Going All In (8 page)

Jay shook his head. “You want to fuck the hell out of me, dickhead.”

“It’s Jules I want to fuck. You I’m gonna beat to a bloody pulp.”

“You want to fuck both of us.”

To Julia’s astonishment, Jay twisted his hips, as though dry-humping Hunter.

“Fuck you,” Hunter bellowed.

“As you wish,” Jay shot back and dropped his head fast.

For the second time in minutes Julia stared slack-jawed. Jay crushed his mouth over Hunter’s in what could only be a bruising kiss.

Hunter froze for a second before roaring back to life. Sheer brute force must have motivated him. Jay lay like a dead weight on top of him, yet in a blur of motion the men rolled a second time, and once again Hunter was on top. “Goddamn you, Jay,” he snarled.

And then his lips were on Jay’s, his tongue pushing for entrance into the other man’s mouth. The kiss looked like a violent scuffle, or a nasty battle of wills, and Julia feared one of them might do permanent damage to the other.

But Hunter gave a small moan, and the fight seemed to ebb out of him. His arms relaxed and the tension in his back visibly slackened. Any violent undertones dissipated in the air around the two men.

Julia watched, gobsmacked, as Hunter’s mouth began to seduce rather than attack, as Jay’s arms wrapped around Hunter’s back and his hands traced the outline of his spine and shoulders. She watched as the kiss transformed into a seductive sharing of passion rather than a lethal end to a friendship.

Jay was right. Hunter did want him.

Had he wanted Jay all along?

Julia was struck dumb, barely able to process the scene transpiring before her eyes. The two men she loved and lusted after were engaged in a blistering, all-consuming kiss that upped the room temperature by a good hundred degrees. And damned if it didn’t turn her knees to jelly. The carnal, animalistic passion that sizzled between them set her heart racing.

The kiss brought out every forbidden fantasy she’d never had about what the three of them could do together. It also brought out unchecked panic. Jay kissed Hunter. Hunter kissed Jay. There were no inhibitions, there was no holding back. The attraction between the two pulsated through the room, stunning her. Excluding her. The men kissed each other. Focused on each other. Neither of them looked at her.

In the midst of all the sexual tension and wanting, Julia felt isolated. Alone. And terrified that now she’d discovered she wanted their threesome more than anything, it was all about to be ripped out from under her for a completely different reason.

An indeterminate amount of time passed before the kiss ended. Julia’s heart pounded. With desire and with fear. Hunter pulled away, breathing heavily. He rolled off Jay and lay beside him on his back, staring at the ceiling.

Jay’s now empty arms dropped to the floor. His chest heaved in time to Julia’s own racing heart.

“Jesus,” Hunter murmured.

Jay gave a soft laugh. “Not quite what you were expecting, huh?”

“Not anything like I expected.” Hunter sounded and looked shocked.

Their deep, rasping pants filled the air.

For a solid week Julia had been the center of Jay and Hunter’s attention. They’d devoted themselves to pleasing her, to pleasuring her. Now they didn’t even notice her. Her stomach twisted in knots. Her lungs seized, and an uncontrolled gasp escaped her mouth.

Hunter twisted around to look at her. His beautiful brown eyes smoldered. But not for her. “Jules?”

“Uh, hi,” she said, her voice sounding as tentative as she felt.

He reached out and took her hand. “Hi yourself.”

She swallowed. “You okay?”

Hunter’s cheeks were red and his expression guarded. He looked at her, then at Jay. Jay grinned up at the ceiling.

“I…I’m not sure,” Hunter said when he looked back at her.

Jay’s sexy beam vanished.

She nodded. “You look kind of surprised.”

He squeezed her hand. “Fuck, Jules. I’d convinced myself you were the only one I wanted.”

What? Did that mean he’d thought about being with Jay before now?

She smiled at him, attempting to beat down the panic. “After what I just witnessed, I’m betting Jay’s the only one you want.”

Hunter’s response was lightning quick. He tugged her hand, hard, and she tumbled forward, landing half on Hunter and half on the floor. He pulled her fully on top of him. Even with his jeans on, Julia couldn’t mistake the rigid length of his erection pressing against her belly.

“Do not ever think I don’t desire you,” Hunter told her. “Ever. I spent four months having wet dreams about you. Jerking off to Julia fantasies. Four months wanting you and not touching you because I knew Jay felt the same way. Now that I have you, sweetheart, I’m not letting go.” A muscle twitched in his cheek. “Regardless of what Jay and I may or may not do.”

