Girl Heart Boy: No Such Thing as Forever (Book 1) (6 page)

At Victoria I joined the mass of people filing through the ticket gates. I pulled my Tube map out of my pocket for the hundredth time. Joe had given me directions and I’d been to London loads, but this was the first time on my own. As soon as I was through the gates I found a space by a cash machine and stopped for a moment to gather myself. I closed my eyes and was halfway through a cleansing in-breath when right in front of me a voice said, ‘This is no time for a nap.’

I almost died of shock. My eyes pinged open and, before my brain had engaged, I’d given Joe a shove. ‘Bloody hell, you scared the shit out of me!’

He laughed, revealing those beautiful teeth, and pulled me to him for a proper, full-on, with-tongues pash. A little bit of me felt bad for indulging in such a major PDA. I hate people who get it on in public.
But this was different. It was our passionate reunion. I let my body fall into his. His hands and mouth were cold, his suede jacket was rough and warm, and he smelled delicious.

‘God, it’s good to see you,’ said Joe into my hair. Then he grabbed my hand, picked up my bag and moved off in the direction of the Tube. ‘C’mon,’ he called over his shoulder. ‘I’m going to splash out on a cab.’

Extravagant behaviour for a student, but hey – seemed Joe thought I was worth it. The thought made my head spin. I wrapped my happiness round me like a faux fur coat. I was so lucky.

We kissed all the way to Kensal Green, my leg thrown over Joe’s and his hands entwined in my hair. At his house Joe threw the fare at the driver and practically dragged me through the front door and up the stairs.

Inside his room he stopped for a moment, holding my chin with his thumb and forefinger and smiling a slow, sexy smile. ‘Sarah Doesn’t-like-beer, I need you in my bed,’ he whispered.

I knew what he meant. I needed him like breathing.

Hopping on each foot in turn, Joe pulled his shoes off, then undid his jeans and let them drop to the floor. I’d been staring agog, but the sight of the ridiculous
bulge in his pants impelled me to action. As I kicked off my knickers I couldn’t believe I was being so brazen. I hadn’t been naked in front of anyone since I was about ten (I kept my skirt on that time in Spain. Dunno why – it’s just how it happened). But I could hear Ashley’s voice in my head telling me to just go with it. So I did.

Within seconds we were on Joe’s bed and his hands were everywhere. Even though we’d done it before, I was still in no way sure what I was meant to do, so I just did what felt right.

But Joe. Oh my God. He knew what he was doing. He worked his way around my body until I was helpless and writhing beneath him. This was so much better than the first time.

It was like the two of us were at the centre of a whirlwind, with Joe’s hands at the eye of the storm. The intensity built almost unbearably. And then he stopped.

He reached behind him to pull a condom from under his pillow.

And then we were moving together properly, like it’s supposed to be. I grabbed his bum as he went faster and faster, his eyes shut tight and the muscles in his arms quivering.

He tensed and shouted out, and suddenly everything was quiet save for the sound of Joe’s heavy
breathing, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. The whole world seemed to slow down, like a spinning top coming to rest, and then he opened his eyes. I smiled at him. When we did it in Spain, I’d been worried if it had been OK for him, but this time I knew that it had. How could I not, after that? I was learning – we were learning together how this worked best for us.

‘You are amazing,’ he breathed, and he kissed me lightly on the lips before dropping on to the rumpled sheets beside me.

I lay silently while Joe dozed. The drizzle had cleared and the sun was bathing the room in its afternoon glow. I stretched my leg out from under the duvet and caught a shaft of light, wriggling my toes in the warmth. I looked around the room idly, taking in his posters (
Family Guy
,
Scarface
,
Avatar
), his desk with his laptop and a load of bits of paper, a cheap-looking chest of drawers with a telly on it. Your typical boy’s room, I guessed.

‘What time is it?’ mumbled Joe.

I stroked his hair away from his forehead. ‘I’ll just have a look.’ I got out of bed and padded across the carpet to get my phone from my bag, then hurried back to bed, snuggling in beside him. I pressed the button to bring the screen to life. ‘It’s nearly four.’

Joe stretched and yawned, then rolling on to his side he took my hand and placed it on his very erect penis. ‘Plenty of time for round two, then.’

A few hours later, we dragged ourselves out of bed and, after showering off the sweat of the afternoon, got the Tube into central London.

