Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman (12 page)

Meagan Good is an American film and television actress and occasional film producer.

Bryan-Michael Cox
Grammy Award-Winning Super Producer | Platinum Songwriter | GA Music Hall of Fame Inductee

You believe in chivalry. You’ve written songs like “Let’s Get Married” by Jagged Edge and “Just Be a Man About it” by Toni Braxton. Is etiquette a deal breaker in your relationships?

1. Etiquette is absolutely a deal breaker in my relationships. A woman should be a woman. I want her to be kept and to keep herself up. Your relationship represents you. If I’m taking you to Nobu restaurant and people know who I am and take pictures of you and me together, you’ve got to represent. I’m not saying she shouldn’t have her own stuff. We need women. Women are brilliant. Women motivate us to get to that next level. When a man finds a woman, he finds a good thing–the right woman, obviously. Etiquette is very important. Being from the south, I’m always going to show etiquette. I’m a ‘yes ma’am,’ open the door and pay the bill kind of guy. So I expect whoever I’m spending time with to have the same kind of etiquette. That womanly etiquette.
   

   What’s your biggest turn-off with a woman?
   

2. Lack of depth. Lack of intelligent depth. If we can’t maintain a conversation for more than five to ten minutes, there’s no depth. There’s nothing we can talk about. I like to talk, and there are a billion things going on in this world–we should have something to discuss. If we don’t have anything to talk about, then what are we doing sitting here and having dinner spending my money?
   

   What is the greatest misconception that women have about men?
   

3. The greatest misconception that women have about men is that they can change us. Internally, how a person is how a person is. They can evolve. They can add things to their repertoire to make them better. I always say this: Money magnifies who you are. If you’re an arrogant and selfish a-hole, when you get money you’ll just be a bigger version of that. If you’re a generous and kind person, when you get money you’ll be a larger and better version of that. Who you are to the core is who you are, and I don’t think there’s any changing that.
   The other greatest misconception is that they think we want them to change. I like the Lady I met. If she was wild & crazy when we got together, that shouldn’t change. I don’t give a damn how many kids we have. That shouldn’t change. We should adapt to our time and figure it out. If we have kids now, we can’t be hanging off the ceiling in the living room anymore. And men can’t change women either. In our initial conversations, women tell us who they are. If a woman says, “Oh, I’m not really domestic; I despise all things domestic; cooking isn’t really my thing,” she’s not going to cook, doc. She told you early. If that’s what you’re looking for in a woman, she’s told you she’s not going to do that. Pay attention to the details. A lot of times we give people the benefit of the doubt when they tell you straight up whom they are and what they’re going to do. I’ve learned there’s no benefit in doubt.
   

   What do you teach your son about women?
   

4. I teach my son that he should always be honest. I think where men go wrong with women is not being honest. If you know you’re not ready to be in a monogamous relationship, you have to be honest about that. Cheating is such a big issue because of expectations–unrealistic expectations that aren’t even talked about. If you’re honest, you never know what kind of concessions a woman will give for honesty. Even if it’s just for a moment and they decide they’d rather not deal with you anymore. At least you gave them the option–they have a choice. A lot of times men don’t give women that choice. We say, “I love you; I want to be with you; you’re the only one and I’m never going to cheat on you.” We might not even say that; we just give the illusion. When you say that, they believe you. Then they say, “Oh, I’m going to marry him because I’m in love with him, and he’s in love with me.” But in reality, you have another phone, and you’ve got another life. And that’s the hurt! That’s where the hurt is–that’s where the hurt resides because you never gave her a choice. She didn’t have a chance to say that’s not what she wants to do, or she’s not going to do that. But you wanted to have your cake and eat it, too. You were selfish. You baited her in; she gave you her all, and that’s how you repay her? When really, if you were honest from the gate and said, “Listen, this is the kind of man I am…I’m a gentleman, and I’ll treat you right, but I’ve got this, this and this,” you give women the opportunity to make a choice. Even if they decide not to be with you, you’ve got their respect. You could have led them down a path that they weren’t ready to get led down, but you were honest and she was able to make a decision not to deal with that. And you don’t know what will be birthed from that respect. You both might end up getting what you want anyway.
   

