GO LONG (11 page)

I sat in my car, my mind an utter blank. In the blink of an eye, I had lost everything. My girl. My child. My future.

But that wasn't going to fucking cut it. I was a Marine. We didn't back down from a fight. Of course, I had to find her to fight for her. The other stuff sucked but I would handle it.

I would start over at another school. I could do it. But I had to find her first.

Because she was coming with me.

Whether she wanted to or not.

Belinda

I checked the sleeperette again, making sure I had all of my meager belongings. I hadn't been able to bring much. Just my backpack and an overstuffed tote bag. My mom had shoved a couple of hundreds into my hand. Until I got to the bank in Chicago that was all the cash I had.

The trip from Chicago had been uneventful. We rode along the Hudson River, which looked gloomy and dramatic in the rain. It was much bigger than I had thought. So was Chicago, which surprised me by being literally the windy city. I'd spent the day before wandering around the park and the Art Institute. It was beautiful but so cold compared to California. At least the museum had been warm.

I was on autopilot, just following orders from Betsy. Rest on the train. Check. Get some culture. Check. Get your ass out here to me your best friend. Check.

Speaking of who...

The phone rang and I answered it, knowing it was Bets before I even glanced at it. Of course I knew who it was. Only one person knew the number.

"Hey hot stuff."

"Hey Bets."

"How's the little mama holding up?"

"I'm okay."

"Hmmm... okay is not going to cut it. You are bringing a new life into this world! You should be jubilant!"

"Jubilant? Who is this?"

"I happened to be a straight A lit student before I dropped out and joined the movement."

I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, I'm semi-jubilant."

"Good. Because we are going to celebrate!"

"Bets, please no."

"Oh just you wait, we have plans for you!"

"I'm tired, Bets."

"And missing that caveman I'm sure."

I sighed. She knew me too well.

"Yeah, I miss him."

"Well, you should let him know where you are."

"No. He's probably mad and he would just show up and try and carry me away."

"For sex?"

"To yell at me."

"Oh. Well you should at least tell him how you are. He's probably worried sick little B"

I sighed again. She was right. He was probably worried. That's part of the reason I was afraid to call.

"Yeah, I guess I better."

"You've had the phone for a while now, right?"

"I got it yesterday. But it was late by the time I was on the train. I couldn't exactly call him from the street."

"You've been on the train for 18 hours. With a private car."

I chewed my lip. "Yes..."

"So, what are you waiting for!"

"I just wanted to... sleep on it."

"Uh huh. Take the bull by the horns little B. Call him. I'll see you in a few hours."

"You're right. I know you're right. I'll call him. Thanks Bets."

I stared at the cheap disposable phone in my hand. I had to call him. I didn't have a choice.
 

I'd spent the day before wandering through the silent museum, staring at priceless works of art. It was the kind of place you planned to take your kid someday.

Your family.

Your husband.

I closed my eyes, trying to imagine a future together. But it was useless. I couldn't. He was... a big football war hero. I was just... ordinary. He was wild. I was boring. He was risky. I was safe.

He'd probably already moved on anyway. That's what I told myself to cut the guilt. Even though I knew it was a lie.

He deserved to know I was okay, even if we weren't going to be together. I'd tell him everything. Just one time though. Never again.

This was going to be the last time I spoke to Kyle Connor.

I dialed his number slowly, already imagining how I would feel after I hung up. Sad. Lonely. Hopeless.

But I was determined to get a fresh start.
 

I would throw the phone out as I debarked the train.

I started making a mental list to keep myself from getting too nervous. I was going to need a new phone. A job. A place to live. A school to transfer my credits to.

I closed my eyes as the phone started to ring, and prayed.

Chapter Eighteen

Kyle

I shoved my stuff into the duffle bag, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. I'd come in early to collect my gear. Unfortunately for me, Jason was there, meeting with a sports doctor.

