Glass Ceilings (16 page)

George had been keeping me abreast of the situation at headquarters. Angela's alibi checked out and she'd been cleared as a suspect. Luca Cavello was contacted, and so far had been cooperating with the authorities. His alibi was solid, putting him in Chicago the night of Ronnie's murder.

David Cavello, however, was missing in action.

It'd been two days since I saw Angela and Nicholas. I explained I needed time, which turned out to be a waste of time…because the entire time all I did was think of them.

I tried to comb over the documents I'd printed at headquarters, hoping something would jump out at me, but my mind wouldn't focus. Concentrating was pointless even when I tried to prepare what I needed to say to Stacie when I saw her.

Angela called me Sunday morning just as I was leaving to see Stacie. At the sound of her voice I immediately knew she was upset. While in tears, she relayed a conversation she had with her parents. None of them had heard from David for a week, and Angela was terrified that something happened to him. I told her not to panic, and I'd do my best to find out anything I could.

I knew I was playing a dangerous game, but I no longer cared. The ramifications of playing both sides of the fence no longer scared me.

One day at a time.
I recited my new mantra for the hundredth time that day.

Being apart these past few days had me missing them terribly. Having them in my life filled a space inside that I hadn't realized was empty. With each day, I wanted to fill the space more and more.

Fuck, my head was a mess.

Human behaviors and logical solutions were my specialty when reading people, or even working on a case. Yet there I was, in dire need of a good dose of logic and I couldn't even help myself. My logic was nowhere to be found because my emotions, desires, and a fucking major case of nerves killed it. There in itself was the disconnect—emotions and law enforcement weren't supposed to meld.

One day at a time.

Stacie and I were meeting at the usual hotel the flight crew would stay at before going to dinner. Due to traffic, it took forever to get to her. She was waiting at the hotel bar when I arrived. With her back to me, I could see her slender shoulders, waist, and hips as she sat on the barstool. Her blond hair was pulled up, revealing the back of her neck. So many times I'd kissed her there, among other places.

Stacie was a gorgeous woman, but instead of the desire that normally caused my cock to grow in my pants from seeing her, I felt my chest constrict with guilt. It'd been a few weeks since we were last together. Seeing her now reminded me that I did in fact miss her, but at the same time it was Angela at the back of my thoughts.

I stood watching for a few moments, mostly waiting to build my nerve. She glanced at her watch, and turned around instantly smiling when she saw me. In her sweet, excited way, she bounced over to where I stood and immediately threw her arms around my neck.

“Sorry, I'm late.”

“Traffic must have been awful,” she said before kissing me flush on the lips. “I'm so glad to see you. I missed you. This was one of our longer stretches.”

She kissed me again, pulling back when she sensed my reluctance. “What's wrong?” Her eyes watched as I chewed my bottom lip. “Nick?”

“We need to talk.”

She nodded apprehensively. “Okay.” She pointed to a corner booth, but I shook my head.

“Can we go somewhere more private?”

“Of course, we can go upstairs. Let me just pay for my soda.”

“I got it,” I said pathetically, like paying for a fucking Coke was going to make up for the news that I was about to dump on her.

We walked side by side to the bar so I could settle her bill. Leaving the change for the bartender, I turned, waiting for her to lead me to her room.

“It's over, isn't it?” she asked quietly once we entered the empty elevator.

I wanted to say, yes, but…

But
what?

But
I didn't want it to be? Even though part of me did.

But
I loved her? Even though that wasn't true.

Any
but
that I could've said no longer applied. Maybe a few days ago,
but
now things were different in so many ways. I had to remind myself what we had was comfortable and enjoyable,
but
it really wasn't anything more.

“I have a lot to tell you,” was all I could manage to say in response.

Leading me to her room, she opened the door with a shaky hand.

