Game Of Risk (Risqué #3) (16 page)

‘What’s wrong?’

Her voice was soft and her knees came into view when she sat beside him. Then her fingers lost themselves in his hair and he relaxed. Going at each other wasn’t going to solve anything but it did prove one thing, she was the girl for him.

Ruger didn’t have the time to explain anything to Layla, and the truth was, he wasn’t sure he could put words to what was going on inside him. Sitting back, he took his hand to her hip, but neither of them spoke. From the look on Layla’s face, he’d guess that she was waiting for him to start the conversation. The office door opened, and Blaser came in, relieving Ruger of the need to confess his turmoil.

‘I called Colt. He’s going to get in touch with Rushe,’ Blaser said, closing the office door.

‘He’ll have a tough job of that,’ Ruger said. ‘I just came from where Rushe and Flick are holed up. It’s not in a cell service area.’

‘Which is why I’m here,’ Blaser said. ‘Colt needs the sat-phone number.’

‘I can give him the details,’ Ruger said, leaving the couch and Layla. ‘But I don’t know if it will connect. They’re in an overgrown area.’

‘Rushe has resources. He can get serious guys here to cover Layla’s ass. You know that Colt and I will pull our weight, but if it’s not enough—‘

‘What about Dax?’ Ruger asked, approaching his brother. ‘He seems like the kind of guy who would have useful contacts.’

‘He is,’ Blaser said. ‘But how much do you want to tell him? He’s not really a guy who operates on blind faith.’

‘He did with you. He trusted you when it came to the fight night. You could’ve set him up.’

‘I was desperate and he knew it. I also gave him and his wife jobs and a place to live.’

‘I think I’ll be able to convince him,’ Ruger said, putting a hand to Blaser’s shoulder, then patting the other one. ‘Stay here for a minute. I’ll be back.’

On leaving Colt’s office, Ruger didn’t look back. Layla would have an opinion that she’d just love an opportunity to share. But now wasn’t the time to take a vote. Ruger had to keep her safe and that was all he cared about.

Layla could’ve leapt to her feet and demanded that the brothers hear her, but she didn’t. Remaining on the couch in Colt’s office, where Ruger had left her, she watched him go, and then made eye contact with Blaser.

‘Your brother’s a difficult guy to read,’ she said.

‘You think?’ Blaser asked, sauntering to the fridge in the corner. ‘I’d say he’s pretty straightforward.’

‘No offense, but from what I understand, none of you knew what Ruger did for a living until very recently. He’s obviously good at keeping secrets.’

‘I’ll give you that,’ Blaser said, opening two beer bottles, then coming over to join her on the couch. ‘But I think it’s obvious how he feels about you. No chance of him keeping that secret.’

‘Oh really? Then could you clue me in?’ she asked, taking the proffered bottle.

‘You’re not serious,’ he said, positioning himself in the corner of the couch.

‘We had sex. It’s really not a big deal.’

‘So you’re worried that Ruge is getting himself too attached to you? When do you plan to bolt?’

‘Me?’ she asked, twisting to glare at Blaser. ‘Your brother hotfooted it out of the state barely an hour after we fell out of bed.’

‘Maybe the sex sucked,’ Blaser shrugged and took a long swig from his bottle while keeping his eyes on her.

Layla knew that he wanted a reaction, and she hated that she got herself worked into a flap, thus giving him one. ‘The sex did not suck. The sex was incredible, amazing, probably the best sex I ever had.’

‘Maybe it wasn’t as memorable for him.’

‘If that were true then why does he keep talking about doing it again?’ Triumphant, she smiled and enjoyed the cool slick liquid of her drink as it slid down her throat.

‘If the sex isn’t the problem, I’d guess he’s protecting himself.’

‘Protecting himself from what?’

‘From you,’ Blaser said. ‘You don’t hang around. You take what you want from a guy and then you disappear. Isn’t that what I’ve heard about you?’

‘Who told you that?’ she asked, the wind was taken from her sails.

‘Women talk,’ Blaser said.

Ruger had told Lyssa, Suzette, and his mother about her aversion to proposals, so Layla guessed it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that Bri heard the story from them. But with a baby on the way and a life in upheaval, Layla would think that Bri had better things to talk about than her relationship MO.

Opening her mouth wide to retort, her thoughts were in such disarray that she wasn’t sure what to say. Ruger might be holding some of himself back because he didn’t want to get too invested. And while Layla felt that he wasn’t completely invested, she would hold a part of herself back too. It was a vicious cycle.

‘I get what it’s like,’ Blaser said, shifting to the front edge of the couch. ‘I know that it’s tough to put your faith in another person.’

