Gimme a Call (29 page)

A new text pops up on my screen.

Ur gonna do gr8.

From Bryan.

My stomach lurches. I might throw up all over my test paper. I’m making myself sick.

I don’t want to cheat. I don’t
need
to cheat. I can do this on my own.

I don’t want to break it off with Bryan either. I want to make him proud. I want to make myself proud. Instead of making myself sick.

But you need to get an A!
Her voice screams in my head. Even when she’s not yelling in my ear, I can hear her.
You have to get an A!

No, I tell her. I don’t.

I turn my phone off and shove it back into my pencil case.

This is my life. These are my decisions. If there’s one thing she taught me, it’s that she made her choices. Now it’s my turn to make mine.

chapter fifty-one
Friday, June 6
Senior Year

I’m wet.

Soaking wet. Rushing water pounds my hair, my face, and my mouth. I’m in the fountain. Am I drowning? Did I die?

Wait. The fountain tastes like shampoo. I blink open my eyes.

I’m in a shower. My hair is full of suds.

Could it be?

It must be.

I’m in my house, in my lemon-fresh shower, getting ready for prom.

chapter fifty-two
Friday, September 23
Freshman Year

I take the test. I don’t ace it—far from it—but I get a whole bunch of answers right. I’m guessing I’ll get a B.

Not an A, but still. I got it on my own. Well, not entirely on my own; Bryan’s tutoring definitely helped.

I look everywhere around school for Bryan but don’t see him. I reply to his text.

It went gr8! Thank you soooo much 4 ur help. Ur the best. Can’t make lunch. Something important 2 do. Can I get a rain check for after school?

After I hit send, I turn my phone off. I think I’ve earned a break.

I know I’m supposed to be at golf, but life is about choices, isn’t it?

I spot the three of them at our table in the cafeteria and march right over.

They stop talking when they see me.

“Hi,” I say, sliding into a seat. “I know you guys are mad and you have every right to be. I know I screwed up. But it’s not because I like Jerome. I don’t. I like Bryan.”

Joelle shakes her head. “But then why—”

“I told Bryan you didn’t like Jerome because I didn’t think he was good enough for you. But that was wrong. I don’t get to choose who you go out with. It’s your decision, not mine. I’m sorry. Really sorry. Will you forgive me?”

She nods. Slowly, but she nods. “Of course. So you don’t think he’s good enough for me, huh?” Joelle asks. “What do you think of Kellerman? He’s kind of cute.”

“He is definitely cute,” I say. My shoulders relax.

Tash winks at me from across the table. “He is cute,” she says. “But does anyone find it odd that he’s worn sweatpants every day for the last three weeks?”

“I’m sure it’s just a stage,” Joelle says.

Under the table, Karin grabs my hand and squeezes.

chapter fifty-three
Friday, June 6
Senior Year

She finally picks up the phone at five. “Are you okay?” I ask. I’m standing in my room in my bathrobe. Since I found myself in the shower, I’ve known what I have to do. What I have to tell her.

“I’m fine. I just needed some time to think. Are you mad about the French test?”

I laugh. “Are you kidding me? You deserve an award!” I fill her in on what happened this afternoon—on how we almost lost everything. “You’re a genius for putting that phone away, Devi. We would have been expelled.”

“No way,” she says softly.

Eeeeeep!

“The battery is dying again?” she asks.

“It wasn’t charged all the way,” I explain. “And anyway, Frosh, I’ve been doing some thinking too. And I”—I take a deep breath—“I think it’s best for both of us if we let the battery go to battery heaven.”

She pauses. “Really?”

“Yeah. I can’t keep blaming you for my screwups. I have to face my, um,
our
life and that’s impossible to do when I’m always looking behind me.” It’s a hard thing to say even though I know it’s the truth. But the shock of being expelled and finding myself at Bella was too much. “And I have to give you the chance to live your life. Which
is
my life. And to make your own mistakes.”

“So does that mean that you won’t freak out if I want to drop some of my extracurriculars? I kind of blew off my golf meeting today. And I need to convince Tash to stay in the play without me. But I’ll stick with the yearbook and tutoring. Yearbook is fun, and I think I’ll be good at the teaching stuff.”

“Fair enough,” I say. “Although I will miss the golf skorts. Or more importantly, the bonding time with Dad. He looks so happy since he took it up again. But I guess I could ask him to hit some balls with me this weekend. Better late than never, no?”

“Sounds like fun. Maybe I’ll try it out too.”

