Geek Chic (4 page)

The Lunchroom Life
of
Zoey Zinevich

Featuring Venus Romero as her best friend

ACT 1: Scene 1

11:38 a.m.

Hot-Lunch Lunch Line

Venus and Zoey are last in the Hot-Lunch Lunch Line because they have stayed after library class to help Mrs. Temlock-Fields in the Media Center. Besides knowing Dewey and decimal, Mrs. T-F also knows Italian, which she is teaching to V and Z.

Today they learn
“bene,”
which means “good.”

But … nothing is
bene
today.

Most of all lunch.

All the turkey sandwiches with or without mayo (no tomato) are gone.

V and Z grab their trays and slide along to the FIRST STOP on the Hot-Lunch Lunch Line: Mrs. Salerno, the hairnet lady with a mustache (yes, mustache).

She stares. Then grumbles.

(She is a very good grumbler.)

MRS. SALERNO:

Meat loaf or slumgullion*?

(*no known definition or description available at this time)

ZOEY:

Meat loaf.

MRS. SALERNO:

Gravy?

Zoey nods.

The spoon known simply as Super Salerno disappears into the murky good word choice ditto on w.c. goop. It comes back up (reemerges).

The gravy is thick, lumpy, and gray, which is a good thing. It covers the meat loaf, which is grayer.

Venus chooses the slumgullion.

(She really lives on the edge.)

Venus takes an apple.

Zoey takes an orange.

a healthy fruit, and her favorite color

The two give their names to Mrs. Petrovic, who is the official
LUNCH

LIST NAME CHECKER

Mrs. Petrovic checks the lunch list so nobody steals food.

I know. Who would possibly want to steal gray meat loaf and slumgullion (whatever that is)?

ACT 1: Scene 2

11:42 a.m.

V and Z are checked in and out. They exit the Hot-Lunch Lunch Line.

And then …

realize the

HORROR OF IT ALL?

The ONLY seats left in the whole entire Lunchroom slash All-Purpose Room slash Gym are at the tables of Alex Shemtob or … The Bashleys!

ACT 2: Scene 1

11:44 a.m.

Lunchroom/All-Purpose Room/Gym

Venus and Zoey stare down at their trays.

Mystery gravy?

Slumgullion?

… Alex Shemtob?

Their stomachs can’t survive a Harry S. Hot Lunch and Alex.

V and Z have no choice.

They park their fannies at …

The Table Bashley.

A hush falls over the Lunchroom.

Even Alex Shemtob stops inhaling.

And exhaling.
Nobody
sits down at The Table Bashley
with The
Bashleys except
Friends
of The Bashleys.

Venus and Zoey are not
Friends
of The Bashleys.

They are not even
Friends
of the
Friends of
The Bashleys.

But—make no mistake about it—everyone wants to be a
Friend
of The Bashleys
(see Chapter One).

Everyone at The Table Bashley stares. Then WHISPERS.

Whispering is NOT good.

NOT GOOD in capital letters when the WHISPERING is between

The Bashleys of The Table Bashley.

Venus and Zoey don’t know what to do:

(a) Stare back

(b) Whisper between themselves

(c) Eat

It is not an easy multiple-choice.

The meat loaf and slumgullion are getting cold, which is—absolutely NOT GOOD.

And then … GASP!

THE BASHLEYS SPEAK!

Which is very incredible because they never speak to V or Z Ever. Well, maybe to
say, “Move. You’re in my way.”

ACT 3: Scene 1

The Table Bashley

ASHLEY:

So … is it true that you both are doing a “secret” science report?

BRITTANY:

Sounds very “secret” … but, you can tell us, right, Ashley? We have no secrets at our table.

total spill

ZOEY AND VENUS:

It’s on bullfrogs!

ASHLEY TO BRITTANY:

Fascinating!

Ashley and Brittany look at each other. They smile (Note: a very sneaky smile, so sneaky that V & Z don’t even recognize it’s sneaky, which is pretty sneaky).

Venus and Zoey smile back.

Backstory: They have been catching bullfrogs from the pond in Venus’s backyard since they were four (supervised, of course, and wearing life jackets).

They have caught, captured, and released three salamanders, a gazillion snails, dragonfly larvae (which are a little icky), two sunfish, six tadpoles, and seventeen frogs. Except for one frog the girls named Harrison, who is now Venus’s pet because he is a champion slimer.

(His slime is more like spit than snot.)

They are working on a detailed, VERY secret journal with drawings.

Could it be that The Bashleys think Zoey and Venus are on the …

CUSP OF COOLNESS?

primo word choice

ZOEY:

(very excited)

Bullfrogs are awesome amphibians!

Trust me. They totally are.

VENUS:

Want to come over to my house and catch one with Zoey and me? They’re hibernating in the mud right now, but we can let you know when things start hopping.

(excited and punny)

The Bashleys look as if they have just swallowed Hot-Lunch mystery meat and a side order of slumgullion while
sitting across from Alex Shemtob (and it’s not because they didn’t get the joke).

ASHLEY:

Frog catching? In the mud?

Eeeuuuuwwww!

BRITTANY:

Frog Crush! Frog Crushers!

Double eeeeeuuuww!

Sudden reality check for V and Z. Catching bullfrogs is probably not in any way totally or even semitotally cool or awesome to Ashley and slash or Brittany.

But—it is too late!

Venus and Zoey sink below plankton on The Bashley HST food chain.

The Bashleys,
Friends
of The Bashleys,
Not the
Friends
of The Bashleys:
Eeeeeeeeuuuuuuuwwwwww!

ACT 3: Scene 2

11:48 p.m.

Venus and Zoey are banished to

Table Ten.

As V and Z make their way down the aisle of the Lunchroom slash AllPurpose Room slash Gym with trays of slumgullion and gray meat loaf, they hear the not-so-soft WHISPERS from The Table Bashley.

ASHLEY:

They will so never be cool.

BRITTANY:

Ever.

ASHLEY:

The only thing that will ever help them is a 9-1-1 massive cool transfusion.

BRITTANY:

Massive.

Venus and Zoey sit down across from Alex Shemtob at Table Ten and do their best to keep down the now cold and gray meat loaf and slumgullion as Alex exhales.

It isn’t pretty. ‖

They are not wearing art smocks.

The End.

Just so you know—if Anyone wants to know—getting slimed by a frog is unequivocally (mucho dollar word) incredible—even if The Bashleys don’t think it is.