Getting Back (19 page)

Rooms were accomplishment enough to make their human builders feel important and small enough to make their occupants feel big. A room represented not just interior space but boundaries, enclosure, fortification, territory. The desert felt just the opposite. The flatness was so monotonous that there was little feeling of getting anywhere, and the sky so huge that Daniel felt like a microbe under the eye of the sun. Instead of being depressed by this perception, however, he decided to be encouraged by it. If he was not dominating his environment then he was becoming a part of it, woven into its web. It didn't make him smaller, it joined him to something bigger. Since he was made from chemicals first forged in exploding stars, he reasoned, he shouldn't be intimidated by the vastness of the sky but feel at home with it. Sister stars! For the first time in his life he didn't have to get out of his apartment, or workplace, or city, to get somewhere. There was no there, everything was here. He was always- no matter where he slept- home.

"So, are you finding what you were looking for?"

It was Amaya, dropping back to walk beside him.

"In part. I was just thinking I like the immensity of the place. It makes you feel less significant and more so at the same time, and somehow that feels right."

"Really? I'm a little frightened by it. It's bigger than I imagined. That flood, the suddenness of it, scared me."

"You didn't seem very scared. That was quick thinking to get the rope."

"I wasn't thinking, I was reacting. What if you three had drowned?"

He glanced at her. "It would have left the most resourceful of the four."

"No. I would have died, very lonely and very afraid and very quickly. I know that. It's beautiful here but I don't have that feeling of rightness yet. I think women need something more."

"People, I think you said."

"A person." Her look was both challenging and questioning.

Daniel was quiet, trying to decide how he wanted to respond. He liked this woman.

"You said you've found only part of what you're looking for," she finally went on. "What part are you still seeking?"

He took a breath. "A person."

"Oh." She watched him, his face tan, his clothes red from dust. There was a new hardness to him, she realized. Less of the boy and more of the man. Now he was looking straight ahead, avoiding her implied question. "We have that in common, I guess."

He stopped then and turned to her. She stopped too. "I joined Outback Adventure because I met a woman who told me about it," he explained. "I think she might have come here before me. I'm not really looking for her, but I wonder if she's out here somewhere. I wonder how she's doing. It wouldn't be honest not to tell you that."

Amaya nodded, trying not to betray emotion. "I understand."

"I like you, Amaya. You're like her, in a way."

Her smile was pained. "Daniel, that's great. I hope you find her."

"I just didn't want to mislead you or anything." He felt awkward, and suddenly resentful that she'd made him talk about it. He hadn't been thinking about Raven and now he had to.

"I appreciate the honesty."

"I mean she doesn't even like me, as near as I can tell. I just need… to be sure."

"That's fine. I was just curious. I'm sorry."

He squinted at her. "It must be hard for you being the only woman. I hadn't thought much about that."

"You're all behaving yourselves." She looked away. "I wouldn't mind finding your friend, though. Finding another woman. I think it would be less frightening."

"Sometimes I think she's out here, nearby. Like I can feel it."

"That sounds nice."

"No. It's distracting."

They were quiet for a while. Finally he reached out, his fingertips touching her hand. "Amaya, you'll find what you're looking for. Not just yourself, but someone else. I know it."

"I'm sure I will," she said lightly, looking around at the desert to avoid his eyes. "Sometimes the trick is discovering what you've already found."

The landscape became increasingly monotonous as they walked eastward. The terrain was flat, watercourses had disappeared, and the vegetation was shrublike and gray. Distance was beginning to take a toll. Pant legs were becoming frayed from the constant friction of stabbing grass and brush, and the flood had stolen replacement clothing. Daniel gave up a pair of shorts to be shared as a source of patches. They'd salvaged two hand-sewing kits that were proving invaluable, but had already consumed most of their thread. "We can unravel more from a pant leg," Amaya suggested.

Their feet were increasingly sore from the pounding, and their collective weariness seemed to be cumulative. Each night did not provide enough rest to make up for the exertion of the previous day. Yet instead of slowing they pushed harder, trying now to get to wetter, better country. Discouragingly, the terrain grew drier and hotter. They were walking on an ancient seabed on what is geologically the world's oldest continent, its mountains worn to nubs and its valleys filled with sediment by unimaginable time. It was so unchanging it seemed as if they were walking in place.

Their anxious progress gave them little time to hunt or forage, and their remaining food supply was falling rapidly. The strategy was to replenish it in kinder country, if they could find it, but meanwhile they looked when they could. Daniel still made his dusk circuits from camp, and managed to bring in two crested pigeons, a rock wallaby (a small, agile relative of the kangaroo), and a monitor lizard. Just for amusement he caught and carried back a thorny devil, a small squat lizard defended by conelike spines. It looked like a bizarre monster out of a lurid movie.

"You finally found something that looks worse than the food in junior high," Ico assessed.

One evening Daniel came back with a troubled look.

"No luck?" Amaya asked.

"No, I saw something," he said slowly.

"But didn't spear it," Tucker observed.

"Didn't even get close. I was too startled. It moved… like a man."

"What?"

"It was one of those things you see out of the corner of your eye. I turned, and it was gone. I shouted, but there was no answer. I couldn't find any trace of him. Or her."

"Another adventurer?" Amaya wondered.

"Another mirage," said Ico. "So far I've seen two ice cream stands, an Olympic-sized pool, a phantom beer truck, and a Tahitian topless troupe."

They laughed.

"Seriously," said Daniel, "could someone be following us?"

"If they are, they're more idiotic than we are," Ico said. "I think we're completely lost." He dug out his map again and studied it. "It may be stupid to simply strike due east if there's wetter terrain to the north or south. Maybe we can find a real river to follow, or at least mountains that would catch and funnel more rain."

"You want more rain?" Tucker asked. "After that flood?"

