Gardens of Water (16 page)

“It made me want to scream. Then it didn’t tickle anymore.”

Sinan remembered how alone he had felt after his father was killed, how empty and separate from the world, and it pained him to know his son had experienced such loss. If there was one thing he wanted in life, it was to keep his children from such pain.

“I feel bad because I was happy she wasn’t tickling me anymore.”

“It’s okay.” He kissed the top of?

“Are mother and
rem dead?” he said, screeching it out.

“No. They’re fine.”

But he couldn’t be sure. My God, he had left them alone all these days. Anything could have happened to them by now.

“Because I thought they might be dead like Sarah Han
m.”

“No, no,
smail
can.
They
are
fine.” He tried to pull
smail close, but the boy tugged away, his eyes bulging with fear. “Shh, now. It’s okay to be scared.”

“I’m not scared,”
smail said. “It was so dark, Baba.”

“I know. I know.” The boy wouldn’t be held and this scared Sinan more than anything. What could happen to a child that would make him refuse to be held by his father?

“It’s okay,
smail.”

“It was so quiet.” He tried to control himself. “I’m sorry for crying.”

“It’s okay,
can
m.
Cry.”

The nurse gave
smail a couple of pills for the pain and near sunrise they both nodded off to sleep. Sinan woke to yelling and the sound of wheels squeaking down the hall. The noise didn’t wake
smail, and Sinan sat and watched his son’s face until sunlight filtered through the single window in the examination room. He woke
smail with a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be back,” he said.

It nearly killed him to do so, but he left his son alone in a room full of death so he could find his wife and daughter, and as he walked out the door,
smail called after him in his bravest voice.

“Don’t worry, Baba,”
smail said, sitting straight up in bed. “I’m fine.”

smail’s head.