Getting Waisted (30 page)

Food has become such a time bomb: obsessional, addictive, and potentially dangerous. We can’t shut up about it and we can’t stop eating. We eat and eat and eat. We are all foodies, whether locavores, or organic, gluten-free snobs. We eat much better and far worse than ever before. We take chefs’ private-table tours and explore fancy greenhouses specializing in rare herbs. We travel the world, sampling from global buffets replete with everything from the best truffles to Himalayan pink salt. We eat the rarest cuts of Kobe beef and gorge on the silkiest of gelatos, yet we can’t wait to chow down on some kick-ass fried road kill smothered in a triple cheese-dipped bun, and knock it back with a Big Gulp. We talk of nothing but eating and dieting. We’re scared to death of body fat but we’ve never been fatter and our ideals have never been skinnier. We are out of balance. We need to reset our priorities. There’s an app for that, but I prefer appetite. Can’t we just get back to the dinner table, have a conversation, and pass the bread and butter and not necessarily dissect its origins? Say grace and have grace. Bring back joy. Simple food and simple pleasures.

Some of us are thin, some fat, some short, some tall. I have spent way too much time caught up in trying to be, maybe, what I was never intended to be.
This
is me! God intended for me to be one of the chubbies, and my life’s journey is to lead people to the chocolate fountain and teach them how to drink. There are Palominos and there are Clydesdales—racehorses and working breeds. Would I want a smokin’ hot body? Yes! But clearly I have no idea how to operate one. I have a permit for this one and it has taken me years to learn to hug the curves and drive it full out!

Bon Appetit!