Glass Houses (35 page)

“
How could you do this?
”
Margy said.
“
How
could
you?
”
She hung up.

Twenty-three

A
clock ticked in Olivia’s room. Sonnie had warned that the basement of the house wasn’t as warm as it should be, but she’d put a down comforter on the bed and Olivia sank deep beneath it, covered her ears,
and tried to shut out the relentl
ess sound of the clock.

She wore a borrowed flannel nightie. In the morning she intended to put on an oversized green sweater and khaki cotton pants with a drawstring at the waist. These she had placed on a chair by the bed, ready to grab at a moment’s notice. Long woolen socks and someone’s pair of discarded tennis shoes would complete the outfit.

Aiden had remained upstairs with Chris for some time after she’d come down, taken a shower, and climbed into bed. Eventually she’d heard his careful footsteps descending the stairs. Obviously he didn’t want to wake her up.

The shower had run; he’d gone into the room opposite hers and closed the door.

This was it, the way a heart felt when it was about to break.

They were in an impossible fix, together, but sooner or later it would end, and then what? She hoped, couldn’t help hoping,
that they wouldn’t just walk away from each other, but it wasn’t up to her to make the moves.

She turned over and stuck her head out from the comforter to listen. Did anyone still think the moves should only be made by men—anyone other than her mother?

Aiden could really kiss. He did a lot of things just as well.

And thinking about that produced predictable results. Olivia rolled onto her stomach and tried to visualize calming white light flowing through her veins.

What she really visualized wasn’t calming. Aiden Flynn naked wasn’t likely to calm any woman. The memory of his hands moving over her made certain she couldn’t imagine ever sleeping or being calm again.

The clenching around her heart wasn’t about sex, it was about meeting a man she already couldn’t consider being without.

On the one hand, they were getting a clearer picture of the obstacles they confronted. On the other hand, the clearer the picture became, the more complex and frustrating it also became.

She didn’t want to be alone in this room and chasing dead
end thoughts.

The creak she heard could be anything, but she was sure it was Aiden, tossing in bed just as she was.

A door creaked slowly open.

More muffled sounds followed, the kind of sounds feet made when you were trying not to make any noise.

There was a sliding glass door on the lake side of the house. It opened now, and even beneath her quilt, Olivia thought she felt cold air enter the room.

The slider didn’t close again. At least, she didn’t hear it close.

Aiden had gone outside into the wet night. He was a deeply troubled man who took his responsibilities seriously, and he thought he was responsible for everything bad that had happened while he’d been with her.

Without putting on a light, Olivia threw back the covers
and swung her feet over the edge of the bed and into a pair of rubber thongs. The rose-spattered nightie didn’t reach her knees, and a pink terrycloth robe Sonnie had left was equally short.

Cinching the robe belt tight, Olivia approached the door and put her ear to a panel to listen. In the distance, water slapped softly at the lake bank.

She opened her door an inch at a time and slipped into an unfinished area with a bare board floor. Puffy, silver-coated insulation showed between open steel studs. The scent there was of fresh wood shavings.

As she’d thought, the sliding door stood open. Spotlights at the back of the house illuminated a long boardwalk leading to the lake and thirty or so feet on either side, but didn’t penetrate the deeper darkness.

Rain fell. Not heavy, soaking rain, but fine mist, and the night had grown bone-cold.

Olivia stepped outside and hesitated. He must want to be alone. He was wrong not to include her, to admit that two brains were better than one, but then, he was a man.

Now that was an unfair thought.

She peered in every direction but saw no sign of him.

That sliver of moon still rode in the sky, peering through a hole in the diaphanous clouds. Olivia thought she saw a movement to the left, where the ground sloped off to the water.

What was the worst he could do to her? Ignore her? Be rude and tell her to go away? She was a big girl—she could take it.

With each step she took, her feet squished in the thongs. Moisture coated her skin and turned her clothing cold and damp. She veered away from the boardwalk, tried to pinpoint the spot where she thought she’d seen Aiden.

There was no sign of him now.

She reached the water’s edge and searched in either direction. Trees lined the property, forming a black fringe that reached into a padded pewter sky. A boathouse and a shed were dimly visible.

Nothing moved but the veil of rain and a breeze through the tall trees, but Olivia felt watched.

Her stomach tightened, and her heart beat too fast to be comfortable. She crossed her arms and turned her back on the house. A few scattered lights showed in the distance, on the opposite side of the lake. The breeze shifted her hair and felt good despite the way the misty rain wetted her neck.

She held her breath, hoping to hear Aiden move, hoping he’d come to her.

He didn’t.

The time had passed for worrying about her sodden feet. Olivia began a measured trudge along the edge of the water. Soft ripples bobbled there. She was thousands of miles from home, in a country so very different from her own, and she’d managed the unbelievable feat of meeting a man who had changed her forever.

A figure she knew belonged to Aiden separated from the back of the shed and approached her. His hands were in the pockets of dark pants. If his hair weren’t light, she might not have seen him even yet.

There was no doubt that they intended to confront each other in this unlikely place.

Aiden stopped a few feet distant and said, “I don’t have a chance, do I? Whether I want to or not, we’re going to seek each other out. Maybe I should say I do want to, but I wish I didn’t.”

“And all I want to do is see you, Aiden, be with you. I know all about the obstacles, but I can’t help myself and I’m not going to lie about it.”

He started toward her again. “I’m not much for talking a lot. Never have been.”

“What man is?” she said.

