Ghost Dance (Tulsa Thunderbirds Book 3) (24 page)

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her lips quirk up in a grin.

“You promise you’re not going to be at meeting tomorrow?”

“Why?” she said, smothering a laugh. “You scared?”

“Not scared. Just picturing you stomping on my balls since beard is gone.”

“Ouch. That’d hurt.” She made it sound like an appealing thought somehow, dirty and kinky and hot. Not a good sign. “Good thing I can’t stomp on you, huh?”

“It would hurt,” I replied. But not as much as dealing with all the shit in my head that I hadn’t touched in years. That was bound to hurt worse, if watching what Joyce had just gone through was any indication.

She was walking. Unsteadily, slowly, and with a lot of assistance.

But she was doing it.

So maybe now it was time for me to put the past to rest.

TERRI, THE RECEPTIONIST
who worked at the front desk, was supposed to be my ride home after work, but when I wheeled over to her at quitting time with my coat and purse on my lap, she gave me a funny look and shook her head.

“What does that mean?” I asked, immediately suspicious.

She pointed toward the glass-paned front doors. Or, more specifically, to the enormous, glowering Russian leaning against the hood of his car on the other side of those doors, with Wade at his side. Dima had both his arms and legs crossed. Wade had his back to me, legs shoulder-width apart in a stance meant to intimidate Dima, but there wasn’t a chance in hell of that happening.

I sighed. “How long have they been out there?” I asked Terri.

“Since not long after the end of your Disabled-But-Able meeting. Probably an hour or more. They did some yelling at first. Scared a little elderly lady, and I had to tell them to knock it off or I’d call the cops on them. So they stopped yelling at each other, but they haven’t budged. Most people are skirting around them. I can’t say I blame them, either. They’re both kinda scary-looking, aren’t they?”

When they wanted to be…
“I have a feeling one of them will be taking me home tonight, so you can go on whenever you’re ready.”

“You sure?” she asked, warily eyeing the two most bullheaded men I’d ever known.

“Positive.” I might not be happy about it, but there wasn’t any way around it. Besides, I was even more bullheaded than the two of them combined. Someone had to break these two up before they killed each other, and it appeared I was the lucky someone in line for the job. Not that I had a clue what they were going on about, but apparently I’d find out soon enough. “Can you lock up?”

“Got it. I’ll see you in the morning.” She took another glance out the windows. “You sure you don’t want me to call the cops anyway?”

“I’m sure. I can handle those two.” I put on my coat and headed out into the warmer-than-it-appeared air, immediately wishing I’d left the coat off. We must have had a warm front blow in while I was otherwise occupied doing my job.

Dima raised a brow when he saw me come out, and Wade turned around to face me, planting both feet in the same kind of stance as before, with his arms crossed in front of him. They should get a look at the pair of them. Good grief. They might as well be twins with the way they were posturing and glaring and whatnot.

“What the hell’s gotten into you two to make you scare off a little old lady in front of my community center?” I demanded once I got close enough that I wouldn’t have to yell. “You were getting along just fine while we were all inside, so what went wrong?”

“There were people around us inside,” Wade said, “and besides, it wasn’t about us in there. It was all about Joyce.”

I scowled, trying to ease my arms out of my coat so I didn’t roast alive. It didn’t matter how many years I’d been living in Oklahoma—I still hadn’t gotten used to the rapid changes in the weather, and I doubted I ever would. They came up on me out of nowhere and took me by surprise every time. “So you were on your best behavior.”

“Yes,” Dima said.

“And you can’t be if you don’t have an audience? Why not?”

“Because I don’t think he’s good enough for you,” Wade said.

I rolled my eyes. “Who asked you? I think I should be the one to make that call.”

“You don’t think he’s good enough for you, either,” he shot back as Terri made her way out of the building and hurried to her car, not making eye contact with any of us.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you didn’t talk about him at all the whole time he was gone, other than when I asked you what you wanted me to do about him. You didn’t even know he’d shaved off that rat’s nest of a beard until he showed up today. I could tell from your reaction when you realized he was there.”

“Oh, so I didn’t talk
to you
about him for a few days, when whatever’s going on between us is none of your business, and I didn’t stalk him online to see if he’d done something different in a few days, so suddenly that means he’s not good enough for me? Whatever, Wade. Get over yourself.”

“Get over
myself
?” he shot back.

