Gilbert and Louis Rule the Universe: First Impressions
Read Gilbert and Louis Rule the Universe: First Impressions Online
Authors: Rebecca Heller
Gilbert and Louis Rule the Universe: First Impressions
By Rebecca Heller
Gilbert and Louis Rule the Universe: First Impressions
Rebecca Heller
Published by Surf Like a Girl Press
Copyright 2012 Rebecca Heller
Cover photograph by Claudia
Rehm
For Gilbert
I realize that if you are reading this you are already totally smart and have excellent taste.
However, in case there are some words you don’t understand, I have provided definitions* for you, becau
se smart is sexy. Am I right?
*All definitions written by Leah (looked up on: Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. 2010).
People you should know:
Table of Contents
Chapter 2
: Tuesday, November 3
Chapter 4
: Saturday, November 7
Chapter 7
: Tuesday, November 10
Chapter 8
: Saturday, November 14
Chapter 9
: Monday, November 16
Chapter 10
: Tuesday, November 17
Chapter 11
: Monday, November 30
Chapter 12
: Monday, December 14
Chapter 13
: Friday, December 18
Chapter 14
: Saturday, December 19
Chapter 16
: Saturday, December 26
Chapter 17
: Monday, December 28
Chapter 19
: Saturday, January 2
Chapter 21
: Wednesday, January 13
Chapter 22
: Friday, January 15
Chapter 23
: Sunday, January 17
Chapter 24
: Friday, January 22
Chapter 25
: Saturday, January 23
Chapter 26
: Wednesday, February 3
Today’s Horoscope: Pay attention; someone has exciting news to share.
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
hey
LeahLouis
:
hey
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
sup
LeahLouis
:
i
saw The
Hottie
again
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
noway
LeahLouis
:
yesway
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
was he hot?
LeahLouis
:
smokin
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
:-)
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
did you finally
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
meet him?
LeahLouis
:
no
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
why?
LouisLeah
:
it happened too fast
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
sorry
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
did you see
melinda’s
outfit today?
LeahLouis
:
omg
what was that?
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
i
have no idea
Alex_aka_Gilbert
:
g2g - homework
LeahLouis
:
ok, bye!
Sorry, you probably don’t have a clue what is going on. Gilbert is my best friend.
Her name
isn’t really Gilbert, it’s Alex
(
Alexandra to be more
precise)
,
but ever since sixth grade science class she has been Gilbert to me.
Alex calls me Louis (pronounced “Lewis”) even though my real name is Leah.
We named ourselves after the main characters in some classic movie we caught on TNT called
Revenge of the Nerds
, even though we are, like, way cooler.
The names Gilbert and Louis came about because we were working on Ms.
Elston’s
science project about a Mission to Mars.
Totally lame, right?
So we started to use these dorky names as we were writing up our report.
Like, “Gilbert, the weather here on Mars is totally uninhabitable for human life forms,” or “Louis, the iron oxide on Mars gives everything a reddish tint.”
You get the idea, but the names stuck.
No one else calls us by these nicknames, and we only use them with one another in private.
We have even created an adjective out of the names that we use when we are having an incredibly
spazzy
moment.
Like when we were sitting next to
the
hot choir teacher, and I made Alex laugh so hard that the milk she was drinking came out of her nose, then we’d say, “oh that was so
gilbertandlouis
.”
Melinda’s outfit at school
that day was truly
heinous
, trust me.
And who is the mysterious “
Hottie
” you may wonder?
Well, you are just going to have to wait to find out.
* * *
“Leah!” my mom calls from downstairs.
“Have you finished your homework?”
I push back from the computer where, theoretically, I have been completing my science lab, but really I have been instant messaging with Gilbert, click on “Away,” and head downstairs. Ever since my parents got divorced my mother and I live together in a small two bedroom house.
I am an only child so it is just the two of us now.
I mean, I see my dad on the typical divorced parents’ schedule, once a week and every other weekend, but mostly it is just my mom and me.
She is an “artist”—is that even a real profession?
She has a studio that she rents in some guy’s guest house.
She works there most days.
She says she couldn’t possibly get any work done at home because the
chi
isn’t right.
Whatever. She paints these big abstract pieces that she says have significant meaning but look a lot like oversized kindergarten finger painting. I think she has only sold two paintings in her entire life, probably because any five year-old can do it.
She is always trying to get me to expose my creative side and gets excited whenever I doodle a flower or something.
Between you and me, I have absolutely no talent for drawing.