‘You look lovely,’ Joe whispered in my ear as we sat next to each other on the train. I smiled at him.

‘Thanks. You don’t look too bad yourself.’ He looked delicious, of course, in jeans and a John Lennon T-shirt. At the next stop a woman got on and stood in front of us, holding on to the overhead rail. I sneakily looked her up and down, admiring her skinny jeans, trench coat and trilby. Joe leant over again.

‘What does she look like?’ he said in a low voice. ‘Men’s hats on girls just look stupid. I mean, is she
trying
to look like a lesbian?’ I didn’t say anything, and we spent the rest of the journey in companionable silence, Joe stroking the inside of my hand with his finger.

And then it was lovely walking hand in hand through the crowds and the lights to the pub where we were meeting Joe’s friends.
This could be our future
, I thought. Sharing a flat in London, going out at the weekends and always having a soft spot for this place
because it’s where we went during our first weekend together.

‘Earth to Sarah,’ said Joe, gently tapping my head.

I shook the fantasy away. ‘Sorry … I was just thinking about tonight.’ I looked up at him. ‘D’you think your friends will like me?’

Joe squeezed my hand. ‘Course they will. What’s not to love?’ (Love?!) He brought us to a stop. ‘Here we are.’ He let go of my hand to push open the door of a wide-fronted building and I followed him into a large, crowded bar – it wasn’t particularly snazzy, but it wasn’t the student dive I was expecting either. I trotted to keep up as he weaved through the tables into a back room, where from a corner near the pool table a girl waved us over. She was sitting with four others: two girls and two boys.

‘Joey!’ squealed Waving Girl, and she stood up and leant across the table to throw her arms round my man.

‘All right, Mimi,’ grinned Joe. ‘Starting as we mean to go on, then?’ He nodded at the half-drunk bottle of wine on the table.

Mimi (what kind of a name is that?) wagged her finger at him. ‘We’re not all alcoholics like you.’

Joe laughed politely then put his hand on my back. ‘Everyone, this is Sarah.’

I plastered on a grin and said, ‘Hi! Nice to meet
you,’ then gave a little wave. And instantly regretted it as being both lame and stupid. Everyone said hello back, although I noticed all three girls giving me the quick up-and-down appraisal. I took a deep breath and sternly reminded myself that Joe liked me so there was no reason at all why they shouldn’t too.

‘I’ll find you a chair,’ said Joe, and he disappeared, leaving me standing like a lemon. The girls openly stared at me and Mimi caught my eye. She stretched her mouth into a horrible parody of a smile then immediately dropped it, her eyes dead. I fought the urge to run away.

Three vodka and Cokes later, I was kind of enjoying myself. Ben and Rav were there. I hadn’t recognized them when we’d first arrived. I’d only ever seen them in swimming shorts. Turned out they were also Joe’s housemates – they’d made themselves scarce earlier on to give me and Joe some space.

But the girls were a different matter. They pretty much ignored me, talking and laughing among themselves. Mimi had long honey-coloured hair, which she kept swishing around like she was in a bloody Pantene advert, and she obviously loved the way her orange-painted nails looked on the side of her wineglass cos she kept waving it around to emphasize what she was saying.

I couldn’t help stealing glances at the girls. They were only a few years older than me, but there was something about them. They seemed so confident and relaxed. They made me feel like a kid who’d been allowed to stay up with the grown-ups for a special treat.

Joe drained his bottle for what must have been the fifth or sixth time. ‘Right, my round again.’

‘No, I’ll get this one,’ I said, praying that the twenty-pound note in my purse would cover it. I stood up and hitched my bag on to my shoulder, but Joe pulled me back down.

‘No, I’ll get them,’ he insisted, and I swear I heard one of the girls – a pretty one with blonde hair in a sharp bob – make some remark about ID.

By the time Joe got back with the drinks the girls had joined in with the boys’ conversation. It seemed Bob Girl was called Lara or Mara or something, and the other one – lip gloss and black spiky hair – was Rosie. The conversation moved on to uni gossip and I tuned out. The boys made the odd attempt to include me, but there was no point. I had nothing to bring. I looked around the room and tried not to look bored.

‘Uh, Joe?’ said Mimi suddenly, eyeing me coolly. ‘Think it might be about time to take your little friend home? Looks like it’s past her bedtime?’

