?”

I looked into Ahasuerus's eyes and saw pain there, and confusion.
He is so unhappy. He must choose Esther. She will bring him joy.
I knew my next words would seal all our fates; I risked all on the toss of a
pur.

“Esther is different because she loves you, Ahasuerus.”

He began to laugh, a harsh, cutting sound. I spoke swiftly, ignoring his unlovely laughter.

“I speak the truth, Ahasuerus. Esther saw you walking with Haman on the lower terrace—”

“She did, did she? And just how did she happen to be roaming through the great palace?”

“I brought her out of the House of Women. I wanted her to see you.”

“Of course. Clever, helpful Vashti.”

His mocking words sparked my anger. “I do only as I have been taught, my lord king. Most
carefully
taught.” Who had trained me in the ways to travel unseen the labyrinth of the great palace? Who had tutored me in reckless daring?

He had the grace to look away. I refused to abandon my purpose. “And how or why Esther came into the great palace is not the point. What matters—to all of us—is that Esther looked upon you and she—”

“And she what?” Ahasuerus asked as I paused for breath.

Now, or never. “And she fell in love with you.”

The unadorned words seemed to tremble in the air between us.

“She fell in love with the king?” Ahasuerus at least listened now.

“No,” I said, carefully patient. “Esther fell in love with
you.
With Ahasuerus.” I remembered Esther's radiant eyes, her passionate voice as she said—“She said she didn't know if she wanted to be queen, but she knew she wanted to be your wife.”

There was nothing more I could say. Now all rested with Ahasuerus. He stared at me for long moments, and I could read nothing in his troubled eyes. At last he said,

“This is your petition and request?” The timeworn words drew as formal a response from me. I stood, then sank to my knees before him.

“If it please the king, and if I have found favor in his sight, my petition and my request is that the King of Kings choose Esther of Shushan to be his wife.” I bowed my head and waited.

“That is all? Nothing for yourself?” There was an undertone of sadness in his voice.

“If it pleases the king to choose Esther, and to set the crown upon her head, it will be all that I desire.”

He rose from the bench and looked down at me. “A most interesting plea, Vashti.” He hesitated, as if he would say more, then turned and strode away toward the garden gate.

“Will you choose Esther?” I asked, and he turned.

“I don't know,” Ahasuerus said, and went out the garden gate, leaving me convinced I had ruined Esther's chance with my painfully inadequate appeal.

I sighed and rose from my knees. Now I must go and tell Esther and Hegai how matters stood. And we all must pray to our gods that Ahasuerus would choose Esther of Shushan for his wife and queen.

HEGAI

Vashti stood before the silver mirror; tilted her head as she studied the gleaming metal. “I have a favor I wish to ask of you, Hegai.” She turned away from the mirror, for she was not one who found pleasure in her own reflection. “May I borrow your mirror?”

For you, anything.
But I said only, “Of course, my princess. For how long—and why?”

She laughed and put her hand on my arm. “Not for any trick or jest, I promise you. Truly, I swear it, so do not look so wary!”

I looked down into her laughing eyes. “Truly, I believe you. But what do you plan?”

“Nothing outrageous.” She leaned her head against my shoulder; rubbed her cheek against my arm.
“Dear
Hegai,
please
give me your mirror. I need it only for forty nights.”

“Ah, I see.” I could not resist turning so that she slid into the curve of my arm. For a moment I closed my eyes and savored the feel of her body against mine; delighted in the scent of amber and roses freed into the air by the warmth of her skin.
If I only dared—
If I only dared take her into my arms, would she soften to my touch? Would she give her lips to be kissed? Or would my advances repulse her?
I could not bear that—could not endure seeing revulsion in her eyes.…

“Hegai?” Vashti tapped my chest. “Where have you gone? Come back to me.”

I took her hand in mine—she would think nothing of that, for since she was a child, she had held my hand for guidance, for comfort. “I am sorry, my princess. I was thinking.”

“Unhappy thoughts?” Vashti gently squeezed my hand.

I shook my head. “Only unworthy thoughts. Now tell me why you think our candidates for queen deserve my mirror.”

“Your
famous
mirror.” Vashti tucked her arm through mine and looked up at me slantwise. Her eyes reflected the mirror's silver light. “Now you understand why—”

“—you want my famous mirror. Yes, and it is a clever thought.” The girls would be dazzled—this would be the only time in all their life when they would see their whole body reflected. It would be a moment they would cherish; one never to be repeated.

Vashti smiled; she treasured compliments to her mind. Very few people knew her well enough to offer such praise. Half a dozen people who valued Vashti, rather than Vashti's ravishing beauty.

“I thought that we could put your mirror in the main courtyard. Then each candidate can look upon herself before she goes to Ahasuerus. I think that will help.” Vashti's voice lilted the words into a question; sought my approval.

I tilted my head, as if considering long and hard. At last I said gravely, “Yes. I think that will help.”