Julia buried her face in Hunter’s shoulder. Relief swept through her as his words hit home. Not only did Hunter still want her, he wasn’t going anywhere either. He was staying right here with her—and with Jay.

It took a good minute or two before she allowed the panic to subside a little and she could talk again. But her fear hadn’t abated altogether. Jay hadn’t offered her the same reassurances Hunter had.

“What might you and Jay do?” she asked.

“Whatever he’ll let me do.” It was Jay who answered this time. “Whatever you’ll let us do.”

Julia turned her head to face him. He’d rolled over and was looking intently at her. “W-whatever I’ll let you do?” Her heart banged painfully against her ribs. “What do I have to do with y-you and Hunter?”

“Everything, baby. Don’t you see? We’re both here because of you. When Hunter finally made his move on you, he opened the door for me to make my move too.” Jay grinned at her. “Damn it, woman, don’t you know I’ve been in love with you since forever?”

She gaped at him, unable to say a single word.

His smile dimmed. “Uh, this is the part when you go, ‘I love you too, Jay.’”

It was her turn to grin. “I love you too, Jay.” She spoke now without hesitation.

His smile came back, bigger than before, and the two of them grinned at each other like lovesick fools.

Hunter cleared his throat.

Julia rested her chin on his chest and looked at him, bolstered by Jay’s admission. “I love you too, Blondie.”

He ran his hand through her hair. “Yeah? Well that’s good, because I’m pretty crazy about you.”

She had no doubt Hunter meant every word he said, but his expression concerned her. He looked…haunted. “I would have jumped your bones the first night I met you—if Jay hadn’t been there. The two of you have had me in a tizzy these last months, wanting you both and thinking I couldn’t have either of you because then I’d have to choose one over the other.”

“Far as I’m concerned you can have us both,” Jay said. “You don’t have to choose.”

“I’m good with that,” Hunter concurred, and Julia felt a sense of contentment settle over her. Both men loved her.

“Hunter?” Jay said.

“Yeah?”

“Far as I’m concerned you can have us both too.”

Hunter lay still. His heart raced unevenly beneath her breast.

“Christ, what is it with you two and silence whenever I speak openly,” Jay snapped.

Hunter took a deep breath beneath her. “Mate, I appreciate your honesty. I do.” He squeezed Julia tight, as though seeking courage from her. “I…I’m just not ready for more than that blowjob yet.”

It was Jay’s turn to remain silent.

Julia pressed her hand to Hunter’s cheek. “Will you ever be ready?”

Hunter grimaced. “Uh, I don’t know.”

Jay inhaled sharply.

“The thing is…it’s all new to me. Too new.” Hunter looked at Jay. “Whatever just happened between us, whatever it means—” Hunter tripped over his words. “I need time to wrap my head around it.”

“How much time?” Jay asked.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “Maybe a day, maybe a month. Maybe more, maybe less.”

“Yeah, that’s real specific, mate.”

“Jay,” Hunter said, and Julia could hear from his voice that he was deadly serious. “You were right when you said I, er, wanted you. I…do. But the realization is fucking with my head.” He shuddered. “This isn’t who I am, it’s not what I do.”

“You’re the same person you were an hour ago,” Jay told him. “Wanting to be with a man doesn’t change that.”

Hunter seemed preoccupied. “Yeah, it does.” He hugged Julia tight, then hoisted her off him. Waiting only to see she sat comfortably, he stood and began to pace around the room.

“Hunter—” Julia began. She’d never seen him like this, all agitated and upset.

He cut her off. “This changes everything. It changes my perception of myself and of my past.” He looked horrified. “Jesus, it changes my whole fucking life.”

Jay sat up. “Mate, kissing a guy doesn’t alter the world.”

“Oh, really?” Hunter careened to a halt. “That hasn’t been my experience.”

“Kissing me changed your life?” Jay raised an eyebrow.

“You’re not the guy I’m talking about.” Hunter’s eyes glazed over.

Jay gawked at him.

“You’ve kissed another man?” Julia asked, scarcely able to believe her ears.

“He wasn’t a man.” Hunter’s voice was hollow. “He was just a kid. We both were. Barely teenagers.” He closed his eyes. Pain was etched across his face.

A long silence followed.

Jay opened his mouth to speak, but Julia looked at him and shook her head. Hunter was lost in his memories of another place and time, and she didn’t want to disturb him. Whatever he was thinking about, it was deeply personal. If he cared to share it with them, he’d do so at his own pace.