Bryan-Michael Cox is Billboard Magazine’s #1 Music Producer. His credits include Usher, Mariah Carey, Sean “Diddy” Combs, Whitney Houston, The Isley Brothers, Destiny’s Child, Janet Jackson, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Lopez, Fergie, Alicia Keys, Aaliyah, Justin Bieber, Chris Brown & many more. Cox eclipsed the record previously held by the Beatles for Billboard’s most consecutive #1 hits.

Leola “Tinker” Bell
Playboy Playmate | Miss February 2012

How much value do you place on your exterior appearance?

1. I’ve based my entire career on my external appearance. Even as a child, I’d try to emulate my mother from how she walked, to the perfume she’d wear and the products she’d use in her hair. It’s so crazy, but I even used my Barbie dolls as a guide. I come from a southern family, where more emphasis is placed on beauty and grace, and everything else falls a close second. I’m definitely not saying that’s a good thing, but as a child it shaped my views on how a woman was supposed to look, speak and act.
   

   What has embracing sexuality done for you?
   

2. Made me a Lone Ranger! I don’t think many people, including both men and women, know what it means to truly embrace their sexuality. I see my friends at the clubs (at our chosen celebrity host’s table for the night), and their idea of embracing their sexuality is, “Let’s go home with them.” Instant tire screech for me. It’s not about being promiscuous. I’m not going to lie; it’s a play land in Miami. We have access to people, places and experiences most don’t. But embracing my sexuality is acknowledging that I am a woman. A real woman who can take care of my household while holding onto a gift so special, that I truly feel it radiates from inside me. So I don’t have to drop it low to show people I embrace who I am. I’ve always been fascinated by sex, by f***king, by making love...But that’s not embracing my sexuality. Embracing my sexuality is being comfortable in my own skin. Being able to talk about my love for all things sensual and erotic. Everything has its time and place, and it’s made me such a free spirit. It affects more than your sex life. You don’t even have to have an active sex life to embrace that.
   

   How did you overcome the stereotypes and judgment thrown your way?
   

3. That’s actually something I struggled hard with at first. I have the blessing and the curse of being extremely sensitive. However, I knew when I made the choice to start modeling that I would be judged more than others. When I made the decision to pose for Playboy, I knew what people would say. I just had no idea to the extent they would take it. I had Christian groups devote full website threads to talk about my fall from grace and how disgusting it was to display my body in such a way. I had women attacking me from every angle. I had a past acquaintance release a very private video of me without my consent. It hurt me badly and hurt my family, which hurt even more. It caused me to question every life decision I had made. Then one day, I had an epiphany. WHO CARES! I posed nude for the number one, best-selling gentleman’s magazine in the world. In a beautiful and artistic way. To be the 700th playmate and the 25th black playmate meant something to me. To be in a sorority with Marilyn Monroe, the first playmate, meant something to me. She was chastised and revered in her own time. Why would I let people’s uneducated opinions rule my life? I’m a grown woman, and I do whatever I want. This made me stronger. My tears and anger helped build my shield that I now carry with me on a daily. But I carry it with a smile. True freedom comes in being carefree enough not to care, but wise enough to make the decisions best for me. I’m much happier for it.
   

   How are you able to balance sexuality with class?
   

4. Having a strong, beautiful and southern mother as a role model taught me to carry myself with class as a daily thing. It’s in my actions. It’s how I walk, talk and speak. My sexuality is who I am. Can’t escape it; I embrace it. I choose to reveal it.
   

   If you had a daughter, how would you feel if she posed for Playboy?
   

5. I don’t think it was my parent’s dream for me to become a playmate centerfold. My father being a pastor and my mother a true southern belle. But fortunately, for me, my parents love me, their daughter. They don’t have to love my actions. I chose the path less traveled, but both paths lead to the same destination. If my daughter chose my same occupation, I would be proud of her strength. I would be proud she loved herself and her body enough to show the world, “Here I am, and I’m free!” I would be very happy. Like mother like daughter they always say...
   

