Gnome On The Range (8 page)

“Odd?” I wondered, hoping he’d clarify.

“He’s twenty-four and lives in his parent’s basement. Never had a lot of motivation in life. Even as a little kid. Watched TV. Played those shoot-em-up video games all the time.”

Did this Morty Moore have enough motivation as a grown up to steal a vial of sperm off my stoop? Was he in over his head with something? Someone? Did he have enough smarts to take the sperm from where he worked? If he did, why did he put it in a garden gnome? The gnome part really was odd. Maybe he did do it, after all.

I’d had enough of being pampered by the Huffmans. I thanked them for the refreshments and headed back across the street.

My phone rang from my pocket and I stopped in the middle of the blocked-off road. I read the display.

“Hi, Mom,” I said brightly.

“I just came from a sale at the mall. I was fixin’ to get some new lipstick at the Lancome counter but picked up some jammies for the boys and some sun hats instead.” My mom sounded as pleased with a sale at the mall as I did by a good find at a garage sale. I’d learned it from her. Her malls were just better—and cooler. No sense sweating outside at garage sales in the summer in Savannah. No find was worth heat stroke.

I caught Ty’s eye and he headed my way.

His shorts had a pocket ripped at the seam. Dirt smeared his T-shirt on one shoulder. He still looked pretty grim.

“That’s great, Mom! I…um…can’t really talk now. I’ll call you later.” Before she could get in a goodbye, I ended the call. Didn’t want her to learn anything about the little mishap with the house. There was a time and place to tell your mother you were almost exploded and it wasn’t now.

“Thankfully no one was inside, no one was hurt.” Ty’s eyes grazed over every part of me that he could see. New nerves fluttered up and rattled me.

“Sorry about your truck,” I said as I watched a small clump of firemen stand around it, probably contemplating how to get the fridge detached. A few bags of frozen vegetables were strewn on the ground by a front tire.

He grimaced, rubbed his thumb over my forehead. Must’ve had some dirt smeared there. “It’s just a truck.”

Why was he so nonchalant about it? I’d be super upset if my car just got leveled by a fridge. It reminded me a little of the Wicked Witch of the West. “I did offer to drive.”

Ty glared at me and his jaw clenched tight. I realized I might have just poked a bear with a stick. He looked left and right, grabbed my upper arm, gently this time. “Come with me.”

I followed him around to the back side of the fire truck, away from all the action, the people. He leaned in close so his eyes were level with mine.

“It’s just a fucking car. I can get another one.” His blue eyes dropped to my mouth and back up again. “Shit.” He shook his head. “I’m having thoughts about kissing you.”

My breath lodged in my throat and I felt my blood pressure soar.

“But it’s the wrong thing to do,” he continued. “Hell, I don’t kiss women who are demented.”

Huh? Now I gave him a funny look.

“Demented?” I asked. I was stuck on the word ‘kiss’ which made my brain slow.

“If you’d come out here by yourself like you’d wanted the men would be picking up pieces of you along with the house.”

I jabbed my finger into his chest. “If I’d come by myself I would have parked in the street!” What a lame comeback. I wasn’t very good at confrontation. I’d hated when Nate had gotten in my face, told me how everything was my fault. Maybe I was demented.

“What the hell does that mean?” He had the look of a man who was talking to a woman who really was demented. I couldn’t blame him.

I felt tears burn the back of my eyes. “I have no idea!” I swallowed the lump of frustration and old fear trying to escape. “Nate used to yell at me and I don’t like it.” I looked down at the ground. Anywhere but at Ty.

“I bet he never yelled at you about a house exploding.”

“No. Just sex,” I replied, nonchalantly. I looked up at him surprised. Crap, I hadn’t meant to let that slip out. Too much information.

Ty pulled his head back a bit and looked at me strangely. “Sweetheart, I can guarantee I’ll never yell at you about sex.” He leaned back in, this time so close he whispered in my ear. I felt his breath hot on my neck. His knuckles ran up and down my bare arm. “You, however, can yell all you want. Hell, I bet I can make you scream.”

He was right. I was demented. Demented enough to turn my face into his and kiss him. Not just a little peck on the cheek, but the kind where you grab the hair at the back of his neck and settle in for awhile.