"I want normal rain. Sensible rain. Useful rain."

Tucker bent to look over his shoulder. "So where are we?"

"That's the damn problem. I don't know." He turned the map sideways. "This doesn't show rivers anyway."

"Ico, you got taken, you dumb paranoid."

"No, this is real, I'm convinced of it. If I can just get oriented."

"Well, it's stupid to go off north or south if we don't know what's in that direction," Daniel said. "They told us it gets greener to the east. We just have to keep going."

"What if they were lying?" Ico asked.

"Why would they do that?"

"Maybe that's the game. To catch them in their lies. It's getting browner, not greener."

"Ico, that's paranoid."

"That's the observable truth and we better start talking frankly about what we're doing. They said we'll live by our wits and what's on our backs. Well, we've lost half what we had on our backs. We need to think."

"Think, not panic."

"If we don't find water, it doesn't matter," Amaya said.

Tucker nodded. "Two days back to the last water hole and none tonight, either. I'm almost dry."

"So," Daniel reasoned, "the riverbeds we've encountered have run mostly north and south. Going east should be the best bet to cross one."

"What if we don't?" Amaya said. "This plain may be waterless. Maybe we should retreat and try following one of the dry beds we've already found."

They sat, considering that. Finally Tucker shook his head. "And get nowhere. Daniel's right. We can't start walking in aimless circles looking for water. All we can do is put on the miles until we hit the next source and then decide what to do."

"What if we don't agree?" Ico asked.

"We vote."

"We split up," said Ico. "I'm not betting my life on majority stupidity."

"No!" Amaya cried.

"We're not splitting up," Daniel said wearily. "We'll agree as a group or we'll end up dying as individuals. But first we have to walk to water so we can think straight. East looks as promising as north or south. Let's stick to it."

There were no answers. Ico reluctantly put his map away.

They built a fire and slept uneasily. Daniel was restless, waking sometimes with the feeling of being watched. But there was no one out there.

He roused Tucker in the chill of predawn. "Come on. We need to hunt."

The big man groaned. "Can't we wait for a well?"

"I'm thinking an animal might lead us to one."

They crept out of camp under the fading stars, the sky beginning to blush to the east. They heard the call of a few waking birds, but otherwise the desert seemed empty. Except for the scuttle trails of a few crawling insects, there was no sign of game. After half an hour they sat down.

"This is more discouraging than selling computers."

"You really couldn't sell any?"

"I really didn't want to sell any. I didn't care. All my life nothing I've done has quite jelled. I just want to succeed at something, but first I have to decide what I want to succeed at. Now it looks like I might succeed at dying of thirst."

"We just have to hang in there. Do you know what happened to Burke and Wills?"

"Who?"

"The first white men to cross Australia, south to north. They left most of their party at a creek, pushed on, almost reached the sea, and came back. They were starving. When they got back to the creek their help was gone. Their companions had given up the wait that morning. They died."

"Geez, there's some luck." Tucker looked out over the desert. "You were a history major, right?"

"Military history."

"And why that? All that killing?"

"I liked the courage. Courage I doubted I had. Like the Spartans."

"I heard of them. Kick-ass guys, right?"

"A Spartan who came home heroically dead from battle was a joy to his mother, but one who died with a wound on his back was a humiliation. They were awesome. Three hundred of them took on a Persian army of tens of thousands, and almost won. They blocked a pass."

"Almost?"

"They were betrayed and the Persians got around them. But until then they were invincible. They gave the rest of Greece time to prepare."

"So what happened to them?"

"They died. It was a sacrifice."

"And like their moms, you think that's good."

"No, I think it admirable. What's life for? For them it was to train, and die like heroes, and save Western civilization. They found their why."

"And for us?"

"We just have to prove we can stick it out, Tucker, until we find our own why. Prove that people still belong to a place, instead of the place belonging to them."

"I hope I belong here. It's not as easy as I thought."

"I won't disagree with that."

"It's not the dying I would mind. I just want to count for something, you know? In today's world there's too many of us, so nobody matters."

"Out here you matter."

They sat for a while, the lack of a sign giving them little inducement to look farther. Then something big flicked out of sight.

"Kangaroo!" Tucker breathed.

"No," said Daniel, suddenly uneasy and sitting straighter. "It didn't jump like that." He peered hard at the shadowy brush but couldn't see any movement. "It was that guy again. Come on!" They trotted to where they'd seen the figure and separated, looking for tracks.

"Uh-oh," Tucker called. "Oh boy. You were right."

Daniel came over. As the eastern sky glowed a brighter pink, he saw what his companion was hypnotized by. It was a human boot print, but not one of their own. The waffle soles of a hiking boot. He looked closer. The tread design was peculiar. The grid looked like a street map.

"We got company," Tucker said. "Is that good?"

Daniel glanced around. "It must be another Outback Adventurer. Why'd he run?"

"Maybe he's a loner."

"Maybe he knows the way to water."

They followed the tracks, winding circuitously through the brush. The course seemed deliberately confusing. "He's trying to lose us," Daniel said. "Or get us lost."

"So where is camp?"

"We'll see the breakfast smoke when Ico and Amaya wake up. He must have seen our fire last night."

"So why doesn't he just say hello? This is weird."

As the sun broke the horizon they saw another flicker of movement at a low ridge crest. As soon as they saw it, the stranger was gone.

"Goddamnit." Tucker bolted ahead, moving agilely for such a big man. He bounded up the lower sand slopes of the ridge and scrabbled toward the steeper rocks.

"Tucker! Wait up!" Daniel trotted after him with his spear.

Tucker was up on the ridge now, hoisting himself through the boulders in hopes of getting a glimpse of the elusive fugitive. He climbed heedless of caution, half leaping from one hold to another. Daniel stopped to map a more prudent route.