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Authors: Light of My Heart

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Andy grinned on his way out. “Big and ornery.”

“How else would her poultry be?” Eric muttered, settling back to wait and cling to sanity in a house filled with children and one disabled adult.

Later he heard horses pull a rig into the yard. Another horse trotted by. Finally, light steps sounded on the porch. Letty came in without removing her shawl.

“I concede defeat in this round,” he said, not allowing her a word. “I need your help. Since you so dearly want to care for these children, and I’m unable to do much, and Andy has work outside, do help to your heart’s content.”

Letty’s smile made something melt inside him. How easily she moved him! Even under these absurd circumstances.

She left the room, but her voice wafted back like a caress, an intangible trace just out of reach. “Caroline! I’m back, dear. Let’s gather the others and begin with baths.”

The good doctor soon had the five urchins scrubbed, wearing clean, threadbare garments, and eating lunch. She’d diagnosed Willy’s problem as otitis media and had taken charge of the child. The exhausted boy now dozed in peace.

Blessed calm reigned once again. Eric leaned back and listened to the children’s comforting murmurs in the kitchen. The house had been empty for too long. It needed young life. If only—

Letty’s entrance put an end to his thoughts. “Here’s lunch.”

She set the tray on a low table and then helped him sit up. He thanked her and caught a flicker of sadness in her eyes. He’d hurt her the other day, but it hadn’t been by design and, in the end, would likely be for the best.

“Thank you,” he said.

She studied the stone wall at the rear of the room. “I’m glad I could help and that you called me, not someone else.”

He hated her refusal to meet his gaze. “Letty—”

A knock at the door cut him off. Letty looked relieved and fairly flew to the entry. Eric couldn’t stand their current situation, since it made her so eager to leave his side, but it
was
for the best.

“Pastor Stone,” she said. “Do come in.”

The reverend entered, followed by a bruised but otherwise hale Dr. Medford. Douglas Carlson brought up the rear.

“Come in, please,” Eric said, wondering about the group’s intentions. “Take a seat, and forgive me if I don’t stand.”

As his guests removed their coats, Letty slipped away.

The men had only exchanged pleasantries when another knock shook the door. Letty darted out from the kitchen and ushered in yet another set of men. This time, John White, the undertaker, followed Mayor Osgood. Hubert Tilford and Regis Tolliver brought up the rear.

Hartville’s leaders sat in Eric’s front room. “To what do I owe the pleasure, gentlemen? I’m sure you didn’t come to ask after my injury.”

Hubert Tilford stood and tugged on his lapels. “Ahem.”

Had the elderly mill owner come to lecture everyone on the virtues of his toothpicks? Eric wasn’t up to it.

“We hear the Patterson children are here,” Tilford began in his stentorian voice. “We also know how conscientious you are about everything regarding Hartville, but we feel that this time you’ve taken on more than you should. Why, John here says you had him bill Horace’s burial expenses to you.”

“I did,” Eric said, spotting the guilty party just beyond the door. He shot her a quelling glare.

“We,” Tilford droned on, “feel you ought not shoulder the burden of the children as well. We will immediately place them with families in town. There are too many of them for one unmarried man.”

“No.”

All the males turned toward Letty. Eric smiled. This should prove fascinating. She intended to tackle the whole town.

“Dr. Morgan!” Pastor Stone said, obviously dismayed by her presence at the men’s meeting.

When her chin tipped skyward, Eric fought to stifle a laugh.

“Pastor Stone, gentlemen,” she said, “it’s not at all in the children’s best interest to separate them and farm them out like . . . a litter of kittens. I took them home yesterday, but because of my limited space, I brought them here. This large, lovely home has many empty rooms, and Mr. Wagner owns all the land children need to exercise and breathe wholesome air. I will, of course, help while he recuperates.”

Dr. Medford reddened. “You’re still treating Mr. Wagner?”

“As a matter of fact,” Eric said before Letty could answer unwisely, “Melvin Harrison removed my stitches last night.”