She shuffled closer to Jay, and he wrapped his arm around her. They waited, both watching Hunter. Jay tensed beside her, his muscles flexing as though he wanted to reach out to the other man. Julia ached for Hunter, for whatever unknown hurt he held inside.

“He walked in on us.” Hunter didn’t open his eyes. Nor did he elaborate.

“Who did?” Jay asked softly.

“My father.” The lack of emotion in his voice troubled Julia. “He kicked Scott out, threatened to kill him if he ever stepped foot in our house again.” Hunter barked out a harsh laugh. “Scott never said another word to me. Never even looked in my direction.”

“I’m so sorry,” Julia whispered.

“I can’t blame him. My father’s a scary son of a bitch.”

“Did he frighten you?” she asked cautiously.

“Shitless.” Hunter nodded, but still he spoke with no emotion. “After he threw Scott out, he came back to my room and closed the door.” Hunter took a deep breath. “He took off his black leather belt and whipped me eight times with it.” He rubbed his butt cheek absentmindedly. The same cheek that bore a long, thin, faded scar. “Eight times. With the buckle end of the belt.”

Julia sat frozen to the spot, too appalled to respond.

A fierce growl emanated from deep in Jay’s chest.

She’d asked Hunter about the scar. He’d avoided answering, saying something about a stupid childhood accident.

“He called me twisted. Abnormal. Swore that no son of his would grow up a screaming queen. Accused me of disgracing him and his family name. He told me fags were an anomaly, an abomination.” Hunter shrugged. “I believed him.”

Loathing rose in Julia’s chest. She’d never met his father, but she hated him with every fiber of her being.

“He was wrong,” Jay said from between clenched jaws. The rage in his eyes matched her fury.

“Not in the mind of a thirteen-year-old boy,” Hunter disagreed. “I was confused anyway, not sure whether I liked guys or girls. My father set me straight.” He gave an empty laugh. “Literally.”

“Give me five minutes alone with the fucker,” Jay murmured under his breath.

“Stand in line,” Julia muttered. Christ, and she thought she’d have trouble when her parents found out about her threesome. Hunter’s horror story made her fears pale to nothing in comparison.

“I never kissed another guy,” Hunter said. “Until now.”

Jay swore out loud. He was on his feet before Julia registered he’d moved. Hunter watched him approach, his gaze guarded. Jay didn’t flounder. He reached Hunter, opened his arms and pulled the other man into his embrace.

Hunter flinched, but Jay didn’t release him. Instead he held him tighter, closer.

The tendons in Hunter’s neck bulged, revealing his stress and his indecision.

Jay whispered in his ear.

Hunter’s shoulders slumped.

Jay whispered again, and after a moment Hunter nodded.

Jay stroked his back.

Hunter’s shoulders went rigid. He tried to pull away.

“Please stay.” Jay’s voice was hoarse. “Let me help you.”

Seconds passed. Hunter remained in Jay’s embrace. He even leaned into his friend as though imbibing his touch, his support, but his arms hung limp at his sides.

Julia could stand it no longer. She had to join her men. Hunter’s ragged breath echoed through her as she stepped behind him, wound her arms around his waist, and pressed in close against him. “Let both of us help you.”

He pushed back, molding himself to her body.

Jay moved his hands to rest on her shoulders and hugged both Julia and Hunter tight. Together Jay and Julia held Hunter for a very long time.

Finally Hunter spoke. “I never kissed another guy.” His voice was hoarse as he repeated his earlier confession.

Julia’s heart broke for him.

“Until now.” The tenderness in Jay’s gaze filled Julia with love.

Hunter nodded.

“You’ve also never fucked a guy,” Jay said.

Hunter didn’t respond.

Jay dropped a light kiss on Hunter’s neck then whispered in his ear. “When you’re ready, I’d be honored to be your first.”

A violent tremor shook Hunter.

Julia stood on her tiptoes and kissed Jay’s cheek.

“And I’d be honored if you were there with us,” Jay told her. “Together we can show Hunter that making love with someone you desire is neither an abomination nor an anomaly.”

“I’d like that,” she answered, her voice thick with unshed tears. “But only if you’d be okay with it, Blondie.”

“I…I’m…” Hunter cleared his throat. “Whatever Jay and I do, I’d want you with us, Jules. You know that. But please. Give me time on this issue. Both of you.”