Getting Into Character: Seven Secrets a Novelist Can Learn From Actors (27 page)

Once you understand Sentence Rhythm, you face the next challenge: how to choose the best words possible to convey all the action of a scene. For help with word choice, we turn to our second writing technique.

Compression

Words are your enemy.

We novelists use too many of them. We use twelve when five would suffice. We write three paragraphs when we need only two. The more words we use, the more we end up “telling” the story instead of showing it. The more we end up telling, the weaker the story feels. The weaker the story feels, the more words we use to try to shore it up.

In a nutshell, “Compression” involves two parts: Getting rid of all unnecessary words, and Replacing them with exactly the
right
words—vivid verbs, adjectives, and nouns that are packed with meaning. In your novel
every
word should count.
Every one
.

You’d think extra words layer on meaning and tension. Not so. Think of your novel as a stretched rubber band. Now imagine each word in your novel is hanging from a hook on that rubber band. What happens as more and more words are hooked on? The rubber band begins to sag in the middle because of all the weight. It loses its tautness. In the same way too many words drag down your story.

When I teach Compression at writers conferences I invite attendees to submit the first few “polished” pages of their novels in advance. I then take some of the submissions through a Compression edit, and we discuss the “before” and “after” passages in class. (Names have been removed so the submissions are anonymous.) I’ve taught this workshop to both aspiring novelists and the multi-published. In both cases it’s surprising to see the number of unnecessary words that can be taken out. The many deleted are replaced by a vivid few. The result is a much tighter and moving scene.

Vividness springs from effective word choice.

Vividness can encompass both individual words and phrases. Writing vividly means writing in a way that creates a picture in your reader’s mind. In action scenes, this picture often is a specific movement or facial expression. In narrative passages this picture helps your reader grasp a certain truth about your character.

Just as with Sentence Rhythm, Compression requires careful attention to verbs, especially during action scenes. You want to find those verbs with the most “bang for the buck.” The key is to use the most specific verb possible. Many verbs are too general to be descriptive. These include verbs such as stand, look, see, walk, move, talk, sit, etc. If your character is sitting, is she slouching? Slumping? Perching? Notice how these verbs connote the character’s attitude as she sits. The first gives the impression of laziness or perhaps defiance. The second shows despondence. The third portrays a high level of energy. In the same way, if your character is looking at someone or something, how is she looking? How is she walking, moving, standing? Sometimes these questions are answered by adding an adverb. But we know how easy it is to fall into “-ly” writing. Adverbs are necessary now and then, but they should be viewed as a last resort. If you can replace a general verb and its adverb with one specific verb, do it.

For narrative passages or description, in addition to finding the most specific verb, pay attention to the adjectives and nouns you choose. Look for unusual ways to express your thoughts. Sometimes a metaphor or simile can release a whole aura of meaning that would otherwise need two or three sentences of explanation. Nature and everyday life are your best sources for discovering these unique descriptions. Pay attention to the world around you. Notice how wind ruffles water or moves over a wheat field. How a cat stalks its prey. Hear the click of knitting needles, the crackle of a fire. Note how mist clings to your hair on a foggy day, how your breath hangs in a vapor in the cold. Any one of these natural occurrences releases a vivid mental picture that can be used in description.

Vividness leads to the elimination of excess words.

Sometimes just one vivid word can negate the need for an entire “telling” sentence or even a paragraph. Remember that vivid writing, particularly with regard to verbs, requires specificity. When you’ve hit on that just-right compressed word or phrase, you’ll no longer need general “telling” description. You can cut long phrases and sentences merely designed to explain.

For a “before” and “after” example of Compression, let’s look at the opening paragraph of my true crime,
A Question of Innocence
(now out of print). First—as it may have been written without Compression:

Sharri Moore had read her daughter’s diaries more times than she could remember. She had to, Sharri rationalized as she looked at Serena’s blue-flowered journal lying on the desk. Sometimes she found important things in the diaries. A lot of the entries were just teenage stuff—about girls who’d been kind to Serena only to be mad at her the next day. Serena would write about these girls with anger and confused betrayal. Other entries were about daydreams or hoped-for things. But sometimes the entries showed aspects of Serena that she would never reveal. Sharri considered these entries nuggets of gold.

The same passage as it was published, using Compression:

When it came to her daughter’s diary, Sharri Moore was a snoop. And with good reason, she thought, eyeing Serena’s blue-flowered journal as it lay on the desk. Buried among the fantasies, the teenage yearnings, the diatribes against snotty schoolgirls who dangled their friendship like candy beyond a baby’s reach, lay occasional nuggets of gold. Glints of the real Serena.

Notice how many words were eliminated in the compressed version. Yet not one necessary thought or point was deleted. Also, you can see how specific words and phrases add vividness.

The explanation that Sharri “had read her daughter’s diary more times than she could remember” is now summarized by the word “snoop.”

“Looked” becomes “eyeing,” a more intense verb.

Two general “telling” sentences are no longer needed: “Sometimes she found important things in the diaries” and “A lot of the entries were just teenage stuff.”

“Daydreams” and “hoped-for things” become the stronger words “fantasies” and “teenage yearnings.” The sentences about other girls and Serena’s reaction to them now use vivid words such as “diatribes,” “snotty,” and “dangled friendship.” The simile “like candy beyond a baby’s reach” conjures a mental picture of how tantalizing these fickle friendships were to Serena.

The metaphor of buried gold amid uninteresting diary entries is a vivid portrayal of just how much Sharri treasured these bits of information.

