George Washington Werewolf (14 page)

“So what do you have for me?” Washington addressed Von Steuben and Aaron Burr.

“General, if I may be so bold,” began the Baron, “the plan is this… Beginning in June the British will be abandoning Philadelphia and moving on to New York.”

“How do you know this?”

“My spies in Philadelphia,” said Burr.

“Your spies?”

“Well, one spy in particular. She is General Howe’s mistress and… my
cousin
,” Burr smiled.

“Ha!” Washington laughed, unable to contain himself.

“She knows for a fact that they will be leaving on June first, but for the rest of May they will continue to have one party after the next. A kind of grand farewell to Philadelphia. In fact, General Howe has told her of a gala affair scheduled for the night of the fourteenth of May, celebrating the arrival of General Clinton…”

“So our plan, General, is this,” said Von Steuben. “The three of us ride to Philadelphia dressed as British officers. And then we go to the party. It’s as simple as that!”

“The entire general staff will be in attendance,” said Aaron Burr, “as well as most of the high-ranking and mid-grade officers… all our chickies and duckies in one-fell swoop as they say!”

“And when the moon rises they will be decimated!” said Von Steuben. “And with barely any officers left to lead them, the soldiers will be disorganized and discouraged. And we can attack them with the Continental Army come June while they are on the move, and finish this once and for all!”

General George Washington sat back in his chair as he mulled it over, and then he moved forward and smiled.

“Gentlemen, my compliments on a most excellent plan! A plan of simplicity and elegance, not to mention unspeakable violence of which I am now reconciled. I am filled with hope for the first time in a
long
time, and I owe it to both of
you!
”

“Thank you, General,” said Von Steuben and Burr.

“Now I realize that it’s only…” he looked at his watch, “shortly after nine in the morning, but if you gentlemen would do me the honor…” He brought out a bottle and three glasses. “The finest brandy I’ve ever tasted! From before the war. I’ve been saving it for a special occasion.”

And a moment later their glasses were filled.

“To the end of the war, gentlemen!” Washington said.

“To the end of the war!”

And outside the tent, holding a shovel as if there were some purpose to this action, Private Solomon Bundy stood with his ears burning because of what he had just heard.

“Private… Private
Bundy
, is it?”

“Yes sir, Colonel Burr, sir!”

“I see you received a nice pair of boots…”

“Yes sir. Thank you very much sir! I hope my information was helpful.”

“It was indeed! In fact, I have a question for you regarding a rumor I’ve recently heard…”

“Sir?”

“Not here. Come with me, out of the ebb and flow of the camp. After all, you never know who’s listening.”

“Yes sir.”

A few minutes later they were behind one of the storage sheds, which now held 10,000 winter coats.

“Colonel, sir?” Private Bundy said.

“Yes, Private… I was wondering if you knew anything about this rumor I’ve heard regarding the British leaving Philadelphia…”

“Leaving, sir?”

“Yes, by early June I think…”

“Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I
have
heard that rumor, sir.”

“Hmm… and what have you heard regarding my plan to infiltrate the big party the British officers are having tomorrow night in honor of General Clinton?”

“
Sir?
”

Burr looked at Bundy’s face, grown suddenly pale as sweat beaded on his brow.

“We share a mutual acquaintance, Private Bundy… Your contact in Philadelphia, a certain Loyalist by the name of Colton Mallory, to whom you’ve been selling information…”

“Sir, I…”

“
Please
, Private…” Burr smiled, and at this Bundy began to squirm. “It is indeed a small world, Private Bundy, as this very man happens to be one of my faithful spies, and has been for quite some time! He keeps me informed of anything I need to know. Like this little bit of treachery of yours. Shame on you, Private...” Burr shook his head.

Bundy stood motionless, unable to speak.

“I should
hang
you,” said Burr. “That would be the proper thing to do. However then the inevitable questions will be raised and… Well, I’m afraid I must take a different tack. Are you a
religious
man, Private Bundy?”

“Yes sir, I am, sir.”

“Then I suggest you pray immediately for your sins…”

And in one smooth motion, Colonel Aaron Burr took out his pistol and fired a single shot into Private Bundy’s forehead, and he watched as the hapless traitor stood still for a moment longer before toppling to the ground.

“Hmm, what a nice day!” Burr said to himself, as he noticed the spring flowers. A kind of bright yellow that reminded him of better days, of before the war, of days that would be here again very soon.

Red was the predominant color this evening, with the hundreds of British officers all wearing their best crimson uniforms (and even more so once the full moon rose). George Washington disguised as a Lieutenant Colonel was taken aback at the extravagance, the excess. Table upon table of the finest foods: whole turkeys and hams, suckling pig, duck, pheasant, roast beef, chicken, sausage, fish. There were all manner of breads and rolls and every imaginable dessert including pie, cake, sweetmeats and ice cream. And as if this weren't enough, there was also wine and champagne from France, beer by the keg, and whiskey from the Kentucky frontier. No
wonder
General Howe had gotten fat, Washington thought to himself. He had a hard time keeping
himself
from the groaning board after the winter they’d just been through at Valley Forge.

“Can you
believe
this?” exclaimed Colonel Aaron Burr, disguised as a Captain. “The British must be doing
something
right if they can have all this in a time of war!”