He wasn’t gentle. His kiss was a little rough, his tongue moved quickly to find mine. I was equally desperate to lose myself in the kiss. What an insane morning! I went hot all over, and weak. I felt alive, and after the death-defying experience, it was wonderful. My back pressed up against something hard and cold. The fire truck. Ty’s chest was equally hard against my breasts. His knee nudged my legs apart and he was even closer. I was so totally lost, so in over my head. So…forgetful. I pulled back as best I could, remembering where we were.

“We…um…need to stop.” I breathed as if I’d run a mile.

Ty grinned, his eyes dark with lust. “I’ve got that box of condoms if you want to start back up.” He kissed the tip of my nose and walked away, leaving me leaning against the fire truck.

***

I got a ride home with a sheriff around lunchtime. Ty had to stay behind and wait for the insurance adjuster and complete the paperwork about his flattened truck. Kelly had been kind enough to drive Bobby and Zach into town in her Econoline van. That’s the smallest vehicle that would hold her brood. The decibel level in the back was close to rock concert proportions.

I met them at Bogert Pool, in time for the start of free swim. Everyone piled out, pool noodles, goggles and towels flying every which way, ready for an afternoon of swimming. Bogert was the city’s outdoor pool which had swim lessons in the morning—which Zach and Bobby went to—and open pool hours all afternoon. It was noisy and chock full of kids, but usually the boys ran into someone they knew and played the afternoon away. I was content with the sun and cool water.

Kelly and I sat on the edge of the shallow end and watched the younger ones splash and swim. I wore the green bikini I’d gotten two years before from mail order. It wasn’t super revealing, although my larger chest size provided ample cleavage no matter what I wore and made me feel a little self-conscious. Kelly wore a typical mom-kini. A brightly patterned, mostly pink tank and swim skirt. It, of course, looked cute on her. If I wore her suit, I’d be spilling out the top and the little ruffles on the skirt would look like bloomers on me.

“I don’t know if I should laugh at you or hug you. I’m so glad you’re all right, but I can’t believe it. The house blew up and Ty’s truck….” Kelly shook her head. There really wasn’t much else to say. The rest—the why, the who and how—were still mysteries. I had hoped to go to the garage sale house and get answers. Instead, I only had more questions. More problems.

And that was just the gnome mystery. That didn’t even include Ty and the mystery of the kiss. It really wasn’t that complicated. It was just a kiss. An extremely hot, steamy, frantic kiss. My bones had practically melted, my brain seeped out my ears. My nipples got rock hard just thinking about it. And lower….

“Explain to me again your problem with Ty?” Kelly asked. “It was a kiss.”

I’d told her about the incident behind the fire truck, and she fanned herself with her hand. I felt like I was in high school, talking through make-out sessions with a girlfriend, analyzing it in minute detail.

Hell, yeah. It was a
kiss
.

My cell rang from my bag and I dashed over to it. Goldie.

“What the holy hell happened?” She didn’t waste time on ‘hellos’.

I knew what she was asking about and I refused to enlighten her before I yelled at her first. “What the hell is right! Why on earth did you give Ty that box?”

“I didn’t think you’d do anything about the lack of sex in your life. Thought I might give him a little push.”

“A push?” I turned away from the other pool patrons and covered a hand over the phone. “Anal beads is not a push! Do you have any idea what he thinks of me now? I certainly don’t!”

“He’ll think you’re sexually adventurous and open to trying new things.”

“I’m not into trying anal beads on the first date!” I whispered.

“Fine, fine. I’ll come up with something a little tamer. Just save them for date three.” Chuckling came across the line loud and clear.

I tried counting to ten but made it to six. “You will not send him another box.” My voice was two steps below a shout. “If you do…I won’t tell you about the explosion.” A threat was all I had. And it was a weak one as she’d find out all about it from someone else anyway.

“All right. I won’t send him another box.” She sounded contrite, which meant she had something up her sleeve. Her fingers were probably crossed.

“Fine. I’m at the pool so I’ll explain it all later. Ten still?” I was supposed to work with her tonight as Veronica, another employee, was on vacation.

“Please.”

“How come you never torture Veronica with a box?” I wondered.

“One lonely vagina at a time.”

Goldie hung up without a goodbye.

My mouth fell open and I stared at the phone. Had she really just said that? Lonely vagina?

I mindlessly waved to Bobby who cannonballed off the side of the pool. I put the phone away, still stunned by Goldie’s words and rejoined Kelly.

“Hello? The kiss?” Kelly prompted.

