Gnosis (46 page)

“Not that! You were discussing sex with her? What the hell happened to the two of you hating each other? You had one hell of a show of dislike for one another at the table over dinner, and now you’re talking of sex with her? Talking about other women!”

“Are you saying you were hoping I would drive her away? Because I have plenty of ways to do that one.”

“No! I’m saying that whatever game you’re playing at, I’m not biting! So you had better get used to Morgan and only Morgan, no other women. In fact, I am ordering all the maids to not so much as change your sheets!”

“You think I want to get involved with anyone? I don’t want to get close enough to anyone that I can be a danger to them, that’s why I leave two days before I become the monster that I am! What the hell makes you think that this betrothal is a good idea!? You want me to hurt, or worse, kill that lovely young woman!? I sure as hell don’t!”

“I think that if you were to woo her until she falls in love with you it won’t matter to her, and she will understand and know how to keep herself safe from you!”

“You think it’s that easy? What makes you think that she even could fall in love with me? And what makes you think that even if she falls in love with me that it will be enough to accept what I am?”

“Because I accept what you are!”

“You’re my father, you’re a man! She is a delicate woman who can’t even eat when she is upset! She can’t even stand her father telling her that it will hurt her the first time!”

“She was comfortable enough to talk to you about finding a few servants doing the deed!”

“I started that conversation by asking if she were a virgin!”

“Just why in the hell would you ask if she were a virgin if you have no interest in wedding her?”

“It was all a part of the conversation and I can’t remember now but she said something to make me think otherwise. I was shocked and just blurted the question out. It doesn’t matter anyhow.”

“It’s a good thing that she is a virgin though, it means you will not have to worry that she carries another man’s child when you wed.”

“Why can’t you see it’s not a good idea for us to wed?”

“I honestly think she would be able to handle it! And who’s to say you won’t have found a cure for yourself by then?”

“I have to leave in two days time and will not be back for seven days or more after that. I am no closer to finding a cure than I was four months ago! All I know is if I were to eat the amount of wolfbane it takes to cure me that I would not only be cured but dead! There is no guarantee that any cure I come up with will not kill me! Do you wish to make her a widow so young if she can handle being married to a monster looking for the cure?”

“You are not a monster! You haven’t hurt anyone and you certainly haven’t killed anyone!”

“That’s right, I haven’t yet, and I certainly don’t want her to be the first.”

“You won’t hurt anyone!”

“Just because I would never hurt anyone unless I had to right now doesn’t mean I won’t when I’m an animal! Don’t you see it? How I start to change as I get closer and closer to the change? It’s not just physical! I can’t concentrate! I start thinking in a less civilized way and start getting angry easily! I don’t want to hurt anyone!”

“There is something about her that tells me that she could take care of herself if something went wrong. Under all that propriety and femininity is a backbone stronger than this castle, and if you were to give her a chance you might just see it! I don’t want to hear any more on the subject. As far as I am concerned, the only person that can call this off is Robert, and he seems to think you are just what his headstrong daughter needs.”

“I will never tell her because she will never accept it! She would think that the werewolf that has been terrorizing the town is me and tell the first person she can, and have me shot with a silver bullet before I even turn!”

“We’ll see.”

I couldn’t believe it! He just turned and walked away as if I hadn’t said a thing! Was he really that eager to see me married? What could he think would happen; that she would ask to have my puppies! The woman could hardly stand being in the same room with me, let alone her ever falling in love with me!

I stormed up the steps to my room and forced myself to go over my notes once more. There had to be something I had missed. If I did find a cure that ended up killing me, maybe I could get lucky enough to find it before I got married. If wolf bane wasn’t the answer, then there had to be something. I just had to find it! I had to!

~~~

I
sincerely hoped he didn’t think I was serious about introducing him to anyone. I also hoped that Father’s silence lasted until we got home. I didn’t know how to go about talking him out of this just yet. I just knew the angle I wanted to work from. In fact, it was the only angle I had. Once I used it up, I had nothing else.

I risked a glance at him to see his face. It wasn’t really mad, but it wasn’t happy either. It was like he was pondering something. I hoped that meant he was thinking of calling off this entire thing. Then again, he could have been thinking of a way to tell me that finding my husband-to-be another woman was not the way to encourage his faithfulness. God, I hoped not.

Maybe his silence was a good time for me to think of another angle of getting out of this engagement before I had to use the only one I had. Obviously it had to be something more than ‘Dad, we just can’t stand each other,’ otherwise he would have called it off before dinner was over. With a heavy sigh I settled back in the seat and closed my eyes against the night and the restlessness that came with it.

“I miss your mother so.”

At that I snapped my eyes open again and looked at him then looked away quickly. He hardly ever talked about mother. That was the last thing I was expecting out of him, or so I thought before he let out a soft chuckle.