Girl of Myth and Legend (25 page)

I blink and look up at her. Her eyes are narrowed. I can’t believe it, but she looks mad at me. As if she has any right!

‘I had nothing to do with what happened to the rebels,’ she says, ‘and I don’t like getting accused for it, either.’

‘But you’re with them; you’re part of their—’

‘I don’t agree with what the Council did. I didn’t even know until afterwards. If I had it my way, the rebels would still be alive. But I don’t get to make those choices, Leonie, and neither do you.’

‘But you’re—’

‘I’m a Phobien, not a Throne, not a member of the Council. I’m fortunate enough just to know of you and to be here, thanks to my mother’s influence.’

‘Your mother’s?’

‘She wanted me to be acquainted with you so you might favour our family in the future.’

‘That’s—’

‘But me? I just wanted to meet you for no other reason than to see who our future was. I’m not with O’Sah or the others. I never will be, and I would never choose to be.’

‘…You really didn’t know?’ I ask.

‘No.’

‘And my dad…’

Her frown softens. ‘I didn’t know about that either until a few minutes ago. I’m sorry.’

I try to hold my tears back. ‘He’s going to die.’

‘I’m afraid that’s probably true.’

I stare at her. ‘You’re not denying it?’

‘There’s no point in giving you false hope,’ she says. ‘Your father doesn’t stand much of a chance, because of the Council’s word, because of Crato’s.’

‘I don’t get it. Why would he change his mind?’

‘People with power often misuse it, as is their duty.’

‘I hate him.’

‘Hate him all you want; it won’t change anything.’

‘Then what do I do, Sersu? What do I do?’

‘You are the Pulsar.’ She grins. ‘You can do anything.’

‘Hah. Doubt that. Apparently, Sebastian Crato’s word is absolute.’

She steps closer to me. ‘Do you think the people of the Imperium would follow someone like Crato when they have a new, shining light in front of them?’

I almost blush under her heavy gaze. ‘What?’

‘You don’t get it, do you? It hasn’t clicked yet, has it?’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Do you think Crato is hiding your existence from the people to protect you?’

‘Well, it makes sense—’

‘It may make sense, but it doesn’t mean it’s the truth.’

‘Then what is the truth?’

‘Crato is scared of you, Leonie. He’s scared because you could easily sway the people of the Imperium, whereas he has to push them down and crush them so that they’ll have no choice but to follow. You’re a Pulsar, and back when the Pulsar were around, they were the voice of the Imperium, a symbol. You could be a lackey, a malicious Pulsar, a cruel one, but I’ve met you, and you’re none of those things. I don’t know what you are yet, but I know you can be
something
if you choose to be. You were born in another world, brought up in another world. You aren’t someone who’s been controlled all their life. The people would listen to you.’

‘Why does this matter? What has this got to do with anything?’

‘Crato wants to punish you for your existence. He wants to mould you into his puppet. That’s why he redeemed your father and then took him away. All of this is to show you he is the one in power, that he is the one pulling the strings.’

‘Even if that’s true,’ I say, looking away from her penetrat-ing gaze, ‘that’s not going to help me now.’

‘You want your father’s freedom? You want your voice to be heard? You want lives to be spared? You could do all of that, Leonie, if only you fully understood who you are.’

There are so many thoughts in my head; I can’t focus on her words, their meaning. I shake my head, and say, ‘I don’t… I don’t have time for this.’ And I turn from her and go.

_________________

‘Why does January have to be so damn cold?’ I grumble, hugging myself.

‘You’re the one who came out here,’ Korren points out.

‘You’re the one who followed. How d’you find me, anyway?’

‘Even in my human form I can easily track your stench.’

‘Are you trying to give me a complex?’

He ignores my comment. ‘Why did you come out here?’

I shrug my shoulders. ‘Looking at things from a distance usually relaxes me.’

‘Today is an exception?’

I nod my head, resting my chin on my knees.

‘I thought you’d go to the forest,’ he says.