“It wasn’t
just
a kiss.” I sighed. I couldn’t deny it. “It was way more. Whenever I see Ty I have that sick, nervous feeling in my stomach. There are cute guys out there that haven’t done a thing for me. Like Luke Newsom’s dad from second grade. He’s really attractive, but I feel nothing. But then Ty walks in the room and…zing. There’s a zing I can’t explain.”

Kelly waded through the shallow water to pick up Emmaline who cried because she got splashed by a big kid. Appeased by her mom’s attentions, the four year old wriggled down out of Kelly’s grasp and went back to her water toys.

“God, I love that zing,” Kelly said, looking dreamily up at the sky as if she remembered her own special zing. “So, what’s the problem?”

Exactly. What was the problem? I was chicken. Too chicken to be interested in someone again. Someone who might find me deficient. Unappealing. Like Nate. Life had been plugging along just fine until…zing. Once you get the zing you can’t go back.

“I need to figure out what’s going on with this ridiculous vial of sperm.” I whispered the last as we were in mixed company. Grown-ups and kids.

“What does that have to do with the kiss?”

Crap, I hadn’t distracted her. “Nothing. Nothing at all. I just know what comes after a kiss and I’m not sure if I’m ready for it.”

“The
It
is the best part! I say go for it.” Kelly pushed her straw hat down further over her eyes. The glare off the water was intense. She put her hand up by her mouth and whispered, “I’d get some of those condom samples at the store, just in case.”

I rolled my eyes. If she only knew about Goldie’s box. I went to retrieve the sunscreen from my bag and started spraying. I felt extra heat on the back of my neck. Was it from the sun or from talk about sex with Ty?

“Can we talk about something else now?” She and Goldie seemed to love to gab about my non-existent sex life. Way more than I did.

“Fine, fine. What was the name of that ranch again where the guy worked?”

“Um…Rocking Double D.”

Kelly’s third youngest, Kyle, stopped by for her to adjust his swim goggles, and then was gone. “I’ve heard of that place. It was in the paper last month.”

Montana, the fourth largest state in the US, is huge. With less than a million people living in the entire state, there’s a lot of open land. Lots of ranch land. For Montana, I was considered a city dweller and rarely, if ever, became involved with ranch life. The only time I saw ranchers was at the county fair when they brought in their cows, sheep and other animals to promote their ranch, sell or compete for blue ribbons. I didn’t know anything at all about growing crops or raising cattle. I got my food at the farmers market, grocery store or butcher.

But Kelly grew up in Bozeman and knew lots of people, and lots of people knew her—way more than I did. Ranchers, townies, whomever. Her parents knew even more. Add Goldie to the mix and I swear they knew everyone between Butte and Billings. But the fact that the Rocking Double D ranch was in the Chronicle meant city folk like me should know about it, too.

“A cow there had triplets.”

That was the last thing I expected her to say. In fact, it distracted me so much I sprayed sunscreen up my arm and into my hair. I now smelled like coconut and chlorine. I had to imagine triplets, then a cow giving birth to them. How big was a calf at birth? I couldn’t picture the mother cow with three in there. Her belly must have grazed the ground.

“I didn’t even know it was possible. Triplets?”

“I guess it happens on occasion, but not all three usually live. Some kind of mother-rejecting-the-extra-calves-thing. Who knows, but it’s rare enough all three lived that the paper picked up on it.”

“Huh.” What the hell did a vial of sperm in a gnome have to do with triplet cows? 

Chapter Six

“Absolutely nothing,” Ty said that night after dinner. He’d come over to check on me. Which I didn’t mind. Not one bit. “No one can plan a cow giving birth to triplets. It just happens. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the vial.”

“Triplets or not, the vial most likely came from the Rocking Double D ranch. It makes sense. Morty Moore must have stolen it from there.”

We sat on my front steps. They led to the front door painted a deep pumpkin, which stood open. Two planters were on either side filled with bright geraniums and other plants I couldn’t name.

I’d showered and changed back into shorts and a T-shirt after the pool but skipped shoes. Ty sat close to me, his hands resting on bent knees. I could see the small scratches on his forearms from the explosion and our dive into the ditch. He smelled of soap and clean laundry. It was hard not to look at his mouth, not to lean in and kiss him again. The attraction was almost too strong to resist. But being chaperoned by two kids kept things G-rated.