Stacie sat at the tiny table in the corner, leaving me no choice but to sit across from her. She frowned, reaching for my hand and taking it between both of hers. “Nick, it makes me sad to see you looking so sad. It's okay. We both knew what this was. In an alternate universe, we are absolutely perfect for each other. But neither you nor I are ready for more. My career means too much to me, as yours does to you.”

“It's not that, Stace. It's so much more than that.” I dragged in a ragged breath, staring at her as I did. The electricity that sparked to life whenever I stared into Angela's eyes was so obviously absent with Stacie, and that realization fueled my nerve.

I'm doing the right thing…I know I am.

Ghosts from the past always hovered at the threshold of our relationship. Hers were from a previous relationship, as were mine. Sure, we used schedules and our jobs as an excuse, but we were just kidding ourselves. Standing in the room with us at that moment was my ghost, and she wasn't merely standing at the threshold,
but
was in fact pounding on the door and demanding that I let her in.

“A few days ago, I saw Angela.” I neglected to add how or why I saw her. I couldn't divulge details to Stacie, fully knowing it would look much worse than it was. I had no choice but to be vague, and she'd have no choice but to assume.

“Your Angela?” The words Stacie chose to use churned my possessiveness, but simultaneously they smacked me in the back of the head.

She
was
my Angela. She'd been mine since I first laid eyes on her, and suddenly I realized I wanted her to be mine again. Ironically, Stacie become the catalyst for me to finally realize that.

“Yes, my Angela,” I admitted, and it felt fucking good to do so.

She nodded solemnly, and waited for me to continue. “I found out that day that I had a son.” Stacie's eyes bulged at my admission. “He just turned a year old last month.”

“She kept him from you? Why?” She asked the golden question.

“She didn't know how I would react to her pregnancy, and she regrets the decision she made,” I said, stretching the truth.

“What's his name?”

“Nicholas.” Her eyes lit up as a genuine smile spread across her face. “He's amazing, and in just a few days I've fallen madly in love with him.”

I pulled out my phone to show her some pictures. I smiled as she smiled flipping through the dozens I'd taken since meeting him.

“He looks just like you, Nick. I'd love to meet him.”

“You'd love him, Stace. He's such a happy baby.”

At my pause, she looked up sensing I needed to say so much more.

“You love her,” she blurted out, shocking me in the process.

Fumbling, I gripped the back of my neck as my brain searched for the proper response. “I did love her, and I don't know what I feel now.” The words felt like lies, because I did know what I felt about her, I'd just been ignoring it.

She nodded while rubbing her hands over mine. “Nick, I can see it all over your face. You do love her, and it's okay. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”

She was younger than me by seven years, but she so often revealed a maturity that I'd come to respect. I wasn't at all surprised by her response, or her honesty. It was one of the reasons I cared about her so much.

“You're so amazing, Stacie. I don't deserve your understanding, yet I knew coming here that you would be. I just knew it, because that's who you are. And you're right. In an alternate universe, we'd be amazing together.
But
…” I was about to admit the biggest
but
of them all. “I do have feelings for her, and I owe it my son to figure it all out.”

“You do, I agree. I won't pretend I'd hoped one day you'd have that look in your eyes for me. That day being down the road, and expecting you to wait for me to be ready isn't fair. I'm so happy for you, really, Nick.”

Tugging on her hands, I stood, forcing her into my embrace. My hold on her tightened and she clung to me in return. With my hold I was trying to say so much without having to say anything at all.

Thank you.

I'll miss you.

I want only the best for you.

But, most important, I'm sorry
.

I needed to see him.

I also needed to see her.

Angela.

Spending the time with Stacie turned out to be the best therapy, and something I desperately needed from someone I trusted. She cared about me in a way that only a genuine friend could.

By listening raptly as I described my son, and pointing out that she'd never seen me smile the way I was at that moment. By settling my qualms regarding jumping into a commitment with Angela simply by reminding me of my feelings in Chicago. And most important, by helping me to realize what I was truly feeling about Angela today in spite of the circumstances that brought us back together. Of all people, Stacie became my voice of logic.