‘Yeah, well.’

We’re sitting on a hill behind the temple, the sun still high in the sky. I can see the faint outlines of the moons waiting to shine.

‘About… last night…’ he begins.

‘Oh, would that be the detestation tantrum I had to listen to?’

‘What I said, while it was true, I… that is… it was maybe too much…’

‘Yeah, wishing someone’s existence “never was” is pretty diehard.’

His eyes narrow. Maybe he’s having an inner debate on whether to pursue my forgiveness or not.

‘Look, forget it,’ I say. ‘Yeah, it was, like,
extremely
crappy for me to hear, but it was how you felt, right? I’d rather you speak your mind, so let’s just leave it at that.’

He looks at me again with that piercing curiosity. I’m guessing he doesn’t understand why I can be this forgiving. He’s wrong if he thinks that: I’m not that forgiving, I just can’t comprehend the depths of his suffering, and I don’t think I ever will. Even if his words did wound me—and I’m not saying they did—I think it’s wrong to hold a grudge against him. He doesn’t want to be here with me and yet has no choice. Of course he’s going to have a tantrum. Hell, I know I would.

‘Did you get very far with your father?’ he asks me.

‘Does my happy face tell you otherwise?’

‘No, then.’

‘No.’ And I tell him about what I saw.

‘You don’t look surprised,’ I say, once I’ve finished telling him.

‘It’s nothing to be surprised about.’

‘Let me guess: you’ve seen a lot worse.’

He looks at me. ‘Yes.’

I can’t stop the shiver that runs through my body. I turn from him and kick some snow with my foot. ‘This whole thing has made me start regretting coming here.’

‘I’m surprised the Council have been keeping you here for so long,’ says Korren.

‘Why?’

‘The rebels that attacked you, for one. Then again, you’ve got a lot of protection, and what happened was unusual.’

‘What about underfens? Can they attack me here?’

‘No. This place is too well protected.’

‘Do underfens exist in the human realm anymore?’

‘Some do. I’ve had to kill the odd one in the past.’

‘So they attack normal people?’

‘How else are they going to survive? If they’re in the human realm, humans are all underfens have to feed off. Haven’t you ever wondered about abnormal murders, unexplained suicides?’

I see a spiral of blonde hair, a smile that was as warm to me as the sun, a line of red.

‘Nothing in this world scares me anymore.’

I shake my head. ‘Um, so what about maidens? What are they like
specifically
?’

I think he must have noticed my short silence, because he’s looking at me strangely, a look that’s almost like… sympathy.

‘You can’t see a maiden when it’s not attacking,’ he says. ‘They can hide themselves in weather formations, like tornados or thunderclouds. You can only destroy it if you can see its true form, and you can only see its true form when it creates a haze.’

‘A haze?’

‘When a maiden selects a victim—we’ll say O’Sah—’ and his lips twitch a little, ‘the maiden will create a mirage, which we call a haze. When inside, his reality is warped and he’ll be subjected to unfathomable terrors. Sometimes the maiden even uses your own memory against you. It feeds off your despair, your energy, which is strongest in a Chosen.’

‘No one can survive it?’ I ask.

‘They can, but at a price. It really depends on the power of the maiden. The weaker they are, the more likely a Chosen, or even a human, can survive the haze before the maiden exhausts its energy and destroys itself.’

‘It destroys itself?’

‘If a maiden attacks, they have to acquire a certain amount of energy from their victims. If not, they die. Attacking is always a risk for a maiden.’

‘And they almost always succeed?’

‘It depends. The stronger they are, well, the less likely you’ll survive. Like I said, you can survive it, though you’ll never walk out of a haze with quite the same level of sanity you had before. That’s why it’s convenient to have a kytaen. We aren’t affected by maidens.’

‘Why not?’

‘No one knows. We can be drawn into a haze, but can keep our mind our own. A maiden is unable to trick us with their visions and ruses of despair. It may take a while, but if the kytaen can find the form of the maiden, then it can destroy it and the haze.’