And seeing themselves in all their beauty of face and form and fine garments would give them, if not confidence, then at least something else to think of as they walked to their meeting with the King of Kings other than their own nervousness. Depending on the girl, such anxiety could be mere unease or utter terror. I knew which girls would suffer most from anticipation and which would face their night with confidence.

I was rewarded by Vashti's pleasure at my words.
I suppose that Esther will not wish to bother looking into the mirror at all! Sometimes I think she is far too much like Daniel Dream-Master for her or anyone else's good.

 

BOOK SEVEN

For Such a Time as This

ESTHER

For all that I had longed for this night, had dreamt of it by both night and day, when Hegai came to tell me that it was at last my night to go to the King of Kings, panic gripped me. My blood beat cold beneath my skin; I struggled to breathe.

“Esther, be calm,” Hegai said gently. “You have known this day was coming since the tokens were drawn.”

“I know. I know. But—”

“But now you have only to put yourself in the capable hands of your handmaidens and your eunuchs. They, too, have long awaited this day—and night. Come, let them do what must be done.”

Hegai's calm, sensible words soothed me, gave me strength. “Yes,” I said. “You are right. Thank you.” Then I confessed, “I always thought myself brave. I had not thought that when this moment came I would be—afraid.”

Hegai laughed. “If you were not afraid when facing so great a moment, I would have chosen wrongly. Only fools rush to their fate without fear or thought. You are not a fool.”

“I'm afraid that I am. Oh, Hegai, if Ahasuerus—if the king—” I despaired of finding the right words. “What if he does not
see
me?”

Hegai smiled and laid his hand upon my cheek. “He will see you. You will shine bright, Star of the Palace. Now let your servants take you to the baths.”

*   *   *

By day's end, I had been transformed from Esther of Shushan into a creature of ice and fire. My skin gleamed from oil of myrrh and had been painted with silver. Silver lines swirled over my arms and legs. Upon the palms of my hands gleamed silver stars.

My hair had been washed with lemon-water and dried over a brazier burning amber and frankincense. It had been combed out to ripple down my back, gleaming so that its dark fire burned hot.

My body had been perfumed: the soles of my feet, behind my knees, between my thighs, between my breasts. My hands, the tender curve of my inner elbow, beneath my arms. The hollow beneath my throat. The sandalwood and clove, spikenard, cedar and frankincense, of the perfume Hatach had so carefully chosen for me caressed me as I walked.

Purified, perfumed, and light-headed, I returned to my chamber to be adorned. Vashti awaited me there, clearly eager to see what I would choose to wear on this night of all nights. Apparently none of my clothing had been deemed suitable for this occasion and the apparel laid out upon every surface, offered up by every handmaiden and eunuch, all was strange to me.

“What will it please my lady Esther to wear?” Hatach asked, and I looked into his anxious eyes and realized I simply did not know.

I stared at the garments strewn about the room, at the gems glittering upon swathes of silk bright as those jewels. So many, and all so rich, so ornate.
How am I to choose? What will please Ahasuerus?
In the privacy of my thoughts, he was always “Ahasuerus” to me, never “the king.”

“My lady Esther?” Hatach began to sound worried; I saw Kylah move forward.

“Perhaps my lady Esther requires a few moments to decide?” Kylah suggested, and I shook my head.

“No, what my lady Esther requires is advice.” I ran my hand over a veil thin as morning mist. “Tell me,” I said to Vashti, “tell me what the king likes.”

I might have asked her to calculate the distance from Shushan to the Sun. “I—truly, Esther, I don't know.” Vashti's brilliant opalescent eyes held only bafflement. “My garments were always laid out for me; I had only to don them.”

You were his wife for half your life, and you don't even know what most pleases his eyes. Poor Vashti. And poor Ahasuerus.

I managed to smile, and ask quietly, “Well then, who chose what was laid out for you?”

“Hegai, of course.” Vashti sounded surprised that I need ask. “He is Chief Eunuch, in charge of all pertaining to the queen's care.”

Relief flowed through my blood like warm honey. “Then I will ask Hegai to choose for me. Please tell him that Esther begs him to come to her, for she wishes to ask his advice.”

*   *   *

Vashti herself ran to take Hegai my message. She was not with him when he came to me, and he offered no false astonishment at my summons. “I wondered how long it would take you to send for me, O Bright Star.”

I spoke as plainly as he. “Hegai, I don't know what to wear tonight. And Vashti was no help whatsoever.”

“Did you think she would be?”

“I thought she at least might know what the king liked to see on a woman. What pleases his eyes.”

“Esther, our dear lady Vashti knows nothing about what a man likes to see. She never needed to learn, for she was queen since she was a child.”

“Does she know what pleases a man—the king—in—in love?”

Hegai smiled. “It pleases a man to be liked, admired.” He slid around my question, seeming to answer without actually doing so. “You will please the king; never doubt that.”

“Will I please him more than Vashti?”

For a breath I thought he would evade this question, too. Then he took my face between his hands and looked long into my eyes. “Yes, you will please him more than Queen Vashti did.”