“So.” I take another deep breath.

“This is it?” she asks in a small voice.

I swallow the lump in my throat. “I guess it is.”

“We’re gonna say good-bye? Forever? That’s so scary.”

“It shouldn’t be too bad. We’re the same person. You can always talk to yourself in the shower.”

She giggles. “But who am I going to rely on?”

I relied on Bryan. She relied on me. Who’s left? “You should call Maya,” I tell her. Yeah. Maya. Maya, who’d been right all along.

“And what should I do with the notebook? With all the advice? What about all the ways we were going to save the world?”

I open my desk drawer and see the green spiral notebook containing both our lists staring up at me.

“I think you should toss it,” I tell her.

“Really?” she asks.

“Yeah. Who knows what changing them could lead to? We don’t want to accidentally start a world war.”

“Okay,” she says.

I blink and the notebook is gone.

“Any final piece of advice?” she asks.

“Yes, actually.” Now I giggle. “Remember that Dolly jeans are made small, and that they won’t stretch. If you buy them, buy one size up.”

Beep!

“That’s my call-waiting,” she says.

Goose bumps cover my arms and I know who it is. “Bryan,” I say.

“Yeah.” She hesitates. “He’s on his way over. But I’ll tell him not to come. If you don’t think he should. Honestly, you
do
know him better than I do. And I know you said he’s going to cheat on me, but maybe he won’t this time. Isn’t it possible?”

I swallow hard. “I have to tell you something. He never cheated on me. I made that up so you wouldn’t go out with him. Really, we broke up because he was moving to Montreal to be with his dad, and he thought we should try being on our own.” I brace myself for her reaction.

“Well, that’s a relief.”

“It is?” I expected her to be furious with me.

“I mean, it’s not a relief that he broke up with you but I’m glad he wants to spend time with his dad. And, Ivy, well, isn’t it possible that now that I’m not going to focus only on him, we may not break up?” Her voice is bursting with hope. “Maybe now that I have other stuff going on—my friends, and yearbook and tutoring—maybe our relationship will be entirely different.” Now she even sounds like Maya. “Maybe it’ll last,” she continues. “Maybe we’ll try long distance. Or who knows, maybe we’ll end up at the same college together after all!”

I glance at the acceptance letter on my wall. It’s still NYU. And if what Bryan told me yesterday is still true, he’s still planning on moving to Montreal. And I’m going to New York City. And we’re still breaking up.

I open my mouth to tell her the truth. That it’s not going to work out. That they’re going to break up anyway. That it’s going to break her heart.

Breaking up sucks. Although talking to Bryan yesterday, well, it hurt, but it hurt less than it did two weeks ago. Maybe it’s not the end of the world?

I glance at the pictures on my nightstand. The pictures of Bryan are still in their frames. But now there are more frames. Bryan onstage playing the drums. Me, Karin, Tash, and Joelle at a concert. And me and Maya at what looks like a dorm party. When did that happen? I wonder—maybe the key
is
balance. Maybe it’s about living in the moment while still keeping your eye on the big picture—on all the pictures. And maybe it doesn’t matter if Bryan and Frosh—if Bryan and I—break up. The relationship still played an important part in my life—in shaping who I’ve become.

Not Ivy, the girl I wanted to be, but Devi, the girl I am.

“So what do you think?” she asks.

Just because a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth having.

Eeeeeeep!

“Who knows?” I tell her. “Maybe this time things will be different.”

The phone dies in my hand.

I sit for a few moments, feeling the warmth of the phone in my palm. Then I put it down on the table.

I’m in a bit of a daze. No more Frosh. No more Ivy. No problem—I’m ready to be Devi.

I look around to get my bearings.

Next to my acceptance is a letter from the NYU Office of Financial Aid, congratulating me on my entrance scholarship.

Cool.

Maybe I was right. Maybe this time things will be different. I’ll have to wait and see.

The doorbell rings, and I get ready to face my future.

chapter fifty-four
Friday, September 23
Freshman Year

The doorbell rings, and I jump up to face my present.

“I’m coming!” I yell. I take the steps two at a time and throw open the door. “Hi!”

“Hi,” Bryan says. “Let’s go for a walk. I bet it’s one of the last nice days.”

“Didn’t you say that last week?”

His eyes twinkle. “I might have.”

I slip on my sandals. “Want to walk to Hedgemonds Park? It’s right around the corner.”

“Absolutely,” he says, taking my hand. “We can rank their swings.”