“Nick, you've already laid your foundation, and you need to use that to build your relationship now.”

She was so right.

My foundation with Angela may have occurred almost two years earlier, and it may have been brief, but it was the cement that held us together now. We had both felt the same way toward each other, and that needed to be what I drew from for a future together. I already knew that the rest would come with time, because in just a few days it was already happening.

I loved her.

The need to be with both of them, the need to protect them, the need to love them was what I felt in my core. With each day that passed, it became less and less about the case, and more and more about my family.

That realization, along with missing them, had me driving back to the city like a madman. It was late when I stood at her door, losing my nerve, debating on waking her or not.

Deciding to text her—
Are you up?
—I waited outside her door for a response.

Yes,
came back immediately.

I'm at your door.

Through the wood I heard her disengage the alarm before she opened the door looking absolutely beautiful. Her face was makeup free, her clothes were worn and comfortable, her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail, and she still looked stunning.

“Hi,” she said breathily. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing. Can I come in?”

Her cheeks tinged from embarrassment. “Of course, I'm so sorry.”

Cake aroma permeated the air in her apartment; the evidence sat on her kitchen counter. Her gaze followed mine and she smiled. “I bake when I'm nervous, and Nicholas loves cupcakes.”

“How is he?”

“He's great. He's been asking for you,” she said, making my heart ache for him. “I just poured myself a glass of wine, would you like some? Or a beer?”

“I'll take a beer.” As she opened it for me, I added, “I know we have a lot to talk about regarding your brother, but I'd like to discuss what happened today first.”

Angela knew I was with Stacie, and concern was clearly etched all over her face.

“How did it go?” she asked after handing me my beer and sitting beside me on the futon.

“She was very understanding, and very happy for me. She reacted just as I knew she would.”

“She sounds great, Nick.” Focusing on the stem of the wineglass as she spun it in her fingers, I could tell she wanted to say something else but was holding back.

“Are you okay?” I asked, wondering if it was jealousy that had her so quiet.

Her eyes found mine, and uncertainty was obvious in the way she looked at me. “I know you said you didn't love her, but I couldn't stop thinking about her all day. Where would your relationship have gone if…”

“Please don't say it,” I cut her off. “It's not fair to her, to me, or to you to speculate. What matters is today.”

“It's a legitimate question, Nick. If we hadn't shown up, you very well could have married her one day.”

“Probably not…”

“Why?”

“Because you were still out there.” The way in which she gaped at me had me quickly explaining, “I realized today I never really told Stacie where we stood in regards to a future because you were still out there.”

“And where do you stand now that I'm here?”

“With Stacie?” Her eyes widened while she gave me a small nod. “I ended it with her today.”

I expected relief but instead I got a frown.

“Nick,” she said looking completely defeated.

“Angela, remember when you said a few nights ago that I knew everything about you now, including how you felt about me?”

“Yes.”

“You also said you were waiting for me to catch up.”

“I did.”

“It's time you knew everything about me, including how I feel about you.”

I placed my beer on the side table before turning toward her to capture her undivided attention. What I was about to say would change everything between us. She knew something was coming. I could tell by the way she chewed her lip, fiddled with the hem of her T-shirt that she was assuming the worst. They were habits I recognized from the night I turned up at Eve's townhouse in Chicago, when she was prepared to tell me things wouldn't work out between us. That was the same night that I was determined to prove they could. In essence, we were right back where we started.

With each second that passed, my breathing accelerated from anticipation. I was on a precipice in regards to our relationship, and I was about to take the necessary steps toward resuming what we once shared.

The anticipation of knowing I held the key back to what we both had a brief taste of, that bliss of us coming together so perfectly, had me throbbing with need. I was finally allowing myself to think of our night in the hot tub. It was a memory I always tried to force from my thoughts, but it usually appeared at the most inopportune times. I finally reveled in the imagery that appeared in my mind.

