Gate Wide Open (18 page)

Now or Never
December 27
^th
, 2018, 12:13
P.M.

“What in the hell!” I belted out as I sat up of my living room sofa. The television was on, and James was sitting in the chair across from me, watching it like he lived there.

“How in the hell did you get in here?”

I'm sure I had the look of a mad woman on my face. My hair was a mess from sleeping on the couch. It was supposed to be a nap after I had dropped the kids off to my mom's house.

I looked at my watch. It was a little after twelve noon. I had cleaned up, and took down all the Christmas décor. I was beat. I must have been really tired to not hear him come in my damn house.

“Honey, I'm home.” He chuckled. “You missed me, baby girl?”

“Missed you? Missed you?” I laughed. “I wish I would have missed you in the club in California, with your crazy ass. I probably wouldn't be in this shit I'm in now.”

“Bitch, please. Your ass is as loose as a faggot's asshole after two years in prison.” He laughed again.

I didn't find it funny. I had managed to keep my pants on and not let them fall for another man since James. But here he was, bringing up the past, like I needed reminding.

He laughed again. “Mona, please…why can't we be civil, like adults?”

“Muthafucka, I asked you, ‘How did you get in my house?'” My nose flared like a dragon getting ready to set something ablaze.

“Don't worry about that, Mona. I'm in here now.” He smiled. His ass was bold as a muthafucka.

My eyes darted around the room to see if I could grab something to bash him in the head with. I wanted to kill the nigga for ruining my life.

Then it flashed in my head that I was a willing participant in both of the times we'd had sex. I immediately felt like a ho again. The time I let him fuck me like an animal on the very spot I was standing all came back to memory.

I crumbled back on the chair, my head fell, and shame embodied me once again. I still hadn't forgiven myself for my infidelities. Everybody else in my life had forgiven me, but me.

“Mona, look at you. You's a hot-ass mess.”

I lifted my head up as he said that. I wasn't expecting this today.

“I can't believe you my baby mama.” He shook his head like he was ashamed of me.

I shot back up off my chair. “Faggot, please! Your ass is lucky somebody wanted to fuck your sensitive ass.”

His eyes got big as quarter pieces. He wasn't expecting a snappy comeback.

“Your ass wants to be a bitch, but my ass was born a real woman.”

“Well, you fucked this faggot, and so did
your
husband. Now what does that say about you? I bet you and Shawn probably still dreaming about my ass at night.”

“Nigga, please! No your ass is dreaming about me and all of this!” I did a little twirl to show him I still had a banging body.

“Whatever, Mona!” He waved his hand just like a woman would. “I just came by here to see how my kids were being raised.”

“They have never been
your
kids, and their
father
and I are doing a very good job at it.” I paused. “So you can carry your dick-sucking ass back to where you came from.”

“Ho, say what!” He laughed. He then walked up toward me.

I stood my ground, in case he tried something.

James was about a foot from me when he grabbed my collar and pulled me close to him. “Mona, don't forget I know who your children's
real
father is and they don't. So, bitch, don't fuck with me if you want it to stay that way. I will have your ass stripping in a retirement home New Year's party if I want to and you could do nothing about it.” He let my collar go and kissed me on the forehead. “Bye, boo.” And, just like that, he was gone out of my back door.

I rushed to the back door and locked both the locks and peeped through the shades to make sure he was gone. I walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a Pepsi. I went to the cabinet and grabbed the bottle of Aleve for the headache that I now had and sat at the table.

My hands were shaking so bad, I felt like a crackhead. I couldn't even finish the soda. I went back to the living room and took another nap. I had to man up and break this to the kids ASAP.
I can't continue to live like this.

I needed to get out of the house, so I decided to take a trip over Shawn's mother's house.

 

I pulled up to her house in Towson, which was only about a twenty-minute drive.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

After a minute, the door opened and Mother Black stood in the doorway with an inviting smile on her face.

“Well, what a nice surprise to see you here, Mona.”

“Yeah, I thought you could use the company.” I smiled back and walked in as she moved back out of the doorway to let me in.

It was such an ease of my mind to be here. Even after all that she went through with Shawn and her husband, she remained humbled and spiritual.
An hour or two over here would do my heart good.

“Yes, baby. Mama sure could use the company today. And since we haven't been chatting like we used to, it will give us some time to catch up on you and my son.”

“Sure thing, Mama. Let me go to the bathroom before we sit and talk.”

I walked to the bathroom as slow as I could, which was only up one flight of stairs and around the corner.
I didn't come over here to talk about that. I was trying to get away from that by coming over here.
I sat on the bowl and prayed that I could find a way to distract her, or get her to talk about something other than Shawn and me. I stayed in the bathroom for about five minutes. I washed my hands and sprayed air freshener for effect.

I made my way down the stairs and into the living room, where Mother Black was. She had tea and cookies on the table for our little heart-to-heart.

“All right, Mama. I'm ready to talk.” I picked up my mug and began to sip, trying to prolong the inevitable.

“So how are you and my son getting along?”

“Mama, what can I say? We are coming along.”

“Umm-hmm.” She nodded her head. “Are you guys talking and communicating?”

“Sure, Mama. We talk all the time.” I smiled. It was true, but we limited what we talked about. Even though we were pretty much back to normal, we still had room for improvement.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

We were interrupted by a knock on the door. I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew she was going to grill me more. I really needed this out.

She put her finger up like she was excusing herself and went to answer the door. She came back with a husky African-American man and a thin, lanky Caucasian male.

I looked at her puzzled.

“Mona, these two detectives are working on my husband's murder case. Detectives, this is my daughter-in-law.”