‘I thought that you and Bri had been together forever.’

‘It’s not that simple, nothing really is. I’ve always loved Bri, but I have a tendency to… act in her best interest.’

‘What’s wrong with that?’ Layla asked.

‘I don’t always ask her opinion on what that might be before I act,’ he said. ‘There were tensions between our families too and I spent some time in prison, which kept us apart.’

‘But you’re together now.’

‘Yeah, we are, but getting here wasn’t easy. We only made it because… in the end we were honest, with ourselves, with each other, with our families and with the law. Either one of us could’ve given up… if we hadn’t been willing to give each other our all, then we never would’ve made it.’

‘Seems to me like you’re making an argument in favour of protecting yourself.’

‘Then you’re not paying attention,’ he said. ‘Why do you run away when a guy proposes? Why are you so afraid to take a chance?’

‘It’s not about taking a chance.’

‘Seems to me it is,’ he said, leaning away as her frustration grew. ‘Life is nothing but a game of risk. We weigh up options, make decisions, and we hope they pay off. Sometimes we’re rewarded and sometimes we’re punished, but at the end of the day, if you’re not willing to take risks then nothing incredible will ever happen.’

‘Nothing tragic either,’ she said, pushing her beer bottle onto the coffee table. ‘We lose everyone in our lives eventually, why set ourselves up for that pain when we can protect ourselves from it?’

‘I don’t know how much you know about Bri’s past.’ Layla glanced over her shoulder to see he was examining the label on his bottle. ‘But she took a risk reconnecting with me and she went through a lot of pain because she ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. But that didn’t stop her from coming back to me. From trying again and taking another risk.’

‘Maybe she’s stronger than I am,’ Layla said, twisting to lean her shoulder against the back of the couch so that she could see him. ‘I was sheltered from life growing up. We didn’t have a dad, but my mom gave my brother and me everything she could. We were happy and then she got sick and… Watching her suffer was difficult. I thought I learned a lot from the fight, she just wouldn’t let her illness beat her. But the cancer was stronger and when she did leave us… it was so sudden. I wasn’t ready… I wasn’t prepared… I went from proud and optimistic to devastation that I… I promised myself that I would never be that helpless again, that I wouldn’t let any tragedy take me by surprise, that I would always be prepared.’

His eyes fell to his lap and she wondered if her words resonated with him or if he just thought she was full of crap. The Warner boys were lucky. They had their parents, who were still together, happy, and healthy. Unless he had lost someone close to him, Layla assumed it would be difficult for him to understand her position.

After he pondered her words, he rolled the base of his bottle against his thigh and made eye contact with her again. ‘It’s impossible to always be prepared,’ Blaser said, softer than before but still matter-of-fact. ‘Shit happens in life and a lot of it is unfair. But your mom getting sick… she lost the lottery, and that could happen to any of us on any day. There’s no way to prepare yourself for that.’

‘Sure there is,’ Layla said, bouncing closer. ‘All we have to do is stop ourselves from getting too close. If I don’t have a partner and a family then they can’t be taken from me.’

‘You have your brother,’ Blaser said. ‘And you do care about people. You’re polite and respectful of my parents. You’re friendly with Lyssa. If you don’t let yourself care, if you don’t let yourself love, then maybe you can limit the hurt… but you’re never going to experience the happiness either. You’re depriving yourself of something I’m damn sure your mother would want you to have. Would she be proud of you for shutting yourself off?’

‘My mother would be proud that I’m making smart choices.’

‘Smart? Not settling down, bouncing from city to city, never building a life for yourself? I think you should talk to Lyssa about this.’

‘You’re suggesting that I need therapy?’

‘Grief counselling isn’t exactly her thing,’ Blaser said. ‘But putting up barriers to commitment and intimacy—‘

The office door opened and Ruger came in with Colt. Layla appreciated that Blaser hadn’t carried on with their conversation because she had no inclination to share her damage with anyone. But she didn’t consider herself damaged, or at least she hadn’t, not until this conversation with Blaser.

‘You two were talking about me,’ Ruger said, casting a suspicious eye over them.

‘Nothing wrong with your ego, is there?’ Layla asked.

‘Nothing wrong with any part of me. I’m in full working order.’

She remembered.

‘You’re in a better mood,’ Blaser said. ‘I guess your conversation with Dax worked out?’

‘Talking to him gave me an idea,’ Ruger said. ‘As for if there’s trouble? He’ll be around if we need him.’

‘What about you?’ Blaser asked, nodding at Colt. ‘Did you get hold of Rushe?’