The best part was, they no longer had to be mere memories. She was there, before me, wanting me, and I no longer could justify denying I wanted her.

“Stacie helped me realize something today,” I said quietly. “Something I kind of knew but was just afraid to admit, or to accept.”

“What would that be?”

“That I love you.”

Tears immediately welled in her eyes as she stared at me. Once they started to fall, I gently reached over and wiped them away.

“You do?” she asked apprehensively.

“I do.” I nodded assuredly. “I love you. It has nothing to do with what I feel toward Nicholas, or the case. Today, a switch was flipped inside me. Ironically, Stacie helped with that. Once it hit me that I was fighting myself and making myself miserable, it hit me that I could change things.”

Taking her hand, I pulled her closer until she sat flush beside me. “Angela, I tried to deny how my heart fucking pounds in my chest when you look at me. I tried to ignore how much I miss seeing you when I'm not here. I even tried to convince myself it was because of our son that I needed to be around you.”

“Our son?”

Her question confused me. “Yes. Why?”

“It's the first time you said
our
son.”

“Had I never referred to him as ours?”

“No, only
your
son.”

Her lips begged to be kissed, and I no longer had to fight the urge. That all-consuming, paralyzing urge to touch her in one way or another, to taste her, no longer had to be my cross to bear.

“You were so angry at me. When you walked into that interrogation room, I felt that anger stab me in the chest. Nick, that was only a week ago.”

“Time apparently means nothing when it comes to you and me. I managed to fall in love with you in Chicago after only knowing you one week, after only having you for one amazing day. Yes, I was angry when I first saw you; yes, I was even angrier when I found out about Nicholas; and yes, I was angry you prevented me from being your protector, because that's what I do. You took that away from me, and I wanted to hate you for all of these reasons. I simply couldn't…and now, I just want to make up for every single day we were apart, start over, start something amazing, start what I knew we could be together. There's something else I need to tell you.” She waited wide-eyed for me to continue. “I forgive you, Angela.” Her mouth fell open at my admission. “I do. I forgive you.” I gently bent to place a sweet kiss on her full lips. Her fingers gripped my shirt as I did. When I broke our kiss too quickly, she tightened her hold on me. “Angela, I need you to forgive me, too.”

“What for?”

“If I had told you then what I was feeling, you might have run toward me instead of away from me. I fell in love with you, and I should have told you. I'm sorry.”

She desperately clung to me, and buried her face in my chest with her arms wrapped around my neck. I let her get it all out, twenty-two months' worth of tears, and pain, and angst that had been bottled up inside. It needed to be released, and I waited while she finally did.

After what seemed like an eternity, her sobs turned to small gasps, her grip on my flesh loosened, and her tears stopped falling.

She raised her head to look me in the eye. “I love you,” was all she said, and it was all I needed to hear.

I loved Angela Cavello, and I physically felt that love take hold from my head to my toes.

The feeling knocked me on my ass.

I was done.

Without wasting another precious second of time, I gripped her head and brought her lips to mine. The taste of her tears made it all the more real. Familiarity erased the many months that separated us, lust fueled me, but it was my love for her that made this kiss even better than our first. This time, I felt it running through every vein in my body.

Our kiss took on a life of its own. Any apprehension she was clinging to vanished with each touch of my lips on hers. Once I started, my own reservations were no longer anywhere to be found.

The sound of my name from her lips forced a different need, most of it settling at the base of my cock.

Without breaking our kiss, she straddled my hips, aligning herself over my hard-on. Each rub tortured me in the most fantastic of ways.

“Angela, you're driving me fucking nuts,” I admitted against the smooth skin of her neck.

“It's the other way around,” she said between puffs of air.

“Mama!”

The sound of my son's voice felt like a bucket of ice water on my libido.

“Don't speak. Sometimes he falls back to sleep.”

With our eyes locked, we waited for Nicholas to call out again. While waiting, I nibbled on her lips and seconds later we were right back to frantic touching and primal kissing.