His answer seemed to mollify the surgeon, but it did nothing to mellow the man’s glower at Letty.

The pastor weighed in. “Can you handle all this and treat your patients, too?”

“Absolutely,” she stated.

Eric then heard Medford murmur, “. . . she’s an unfit influence on the brats. They run wild as it is, and if the town must take them over, then we should find a responsible person to watch over them, not a hussy who mingles with tarts.”

He flinched. “If you have something to say, Dr. Medford, say it so everyone might benefit from your opinion. Otherwise, please keep your thoughts to yourself.”

Medford shot a venomous glare at Letty. “She’s nice enough to look at,” he said as he stalked to the door, “and now that she’s taken up with strumpets, there’s all kinds of help she’ll give you.”

Eric lunged, but Douglas Carlson pinned him back down. Only when the surgeon had left did Douglas lessen his hold.

Letty’s face was paper white. Her eyes, dark with hurt, looked
nearly black, and she’d raised her hands as though to fend off another blow.

“Letty . . .”

She shook her head and then spun on her heel. She ran for her shawl in the entryway and wrapped it around herself.

“Dr. Morgan,” called the reverend.

“No,” she cried and left.

“That was foul,” Eric said. “If the rest of you came for a lynching, you’d best leave. I’ll stomach no more abuse of a woman who’s only helped folks since the day she came to town.”

Hubert Tilford cleared his throat again. “You cannot deny she’s consorting with fallen women, Eric.”

“Helping two girls leave a sordid trade doesn’t constitute ‘consorting with prostitutes.’” Eric blinked. Did he really mean what he’d just said?

Good heavens, he did! Scraps of arguments dizzied him. Although her actions had angered him, her motives had been pure. Had she really changed his mind?

His mother’s voice rose from the past.
“You mustn’t judge, Eric. Only God sees the motives in our hearts. He is our only true judge.”

He tried to ignore the words but couldn’t. They rang too clearly with truth.

“Tell me, gentlemen,” he continued, “what do you think will happen to the Patterson girls if they’re farmed out and no one truly loves them? I can suggest one option at least two girls in our town found to be their only choice. Bessie will be happy to offer the Pattersons to those of you sick enough to lust for little girls.”

Eric studied Regis Tolliver, since the man was known for his vices. He smiled when Regis squirmed.

He went on. “I would suggest that before any of you speaks against Dr. Morgan, you examine your heart. As Pastor Stone
preaches, make sure you’re without sin before you cast that first stone.”

What had Letty done to him? She had him quoting sermons, quoting Scripture! He was even fighting for her right to help Mim and Daisy. She was as dangerous to his peace of mind—No! She was far more devastating than he’d ever suspected.

“The children stay here,” he said to settle the matter. “The better choice will be the family who’ll adopt all five. Only then will they leave my home. And I welcome Dr. Morgan’s help.

“In case you care, one of the children is ill. Dr. Morgan has treated him free of charge since she arrived in town. She’s also fed all five from the food she’s received for her services. She doesn’t deserve Medford’s rancor. Or yours. Good day, gentlemen.”

As the men left, Douglas smiled at Eric, sympathy in his gaze.

Pastor Stone waited until the door closed. “Don’t for one moment think I harbor such thoughts about Letitia,” he said. “I know her too well. I am, however, concerned. About you, Letitia, and the children. I came hoping matters wouldn’t get out of hand, but my presence today mattered little.”

“Nothing matters to Medford save what things will cost him,” Eric spat out, “or how they might further gild his reputation. Please help me up, Pastor.”

“Son, I don’t think you should strain your leg.”

“Perhaps, sir, but I must find Letty.”

14

Eric finally realized how obstinate he’d been and how right Letty had been. He regretted that it took Slosh Patterson dying and orphaning the three girls for him to recognize what Letty had feared from the start. He’d heard her arguments all along, but he hadn’t wanted to accept the truth. He’d wanted to see himself and the pillars of Hartville society in a kind light, one that shed no blame on them.