So I got to see the smug ass look on his face as I tucked my tail between my legs and ran. He grinned snidely at me, giving me a thumbs up. I gave him the finger.

Fuck him and his trick knee.

Coach was in his office so I walked swiftly past him. He didn't look up. I was relieved not to have yet another scene on my way out. To freedom. To starting over.

To finding my fucking woman.

My phone vibrated against my thigh and I dropped my bag to get it. I knew it was Belinda before I even looked at the screen. It was an unknown number. A new phone then. Great.

"Bellie?"

Silence.

"Hello Kyle."

Her voice sounded strained. Formal.

"Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm... far away. I can't come back. Not for a while."

"Okay, so I'll come to you."

Silence.

"I know about the baby, sweetie. I just want to be with you.
Both
of you."

"No Kyle. I'm just- I'm just calling to say I'm sorry I didn't tell you. And that I'm keeping the baby."

"Good. Tell me where you are."

Belinda spoke in a rush, as if she was afraid she would lose her nerve.

"You don't owe me anything. I don' expect you to help with this, or any money."

She thought- she actually thought I wanted the easy way out? I started to get angry. Really, really angry.

"Exfuckingcuse me? You think I'm walking away from you?
From our child?
Hell no!"

"I don't want to force you into anything Kyle-"

"Listen to me Princess. That is my child. And you are my woman. There is no way in hell I am not handling my responsibilities."

She sighed. I could almost see the look on her face. She didn't believe me. She thought she was giving me an easy out. I almost broke the phone in my hand I was squeezing it so hard.

"Maybe when the time comes, I can tell you where I am. Just live your life Kyle, this doesn't have to ruin it. I won't be the cause of that."

She was going to hang up. I could feel it. I made a last ditch plea to get her to see reason.

"Bellie... please. I love you! Let me be there for you!"

"Goodbye Kyle."

That was the loudest click of my life.

"BELINDA!"

I had the sudden urge to throw my phone. I wanted to break stuff. I wanted to smash something.

"God dammit!"

I cursed and tried the number again. No answer. I tried again. This time someone answered and hung up immediately.

Real nice Bellie.

I clenched my jaw, heading for my car. If she thought it was going to be that easy, she had another thing coming. I always handled my shit. And this was more important than anything I'd ever done before.

I was coming for her. I was going to search high and fucking low until I had my woman back in my arms. I would never, ever stop trying until I found her.

Hold tight, I'm coming for you baby girl.

Belinda

"This is Marta's Organic Artisanal Cheese Shop..."

We walked past a classy looking shop with gorgeous blocks of cheese that were artfully displayed on thick slabs of wood. I didn't eat cheese, but if I did, I would be inside that place in two shakes.

"And this is Cheese and Olive- also artisanal..."

"How many artisanal cheese places are there?"

Betsy laughed, slinging her arm around my back.

"Loads of them. And wine shops, cafes, boutiques..."

"All organic?"

"Most of them. People here take Mother Earth very seriously."

I squeezed my friend affectionately.

"I can see why you moved here."

I smiled but it faded quickly. I felt terrible. As if I had done something wrong.

"Hey little mama, why so glum?"

"Are you reading my aura?"

Betsy stopped walking, placing her hands on her temples.

"Anything?"

She shook her head solemnly.

"Sadly, I am without psychic abilities."

There had been a few years when Betsy was obsessed with developing her innate psychic abilities. Tarot card reading, auras, water divination, crystals, astral projection. You name it, Betsy studied it.

She'd finally called me one night in tears. She had given yet another faulty tarot card reading. She was a fraud.

I'd talked her down and now we could joke about it. But at fifteen years old, she'd been devastated. She took this stuff very seriously.

"I don't need mind rays to know that it's because of this Adonis of yours."

I sighed.

"I don't want to talk about it."

She nodded wisely.

"Not yet. But you will. And then you won't shut up about it!"

I laughed, shaking my head at her. She was probably right. She grabbed my hand and pulled me down the street.

"Come on, I know just what you need."