Aiden stood in front of her now, his hands still in the pockets of his dark sweatpants. The sweatshirt he wore was also a dark color. Even in poor light, it was impossible to avoid seeing a face she couldn’t forget if she tried. The profusion of
silver jewelry had been discarded. Only the single gold ring in his left ear remained.

Could she even hope to know him long enough to get past the wall of enigma he carried? Did she want to?

“It’s true, isn’t it?” he said. “Women want to discuss feelings. Men just want to feel. Or maybe I’m being too generous to my side. I don’t want complications. I’ve never had any kind of commitment to a woman, and the thought of starting one now scares me.”

Just hearing him talk about it, admit that she was on his mind, gave her hope. “Would it
scare you if we weren’t in a…
We’re both in jeopardy. Would it make a difference if we weren’t?”

“We’re going to be soggy as hell shortly. We should go in.” He pulled his shoulders up to his ears, “You really want to talk, Olivia?”

“If you do.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Okay, yes, I want to talk.”

He wiped a hand across his face. “Let’s not go inside and risk waking anyone up. There’s a bench in the boathouse. Not too luxurious, but real private.”

Olivia took hold of his elbow and steered him in the direction of the boathouse. “It’s beautiful here,” she said. “One of those parts of the world you don’t hear about—or think about where I come from, but golly, is it gorgeous.”

“Yeah, it is,” he agreed. “I’m a city guy myself, but I can appreciate beauty when I see it. You’re beautiful.”

She forgot to take her next step and almost stumbled. Aiden held her arm tightly until she found her balance.

“Well, you are. And you don’t have any vanity about it.”

“Thank you, but we’d better take your temperature. I’m okay to look at, but beautiful is something I’ll never be.”

“Don’t argue with me. Every time I lo
ok at you, I…
I want you.”

“Just like that? You want me? So matter-of-fact.”

Aiden guided her up the steps to the empty boathouse, to
the promised bench near the end feat opened to the water. He waited until she sat down, then joined her. “It is a matter of fact. I didn’t say I was smooth or glib. What I’ve said, I mean, and it couldn’t be more inconvenient. Even when you first arrived and I didn’t know who you were, I felt something.” Olivia wrapped the damp robe more tightly around her. “You don’t have to say anything about that,” he said. “We both realize we’re caught in a highly dangerous mess we’ve got to find a way out of—and that it’ll take careful planning.”

“It smells of tar in here,” she said.

“Uh-huh. Reminds me of the docks in New York.”

“You like it there, don’t you?”

He
sat very straight and said, “
I like it well enough. Olivia, what I did—what happened that first night on the road—was wrong. It shouldn’t have happened, and it was all my fault.”

“And you regret it.” She would have snatched the words back if she could.

“I—I didn’t exactly say that.”

Olivia rested her elbows on her knees and her jaw on her fists.

“I didn’t say it because it’s not true. Do you believe a man and woman can live together and be happy? Not just happy— happier together than if they were apart?”

The question caught her by surprise. “If I didn’t believe it, I’d be very sad.”

He fell silent. Water swayed, black and glossy, below them. “I think I know what you’re trying to say,” she told him. “If you like, I’ll make it easy for you.”

“How? By second-guessing what I’m thinking?”

“You’re prickly.”

“I’m caught, dammit. And I don’t know if I like being caught and want to stay that way, or if I should run like hell.”

As if she could tell him the right answer. She didn’t know it, for either of them. “I can’t help you, Aiden. I can’t help myself.” But she did know what she thought she wanted and had at least an inkling of what she’d face without it.

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s try this another way. Do you think some people are meant
to live alone?”

“Yes.” How could she say anything else and be honest? Her own father had probably married because it was the thing to do. To Olivia, he had always seemed an irritated man who tolerated domestic life with barely restrained disdain.

Aiden slapped his knees and stood up. “Do you have to be so honest?”

“You wouldn’t like it if I weren’t.”

“Look—“ He began pacing back and forth in front of her.

“Be careful,” Olivia told him. “You’re too close to the edge.”

“I’m good on my feet. And I grew up a long time ago.”

Olivia pulled her own feet onto the bench beside her and covered them with the nightie and robe. She wasn’t going to enter a sniping session about whether or not showing she cared was motherly behavior.

“I’m sorry,” Aiden said. “I guess I wanted you to tell me no man or woman can be complete without a partner.”

“No, you didn’t, Aiden. You want to escape from all this, but at the same time you’re afraid you may regret it later. That doesn’t make you different from anyone else. A lot of people want everything but don’t want anything to have a price. And we’re all terrified of missing the best opportunity ever to come our way.”

“Okay, okay.” He sat down. Olivia was behaving so well, and he was being a creep—and an ass to boot. How did a man learn to follow his heart without messing with his head? He needed his bead for his work. But his work was second to Olivia in importance.

Aiden felt cold. Not just the cold from being wet and out in the elements. This was the kind of cold that attacked when you came face-to-face with a truth that could change your life— and you didn’t know if the result would be good. He didn’t want to want her so damn much.

“Why can’t women be satisfied with having a really good affair?” he said, and was only mildly shocked at himself.

She touched the end of her robe belt to her nose and kept her eyes lowered.

“We’re not kids. We can cope with thinking about things
like that, can’t we?” he asked.

“You obviously can. I’m not sure it works for me. I’m in danger here, Aiden. It wouldn’t be hard for me to give you enough power to make or break me.” She gave a short laugh. “I already have. You know how I feel. Women have affairs just as often as men, don’t they? The answer to that is obvious. Some are satisfied, some aren’t. Are you asking me to have an affair with you?”

Was
he
?
“I feel like a worm, or maybe something lower.”