“Mama!”

I couldn't stop the groan as I threw my head back against the futon cushions.

“Stay here. If he sees you, it's over.” She kissed me chastely and climbed off my lap. “I'll be back.”

“If you're not back in five minutes, I may be taking a cold shower.”

“Give me ten.”

A few minutes later, the door opened slowly and she comically tiptoed out of his room, raising her index finger over her lips.
Shh,
she mouthed. Not until she repositioned herself over my crotch did she actually speak audibly. “Where were we?”

Rotating my hips I pulled her face down to mine and showed her instead of telling her where we left off. Zero point seven seconds later, we were exactly where we left off.

“Stay the night?” she asked. Her question surprised me. I didn't want to rush her, or what we were trying to recapture. “Please?” she added at my hesitation.

I reminded myself that she was different now, that she'd been through so much, and she wanted this. Once my decision was made, I knew I couldn't leave then even if ordered to at gunpoint.

Nodding at her request, I said, “Try and make me leave.”

Nerves had her silent as she opened her futon for us, but not until we lay naked side by side did she actually admit that. “I'm so nervous,” she whispered against my chest.

Her smooth skin felt so warm against my body. Her head tilted up enough to look at my face. The only light shining in her living room came from the crack under Nicholas's door. Yet, I could still see the truth to her words in her eyes.

“What about?” I asked, smoothing her hair away from where it stuck to her cheek. “It's still me, Angela.”

“I wished for this moment for so long, I'm scared that I'll disappoint you.”

Somehow I felt she wasn't referring to our making love again after so long. The only way she could disappoint me was if she broke my heart again, but I didn't want to remind her of that. Instead, my arms tightened around her, and she trembled against me. I held her head with one hand, and ran the other down the center of her back until it rested on the curve of her ass.

“Do you love me?” I asked, when her big green eyes focused on my face.

“I do.”

“That's all that matters.” Taking her lips in a soft kiss, her naked body immediately responded by pushing closer.

“Make love to me.”

I shifted, rolling her onto her back. “Do I need to use a condom, Angela? I've never had sex without one.”

“I haven't had sex since you. I went on the pill after I had Nicholas, though. Getting pregnant by accident scared me.”

My cock hardened further at the thought that there'd be nothing between us. It demanded her, practically pulsing with need. I could so easily have buried myself in her without waiting another second, but I wanted this to last and go on forever.

My eyes watched her face as I skimmed my hand down her neck until I cupped her breast. When I ran my palm over her hardened nipple, her eyes fell shut. I took her other nipple in my mouth, while slowly moving my hand down her body toward her pussy. She took my lips in a forceful kiss as I slipped a finger into her heat, her moans traveling through me. With each touch of my finger, my tongue mimicked the motion in her mouth.

“Please, Nick,” she begged, gripping my shoulders in an effort to move me.

There was so much I wanted to do to her, and I would. But for now, I needed to be inside her.

I moved between her legs, and her knees automatically fell open for me. She pinned me with her gaze, waiting expectantly for this moment to happen. A moment I'd relived over and over in my mind since that one perfect day a long time ago. Through her eyes, I could vividly see love, fear, lust, want—every emotion that was consuming every part of me in the exact same way.

When I slowly slid inside her, when my body was completely seated within hers, our long awaited connection caused my breath to hitch. Staring into her eyes made it even harder for me to breathe. The physical act paled in comparison to the emotional one. The need to be even closer to her, the relief of finally being inside her together created pure euphoria.

Thrust for thrust, the electricity between us intensified. Every single fucking emotion I felt two years ago flooded me. Every part of her infiltrated every part of me.

Waiting for her was torture since I was hanging on by a thread. The instant she came around me, I came inside her. The sensation, the release, was the best fucking thing I'd ever felt in my entire life.

“I love you, Nick. I've loved you every day that we were apart,” she whispered softly against my lips.

“I did, too. I just refused to admit it.”