“How are you doing, ma'am?”

“I'm doing fine.” I got up and shook both of their hands.

“Take a seat, young men.” Mama Black pointed to her plaid sofa. “Is it okay if she stays here while we talk?”

They nodded their heads in agreement.

The African American officer spoke first. He said, “Mrs. Black, we would first like to give condolences about the death of your husband.”

“Thank you so much, gentlemen.”

“We have been working tirelessly trying to get this offender who murdered your husband off the streets. We need to know if there is anyone that you can think of that would have cause to kill your husband?”

“I'm sorry, detective, but I can't think of anyone I know that would want to harm him. I will say, though, that he did have some seedy type of acquaintances at the time of our separation.”

“We have questioned a James Parks, since he was the last person to see him alive. We had to dismiss him as a possible suspect. He came back with a solid alibi for the night of the crime.”

She looked at me, and then we both shook our heads. I guess we both wanted James to get some kind of payback for the way he had treated members of this family, but it was what it was.

He'll get his one day. Because I know karma very well, and she don't play.

“I think that's all we needed to ask you at this time. We have retrieved some evidence from the crime scene that is still being worked on. We will give you a call if anything definite comes up.”

The two detectives got up, and we did the same.

“Here is my card. If you can think of anything, please call me ASAP. Anything you can remember will help.”

“I sure will.” Mama walked the detectives to the front door.

I quickly grabbed my coat and made my way toward the front door as well. “Mama, I really have to go.” I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. “I forgot I have a meeting with Diana's guidance counselor today.” I lied.

As I sat in my car and started it up, I prayed to God for forgiveness for the lie I'd just told. I pulled off and made my way back home to wait until it was time to pick up the kids.

 

Later that evening, after picking up Alex and Diana from my mom's house. She was getting older and I wanted her to spend as much time with the “grands,” as she called them, as she could.

I walked into the house with the kids in tow. It was so relaxing to get in the house and chill out. The kids had a marvelous time at my mom's house again. We had made several trips over to her house during this week. They were acting like straight fools, and my mom was right along with them.

They played everything from Charades to Scrabble. I, on the other hand, had other things on my mind. How was I going to tell Shawn about Alex being gay? He was still wrapped up in his own issues, so I was afraid this one just might push him over the edge.

 

Alex and Diana immediately went their separate ways when we got in the house. I was wondering if Ashley was back home after she darted out of the house again this morning, and what her and this Tony fellow were doing that had her leaving the house so early in the morning.

I walked up the steps and went to her room. As I got to the door, I could hear her crying. I knocked a couple of times to let her know I was there.

“Come in,” she called out.

When I walked in, she was sprawled out across her bed with her face toward the wall.

“Are you okay?” I said as I walked over and sat on the bed. “I thought I heard you crying.”

“I was,” she said as she turned and positioned herself to face me.

I instantly saw a small cut above her eye, but it didn't look fresh. I didn't notice it until now, probably because I was so consumed with Alex's mess that I didn't notice the signs of my daughter being in an abusive relationship. It didn't help that I had never met this young man.

“Who did this to you?” I said, placing my hand right above the cut. “Did Tony do this to you?” I was boiling, ready to confront this bastard boy immediately. How dare he hit my baby!

“Well,” she said, “me and Tony had a disagreement the other day, and I walked off. But Tony didn't hit me though. I did this when I got home and I hit my head on a cabinet door that I left open after I made something to eat.”

“You sure?” I said, not believing her fully.

Her head was lowered, and I saw a few tears flow down her cheek.

“Ashley, baby,” I said, lifting her head up with my hand. “Don't be fooled into thinking that this guy loves you and hits you out of love. You are a beautiful girl, and I am sure God will send the right boy along that will treat you right.”

I'd always raised my children with the notion that if I validated them while they were young then they will already know their self-worth when they're looking for a mate. They won't stand for any abuse in any way and will love themselves before anyone can tell them different.

“Ma, I know that already. Daddy tells me that all the time. I just need to handle this on my own, okay.” She wiped her face.

She gave me a great big hug, which let me know that she indeed was growing up, that I had to give her space to make mistakes, and learn from them as well. I kissed her on the forehead and walked out of the room.

It was almost time for me to start dinner, so I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen to make a quick decision on what to fix. Just as I was getting ready to start, the phone rang, interrupting my flow.

“Hello,” I said cheerfully.

“What's up with my baby mama?” James said comically into the phone.

I didn't find it funny. I hated the fact that he had such a link to me. “Hey, James.”

“What's up with you? You don't sound too happy to hear the voice of the most important person in your life.” He laughed a little.

“James, I don't have time for your shit right now. I have a family to take care of,” I said as quietly as I could.

I don't know what I ever saw in him, because he now made my skin crawl every time I heard his voice. The liquor I was drinking in California must have been spiked with something for me to mess with his crazy ass. Just the thought of us being connected forever made my head spin.

“Look,
hoes ‘r' us
, get your tone right when talking to big daddy. Remember the last time your ass popped off slick, I had your ass in an alley fucking the homeless. Don't make me take you down a notch. You hear me, cunt?”

I was angry and speechless at the same time. I didn't deserve this shit he was putting me through again. All I could do was tell the children who their father was and let the chips fall where they may. “Look, James, the children already know that you are their biological father, and they want nothing to do with a homewrecking faggot.”

“Bitch, what do you take me for? A fucking dummy? They don't know shit, and if you wanna play Russian roulette, then it's a go, because I got both Ashley and Alex's cell phone numbers on speed dial. Now if you wanna play games, let's put one of them on three-way and see if they really know.”