He hadn’t wanted to revisit his father’s guilt, either. He’d kept hidden the dirty secret behind his parents’ deaths. It had been easier to focus on the lessons of truth and light his father had taught him at an earlier time than to acknowledge the man’s hypocrisy.

“Evil can’t flourish in the light of truth,” the elder Wagner had often said. The truth, however, was the dark double life he’d led, the life Eric accidentally uncovered.

In any case, the virtues his father taught had served Eric well. He’d led an unimpeachable life. He’d fought against the brothels but had, as Letty said, blamed only the women and let the men’s offenses slide. He’d thought himself virtuous; he’d been self-righteous.

Where had the upright folks of Hartville been when Mim
and Daisy needed help and guidance? Mining silver, building mansions, buying rare walking sticks, running the town’s politics, minding their own business. Bessie, with her eye on profits, had seen the opportunity, and the girls had suffered.

He now knew how, if left with no alternative, sweet, responsible Caroline might become desperate enough to be lured by Bessie to support her siblings by selling herself. She had no education or training, and Eric would rather die than let that become her fate.

The strength of his conviction amazed him. He’d told himself he was helping the Pattersons because as a prominent person he bore a responsibility to the less fortunate, yet that had been a lie. True, charity and the urge to atone for his failures had started it, but since then his feelings had changed. He cared what happened to those five scamps, and he would not let more tragedy touch them.

He slowly left the porch, leaning on the cane Dr. Harrison had brought him last night, and headed for the barn to look for Andy. Letty’s buggy, still in the yard, caught him by surprise.

She hadn’t left.

Disgusted with his weak leg and resenting the need for the walking stick, he picked up his pace. He had to find her, and when he did, he would swallow his pride and accept her help.

He stood well inside the dark cavern when he heard a sound in the far right corner. What he saw stole his breath.

A beam of light entered through the loft window. Where it belled into a puddle of spring gold, Suzannah sat surrounded by orange and brown balls of fluff, giggling as she played. Sprigs of hay stuck out from her blond braids, and the sunlight turned her faded calico dress a rich shade of rose. Beside the child, tears washing her cheeks, sat Letty, a hand on Suzannah’s shoulder. She leaned forward to whisper in the youngster’s ear. The little girl turned and smiled in response.

A woman, a child, a ranch, everything Eric had wanted, everything
death had taken away. Yet here, in another time, with another woman and another child, Eric saw what might still be. If he dared.

Emotion suddenly choked him. When had he begun to feel so much? And how dare he when he couldn’t trust himself to protect them?

He’d failed his wife and child. He’d failed to prevent Slosh’s death and the loss of the children’s home. He’d even failed to protect Letty from the town’s scorn. How could he hope, even for the thinnest slice of time, to share their lives?

It hurt to face his weakness, to forgo a future that promised more joy than even his brightest dreams. His feelings for Letty were different from those he had felt for Martina. Whereas he’d loved his wife with sweetness and gentle emotions, Letty evoked in him something rare and rich and tumultuous. Their tenderness was spiced with desire, their friendship heated with passion born of their differences, and he did love her despite those differences.

Then, too, the Pattersons needed what he ached to offer, but he was flawed, and his was a mortal flaw. After all they’d suffered, those children deserved better than another failed father.

He took in the fresh fragrance of hay underscored by the musk of healthy animals, and he remembered the afternoon he and Letty kissed in the shadowed shelter of the barn. Her words returned to haunt him.
“You bear no blame in Martina’s death. She made the choice. . . . I’d rather have love such as you gave her than all the medical training in the world. . . .”

His memory became his enemy. It taunted him with what he wanted most. Letty was too innocent to see the danger she’d risk if she depended on a man like him.

Eric yearned to join them, yet he backed away, denying himself the chance to make his dreams come true. There was no atonement for him. Were he a different man, were there not a cloud
over him, then perhaps he could have gone to their side. Instead, wisdom forced him to leave.

He left his heart with them.

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