‘Not yet, but I’ll keep trying,’ Colt said. ‘He’ll want in on this after what Ashcroft’s men did to Flick. It doesn’t hurt to have a guy on our side whose specialty is payback.’

‘Who is this Rushe guy?’ Layla asked all the men. ‘Does Drew know him?’

‘Who’s Drew?’ Blaser asked.

‘My brother,’ she said before turning back to Ruger. ‘What does Rushe do?’

‘First and foremost, he protects Flick,’ Ruger said. ‘His girlfriend. He’s crazy in love with her, like obsessively. They’re like Bonnie and Clyde only with a speciality in implements of torture.’

That didn’t sound pleasant and so she chose not to ask any more questions. ‘I’m sorry I asked.’

‘Come on,’ Ruger said. ‘I should get you home. You shouldn’t be out in public, you should be safe.’

‘Are you going back to my place?’ Colt asked.

‘Or Mom’s?’ Blaser asked.

Layla didn’t miss how both brothers fixated on her as she got up and began to head for the door. ‘Neither,’ she said. ‘I think I’ll let Ruger in on my secret tonight.’

Colt and Blaser laughed, but Ruger remained perplexed. ‘What secret?’ he asked.

‘You’ll see,’ Layla said, linking her fingers with his and dragging him out of the office.

‘You bought this place?’ Ruger asked, turning in a slow circle to examine the living room of the apartment.

‘I didn’t buy it,’ Layla said. ‘I’m renting. But if it works out, Ted says I can buy it.’

‘Works out?’ Ruger asked, coming to a stop when he faced her again. ‘With the business?’

‘What else?’ she asked, leaving her perch against the windowsill. He wanted to know if she meant with him, he had to, because she had considered the possibility herself. If they broke up and she lived so close to his mother then it would be inevitable that they could come across each other.

‘I’m happy that you’re planning to stick around, even after this business with Ashcroft is through.’

‘I wouldn’t go that far,’ she said, a prickle of anxiety made her wince. ‘It’s not unlike me to pick up and start afresh somewhere. Doing this, it’s sort of just a continuation of the theme.’

‘Ok,’ he said with the slightest nod. Raising his elbows to her shoulders when she got to him, he let his arms rest outstretched behind her. ‘I’m not going to say anything about that.’

‘Though clearly you have something that you want to say,’ she said. The tinge of attitude in her tone made her wonder if she was trying to provoke a fight.

‘I might,’ he said. ‘But I am not going to say anything to scare you off. I don’t want you to run away. I want you to stay.’

‘You do?’

Such a revelation should be reassuring, but the churn of retreat set her insides on edge. Closing her eyes, Layla chastised herself. Ruger was saying nothing to scare her, nothing which suggested a commitment between them. He was merely being supportive. Yet, even that was enough to set off alarm bells.

Renting this place had been an exciting achievement, but now that she was here with a man she’d been intimate with, the whole situation seemed oppressive.

‘Yeah, whether we’re together or not,’ he said. ‘I think it’s about time you stopped running.’

‘I’m not running.’ Her petulant response was juvenile even to her own ears. ‘I’m sorry,’ she sighed. ‘Your brother made me feel like an idiot tonight.’

‘What did he—‘

‘It’s not his fault, I am an idiot,’ she said, taking his hand to guide them both over and onto the couch.

‘Ok, I don’t know what—‘

‘My mother’s death caught me off-guard,’ she said. Never having spoken about her feelings regarding the loss of her mother, this was a difficult conversation. But cutting through the bullshit was easier with Ruger, which was odd given what a joker he was. Even though he tried to hide it behind his humour, Layla read the depth of his character that lay beyond it. Maybe it was easier for her to see what others didn’t because she herself was so good at concealing truth behind wit. ‘I was devastated when it happened because I’d been so optimistic about the future. I was so young and… I was still naïve enough to believe that if you believed in something then you had the power to make it come true. But it’s not true. We can’t will our own destiny to turn out how we want it to.’

‘No, we can’t,’ he said, stroking her hand. ‘I can’t imagine how awful it must have been for you. My family is close and… I don’t know what I’d do if I lost any of them.’

‘The worst part is the lack of control. I wanted to feel that if I’d done something differently, if we’d taken a different approach, then it would’ve made a difference. Eventually you realise that with something like cancer, you don’t have that choice, you don’t have any choice. All of us, me, my mom, and Drew, we had no influence over the outcome. The disease is vicious and indiscriminate. I got so angry when I fixated on that idea of helplessness and I promised myself that I would never find myself in that position again.’

‘So you don’t let anyone get close.’

‘I guess I don’t.’

‘And you don’t let yourself rely on your brother, which is why you always live far away from him.’