"What's that?"

"Pickles!"

"Don't tell me... are they?"

"Yes! Artisanal organic pickles!"

Chapter Nineteen

Kyle

"How you doing man?"

I shook my head, staring at the computer screen. Kenneth's big dopey face filled up nearly the whole thing. I video chatted the guys every couple weeks or so, but they were hard to pin down. This was the first time we'd talked in a long ass time.

"Don't ask. I want to hear about you guys."

Kenneth sat up straight, looking very serious. He saluted.

"Can't tell you, civilian. It's classified."

I threw a ball of paper at the screen.

"Your dick is classified, jackass."

"That's Sergeant Jackass to you."

"No shit!"

"Without you around I guess they had to promote someone."

I laughed. It was good to talk to him. It was the first time I'd laughed in a week.

"How the fuck are you, Thick?"

I shook my head.

"I'm in a world of shit K-Dawg. I need to figure some shit out."

"Money? Girls?"

"Girl. Singular."

"You, Thick? I thought for sure you'd be playing the field."

"No, man. I met someone special. And... I got her pregnant."

"Fucking A man, that sucks."

"No, man. It's good. I'd be fucking psyched if everything wasn't FUBAR."

"What happened?"

"Belinda's amazing. But her old man is pissed and she doesn't want to trap me or some shit so she took off. He's also my coach. He kicked my ass off the team."

"No shit?"

"No shit."

"Wait, she took off with your baby? That's messed up."

I nodded. I was desperate to locate her. To know she was okay.

"I just want to find her. I'm worried about her."

"Man, you have it bad. This girl must be something else to nail down Dr. Thick."

"She is."

Kenneth rocked back in his chair, rubbing his hand over his chin like a super villain from the movies.

"You know my brother is FBI right?"

I sat back and stared at the screen. I had forgotten about that. I nodded slowly, afraid to get my hopes up.

"I bet he could find her for you Thick."

"Would he do that? He doesn't even know me."

"Fuck that, man! You're family."

I smiled at the screen, my body relaxing for the first time since she disappeared. We were going to find her. It wasn't over.

Everything wasn't going to hell in a handbasket.

"Give me a description of her man."

I gave him a look.

"Are you sure you won't just jack off to it?"

"I can't make any promises, man."

I was laughing as I described Belinda. I told him everything I knew about her. I told him how sweet she was, how kind. But there wasn't much to add. She didn't have any identifying marks. She'd been so isolated, it's not like she had a crew of people she would run to. No ex-boyfriends.

I was her crew dammit.

Me.

When I was done Kenneth was grinning ear to ear. He held up the piece of paper he'd been writing on. He'd sketched a naked lady on the back with hair down to her ass and big boobs.

"A natural redhead? Oh yes, I will be making use of Mr. Hand later on."

"That's my future wife, you sicko."

"Mrs. Thicky to be? Alright then. I'll find someone else to drill."

He tapped his skull. He was very proud of his memory banks. He always wore his helmet outside, even off duty.

Even to take a piss.

"You do that, you perv."

He was about to sign off but I stopped him.

"Thanks K-Dawg. I owe you one."

He grinned.

"And don't you fucking forget it."

Belinda

"This is your room!"

I stood in awe, looking around the enormous bedroom. The ceiling was arched high above my head. Wall to ceiling glass looked out over the woods. Literally, all you could see was green.

"It's beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it. It's my favorite room to do yoga in. Evan made the furniture from wood we found on the property. There are so many types of trees here, but sometimes thinning them out is helpful for the ecology. We were very careful..."

I tuned her out as I took in the room. Intricate woven rugs on the floor. Heavy wooden carved furniture. And a few very large, very colorful pieces of art.

An enormous sculpture hung just outside the window under an eave.

"What's that?"

"It's for the birds."

"It's
what
?"

"All this glass confuses them, they would fly into it without it. They think it's a hawk or an owl and they steer clear."

She smiled at me.