Mortification. The girls laughed and even Rav and Ben sniggered into their pint glasses. I pretended not to have heard and waited for Joe to defend me. But instead he plonked his arm heavily across my shoulders and leant over to clink drinks with Mimi, dragging me forward awkwardly.

‘Don’t worry, Meems, she’s got a note from her mum,’ he said, snorting with laughter. ‘Right, babe?’ and he gave me a perfunctory squeeze before removing his arm so he could thump his chest and burp at the same time.

I somehow managed to dredge up a smile. ‘Yeah. Special dispensation for tidying my room.’ As retorts go, I was quite pleased with that one, but no one heard. They were either laughing at Joe’s comment or had already gone back to their own conversations.

I took a slow breath and blinked to get rid of the tears pricking my eyes.
Don’t look upset, just ignore it. Don’t look upset, just ignore it.
I stole a glance at the others. Ben caught my eye. He gave me a slow wink and slightly raised his glass. I smiled at him gratefully, but it just made me feel more lonely. Dunno how it’s possible to feel lonely in a crowded pub sitting next to a boy who’s spent the best part of the day with one or more parts of his anatomy inside you, but there you go.

The next couple of hours went agonizingly slowly.
I almost did an air-punch when last orders were called, but it was another half an hour before we finally left, and then we just ambled along the streets, the girls lurching all over the place and the boys taking it in turns to shove each other into the road.

I pulled Joe’s sleeve to get his attention. ‘Where are we going?’

He looked at me with drunken unfocused eyes. I hate that. ‘Dunno, babe,’ he slurred. God, he was really pissed. And I so wasn’t loving this ‘babe’ thing. I didn’t mind it from my friends, but from Joe it sounded boorish. Like Adam.

I gave up and trotted along behind them. I thought about going back to Joe’s, but I didn’t have a key. Or know how to get there. Or know where we were.

Nice work, Sarah
, I thought.
Empowering stuff.

At one point we stopped at a kebab shop so everyone except me could spend approximately twenty-seven years choosing what to order. Then even slower progress was made, until eventually we passed Warren Street Tube station (no use to me: it was closed) and Rosie shouted, ‘Hey, let’s go to Henrik’s!’ So we took a detour to one of their uni’s halls of residence, where another fun-packed hour was spent squashed into this Henrik’s room, sitting on his bed while the girls tried to persuade him to come out. He was so obviously not up for it that I’d have felt
sorry for him if I hadn’t felt so sorry for myself. I spent the hour looking around and wondering what it’d be like to go to uni here.

It was gone four by the time we got home, having parted with the girls at the night-bus stop. I didn’t even remember them saying goodbye. One minute they were there, the next they weren’t. It was about the only good thing to happen that entire night. It didn’t get any better, either. Me and Joe went into his bedroom and I turned around to close the door, literally sighing with relief that it was all over. When I turned back, he was comatose.

All I could do was brush my teeth, get into bed beside him and wonder what the hell I was doing there.

‘Sarah … Hey, Sarah.’

I slowly opened my eyes. Joe was leaning up on his elbow, watching me. He ran a finger down my forehead and over my nose, bringing it to a stop on my lips. He leant forward and, removing his finger, kissed where it had been, then he put his finger back and traced round my mouth. ‘Sorry. I had to wake you.’ He fixed his eyes on mine. ‘You are so beautiful.’ He paused. ‘I need you.’ And he kissed me deeply and tenderly, his mouth soft and warm on mine.

Oh God. I knew I should still be angry, but he’d been drunk last night. No one’s really themselves when they’re drunk.
This is the way Ashley and Donna do it
, I told myself.
Just go with it.
Joe pulled away from me then, and slowly kissed his way across my breasts and over my belly button, until his face was level with my crotch. I fought the urge to stop him when he started to take off yesterday’s knickers, but then I felt his tongue on me, and the world disappeared again. And this time he didn’t stop until my whole
body fizzed and hummed, and I grabbed his hair and whimpered.

A couple of hours later, we came up for air. Joe wrapped the second condom of the morning in a tissue and dropped it on the floor then, after planting an affectionate kiss on my right nipple, flopped on to the bed and pulled me to him.

‘So am I right in thinking you came a grand total of three times this morning, young Sarah?’

I turned on to my side so I could see his face. As I thought: smug. ‘Pretty pleased with yourself, aren’t you?’ I said, smiling.