I lean back. ‘Hmm.’

‘I’ve been wondering…’ he begins.

‘What?’

‘Before your father was taken, though you had no choice but to go to the Imperium, did you
want
to go?’

‘If I didn’t, d’you really think I’d be so willing to do that meditation crap?’

‘But then…’ he begins.

‘What?’

‘Why
are
you so willing? You’ve never known anything but the human realm.’

‘Anywhere is better than there,’ I say eventually, staring at the distant lights.

‘Than
there
? There is a paradise, to live so free and far from the Imperium.’

‘For you maybe. I know you think I’m ignorant, and you’re right, but I didn’t care what I had to do or where I had to go in order to leave that place. Anything is better than a life of routine. Anywhere is better than a place where I’m constantly reminded of the past. And what better place than the Imperium? That’s sure to take my mind off life there.’

‘And what exactly are you trying to take your mind off?’ he asks. ‘What are you running from?’

‘What are you fighting for?’ I respond.

‘Fighting for?’

‘Why else would you be so resolved to fight against me all the time?’

He stiffens. ‘That’s not your concern.’

‘And neither is my life yours.’

The sun begins to lower, the faint outlines of the moons pushing the bright skies away, ordering it to sleep.

‘Soon,’ he says.

‘Soon,’ I agree, because neither of us can run from the soul-binding.

‘
Ae’anad
,’ he says.

‘What did you just call me?’

He’s silent.

‘Tell me. I command you,’ I say.

‘
Now
you’re discovering the ways of a keeper. Well, I’ll comply once,
little lion
.’

I blink. ‘Please don’t tell me you’re giving me a cute nickname?’

‘Cute,
you
? Impossible. And “little lion” isn’t a cute nickname either. You’re a ferocious animal who happens to be small.’

I glare. ‘I don’t like it.’

‘That makes it all the better.’ He whacks my copper curls. ‘These, for example, are like a lion’s mane.’

‘Hmph.’

‘I don’t know why I didn’t come up with this before. You really are a little lion.’

And soon, Korren, very soon, I will be your keeper.

KORREN

WHAT BINDS US

‘Stop looking at me like I’m a piece of meat,’ she snaps.

‘Why wouldn’t I when I’m about to take your delicious soul energy?’ I lick my lips. ‘I’m
starving
.’

‘You’re disturbing.’

I am, in fact, running low on energy. Almost a week away from Aris is equivalent to a week of running with no stops, no food and no sleep.

Despite her arguing and repeated refusals, the little lion has been forced into ceremonial clothing, as is appropriate for a Pulsar. She wears a large-sleeved, crimson gown brimmed with gold satins. Robes cover her body from the ground to just above her chest with a knot wrapped around her waist. Over this she wears a thin dark-red outer coat that ties together at the bottom, a long scarf-like material draped around the arms. On her head sits a magnificent crown, worn only by Pulsar. It is adorned with gold-coloured dragons, flowers made from pearls and gemstones, and has two golden rods extending from each side, red beads dangling from them. The large golden necklace she wears glitters, jewels of different shades of red embellishing it.

It’s strange to see her look like, well, a Pulsar. She is a girl from another world who knows nothing of our traditions and way of life, and yet she stands before me now like all the other Pulsar I have been forced to soul-bind with.

I frown. What is this feeling creeping up inside of me? Disappointment? Is it because seeing her dressed this way further confirms her status, what she is? Is it that no matter what she’s said to me, and no matter how she’s made me feel because of those words, we are not and never will be equals?

We’re standing in the forest where we met. Strangely, the wind is not as harsh, and I try not to attach any significance to it. O’Sah is talking to another Throne as the little lion prepares herself, though all she’s doing is rubbing her temples, saying, ‘Give me strength. I’ll need it being bound to this
parasite
.’ I would pray for the same, except it’s me who will need strength. She’s arrogant, infuriating and will drive me into despair. I couldn’t imagine a worse fate than being tied to her until she dies.