Compression requires ruthless editing. I can tell you firsthand that writing like this isn’t easy. It takes time and practice. In my own writing, I don’t do quick first drafts and then proceed to a major edit. I write sentences the way I want them to read the first time around. (I’ve tried doing first drafts, then fixing later, but it just doesn’t work for me.) I’m known for having a taut writer’s voice. So, keeping Compression in mind, I may write only 1000 to 1500 words a day (at least at the beginning of the novel). But they’re “final” words. Or so I think. All the same, when I’m done with the novel and read over it, I’ll always find words to delete. In those read-over edits I’ll lose thousands of words. But what I’m left with is the vivid essence of the story. Every word counts.

The best Compression relies on all the other techniques we’ve discussed so far. If you have personalized your character and know her inner values, traits, and mannerisms, you are better equipped to find the most vivid words to describe her thoughts and actions. When you understand your character’s Action Objectives in a scene and can feel her reaction to conflict, you’ll be able to write her emotions with Compression. Effective Subtexting will save you many excess words, compressing meaning into the dialogue itself. Coloring Passions can lead you to vivid words and unique descriptive phrases, as will your understanding of your character’s Inner Rhythm in a given scene.

The study samples show how both Compression and Sentence Rhythm can combine with these other techniques to create memorable, compelling scenes.

Study Samples

FROM:
Anna Karenina
(classic), by Leo Tolstoy.

SETTING: Russia, 1870s. Thirty-two-year-old Konstantin Dmitrievitch Levin is in love with the charming young Kitty Shtcherbatsky, whom he has known since childhood. Levin plans to propose marriage to Kitty but has placed her on such a pedestal that he’s not sure she will view him as acceptable, even though their families enjoy equal social status. In this scene he seeks her out, hoping to make his proposal.

At four o’clock, conscious of his throbbing heart, Levin stepped out of a hired sledge at the Zoological Gardens, and turned along the path to the frozen mounds and the skating- ground, knowing that he would certainly find her there, as he had seen the Shtcherbatskys’ carriage at the entrance.

It was a bright, frosty day. Rows of carriages, sledges, drivers, and policemen were standing in the approach. Crowds of well-dressed people, with hats bright in the sun, swarmed about the entrance and along the well-swept little paths between the houses adorned with carving in the Russian style. The old curly birches of the gardens, all their twigs laden with snow, looked as though freshly decked in sacred vestments.

He walked along the path towards the skating-ground, and kept saying to himself—”You mustn’t be excited, you must be calm. What’s the matter with you? What do you want? Be quiet, stupid,” he conjured his heart. And the more he tried to compose himself, the more breathless he found himself. An acquaintance met him and called him by his name, but Levin did not even recognize him. He went towards the mounds, whence came the clank of the chains of sledges as they slipped down or were dragged up, the rumble of the sliding sledges, and the sounds of merry voices. He walked on a few steps, and the skating-ground lay open before his eyes, and at once, amidst all the skaters, he knew her.

He knew she was there by the rapture and the terror that seized on his heart. She was standing talking to a lady at the opposite end of the ground. There was apparently nothing striking either in her dress or her attitude. But for Levin she was as easy to find in that crowd as a rose among nettles. Everything was made bright by her. She was the smile that shed light on all round her. “Is it possible I can go over there on the ice, go up to her?” he thought. The place where she stood seemed to him a holy shrine, unapproachable, and there was one moment when he was almost retreating, so overwhelmed was he with terror. He had to make an effort to master himself, and to remind himself that people of all sorts were moving about her, and that he too might come there to skate. He walked down, for a long time avoiding looking at her as at the sun, but seeing her, as one does the sun, without looking.

Exploration Points

1.
What vivid verbs does Tolstoy use to describe Levin’s emotions and actions? How do they help set the tone for the scene?

Throbbing. Swarmed. Conjured. Slipped down and dragged up. Seized. These words help set the tone by raising the actions of Levin and everyone involved in the scene to greater heights. As a result, the scene is fraught with gravity, carrying the sense of major import. And indeed, this is just how Levin views this moment in time as he pursues his Action Objective.

2.
What similes and metaphors does Tolstoy employ, and how do they add to his vivid descriptions? Note especially the phrase “as though freshly decked in sacred vestments.” Why do you think Tolstoy chose to use this particular simile?

Tolstoy uses certain descriptions to show us how Levin’s mind is completely filled with this young woman, and how overwhelmed he is by the thought of proposing to her. The birches “freshly decked in sacred vestments” lend the image of a priest conducting a religious ceremony, such as a wedding. Naturally, a wedding would be in Levin’s thoughts. Tolstoy finds numerous ways to tell us how much Kitty stands out in the crowd as far as Levin is concerned. First Kitty is likened to a “rose among nettles.” Then she is likened to the sun. “Everything is made bright by her. She was the smile that shed light on all round her.” At the end of the example, she is so radiant that Levin sees her even without looking at her, “as one does the sun, without looking.” We also see the depth of Levin’s intimidation in approaching Kitty as he calls the very place in which she is standing “a holy shrine, unapproachable.”

FROM:
Sidetracked
(stand-alone suspense), by Brandilyn Collins.

SETTING: California juvenile courtroom, 1995. Sixteen-year-old Laura has been wrongfully accused of killing her mother. The trial is finally over, and the verdict is in. Laura will now hear her fate. This scene ends the chapter. (CYA is a California prison for juveniles.)