“Not since the court of Frederick the Great have I seen such conspicuous consumption!” said Baron Von Steuben, who was disguised as a Major.

“Gentlemen,” General Washington said, “let’s remember why we’re here…”

At that moment a fat British Colonel came up to George Washington with a drink in hand.

“Marvelous party, eh?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Lieutenant Colonel Alistair Farnsworth…
Colonel
…”

“Ramsey… Robert Ramsey,” Washington said.

“Ramsey, you look familiar to me, old boy. Have we met before?”

“I’m sure we have. They have these things all the time,” he motioned to the party.

“Quite right, old boy!” Farnsworth laughed. “Quite right! Have you tried the pheasant? It’s particularly
loathsome
tonight! And the duck… practically inedible!”

“Hmm,” Washington replied.

“But the whiskey! My God, I’ll miss American whiskey when I’m back in England. And just between you and me old boy, I’ve already shipped ten cases of it back to London, so I won’t run out for a while,” he gave Washington a conspiratorial smile. “I’m going to
miss
all this when the war is finally over.”

Washington nodded as Farnsworth waddled back to the buffet, and he turned to Von Steuben and Burr.

“We have to get ready,” he said. “It’s almost time.”

“Ander…
hic!
Anderson!” called out a British Captain, his sights on Aaron Burr.

“I’m sorry Captain, my name is Butler.”

“Nonsense! You’re Thomas
hic
… Thomas…
hic
. I have these blasted hiccups!”

“Sorry, the name’s…”

“Captain Butler…” Washington intervened. “You were telling me about your lovely fiancée…”

“Yes Colonel…”

Deftly George Washington shepherded him away. And moments later the three men had made it to the foot of the grand staircase when a Great Dane intervened and began to growl, its fur standing on end.

“Easy boy!” said Washington.

But the dog showed its fangs. The General glanced around to see if they were attracting unwanted attention when Aaron Burr inexplicably knelt down before the beast. He made nonsensical sounds in a soothing way as he tilted his head from side to the side, and for a moment the Great Dane mimicked every movement of Burr’s head. And then as if thoroughly nonplused, it trotted off in frustration.

“Well done!” said Washington.

And a moment later they were upstairs, in an empty bedroom where they could wait for the full moon.

“Well, gentlemen,” George Washington began, “let us prepare ourselves, and remember that we do this for our country.”

They then removed their clothing, and just as they were stark naked there was a knock at the door. Washington took a breath, but Aaron Burr rushed to the door and opened it, his hand over his mid-section like a fig leaf.

“What is it, old boy?” Burr said. “Can’t you see I’m
busy?
”

“Ah, quite right!” the Major at the door said, a young lady at his side. “I’ll find my
own
room!” he smiled. “Carry on!”

When the door was closed Washington let out a sigh of relief.

“Well done
again
, Burr!” the General said. “Quick thinking!”

“Thank you, sir.”

“When this is all over…”

But then they felt the change begin as the moon rose opalescent in the window. And at that exact moment, the door that Burr had closed (which had a loose lock) became ajar, just as one of the servants came down the hallway with a bottle of whiskey for General Graydon.

“General
Graydon?
” She opened the door a bit more and called inside, “General Graydon, is that
you?
” But what she heard was a kind of deep animal moaning. “Well, I’ll just leave it outside then…” and she smiled to herself as she closed the door.

Meanwhile downstairs the party went on, the guests all well-fed and drunk, the string orchestra playing one of Handel’s more cheerful numbers. While upstairs a door exploded into splinters as a werewolf, followed by two others, burst through it and into the hallway. Moments later there was pandemonium as the horrible beasts ran through the house killing everyone in sight. Screams of terror! Blood everywhere! Chaos as men and women fled in every direction. The banquet tables overturned as the beasts crashed about in their bloodlust.

It went on like this for ten minutes until everyone was mercilessly slaughtered. And then the werewolves crashed through the picture windows and into the streets of Philadelphia.

The next morning George Washington found himself naked between two garbage bins, in a rat-infested alley near the docks, and he had never felt so marvelous. Von Steuben was
right
, he thought. He felt as if he could win the war single-handedly! And he stood up like an athlete, like an Olympian from Ancient Greece, when he heard a voice.

“You ain’t wearin’ no clothes,” said a dirty man dressed in rags. And at first Washington thought the man could’ve been a Rebel from Valley Forge.

“Yes, you are correct,” Washington replied.

“Here, take my coat…” the man said.

“Why thank you, but might I trouble you for the rest as well?”

“Huh? What’s that?”

And before the man knew what was happening, George Washington had picked up a hefty piece of wood from the alley and knocked him out cold. Washington enjoyed the feeling. It was exhilarating. Liberating. Never in his life had he felt so good!

Later that day the Philadelphia newspapers all ran the same story: PACK OF RABID WOLVES WREAK HAVOC ON CITY! And in a related story, OVER 100 BRITISH OFFICERS DIE IN TRAGIC FIRE! The few officers who had managed to escape ordered the Harcourt Mansion to be put to the torch, to cover up what had really happened. They knew that no one would ever believe it and they’d be considered mad as King George himself, and the only way they’d make it back to England would be in straight jackets.

“Lord Cornwallis, you are punctual to the minute,” said Alexander Hamilton. “Right this way, my Lord…”

Hamilton led the British commander through the house and then opened a door that led downstairs.