“Yes. Exactly.” I rolled my eyes. “You know, if anything, maybe it means I’m not good enough for him, hmm? I didn’t pay enough attention to him while he was gone, so why should he want me anymore?”

Dima let out a chuckle, and without the beard hiding it, you could actually see the smile so often hidden underneath.

“Oh, that’s funny, is it?” Wade drawled.

“Just nice to see her going after someone else for once,” Dima replied.

“Don’t think you’re getting off any easier than he is,” I shot in his direction. “What are you doing here at all? You’re supposed to be coming to the support group tomorrow.”

He shrugged. “Wanted to see you. Missed you.”

Wade snorted.

But I melted a bit inside. I didn’t want Dima to know that he could have that kind of effect on me, though. Not yet. Not until I had time to figure out how I felt about it, at the very least, and maybe not even then.

That kind of knowledge was power, and I wanted to have the upper hand if at all possible. I wasn’t good at letting someone else have the upper hand over any part of me, since I had lost control in so many areas of my life already.

“So what are you saying?” Wade asked.

This wasn’t an easy answer to give him because I knew, without a doubt, he wouldn’t like hearing it. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Wade Miller, but I didn’t see any way around it while still staying true to myself. “I’m saying that, while I appreciate the sentiment behind what you’re doing, I don’t want you to keep doing it.” Sure enough, as soon as the words were out of my mouth, his jaw set and locked—anger and pain, both colliding within him the way they always did. Wade had made a lot of changes in the last few years, but he still had a long way to go before he was ready for the kind of relationship he wanted. And he’d never be able to have it with me, whether he still thought he wanted us to be an item or not. I couldn’t go there with him. I couldn’t be the one to slay his dragons, and I couldn’t allow him to think he was taking care of the demons lurking in his closet by looking after me.

He kicked a rock with his toe, staring at the asphalt between us. “So that’s it, then? You’re kicking me out of your life and letting him in?”

“I’m not kicking you out. But I’m not kicking Dima out, either. If you want to be part of my life, you’re going to have to accept that I’m going to make choices you don’t always agree with. I’m going to have people involved in my life you might not like. You don’t get to determine who I see and who I don’t.” It was hard enough loving him when he couldn’t love himself, but allowing him to pick and choose who was
good
enough for me wasn’t something I could do. Not ever.

“So if I think you’re making a huge mistake, I’m just supposed to bite my tongue and pretend I don’t see it?”

“No. You’re supposed to love me anyway, the same as I’ll love you even when you’re being an enormous ass.”

“But you don’t love me,” Wade said. “That much is clear.”

A part of me deflated, but I refused to look away. “You’re wrong about that. I’ve loved you for a long time, Wade. I just can’t love you the way you want me to because you won’t take care of yourself.”

He kicked another rock and spun around, the muscles in his back bunched like he was looking for someone or something to hit. I doubted punching something would help him, but it might allow him to blow off some steam. Only there was nothing out here for him to hit other than Dima or me, so I hoped he would just leave. Walk it off. Go to the gym and punch a bag. Maybe find one of the other guys from the Para-Pythons to have a beer with or something.

Every bone in my body wanted to comfort him, but that would negate everything I’d just said. So I couldn’t. This time, he was going to have to sort it out on his own.

“You gonna take her home?” he finally ground out, glaring at Dima.

“I’ll take her home,” Dima replied, keeping one wary eye on Wade and the other on me, gauging my reaction.

I nodded my agreement with the plan.

Without another look in my direction, Wade stalked across the parking lot and climbed into his truck, slamming the door before revving the engine and peeling away so fast his tires squealed on the pavement.

After Wade was gone, I turned back to Dima. “Well, that was awkward.”

“You’re not kicking me out?” he asked.

“No. Not yet, at least.”

He grinned, even though it was obvious that he was trying to hide it. Cocky bastard. “So where that leaves us?”

“I don’t know. Where do you want us to be? You’re the one who asked me to leave, if you’ll remember.”

He held up the back of his right hand for me. “I don’t forget. Not anything.”

“No, you tattoo it all over yourself so you can’t forget even if you try.”

He chuckled and gave me a sheepish expression.

“Come on,” I said, closing the distance between us. “Take me home and we’ll talk about it. Figure out what’s going on with us.”

“Fine. Since you can’t jerk my beard.”

I winked. “I have a few other tricks up my sleeve.”

“That’s what makes me nervous.”

“Good. A smidge of fear never hurt anyone. Too badly…”