   If you were to write a letter to your younger self, what would you say?
   

6. I have some news for you. Your life won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it. I wish I could tell you to stay away from this or from that, from him or her. But why? In life, we all have to endure our own journey. Sometimes you’ll feel God has abandoned you, but He’ll always be there. Cling to Him, baby girl. Even when you feel you’re not worthy of His grace, it’s there for you!! Please don’t let what others who don’t matter in your life dictate your actions. Set goals for yourself and never become complacent. You are meant for great things! Take the time to get to know you. Don’t be afraid to go to dinner alone. Please for your sake girl, learn Spanish. You’ll need it. You end up in Miami. Embrace your natural hair. Men don’t like weaves as much as you do! Ha! Don’t be afraid to let your husband know sex is essential and that you’ll crave it more than most. It’s how your brain will get things done. Trust me! Haha! Love yourself first before you try to love anyone else. Your order is God, husband and if you have any, then children. Oh yeah, stay away from working at that restaurant you’ll interview for. You’ll gain 50 pounds, and it’s a mission working that off. Haha! I love you.
   

Leola Bell is a Playboy Playmate, Miss February 2012 and a preacher’s daughter. She has a degree psychology.

Bobby Wagner
NFL Linebacker | ESPY Award nominee | Sports Illustrated Defensive Rookie of the Year

Is it important for the Lady you date to have etiquette? Why/Why not?

1. It matters if you’re really interested in her. When you’re just trying to have sex, you really don’t care. As long as she’s not crazy, you really don’t care how she conducts herself. But if it’s a woman you consider having a family with, I feel like you pay more attention to things like that.
   

   You’re a star NFL Linebacker. You have women at your disposal. In a sea of women, what captures your attention?
   

2. A woman who conducts herself differently than every other woman. I’m attracted to a woman that looks like she would present a challenge to get to know her. Being an NFL player, you do get exposed to a lot of women where it really doesn’t take much to get their number or get them to come over and do whatever. So I think that women that kind of blow you off the first time and then you see them out again, it’s a real challenge. But there’s a fine line between being a challenge and not really being interested.
   

   What’s your biggest turn-off with women of this generation?
   

3. Lack of privacy. This day and age, a lot of women are so caught up in social media. That’s really not attractive to me. We can be vibing and be all good and then we end up getting in a fight over something whether it’s a picture or something along those lines. I think my career influences it just a little bit, but I think it’d still be somewhat like that if I worked at Starbucks. I think it’s something everyone deals with. In the old days (I say, “old” like I’m old), the minute you start talking to a girl or you’re interested, and she likes you – she’d go back and tell her friends about how great the date was. But now, you’re not just going on a date with just her; you’re going on a date with the rest of the world.
   

   What is the greatest misconception that women have about men?
   

4. If you’re an attractive male, I feel like most women automatically assume you have a lot of women, and you have sex a lot. In most cases, some won’t even talk to you because of that assumption. It’s kind of the same mindset with a lot of guys. If they see an attractive woman, they won’t approach her because they feel like a lot of men already approached her. Or they won’t tell her she’s beautiful because she’s probably heard it. An attractive woman won’t approach because she doesn’t want to seem like “
   that
   ” girl. She doesn’t want to come off like all the other “
   thirsty
   ” girls by telling him he looks good. But if an attractive woman came up to me and said I was attractive, I would say, “Finally, there’s a woman who’s not afraid to come up and speak.” I don’t have a problem with women approaching me. I think it’s actually cool because a lot of women expect the guys to do that, so they just don’t do it. I like a woman who’s bold and also like a woman who subtlety drops hints.
   

   If you could speak on a loudspeaker in front of millions of women for ten seconds, what would you say?
   

5. Stay classy, a good man will find you. I say that because some women already are classy or might be church girls and they see all the other girls throwing their ass and stuff. Those girls get the guys they want, so some of the classy women feel like that’s what they’ve got to do.